The Five Year Old Question That Changes Everything About Fatherhood | Brian Kurian

Brian Kurian: [00:00:00] Dad, are you done working? Just fucked up. And I’m always like, yeah, man, I’m done. I’m done for the day. Oh, yay, you wanna play with me? And that’s, that’s the brunt of our relationship. I say, you’re gonna make some mistakes. Probably gonna think you suck shit as a dad, every now and then, Lord knows I do. You don’t, you’re doing your best.

Just keep showing up for the kids. Man. I couldn’t imagine somebody like being okay with spending their whole life with me. My God. Why? I’m a lot to, I’m a lot to deal with that, you know? So to say yes to this until one of us dies, it just.

Keep in mind, I’ll never forget it, to keep in mind that [00:01:00] my son is not me and I am not my dad. Very different people, and that’s okay. That can be a really good thing. I just, I’m living out my childhood dream of being an entrepreneur. I’ve wanted this, I was six years old. I’m almost 30, 39 now, so, sorry. How old am I?

38. I’m almost 38 now. Sometimes I forget how old I really am. Just understand how important you are to this kid’s life, ma’am. It is. Um, it is a very deep, beautiful responsibility. You are like everything to this kid. The biggest thing is. They just want your time, man. They just want your time and attention.

They want your love. They want your patience. They want your encouragement. They want you to, they want to know that you actually care and that you see them and that [00:02:00] like having.

Brent Dowlen: Brian, every dad has that story. They just love to tell about being a father. And it’s, it’s so much fun on the show. ’cause I get to talk to you all kinds of dads and the stories that each dad finds are so unique, uh, just, just to who they are. Right? It, it tells you so much about their personality and I love sharing these stories.

So, Brian, what is your favorite story about being a dad?

Brian Kurian: Oh man. I think my favorite story or my favorite part of being a dad or one of the favorite parts is I work from home. I’m a business owner, so a couple of businesses, and when I’m done being up here in my office, um, and I’m trying to be done for the day and it’s like five 30 or so, six o’clock when I walked out the steps.

I have a five-year-old boy. Um, I have my wife and I have a two and a half month old, uh, baby boy, the five-year-old. Almost every day, man. No joke. As soon as he hears me coming down those steps, he’s [00:03:00] usually hanging out with my wife and the baby on the couch. Say, dad, are you done working?

Always like, yeah man, I’m done. I’m done for the day. Oh, yay, you wanna play with me? And that’s. That’s the brunt of our relationship. I say, yep, let me just wash the, ’cause usually I’ll eat my lunch up here, so take my bowl and my water, whatever down. So, yep, lemme just, just wash these dishes real quick and then we’ll play, we’ll hang out.

Uh, it’s either, do you wanna play with me or do you wanna hang out with me? It’s just, dude, he, that is like what this kid looks forward to and you know me too, right? Because now like, dad can be dad, you know, and not business owner, Brian. Or business. Brian. It’s one of my many, one of the many hats I wear.

Uh, I can just be, you know, dad, Brian. So, yeah, it’s, it’s really special to me that he, um, that’s literally the first thing this kid [00:04:00] says to me when I’m done working. Um, another one is when I pick him up from school, which I do most days, pretty much every day when I get outta that car and he sees me, dude, he is so happy to see me.

Um. I don’t think there’s been a single day so far. He’s in kindergarten so far. Um, the school year where when he sees me, he doesn’t say, daddy, daddy, yay. And runs to me with his lunch bag in one hand. Lunchbox in one hand, backpack over his shoulders, runs to me, gives me a big hug, starts telling me cool stuff that, you know, they did in class or friends he was trying to make in school, whatever.

Just as I’m getting him in the car and that. I know that might not last forever. You know, that type of joy and excitement and genuine, I don’t know, just being happy to see me, you know, it’s really special to me. I very much do not take that for granted. Um, I’m very, I’m very grateful for that. So, yeah, just, [00:05:00] it’s very special to me.

Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Oh yeah, man, that, that doesn’t get old and you just hope you. Right. As a parent, you’re like, I know that’s not gonna stick around always. They’re not always gonna be like it’s dad, right? So you, dude, you gotta like take as much of that, as much of that as possible. I don’t know a single dad in the world who doesn’t live for those moments, and I know they get farther and fewer between as your kids get older.

Brian Kurian: Sure, sure. Yeah. For now I’m like, you know, I’m like the kid’s superhero. You know, um, for now. When he gets older, you know, the superhero will start to change or be other people, such as his best friend. It may be his girlfriend, a, a teacher, a boss, um, a coach, uh, a teammate. I don’t know. Um, somebody he volunteers with.

I, I have no idea he’s gonna meet so many different people. Mm-hmm. Um, that are gonna [00:06:00] have different ways of impacting him for the better or for the worse. Um, it’s not just gonna be. Me and my wife, you know? Um, so just, I, like I said, I don’t take it for granted, and I, I’m very, I’m very grateful that he feels that way about me.

Um, a lot of times if him and my wife go somewhere on the weekend or something. Or they do something special, you know, just the two of them while I’m working or whatnot. When he comes home, 90% of the time this kid runs up the stairs, charges into my room, regardless of what I’m doing, uh, or who I’m talking to.

And come on, dad, look, I got you something. Mom and I went to this place or that place here. I got something for you too. Or Dad, you’re not gonna believe what we did. Mommy and me went to the store and got this, that like, he feels so comfortable with, um, just talking to me and like sharing his. Uh, [00:07:00] sharing his happenings with me, you know, things that he did throughout the day.

Um, several of my clients have told me, well, if he’s willing to do that now, that’s because you built that relationship with him and that bond today. It’s, I made a friend in kindergarten. Here’s some of the things we did. I had so much fun. I couldn’t wait to tell you. 10 years from now, it might be, Hey dad, there’s some stuff I’m dealing with at school and I’d like to.

