How Meir Ezra Rewrote the Parenting Playbook: Raising Able, Confident, Self-Directed Kids

Brent Dowlen: [00:00:00] Every dad thinks he’s got a few good parenting tricks up his sleeve until you meet someone who completely rewrites the playbook. My guest today is Meir Ezra, a man who’s lived a life that sounds more like a movie script than a resume. Six years in Israeli submarines, built a hundred million dollar business by the time he was 32, helped addicts recover rehabil criminals, and still somehow raised three kids who turned out grounded, successful, and thriving.

But here’s the wild part. We didn’t talk about business success or money. We just talked parenting. What MI had shared honestly flipped a few of my own beliefs. Upside down here, his philosophy on raising kids isn’t the general sugarcoated stuff. It’s raw, clear, and built on radical honesty, discipline and love that demand’s growth from both the child and the parent.

These ideas might challenge you. They might even make you a little uncomfortable. They sure did me. But if you wanna raise kids who [00:01:00] are strong, capable, good human beings, you’re gonna wanna lean into this one. This is Meir Ezra, and you’re listening to the dad Hash down in this podcast, the Unfiltered Truth about being a dad.

One conversation at a time. Meir. Every dad has that story. They just love to tell about being a dad. That just lights them up. What is your favorite dad story?

Meir Ezra: Okay, so I always knew. That, uh, whatever a person is doing and especially children, the intention is good. And, uh, I’ve seen it in many, many cases. Uh.

Throughout my life, but with one specific thing that happened with my kids, it was like, wow, how unbelievable. So it goes like that. One day I comes home, I come home and uh, my son is crying, my daughter is crying, and my wife is crying. Everyone, like there is a, a situation, a situation [00:02:00] and uh, and it’s, it’s like my, I come in and I see what’s happening and my wife says that, your kids now.

Bye. So I go into my, uh, going to my son’s room and he’s crying, crying, crying. He is, I think something like four years old, three years old, something like that, really crying hysterically. So I’m handling him, getting him to relax, go to my daughter, handling her, getting her to relax. And I go back to my son and I said, so what’s going on?

So he doesn’t want to tell me. So I go to my, to my daughter and I say, what’s going on? And she say, Neo is pulling my hair. So she’s got this very beautiful, curly hair and he’s pulling her hair and it’s very painful and he doesn’t want to stop. And he insists that he does not want to stop whatever we do.

He’s pulling my hair. So I go to N and I said, good NI [00:03:00] know, I know you have a good intention. How are you trying to help aar? And he looks at me like I’m crazy. Like, who am I? And I said, I know. I know for sure you want to help her. How do you want to help her? And he said, don’t you know? I said, no, enlighten me.

I dunno. How do you want to help her? And he said, well, it’s obvious I said. I know, but it’s not obvious to me. And I said, so, okay, so please tell me. So it takes some time until I convince him to tell me and he tells me, you know, she wants her to be straight. She using the straightener and she wants her to be straight.

So I’m helping her to straighten it.

Yeah. So. It’s just, it was amazing, amazing that the intention is so good, even if it looks almost evil, like bad is pulling at her. And, and I said, okay, no problem. I understand. So you want her to have to help to straighten her? And I said, okay, [00:04:00] yes. And I said, okay, fine. So let’s, I want to show you a few things.

So I went to Hadar and I asked her to cut a small piece of her hair. I took one of her, a very small piece of her hair, and I told him, okay, straighten it. Try, try, try, try it. Pull it, pull it. And he said, but it doesn’t work. And I said, okay, that’s exactly, it doesn’t work like that. In order to straighten the hair, you either use this, uh, um, iron that she’s using or use some kind of a chemical that helps with that.

Or, or when you dry it, you dry it in a certain way, but there is no way that by pulling, it’ll threaten her. And he was like, wow, I didn’t know. And at that moment, that problem is gone. And every single problem that I had with the kids, it was always solved. Always solved by finding what was the good intention.

Not, what’s wrong with that? And over [00:05:00] time I came to the conclusion that, uh, people you fix or machine you fix by finding what’s wrong with them. And people you fix by finding what’s right with them. What is the good intention? That’s the difference between people and machine. And when you think that the person is a machine, you’ll find what’s wrong with him and you’ll go into a disaster.

But if you look for the good intention. If you’re totally certain that behind every bad action there is a good intention, you’ll see, you’ll discover it, and then you will save the person and you will help everyone around.

Brent Dowlen: Wow. That is, that is an incredible story, sir. I, I gotta admit, I, I do not think I would’ve been that patient with one of my daughters pulling the other one’s hair.

Uh, that is remarkable.

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Let’s get back to it.

Welcome to the Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast, the Unfiltered Truth about Being a dad. Real Dads real stories, unfiltered, candid conversations on fatherhood. I’m your host, Brent, Dowlen, and today my special guest is Meir. Ezra Meir, welcome to the Dad Hat Shenanigans

Meir Ezra: podcast. Hi, uh, nice [00:07:00] to be here, and thank you for inviting me.

Brent Dowlen: Meir, I’m looking forward to this conversation because I had the privilege to visit with one of your sons and have him on a guest, as a guest as well, and that was a spectacular conversation. Um, but I have never had this opportunity where I got to talk to a dad and then talk to his son as, or his father as well, right?

This lets me get two generations deep into what made gal the way he is. Uh, and so I’m very excited about this conversation. You’re wearing a hat that says Commander. So this is the Dad Hat  Shenanigans podcast. We gotta talk about the dad hat. What does it mean?

Meir Ezra: Okay. So the basic idea is that, um, a dad want to make the child the commander of his life.

So you want to command or to be in a [00:08:00] position of command, you’re commanding your life. You are not the effect of your life. So whatever happen in your life, it is me. I’m the commander. I’m responsible. I have no one to blame. I’m responsible. When everything goes well, it’s me. When everything goes not so well is also me.

I’m the commander, I’m the top. There is no one to blame and but I also have the power as the commander. I can move the pieces around me. I can do anything I want as long as I bring results for everyone, not only for myself, for everyone involved.

Brent Dowlen: All right. You’re now, uh, just right off the bat, how many kids, boys,

Meir Ezra: girls, what?

Uh, three kids. Uh, two boys, one girl. So GAL is, uh, [00:09:00] 32, Hadar is 22, and Neo is, uh, 20. Is 20, yes. So between GAL and Ada, there, there was like 10 years different. Because we didn’t want more kids, but gal, the angel that he is really pushed us, like really pushed us and pushed us and pushed us to, to bring kids because he wanted brothers and sisters.

And he was like, like the tenacity was unbelievable because he continuously wanted more kids. He wanted brother and sister, and indeed he became the best brother. Anyone could imagine. I mean, I can tell you stories about him as a brother and you will not believe, like, seriously, unbelievable child. So yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Wow. I, I’m not sure we, we, we have two and I do not think one of them could convince me to have more. I just, I’m not sure I would’ve gone with [00:10:00] that. So that is, that is some, uh, perseverance on his part, trying to convince you guys. Just for, uh, some context, why don’t you tell us who you are, what do you do?

I’ve read your bio and I, I figure I could actually just go through an entire show, uh, trying to cover your bio and still wouldn’t do it justice. So for today’s context, who are you, what do you do? What do we need to know?

Meir Ezra: So, um, I’m a businessman. My purpose in life is to help people and, um, most people don’t know, but, uh, you will have as much income as you help because people pay you in cash or in kindness or in admiration or with time because you help them.

The only reason anything exists is because it help, [00:11:00] and it’ll exist in more and more ways or in more quantities because it helps more areas of life. So my biggest or my basic purpose is to help. And I do it through different ways. I’m, I’m, I’m a businessman, so I know how to print money. Uh, that’s one. And then, uh, I’m also, um.

Uh, I do a lot of thing for the community, so I have this whole thing that called the Parent Academy. It’s a series of 50 lessons that teach parents how to become parents in Israel. We have, uh, more than a million people that went through this program. Wow. Um, and we do it in other places around the world.