I’d like to tell you about it. Maybe you can help me with it. Maybe might be really positive things, might be some godawful stuff. Um, probably gonna be some stuff that I had to deal with and just the fact that he is willing to come to me with things and I’m happy to listen and try to help. Yeah. You know, a lot of them have told me that that starts with their young dude, that it’s hard to.

Get them to want to do those things when they’re older, if you never did it when they were young, you know? So, I don’t know. I, I never, I guess I never really thought about that until some of them mentioned that to me, so, yeah.[00:08:00]

Brent Dowlen: Gents. I sleep on a MyPillow. I sleep on MyPillow Giza sheets and MyPillow body pillows. I have MyPillow towels. My wife wears MyPillow slippers. We have MyPillow merchandise throughout our entire house because it is such great quality products that I love every single one of ’em, and I would never recommend a company to you that I don’t use.

We’re proud to have. Mike Lindell and MyPillow is sponsors for the show, and you go to mypillow.com and use code TFM. Super complicated. That’s our parent company, the Fallible Man Code TFM, for up to 80% off your order, and free shipping on orders over $75. For our listeners, you get to support a great American company that is employee owned and you get to help us keep making shows just like this one that you’re listening to right now, as well as you get great products that you can trust and that are amazing in your home.

So go to mypillow.com, use code TFM to get discounts on. Over 200 products, guys. It’s a win-win, win for all of us. Let’s get back to the show.[00:09:00]

Welcome to the Dad Hatch Shenanigans podcast, the unfiltered truth of being a dad. Real dads real stories, unfiltered. Candid conversations on fatherhood. I’m your host, Brent D, and today my guest is Brian Kin. Brian, welcome to the Dad Hat Henas podcast.

Brian Kurian: What’s up everyone? Thanks Brent for having me. It’s actually Korean.

I told

Brent Dowlen: you I’m blowing me’s Korean,

Brian Kurian: man. You tried. It’s all good. Yeah, I have to call it out now. Let’s try to get better as the show progresses. Thank you everyone.

Brent Dowlen: You know, I’ve been podcasting for like five and a half years. I’ve done hundreds of interviews and I still like people’s names. Man. I can pronounce anything else people’s names.

I’m like. Oh, every time I, I really blow it on the really easy names. The names you’re like, you know, Smith, something like super simple. I will find a way to screw that up. I don’t know what it is. Like kryptonite as, as a podcaster.[00:10:00]

Brian Kurian: It’s all good. I’m just glad that you’re human and you’re not great at something. That’s awesome. That’s good to know. Oh, that’s great. That’s

Brent Dowlen: a long list. We can do that off camera. I’m not great at all.

Brian Kurian: Same, same. We’ll do that offline. That’s great.

Brent Dowlen: Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was a, that’d be the long conversation.

Brian, you, you got a Baltimore Ravens hat on. Are you from Baltimore? Or, or tell us the story about the dad hat.

Brian Kurian: No, no. I, I, so thank you for asking. No, I’m actually, I’m one of these weirdos, so I’m not from Baltimore. I grew up in the metro Detroit area, so I’m from Detroit, Michigan. Um, growing up though Everest, I don’t know what it was exactly, man, but ever since.

The Ravens became the Ravens when they were moved from Cleveland, became, uh, the Baltimore Ravens man. I’m just a, I’ve just been a big fan of a lot of the players that they’ve drafted. I love their overall culture. This year has been an absolute nightmare for me. I don’t know what in the world is wrong with this team.

They seem to absolutely suck at [00:11:00] everything and every face of the game. It’s kind of embarrassing, but I’m loyal. Um. I digress. When they drafted Ray Lewis at Reed Terrell Suggs, ADA, Peter Ware, Chris McAllister, I mean a lot of these guys, um, they were like so incredibly tough and hardworking and talented.

Um, I was a big fan of Brian Billick, you know, the, the coach during, during the first Super Bowl run. Um, John Harbaugh been a, you know, fan of his for a while, these last several years. He’s kind of drive, driven me nuts with his just overall. I don’t know what it’s with this dude just kind of not making changes and adaptations.

Um, when he knows things that, that are happening around him that are not working. Um, he just kind of says, ah, we’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out, and, and you haven’t been figuring it out. So, long story short, the Ravens personality overall and culture seemed to always vibe with me and my personality and the way I.

I do business and, and try to live my life. [00:12:00] Um, so I’ve just always resonated with, with that team. Um, and I’ve been following them pretty much since the early, early days, right? So, uh, don’t, don’t get me started. That’s why you see the right.

Brent Dowlen: Could be worse. I’m a Cowboys fan.

Brian Kurian: Oh, God. Go, oh, sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Brent Dowlen: I know, I just, I just said it out loud for the record. Yes. I’ve been devoted Cowboys fan my whole life. Good, bad or ugly. Sure. And usually that’s bad and ugly, but Sure. So yeah, in the

Brian Kurian: nineties it was terrific. Y’all were the team of the nineties man.

Brent Dowlen: Right, exactly. You know, in those, those were, you know, key years for me growing up.

So I’m, I’m sure that’s part of the reason my dad, my, my whole family’s Texans, so I’m sure I latched onto that during that aspect. It was the right time period. That’s right. And that was where the family was found from. But yeah, you know. I’m 45 and they haven’t done anything and years worth talking about.

So you’re doing well compared to me. [00:13:00]

Brian Kurian: We’ve had one bad year that I can, well, besides this year, there was a year, I think, um, several years ago, they didn’t even make the playoffs. I think they were like eight and nine that year. Um, and that was a year. They just had 1,000,001 injuries. It seemed like the whole team was injured, so every win was hard to come by.

Still had, you know, 50 50, 50 year, I think Harbaugh almost got canned. Um, but. I think they gave him biscotti, gave him some grace because of all the injuries and because of the previous track record he had. Um, and then they turned it around, I think the next year they went to the second or third round in the playoffs.