Yes, we have millions of success stories. It’s like unbelievable. Massive, massive, miss massive. Um, we basic, the basic idea is that, uh, all the problem [00:12:00] children have get solved by fixing their parents.

Brent Dowlen: Okay, so you’re in Israel right now as we’re recording.

Meir Ezra: Uh, no, actually right now I’m in, uh, heaven in Cape Town.

Brent Dowlen: You, you and your son, you, you guys are spread out. So I think he was in South Africa when I was talking to him.

Meir Ezra: Yeah. So we travel a lot. I, I just came back from Israel and I’m on the way to Dubai and you just caught me in between. So a lot. We travel all the time.

Brent Dowlen: Well, thank you for taking the time on, on a busy travel schedule to visit with us today.

I appreciate that. What is your favorite thing about being a dad?

Meir Ezra: Um. The favorite thing about being a dad is, um, two things, actually, two favorite things from two different viewpoints. Number one, of course, is the, uh, [00:13:00] amount of love and admiration that you get from your children. So whatever happened, anything that happen, they call me, they speak to me, they speak to my wife about anything.

So if a girl had a problem with his relationship, he will come to me for help. If my daughter has a problem, she’ll come to me. So if my other son has a problem with anything, it’ll come to, they will come to me. That’s the one thing. So I’m really. A stable, trusted person for them that anything that happen, they’re coming to me.

And it’s, it’s an amazing experience to know that you’re helping another being and if you help your children is even more. So that’s number one. And then number two, um, I consider that the children are 90% the [00:14:00] product of the mom. Because the, I was busy producing, um, um, creating, uh, enough, uh, money. So they cannot, that they cannot spend.

So the whole side, the whole physical side, money, all of these thing I’ve handled and the, my wife handled the raising of the kids, the, the day to day. Uh, and I had also another, uh, uh, post, which is being there. Uh, ethics officer and the educating officer. So things that they did not learn in school and stuff like that.

Uh, so it gives me, because I’m a dad, it gives me this opportunity to admire my wife and give her endless admiration about the amazing result that she brought because I a hundred percent acknowledge. That if I was with another woman and she would be the mother, the result will [00:15:00] not be even close to that because my wife is the best.

Brent Dowlen: I love it. Mayor, do you remember, uh, when you first found out that you were going to have a child, do you remember the best piece of advice you were given?

Meir Ezra: Um. I, I think that the best piece of advice that, uh, I was given, uh, when GAL was, uh, it was just, uh, when he was born, but I didn’t really duplicate it, is, uh, to realize, uh, what is love?

Like to fully understand that he will teach me what is love, because I thought, no, of course I’m in love with my wife. I was in love as at 16 years old with this lady. I know what love, I love my parents, but I didn’t know what love is until he was born. And the first time that I held him, I [00:16:00] realized, ah, that’s love.

Brent Dowlen: Okay. What would you like to dive into about being a father today?

Meir Ezra: Um, I think that, um, I would like to talk about, uh, the principles. What are the key principles of how, uh, a parent, not just a father, but the parents can help the child, um, to, uh, to grow properly. I, I consider that my job, my, my. Uh, end result is that I maximize the potential of the family members.

If someone will tell me, what is your result? What are you going for? I’m going for maximizing the potential of the family members. That’s my job. Everything I do is in order to maximize the potential. And there are few principles that if you understand them, [00:17:00] uh, you’ll be able to do that. Okay.

Brent Dowlen: I’d love to know.

Okay,

Meir Ezra: so the first thing, the first thing is we need to, I think people need to understand the definition of the word child. What does it mean a child? And a child is a person, a normal person with a small body differently. He has a small body always with good intentions. And often with not per far from perfect results.

And because people don’t understand the definition of the word child, they’re evaluating the child by, by his results or his actions and not his intention. And if you will change it, if you will ignore the result, if you ignore the action and you will start to look for the intention, you will see. But the child is perfect, and [00:18:00] anything that is not perfect, it’s not him.