And, um, pretty much ever since when Mar Jackson came here, we have been wasting that dude’s generational talent and um, it just drives me nuts, all the talent in the world. You just choke under pressure time and time again. I’ve got one of the top five most talented graspers of the entire NFL, and this year they are one and five [00:14:00] dude, and they have found a way to beat themselves every game.

I don’t get it, but again, I digress. I’m not on the team, so

Brent Dowlen: it’s okay. I live in Washington state. I get so much grief ’cause I have, there are so many people in my life who are Washington fans of different, like whether it’s the Hawks or the Mariners, it’s like, you know, one, the one thing I can say consistently is, mm-hmm 99% of the time they screwed up in the playoffs.

They can have the best year ever and blow it in the playoffs. Like, I don’t know what it is. Back when we had the Sonics, like all Washington teams, that seems to be their signature move is they’ll have a stellar year and screw it all up in the playoffs. So

Brian Kurian: I just don’t, dude, I just don’t get it. I, I, but see, I’ve seen this in so many aspects, just, it relates to life too, right?

You see, you, you meet and get to know certain people, and they’re great. 90% of the time, man, when there’s a little bit of [00:15:00] pressure, right? Mm-hmm. A little bit of, mm-hmm. The stakes stake being raised, just a SCO couple of extra eyeballs on you, right? Especially if those people can be potentially like influential.

You can see the person start to shrink or crumble, you know, under the pressure, and it’s like, no, you’re really good dude. You just played great yesterday. You showed up at the meeting with full confidence. You, you show your skills, you’re taking great care of your business, et cetera, et cetera. Then it’s like there’s a little bit of pressure and now you’re like folding.

I, I wait, but you’re the same person. What, what is happening here? And so you, you see like that, you see the necessity for having to be. Mentally sharp, you know, especially in business, you know, I’m not out here catching a football or breaking tackles or trying to tackle anybody, but, but it is very much a competitive sport, right?

Um, I have to be sharp, especially when I, when there’s kids in lockdown. My two young boys, I was telling you about my wife, um, [00:16:00] every day. You know, it’s a marathon sometimes at certain parts of the day, it kind of feels like a sprint depending on how much I need to get done. Um, and roughly like the timeline that I need to complete that thing before I have to go get my kid from class or, or sorry, from school, um, or what have you.

So yeah, mental, being mentally sharp, it’s pretty important.

Brent Dowlen: Well, let me ask, as you, you’ve leading in mentioned your business, just for, for reference for everybody. Who are you? What do you do?

Brian Kurian: Yeah, so my name’s Brian Curian. I am the very proud owner of Brian Ian’s Business Services. Um, we provide premium ghostwriting, uh, to entrepreneurs, uh, industry experts.

Soon to be celebrities and athletes. I’m working on that next as well. As far as growing the, growing the portfolio of folks we’ve been able to help, um, typically we go write books for folks, so memoirs, autobiographies, business oriented books. Um, I’m even working on a couple of fantasy notes, uh, for a couple of our clients that’s been interesting.[00:17:00]

Um, and we, we can pretty much go straight and edit any. Uh, sales or marketing content you can think of. But the books have been the biggest pillar, um, of what been, what we’ve been doing. Um, and they’re like my favorite things to do, honestly. I, I get to build the deepest and strongest type of relationships with the clients when I’m helping them with their book, uh, naturally.

’cause it’s a, it’s a big process. Um, we, I also end up doing a lot with consulting, so. Because my corporate background, um, and I’ve also worked for like seven different startup companies too. A lot of folks will end up using it for some sales training, business consulting, helping with their launch or sales or marketing strategy, et cetera.

Um, I’ve done a lot of that over my career. So now in my business, folks will end up. Kind of upleveling, you know, with something like that when they learn that I’ve, I’ve actually done that before and I don’t just do premium ghost writing, so when they say that I’m capable of handling that too, they’ll end up kind of leveling up with me.

Brent Dowlen: Mm-hmm. Brian, you said you have a, a five-year-old boy and then eight month old. Is that right? Uh, no. Two and a half month [00:18:00] old. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Boy or girl. I got two boys. Two boys. Okay.

Bumper roll: Okay.

Brent Dowlen: And you’re loving every minute of it. Dude, I, I’m just enjoying talking to you ’cause you’re, so I can hear how excited you are about it.

What was the best advice you got about becoming a dad before your first son was born?

Brian Kurian: Wait, repeat the question. I’m sorry.

Brent Dowlen: What was the best advice someone gave you about becoming a dad before your first son was born?

Brian Kurian: Man, I think, um.

A lot of people, a lot of people gave me a lot of advice as they, as they do. Well, that’s true as they do sometimes. Um, I think the best advice was to keep in mind, I’ll never forget him, to keep in mind that my son is not me [00:19:00] and I am not my dad. Very different people, and that’s okay. That can be a really good thing.

It, you know, the relationship that I work on building with him, I get to build it the way I want to. Um, and he gets to receive it however he wants to receive it, you know, and, and respond in whatever way feels good to him. I never forgot that. Um. I’m surprised I’m already going here, but it just feels like the right time to, to go here.

When my wife and I, uh, shortly after we got together and we were thinking about getting married and kind of talking about it, um, I confided in her that one of my. Biggest fears growing up. I, man, I just, I never thought I’d ever get married. [00:20:00] Honestly. I never thought I’d ever get married. Um, I didn’t think it was for somebody like me.

Uh, I couldn’t imagine somebody like being okay with spending their whole life with me. My God. Why? I’m a lot to, I’m a lot to deal with man you know, so to say yes to this. Until one of us dies. It just sounded kind of nuts to me. I was like, wait, I’ll just focus on my career. All I ever wanted was to have businesses anyway, since I was six years old.