You just don’t see it yet. The child is perfect. Children are perfect, and if you realize it and you realize that you need to look for the intention, never the result or the actions, you’ll see that it’ll be very easy for you to be extremely patient with them, to be extremely loving. Never lose your cool.

Always be with the, a clear, a hundred percent knowingness that this kid is just perfect. And if something is not perfect, it’s me. I, I’m blind to his intention, it’s never him. It’s always me. It’s never his action. It’s al always my failure to filter out the intention from all the noise of actions and results and people saying et cetera.

That’s, [00:19:00] that’s the first thing. The second thing is to realize that, uh, because you realize the definition of a child is, uh, is a person. So anything that apply to adults apply to children, they get insulted. They, uh, they behave in a certain way. Once they commit sins, uh, they want to be admired. Um, you cannot fix them by finding what’s wrong with them.

All the things that are applied to you apply to him. So anything that you wouldn’t want someone to do to you, don’t do to them. For example, if I will come to you and just pull your hand and say, okay, we are going, you will probably punch me. Don’t do it to your children. For example, if I will talk badly about you, uh, with, uh, my wife while you are there.

It would be totally rude and unacceptable. It’s, you don’t do that. [00:20:00] Uh, for example, if I will always tell you what to do, you would tell me like, who are you to tell me what to do? So if you understand that the child is the person with the exact behavior, exact feeling, exact mechanism as an adult. You will not do to them.

What, what usually parents do to the kids. I, I, if I will get, um, even, um, a stranger and I will get the stranger to behave to the child the way that the parents behave to the child, the, the parents will kill the stranger. Like shouting at the child, insulting the child, uh, lying to the child, all those things.

If, if I will get the stranger to do it, the parent will kill the stranger. But somehow parents think that they’re, because they are there, because they’re the parents, uh, they’re allowed to do [00:21:00] that and they’re not. And this leads me to the next thing that I realized that, uh, my children have problem with hearing.

They cannot hear. They can only see what do I mean? They learn by looking at what I am actually doing, not what I’m saying. If I tell them, don’t use the cell phone, but I’m using the cell phone, of course they will use the cell phone if I tell them it’s not good to lie, but I lie. Of course they will lie if I tell them, don’t shout by or be nice to your sister, but I’m not nice to my mother or to my sister.

They will not be nice. So they learn by looking, not by hearing. What you say means nothing. What you do means everything. Why? Because children have a like hierarchy and they [00:22:00] think that there is, um, at the top. Like above God, above everyone. We have a, a mother, then there’s father, then there’s God, and then everyone else.

So they really think that the parents are above God. So they admiring the parents so much that uh, anything that the parent does is, wow. It’s amazing. They want to be like the parents. You take any person and you can have the worst relationship with his parents, but he behave exactly like one of them.

Even if they hate them. Even if they say, I will never be like my dad. He behave exactly like him. Yes. Oh yeah. Because they admiring the parents, they admiring the parents. Uh, another thing that, uh, I will do that, uh, the only thing that will, uh, direct me the, the way that I [00:23:00] will know if what I’m doing is right or wrong is if I make the child more, uh, uh, uh, more determined, more having more self determinism.

So basically I’m looking to make this child, uh, giving him the freedom of determinism. So he, I don’t mind if he’s right or if he’s wrong. I don’t mind if what he’s doing is good or bad, ethical or not, but I want him to be determined. So he will look at what’s happening and he decide what he’s doing. Then he will look at the results, and I’m not making him right or wrong.

He decide if those results are good or bad, and I teach him only things that he wants to learn, only things that he wants to learn, and otherwise I insist to [00:24:00] learn from him. I ask him, only if he ask me, I teach him. If not, no, I ask him for to teach me, because the best form of learning is teaching. So I ask my kids all the time.

So explain to me that. So how does it work? So why do you think that? I always ask them and only if they ask me, I will suggest my viewpoint.

So, uh, probably, uh, another thing is that, um. I will, uh, that I will, uh, get to my, uh, kids and I will show them that, that my viewpoint on life is that nothing is dangerous. The only dangerous thing in life is to be careful. Otherwise, you’re not living. You’re trying not to die. So [00:25:00] anything my child want, I will never tell him what that it’s dangerous.