True story. Um, just wanted to be a business owner. Just wanted to be able to do my own thing. Um, wife and kids, probably not realistic for someone like me. Um, the kids thing was a little bit deeper for me. Um, I never really thought I wanted to have kids because, well.

I didn’t want my kids to end up having the type of relationship with me, um, that I had with my dad for a long time. It’s not something I would wish on [00:21:00] anybody, honestly. Uh, and so, you know, I told her, I was like, um, when, when we were talking about getting married and starting a family, I said,

why would you wanna have kids with me, dude? I don’t know the first thing about what it’s like to be a present dad, you know, loving and affectionate and encouraging and supportive and all this stuff. I don’t even know where I would look to, to learn how to do that. Uh, and I don’t wanna screw up some innocent kids’ life, you know?

Um, ’cause I gotta deal with me, you know? ’cause I got stuck with me as their dad. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. You know? I just, I don’t think I can. I don’t think I could do it. Um, and she said, oh, you’re gonna be a great dad. Whatcha talking about? I said, what? How did you say that? I just told you my fear.

You know, like, why are you saying I’m gonna be a great dad? She said, because you’re gonna know all of the things that you would’ve [00:22:00] appreciated, you know, as a kid. So you’re gonna end up being to this kid what you always wish you would’ve had. So you’re end up being a grade dead in your own way. To our son or daughter.

You’ll know all the right things to do. What? I never thought about it like that. That’s actually kind of spiritually liberating. I maybe, maybe I, maybe I can do it then. Maybe I can do it. I’m open to it and turns out, yeah, I just. Do what I think feels right and it’s worked out okay. I make a lot of mistakes too, you know, again, I don’t, I don’t know everything.

I try to do what I think is right, but yeah, that was one of my fears, you know, about having kids, um, just didn’t want what me and my dad have. So, yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I talked to a lot of dads, [00:23:00] Brian, and, and I find there’s two scenarios, right, with, with men who. Did not have a great dad on their own. Right. Whether that was, he just was a complete, horrible person, or he was just absentee because he was always at work and always doing or, or whatever, right?

Whatever that was. My dad, unhealthy part of the relationship was, and I’ve talked to a lot of men. What I find over and over again is you have, you have two outcomes. You have the father who becomes his father. And just is completely detached and is a horrible dad himself, or it tends to produce a lot of great dads because Sure.

They, they looked at their life and went, this is everything I don’t want to be for my kids. Yeah. And I’m going to do it better. I’m going to, I’m going to be the dad that I wanted to have.

Brian Kurian: Sure.

Brent Dowlen: And it, it, it really says a lot about a personality, right. It’s, it’s the same kind of information you get about somebody with, uh.[00:24:00]

You can have two brothers that grow up in the same household and dad’s a raging alcoholic, right?

Brian Kurian: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: One of them is probably gonna become a raging alcoholic, and the other one will probably never touch a drop. Yep. Right. And have a you, you’ll have two different splits from it, but it is usually that extreme when you get into those scenarios.

So it was always interesting to run into those dads who are like, you know what? My dad wasn’t great, and I’m not gonna let that keep me from being a great dad. I’m, I’m gonna become that dad. Uh, uh, I think it forged some really great fathers along as horrible as, as it might’ve been, living through it at the time is forged some really fantastic fathers over the years.

Brian Kurian: Yeah, I think, you know, look, I, I talk about my dad and my mom a lot. It just, it always ends up coming up somehow as I do talk about them quite a bit. But, um, [00:25:00] I will say, I told a lot of people this, my dad, no lie, my dad ba basically ended up becoming like the architect of my. Life, this dude’s influence probably influenced, influenced 90 to 95% of my life.

How I operate, how I think, how I react to stuff. Um, I have a lot of great character traits that I embodied from watching him. Um, definitely his work ethic. Um, it’s unmatched. I believe it’s, I never met a, a human being that worked harder than my dad ever. I still haven’t. Um, I don’t know if I ever will.

That’s my dad, you know, and I never met somebody for a long time that was such a strong leader. Um, somebody who held himself so accountable. If he said he was gonna do something [00:26:00] for you. It doesn’t matter how minor or significant it was that dude was gonna do it. You never, you never had to question. If it was gonna be done or not, if he was reliable or not, if he really would come through or not.

Now, dude, if my dad said it was gonna get done, it was done, everybody believed it, then he’d follow through and you prove you’re right, right? That you were, you were right to trust in him. Um, my dad has an incredible amount of integrity. Um, you could trust him with all the money you and your family ever earned, and he, whenever you had to go away and trust him with him, come back, all the money would be there.

My dad would do the right thing, even though he could have stolen it, right? Or lent it out to shady people or whatever. Whatever. You can trust him with that. Uh, I learned, I learned all that from him, you know, and a lot of the stuff that he taught me growing up, you know, with these different principles and things, these are things I utilize in my business.

You know, if I tell a client I’m gonna do something for him, I do even more than I promise them. If I [00:27:00] give them a deadline, I try to work my face off to beat. That deadline. My dad taught me that. My dad taught me that competing is important, um, with myself, you know? So always try to push yourself to be the best.

If you say, I’m gonna do something, do more whenever you can, within reason. Right? Um, that’s probably why my clients love me. I’m reliable and I say I’m gonna do something, it gets done. If you give me a deadline, I’m trying to beat it. I’m trying to exceed your expectations. I’m serious about that. I’m committed.

I’m a good person. You know, if you share some of these books, man, you know, I’m not just writing, uh, quote unquote business books where they’re talking about their products and services and clients they help and how they help ’em, et cetera, et cetera. You know, some of these are memoirs and, and sometimes people share very dark things that have happened with them or that they’ve done.

It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. They trust me with that. You know, like they would maybe a professional therapist. And so under that [00:28:00] same. I guess umbrella or relationship. You know, I always tell everybody, whatever you tell me, it stays with me. It’s confidential. If you give me permission to share it with other people before the book or the anthology chapter or whatever gets published, fine, I’ll share it.