Never. I’ll tell him, yeah, would you want to jump from the second floor? Not a problem. Um, what will happen? What do you try to achieve? How will it happen? Did you consider those areas? And if he says, uh, theoretically yes, I will say yes. I want, I want to jump from the fourth floor. Um, I will tell him, look, you can.

I’ve seen, what I’ve seen is this and this and this and that. And this is why Do you understand what happened when you fought? Do you understand the forces? Do you understand? And I will educate him and demonstrate to him, take a, an apple and throw it down and show him what’s happening. But I will never tell him to be careful.

Never, never, never, never. Because uh, to be careful means that something is stronger than you. And the viewpoint is, I’m cause. I’m willing to take [00:26:00] anything winning to win and lose with the self, same level of enthusiasm. There is nothing I cannot confront. So don’t be afraid. And of course, be smart. It’s different.

So I’m not afraid to drive 200 kilometers per hour, uh, with my motorcycle while doing a wheelie. Not a problem because I’m, I know how to control this bike, but I didn’t start with that. I didn’t start with 200 kilometers per hour. I started with a very, very small bike and I drove very, very slow and I realized, and I’ve learned, and I became more and more able, but I was never afraid of bikes.

I was never afraid. What if I will fall? I will never tell my son, no, don’t use bikes because they’re dangerous. No, I am dangerous to bike. Bikes are not dangerous to me, that’s the whole viewpoint. I’m not afraid. I’m not shy. I’m not anything. Nothing phase [00:27:00] me anything. If I need to get hit, I will get hit if I need to get killed.

It’s part of life. It’s better than not to live, to be afraid. Most people are afraid and fear is an unwillingness to communicate. Unwillingness to observe. So basically you get a child that is dead because he is not communicating, he’s not observing. He he’s afraid. He is afraid of this. He is afraid of that.

He is afraid of that. No, nothing. Anything I can confront and I’ll be smart about it. I will not jump into a Cobra, but I will learn how to control the Cobra. If Cobra do come in front of me, I’m doing kite surfing. And um, uh, one day the line of the, one of the line of the cut, uh, cut, uh, cut. And I got like, I couldn’t do anything.

I rolled the kite, et cetera, and started to swim and I was in the middle of the ocean. And uh, all of a sudden I see this fin coming towards me. [00:28:00] So first of all, once that happened at the beginning, you realize how someone can walk on water. You get such a, like you, you learn how you can walk on water, believe you, like you really believe for a second I can walk on water.

But very quickly I realized this, this thing got closer and closet and started to swim around me. And go further and closer. And I realized, okay, the only way to handle this thing is to look right in his eyes to confront him. So I dive in and I looked for him and I looked right into his eyes and I was waiting for him to come to me.

And I said, come look at his eyes. Look at his eyes. Like really be there, willing to take anything, anything. And he looks at me, turn around and never came back. That’s for me life. I look at, I look at life in, in its eyes, but if I’m afraid I’m running away, I’m not looking [00:29:00] because fear is then unwillingness to communicate.

If you communicate with something, there will not be fear anymore. It doesn’t mean that you will not get hurt, but at least you do what you can. More importantly, the number of times that there is real danger is 1e-06% of life. And the number of times that you’re afraid and nothing happen is 99% of the time of for most people.

So it’s better to live the 99% of the time and to take the risk of open whatever percent that something may happen. Okay, fine. So that’s the whole way of life that I’m teaching them. Don’t be afraid of nothing. Something need to be afraid of. You never be afraid, never, always look at danger in the eyes.

Someone shoot you. Look at the bullet. Look for the bullet because if you [00:30:00] see the bullet, you’ll be able to dodge it. But if you are afraid of the bullet, you turn the back, you’ll get hit.

Brent Dowlen: Me, I, I’ve gotta, I’ve gotta say there are some dads listening who, like, some of the things you’re sharing are seem very contrary to what people call conventional wisdom, uh, are experiencing in parenting.