I probably still won’t even use your name because I’m still gonna respect your privacy, even though you said I can share it. Or I’ll make up a nickname for you or something like that. Or I won’t use a name at all. I’ll just share bits and pieces of the story. It’s special, you know, having that type of integrity and that type of trust and accountability.

Those are like the pillars of my business. You know, businesses, I have two businesses, so yeah, my dad might have not been the present. Let’s go play catch in the backyard type of day because he was working so much to support us. Um. Dad when everything, that was much important

teach.

By me observing his habits [00:29:00] and his actions, I was able to do that. Um, and the things that I didn’t like or appreciate, again, I try to do better for my kids. Whatever I think better is or feels like, I try to do that for my boys, you know, um, the, the best I can. I’m just doing the best I can, man. So yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Brian, how do you take all that, right? Mm-hmm. Your father had some great stuff to teach you that he set an example for you on how do you take all that now and go, okay, that is amazing and it’s leading my businesses and helping me be successful in that, and then integrate that into your life, into balancing actually being a present dad.

Setting a good example for your kids?

Brian Kurian: Um, well, I, I have learned the hard way that my, my competitiveness,[00:30:00]

my competitiveness and my ambition have apparently always been very much a double-edged sword. You know, um, when I would wield it properly or effectively or intelligently, man, I was able to accomplish some pretty lofty goals for myself, for somebody like me and where I came from. When I would get a little too extreme and a little too reckless, um, I would end up hurting myself, you know, my relationships, my health, um, physical and mental and spiritual.

I have to be real careful, you know? Um, I think one of the things that I’ve learned is that ambition is a beautiful thing. Competitiveness is is a wonderful thing as well, but it’s been important for me to learn how to trust others. Um, I’ve been building out my team, [00:31:00] getting more strategic partnerships in place.

I don’t try to do everything myself anymore, and it has. I changed a lot of things in my business, in my life. Um, I haven’t become less ambitious or less competitive. I’ve just learned to trust more people. Um, the right people, they have to earn my trust. Mind you. But, and I try to show that to my boys. You know, if you, if there’s anything you wanna go after in life, a goal, a person you wanna meet, something you wanna do, something you wanna learn about.

Um, my very deep desire is that. They can look at me and see that they can do anything they wanna do in life, you know? Um, they don’t have to own a business or go into sales or any of this stuff. Um, I don’t know what they’ll be interested in when they get older, but whatever it is, I very much want them to have the confidence that they can do it.

You know, I launched this business four days after my third layoff. Um, I was dealing with my third layoff in like two and a half years. Man, I had no money, no nothing. [00:32:00] Um, I had like five grand in, in savings that took me several years to piece together. Um, I had a credit card with like a thousand bucks left on it.

That was open. Everything else was maxed out. And, uh, no job waiting for me. Nothing. And a family to support. Here I am over a year and a half later, still doing this business full-time. One business turned to two, one child turned into two children. So there’s more pressure, more responsibilities, um, and I’m doing it, you know, I’m about to hire a full-time, uh, premium ghostwriter and copy editor.

Um, he starts with me in a couple weeks. We’re growing. I need his help, right? So now I’m gonna be supporting him and his family. I can’t wait. I can’t wait. Um. Anything’s possible, man. I’m just, I just, I’m living out my childhood dream of being an entrepreneur. I’ve wanted this since I was six years old. I’m almost 30, 39 now, so, sorry.

How old am I? 38. [00:33:00] I’m almost 38 now. Sometimes I forget how old I really am. Jesus. I turned 38 next month. You’ll have to, you’ll have to bear with me. Sorry.

Brent Dowlen: No worries, man. I, I honestly, like, I, I. Have equated a years ago, I equated what year it was to the, the second number in my age. That’s how I know. Oh, there you go.

It’s 2025, which means I’m 45. Okay. Right. And I know I’ve been, my, my anniversary is one year under whatever the year is, so 24 years. Wow. That’s the only way I remember anything like that is like. I’m the guy who wake up on my birthday and I know it’s my birthday ’cause my kids run in and jump on the bed and be like, happy birthday dad.

I’m like, oh. Oh yeah. It is that day, huh? Yeah. That’s so funny. It doesn’t really matter

Brian Kurian: to me. I got other things to worry about. I’m the same way, man. November. Okay. November 21st. Cool. Like half the time I forget, but my wife reminds me, Hey, what do you wanna do for your birthday next weekend? Mm-hmm. Oh [00:34:00] God.

It’s next weekend. Mm-hmm. Wasn’t even thinking about it. Um, my dad’s birthday is literally the day before mine. His is the 20th. Mine’s 21st. So. Again, you see more of those intertwines of me and my dad. You know, this dude is everywhere,

so for, for better or worse, man, he’s, he’s always there. And another, I’ll share one really quick story of my dad one time in my foolishness. I was 17, almost 18, just got my license a few months ago. I was working at a place called Comp SA. One of the best jobs I’ve ever had, even to this day, 20 years later, driving a Volkswagen Green Volkswagen.

It was my dad’s old car. He was gracious enough to. So that he could get a different car and he said, look, it’s paid off. You don’t have to worry about it. Just please take care of it. Right? Um, you take of the gas, you, the insurance. Okay? I.[00:35:00]

I don’t, I’m driving to work one day. This has been months now, and I know the breaks need to be changed because it’s getting harder and harder to slow down. Like, I’ll do it later, I’ll do it later. Like spending money on that. Who cares? Do it later. Do it later. I hold it off and I keep pushing it off like an irresponsible idiot.

Um, one day I’m driving to work and I’m in the parking lot of my job. I’m a couple stores away. My brakes lock up. The back tire drags all the way into the little parking spot. I, I ruin the back passenger tire, blow out the brakes, the car has to get towed to a shop by my parents’ house. The brake job, the new tire, the labor, all this stuff.

It was like 600 something bucks, dude, because I couldn’t take care of a freaking car and I kept putting stuff off. I don’t have the money to fix it. My dad knows that. [00:36:00] ’cause I blew through my paychecks and I wasn’t really saving money ’cause I’m an idiot. Uh, at least I used to be. My dad puts it on his credit card, fixes the car up, gives it back to me and says, well, he said a lot of things I’m not gonna repeat here, but one of the things my dad said was, I hope you learn from this ’cause I’m not doing this again.

I said I got it and a couple days after this happened to me, I was feeling so bad, you know? ’cause I just, I know at this point my dad was, and act like I don’t care. But I did care. And so I remember I woke up, um, it was like early, early morning, I think I had to go use the bathroom. Bathroom was around the corner from my, my bedroom at the time.

And I see as soon as I get outta the bathroom. My dad’s walking towards mad of his room. Mind you, it’s probably like five or six in the morning. I was like, dad, whatcha doing up? [00:37:00] He’s like, I gotta get ready for work. Like work. Oh, but di didn’t you just come home from work a few hours ago? I saw you coming in.

You already did the shift, right? He’s like, yeah, man, I’m working a lot of overtime. I’m gonna have to. I said, why? Because I gotta make the money back for the car repairs. I have to pick up shifts. Dude, that’s how this works. I said, because of me. And he’s like, it’s not because anybody just, I gotta pick up extra shifts.

This is what it takes you mind if I get ready for work now. I said, no, go ahead, I’m sorry. And I just remember like laying in my bed, I remember laying in my bed and I was thinking like, dude, he does not deserve this. I’m gonna pay my dad back as fast as I can. And so I went into work that day. I talked to my, my boss and I was like, Hey, whenever you have [00:38:00] extra shifts, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my school schedule, because I was in community college at the time, could I please, you know, pick up some extra shifts?

I owe my dad some money for the car. Um, an idiot. And I really wanna pay him back soon. I can. She, oh, she, couple extra morning shifts every. I had staffed my money, I wouldn’t spend hardly a dime. And I think I paid him back in like, I dunno, a few weeks, three, four weeks, something like that. And he was like, how did you get all this money so fast?

And I said, I picked up some extra shifts. It didn’t interfere with school or anything, you know, I still went on, went to my classes, I did my homework. I just, you know, picked up some morning shifts. I worked for six, seven hours, then I go straight to my class. Uh, no break in between hardly. Like I’d have a small break to eat real quick, and then.

Oh, I was like, yeah, I just, I just wanted to make sure you had all the money back as soon as possible, you know? Um, and I, I won’t screw up like that again. I’m sorry. You know, [00:39:00] and, uh, I think in that moment I got an ounce, maybe 1.5% of my dad’s respect, um, because I’m band up and instead of just expecting him to.

Bail me out and just saying, yeah, not really my problem, you know, thanks for working the overtime. I, I just wanted to make it right, you know? Um, ’cause my dad didn’t, my dad didn’t deserve to have to work harder for my stupidity and my irresponsibility, you know, and that. Just the way his, his face looked, man, like when he told me that he was picking up extra shifts and trying to get the money back for the, the car repairs and stuff, uh, it like haunted me for a little while, honestly, because it, it’s like, I don’t know, I, I just felt like I really hurt him, you know?

Or I just made his life harder than I needed to be, you know? I never wanted to do that again. So, at [00:40:00] least not intentionally, but yeah. Sticks with you

Brent Dowlen: ever wonder what really happens behind the mic when the lights go off and the Polish show ends? Well, that’s when the real story begins. Join us on Patreon and get access to our exclusive Patreon only podcast.

Behind closed mics, fallible and unfiltered. The messy, honest truth of growing as a man, husband, father, and content creator. No scripts, no polish, just the highs, lows and chaos of running multiple podcasts. I’m up to four coaching, building a brand, working freelance as a podcast producer and digital marketer, and showing up as a husband and dad all at the same time.

Plus, you get insider content from all three of my public shows. Unique community option, opportunities, and direct interaction with me. Available at every level. [00:41:00] If you love what we do, and you are the kind of person who wants to know how the sausage is made, that’s your cup of tea. Well guys, then you wanna see in the back room, join us at patreon.com/the Fallible man today.

Brian, you got a dad joke for us?

Brian Kurian: A dad joke. Oh.

I think of one off the top of my head. I hope you have one to hopefully lighten the mood. I know I got real emotional there for a second. I can’t think of one off the top of my head.

Brent Dowlen: Homework failed, man. Come on. That was in the email. Just,

Brian Kurian: oh my God. Failed. Give me a d plus then. Hang on. I have an idea.

Brent Dowlen: You gonna Google it?

Brian Kurian: Yep. Oh, the choice of Google this. I can do this in two seconds. Hang on. Oh my god. I have one right [00:42:00] now.

Brent Dowlen: There you go. Look at that.

Brian Kurian: After an unsuccessful harvest. Why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Bumper roll: Why? ‘

Brian Kurian: cause he had a ton of sick beats.

Bumper roll: Oh my

Brian Kurian: God. I just pulled it up real quick.

Brent Dowlen: Thank Google the magic, right?

Brian Kurian: Thanks Google.

Brent Dowlen: Oh, I got you man. I, I wasn’t old enough to get to cheat like that for, uh, school. I, I. I laugh so hard because I see, I, I, I watch a lot of news. I, I keep track of what things are going on and stuff, and, and I see this teachers complaining about this all the time.

It’s like, well, you know, they’re using chat GPT to cheat and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It’s like, shut up. You know? What, if, if we had those tools growing up, we would’ve done the same thing. Like, let’s, yeah. Let’s not even pretend at this point that if that technology had been available to us, like, you know, I, I’m back old enough for like ass jevs.[00:43:00]

Oh man, I remember that. A OL dial up. Yeah. You know? Yep. I remember that. That that was already in junior high

Brian Kurian: before that ever came out. I think. I think if there is a way to make yourself more efficient. More intelligent.