And I talk to a lot of dads, but I know you work with dads and with families on this. And so let me ask. You are bound to have encountered some pushback on some of these ideas with some of the families you’ve worked with. How do you, what are the common pushbacks on that and what do you tell them?

Meir Ezra: Okay, so the pushback usually is, uh uh, but uh, my parents didn’t do that or it’ll not work.

And I said, look, you are coming to talk to me because there is a problem. You have a problem. [00:31:00] Yes. Your child have, uh, whatever. He cannot study. He’s, he’s shy, he’s, uh, violent, he’s been bullied, whatever. There is a problem. So now try what I’m telling you. Even if, first of all, understand the logic. Yes. It’s very easy to explain the logic.

Try and let’s see if there’s an improvement. If there’s an improvement, even a millimeter. There can be an endless amount of improvement. If there is deterioration, even even in a millimeter, there will be endless amount of deterioration. So first of all, we reverse the dwindling spiral up to the point they’re coming to me, they go down, and once I explain to them those principles, and I tell them, okay, this is what we’re going to work on today.

This is principle number one, and then principle number two without exceptions, and you go online and you will see. There is no complaints. These only success stories, and I think no one can say [00:32:00] that in anything that he teaches. These only success stories. Look and you will not find any person that says that what I taught him do not work.

No one because it’s logical what is better to be afraid and close. Duke, first of all, do you agree that the definition of the word fear is an unwillingness to communicate or a set of imp perception you don’t perceive? So what you are afraid of probably do not exist because you don’t perceive. So what’s better to perceive or not better to perceive?

When we were afraid of, uh, mountains. We ran away from the mountains. We lost when we decided no, let’s look at mountains and let’s drill holes through the mountain. I’m the boss. I’m causing the mountain is the effect. We got to have trains going through the mountains so when we bow to the environment, we lose And mankind win when he makes the [00:33:00] environment bad to it.

So, so this is the, so this is very logical explanation, and I don’t think that no one can argue with that because you can observe that when you’re afraid, you run away from things. It’s not a good day, it’s not a good stat. And also you, by experience, you’ll see that what you were afraid of later on, you think, ah, I could have done this and I could have done this, and I should have done this, and I didn’t realize this because you did not communicate.

So we don’t want to educate the children that the way to go is to be afraid. It’s not. The way to go is to be enthusiastic about life. The way to go is to look at life as a game. It’s just a game. If I die in the game, I die in the game. They, I heard they give, uh, bodies for free in between life areas. They give the body for free.

They don’t even charge you. When you get a new body, you get a baby’s body for [00:34:00] free. So yes, I’m not advocating that it’s good to die, of course, but it’s better to die as cause and than to live in a jail to live as an effect. And this is something that, uh, the incidentally happened that when you are caused, it’s almost impossible to kill you.

So you actually protected the best protection for your kids is to make them able, not to make them useless because the one that is afraid is useless. So the best protection. If you really love your kids, make them able, make them cause, make them powerful beyond belief. So, and when they become very, very powerful, a real powerful man.

Love everyone around him. Wants to make everyone else as least as powerful as him.[00:35:00]

Brent Dowlen: I like it. I like it. I, I gotta ask, uh, gal told me a story when I was talking to him. He said that what you guys, whatever they got, well, their room was their room. Like total, a hundred percent. This is mine. You asked enter kind of thing. And it was the same with like toys or gifts you guys gave them. Once you gave it to them, it was theirs and they could break it if they wanted to.

Meir Ezra: The same with the body.

Brent Dowlen: He was trying to explain it all. And I, I was curious, was there like education involved with that? Did you explain like, okay, you can break it, but if you break it, it’s, it’s broken and it’s, you’re not getting another one? Or how did that work?

Meir Ezra: So the basic idea behind it is that, uh, if I give you something and then I take it from you, you have a loss and every time you have a loss, you become less or cause you become more in effect.[00:36:00]

And you become weaker because you cannot determine over nothing. You have a small body, uh, you have these huge parents that feed you, uh, give you protection, give you, uh, place to live. Everything is, and so you, you are nothing. Nothing is yours. You have control over nothing, so you become basically useless.