Bumper roll: Mm-hmm.

Brian Kurian: Um, better at what you do. I don’t care if it’s technology or a framework. You could utilize a system.

You can deploy a person, you can hire. I don’t know. Um, why in the world wouldn’t you do that? Right? Like to say, well, you know, Brent asked, okay, Brent asked me for a dad joke. I don’t have one. I don’t know. I guess I’ll just stare at him now ’cause I don’t have it.

Brent Dowlen: Right.

Brian Kurian: Take five seconds, dude. Five seconds.

Dad jokes. 2025. Like, oh yeah, I think I put the best dad jokes. 2025. Boom. Read down the list. Oh, this one’s hilarious. I actually literally laughed. I’ll read this one. [00:44:00] Why wouldn’t you do that?

Brent Dowlen: Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah. One of the best ones I pulled was, uh, straight from the internet. I was like, what? What happens when, what do you call it when Batman doesn’t go to church?

What? Christian Bale.

Right.

Brian Kurian: I love that.

Brent Dowlen: If you can’t come up with something that just, that Right. You have it, it is so funny to me. ’cause we’re, we’re at this weird, we, we’ve got a lot of I, I’ve got a lot of respect for teachers. At the same time, it’s like, you know, I get it and there is a point where kids need to learn. We, we homeschool, so, you know.

Yeah. Kids have to learn critical thinking skills. I think if you let them supplement too hard with some of them, the current stuff, yeah, you can, you can derail that before it becomes really ingrained and embedded. Yeah. But there’s a difference between letting them [00:45:00] use all of it and letting it override their own thought processes.

Right. You gotta, you gotta have the best of both worlds. ’cause AI is here to stay, right? Everybody, the internet’s the fad, the internet’s the fad. Shut up. Y’all are so stupid. We people miss that so hard. Right? AI is not going anywhere. And so it’s like, yes, we need to teach them critical thinking. We can’t use Let ’em use that for everything.

But we also have to teach them how to use it responsibly. ’cause. You can’t get a job in some industries anymore without knowing how to use ai. Some

Brian Kurian: sort of ai. Yeah, and I, and I tell everybody, like, don’t let, don’t let AI think for you. Hello. You have a brain. Mm-hmm. You have a personality, you have experiences.

Lean on that. But I love using ai. And I tell everybody this, use it to help you flesh out your ideas. Oh yeah. Sometimes, you know, a client will bring something to me and I’ll come up with a couple of ideas myself, [00:46:00] but then I’ll run it, you know, through AI and be like, Hey, here’s a couple things I thought of.

Are there other. Things that a top consultant, you know, would probably share with the client. Maybe I’m missing the boat on, I, I just can’t think of right now. Mm-hmm. And, or share, you know, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 other things. And I’m like, wow, I didn’t think about that in the moment. Maybe if I would’ve had another 2, 3, 4, 10 days, I would’ve slowly started thinking about those ideas and I could flesh them out and build it.

But look, they’re, they’re right here.

Expand on these points, right? Think like a top 5% consultant, right? Like, and gimme an action plan and, okay, wait, wait. I can add some to this because at my, one of my old jobs, we tried this and it worked really well. Hang on, let me slice and dice this. Let me add, so I’m not asking it to do the work for me.

I’m asking it to build on me and my brain and how I would approach something, right? Mm-hmm. That’s the way to do it, dude. That’s what this technology is here for. Don’t, don’t think for me, and then me just [00:47:00] blindly say, well, that looks good. Yeah, I love these rocket ship emojis. I guess I’ll just copy and paste and give it to my client.

No, dude, why? Why would anybody need to pay me for that? They can do that themselves. Where I come in is. My own special seasoning and expertise and work experiences, things that I’ve learned along the way, um, that this thing hasn’t done. It’s not me, you know, it’s just pulling from different places on the internet and trying to drag and drop here because it, it fix.

That’s what I want to know. Mm-hmm. Sometimes it’s, sometimes it’s not, you know? So you still need to be the person driving the machine.

Brent Dowlen: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Ryan. What? Piece of advice would you give dads out there, you work at home? Which mm-hmm. That having kids and working at home adds a interesting perspective to being a business owner.

Um, definitely. Like, you know, my studio is, my kids are one and a half rooms over homeschooling right now. Right. Wow. Uh, yep. So it, it adds an interesting perspective. [00:48:00] As a father who works from home, you’ve got two businesses, you’ve got all this input from your life before being a dad.

Brian Kurian: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: What would be the piece of advice you would want to share with dads today?

Brian Kurian: I think the biggest thing is

just understand how important you are to this kid’s life. Man. It is, um. It is a very deep, beautiful responsibility. You are like everything to this kid. At least I feel that way with my son, you know? Um, not so much the baby. The baby just wants mommy right now. Doesn’t really want much to do with me.

That’s okay, uh, for now. But I told you, you know, story with my 5-year-old, um, he wouldn’t be acting like that if he didn’t feel comfortable. Or, or wanting to act like that with me. And I don’t force him, [00:49:00] he doesn’t get extra snacks or treats or money or anything because he is nice to me like that or because he’s genuinely that excited to see me.

That’s all him, that’s all very genuine. Um, but I, I like to think it’s because I worked really hard to build that type of relationship with him, you know, where he genuinely is happy to see me. I know I’m very happy to see him. You know, uh, so you’re just, you’re very important to your kids’ life, so just be present for them, you know?

And do your best. You’re gonna make some mistakes, probably gonna think you suck shit as a dad. Every now and then, Lord knows I do. But you don’t. You’re doing your best. Just keep showing up for the kids, man.

Brent Dowlen: I think when you, I think it’s one of the best answers for dads is when you. When you stop and go, man, I’m, I’m kind of sucky today as a pop, right?

That, that just, that just to me communicates so much [00:50:00] of you are a good dad when you start, when, when you actually have those moments. If you don’t have those moments, I worry because, you know, those are the dads who think they got it all down, or I’m, I’m, if you’re not questioning you, my good, a good enough dad.

Am I doing everything I should? If, if you’re not questioning it, then you’re already the loss, right? If you’re still questioning it, that means you care enough. It’s a still question because you want your kid to get the best version of you. You want your kid to have a better dad to make sure that you’re showing up as a better dad.

There’s still a desire in you. I think if you stopped asking that question, that’d be a big red flag.

Brian Kurian: Yeah, I think that’s one of the things I’ve had to learn too, is that, uh, you know, I’m confident in a lot of things, especially when it comes to business sales, building relationships, you know, getting to, getting to know people.

I’m pretty confident in that. I know I can do that at a high level. I’ve had to do it for a long time. Um, believe in. My abilities there. I believe in my skill sets I’ve developed [00:51:00] them for, for decades when it comes to being a dad. I hadn’t had a chance to develop those skills when we first had my kid, right?

So I didn’t really have the confidence naturally, um, that I could actually do this and do it really well. So, be forgiving, be gracious with yourself. Do your best. Be patient again. It’s not easy man, and I, it’s easier said than done, you know, for me too, but it’s just stuff I’ve learned about myself is you’re, you’re gonna be okay.

Just be patient. Try again. The biggest thing is. They just want your time, man. They just want your time and attention. They want your love, they want your patience. They want your encouragement. They want you to, they want to know that you actually care and that you see them and that you like having them around.

Um, and if you can make them feel that way, they’ll show you that they like having you around and you can build a relationship together and figure all that other stuff out, [00:52:00] you know, as you go. But just being there for them, you know, I think is, uh, that’s everything.

Brent Dowlen: I love it, Ryan. If someone is looking for your services as, as a ghost writer, if someone’s got that book that’s been sitting on their mind, they’re like, man, one day I’m gonna put this together one day.

Because guys, it’s a lot of work. Uh, if they’re looking to go that route, where’s the best place for people to connect with you?

Brian Kurian: Yeah, I always tell everybody, you know, all my, all my authors or first time authors, um, one day can be today. It doesn’t have to be five years from now or two months from now. I think it can be today.

It’s just take the first step. First step would be, um, I would, I would recommend checking out my website, Brian corian business services.com, so it’s just my first and last name. Business Services com. Um, Brian, I can send that to you later if you wanna throw to the show notes. Yeah. But fill out, [00:53:00] you know, check out my website, look at the contact, um, contact tab, and you can submit a contact form with your name and maybe your book, book idea.

And we can hop on a call. And I’d love to learn more about your story, more about kind of what you’re wanting from the book. What do you want the reader to feel, to take away, you know, from the book? Um, and would love to. Talk you through how I might be able to help and how my team might be able to help.

So yeah, that would probably be the first step. I’m on LinkedIn, Brian Kian, Kian with a K. Uh, I’m on TikTok, you know, Facebook, I’m, I’m easy to find. I try to make myself very easy to find. You can Google my business, Brian Ian’s Business Services. Um, check out our page there. Um, I’m also on Thumbtack. For those of you that use Thumbtack, I get a lot of folks that find me on there as well and seem to love what we do.

So yeah, I’m easy to find, but start with my website, I think.

Brent Dowlen: Wow. I think that’s the first. I’ve never even heard of Thumb Thumbtack, so I.

Brian Kurian: Oh yeah, it’s terrific, man. It’s, um, typically for, well before I learned about it, for my [00:54:00] copywriting, copywriting and ghostwriting stuff that I do, typically a lot of folks would use Thumbtack, uh, to like hire a, a handyman or someone to move something.

It’d be like random, like manual labor type of things. But then as it turns out, you know, there’s folks who post for their business, consulting services, marketing, copywriting, um, sales training. Oh, my, my buddy told me about it and helped me kind of figure out how to set up my profile and I was like, you think I can do okay on here?

And, uh, he owns a, a business where he does professional photography and videography. He does pretty, pretty well on there. He’s like, dude, if I can do this with your skillset, you can do it too. Just get a page going, you know, get, get matched up with people. And so I have, um, it’s been awesome. It’s a great platform too.

So.

Brent Dowlen: And guys, of course we’re gonna have Brian, Brian’s gonna send me an email as soon as this is over with all of his links, so that way I have them. ’cause somehow we missed that when we hooked up on this. Uh, so, yep. But we will have those in the show notes by the time it [00:55:00] comes out. I promise you guys. Brian, if, if the guy is listening, heard nothing else today, what do you want him to hear?

Brian Kurian: I think the biggest takeaway I would hope would be that

if I can end up building a terrific relationship with my kids, so can you. I had to learn how to do it. I’m learning it every day if I can do it. So can you, um, because I’m telling you, I had, I try not to break down and start sobbing because that’s embarrassing, but. I had very deep fears about this man.

It’s not a joke and I’m not like trying to exaggerate or anything to make it, you know, sound better for the show. I never saw myself getting married. I never saw myself having kids. That was a real, probably one of the biggest insecurities I ever had. I never wanted any of this because I didn’t want [00:56:00] my kids.

To have that type of relationship with me that I had with my dad for so long, sometimes still do. Um, I never wanted any of this, you know, and it’s because I didn’t think I deserved any of this or that I, I could handle. Of this. And so if I can overcome all that and just do my best every day and have the type of relationship with my boys that I have, anybody is capable of it.

I really believe that. I really believe that. So it’s gonna be okay. Just do your best. Just be present for your kids man. Show ’em that you’re there to encourage them. That’s all they.

Brent Dowlen: Guys, thanks for joining us today on the Dad Hatch Standings podcast. A community of dads just navigating life’s challenges together. Until next time, laugh, learn, and live the dad [00:57:00] life.