But if I say look.

But if I say, uh, Siri wants to be involved in the interview, so if I say, uh, uh, look, uh, there is, uh, the things that we do together as a family. There are rules about, uh, these common areas and you need to contribute, et cetera. So we made sure that all have, I’ll tell you a story about contribution within a minute, if I remember.

So you have to contribute, et cetera, et cetera, but you have things that are only yours. Your body, your room, [00:37:00] your possessions, your viewpoint. Your mind. This is all things that belong exclusively to you. You are the ultimate boss. So, for example, me or my youngest son, uh, one day brought home this big box, card box and he brought it into his, uh, room, and he decided that he’s going to sleep in that cardboard.

He’s not going to take showers, he’s not going to change clothes. He’s not going to take his shoes because that’s what he wants. He decided he wants to be like something that he realize from some movie or whatever and he told us, this is what I want. And said, good. In your, your body, you do whatever you want with your body, your room.

You can do whatever you want with your room. And I don’t have even the rights to go to his room without his approval. Yes. [00:38:00] So, um, he’s been like that for few days a week, 10 days. The smell become unbearable. Uh, the school started to call us and say, look, and I said, look, his buddy. His roots, we can explain to him, but he needs to decide if he want to take a shower.

It was like that almost, I dunno, I think two weeks, three weeks, something terrible. When we eventually, when he decided to take the shoes off, half of his, uh, feet went out with the shoes. Like everything was so disgusting. Impossible. But I told him, look, you are in this condition. Uh, you, you’re not sitting with us and eating with us because it’s stinking and disgusting in the common area.

You eat alone. You’re not, you’re not sitting with me. I’m not next to me. You can sit in the corner of the table, but not with me because it is disgusting for me, for you. Wonderful. I’m with you. And he, yes, not a problem. It was totally not a [00:39:00] problem, not a problem. Until one day decide, okay, it’s enough for me.

I don’t like it anymore. I said, okay, whatever you want to do. Whatever you want to do. And he had his experience and he’s self determined. He have his way, and he’s the boss and indeed gal. Each one of them had their own experience like that. Some more extreme, some less, but today. He run his own business, his twenties run his own business.

He, he is making money. He’s, he’s, uh, controlling his environment. He’s not doing things that are unethical. He, he’s really controlling his friends as well. And with the same viewpoint of, look, uh, this is your body. I can give you data. I can help you, but I will not tell you what to do with your body. It’s your body.

It’s your possession. I will not touch your possession. The whole viewpoint of making you the boss, [00:40:00] the at least of your own things. And then as you expand, as you grow, as you take more responsibility, you are the boss of more and more things. So a hundred percent I give it to you, it’s yours. I will never tell you what to do.

I gave a, I think it was Adar, I gave her. Uh, at that time there was this, um, small machine, I don’t remember the name that had songs in it. Uh, how is it called? Some one of Apple things, whatever. Oh, it was an iPod. Uh, iPod, yes. Whatever. I don’t remember the name. It was something, this small thing, and I gave it to her and she decided that she want to see what will happen if it’ll go into the water.

So she come to me and she said, you know, I really want to put it into the water. I said, it’s yours. Let me tell you what will, do You want to hear what will happen? She said, no. I said, good, go for it. And she put it into the water and she took it out and it stopped working. Uh, she come to me and she said, doesn’t work.

I said, yep, that what happened when you put it [00:41:00] into the water? And she said, wow. Interesting. Said, great, well done. You you’ve done with that. Whatever you want. She said yes. And she was totally happy about it because it’s her decision. She decided, and she knows that, uh, she’s the boss I offered to explain what happened.

She didn’t want, not a problem. Do whatever you want a brand new one, like I just bought it for her.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. I’m, I’m cringing as you say it. ’cause my, my, I, uh, I don’t like to spend money on. Un frivolous things. So when I buy my kids something like, I’m like, no, no, wait, no. You know, you’re not like the idea of letting my child dunk her cell phone to see what will happen.

It, it’s just my, my brain is screaming right now.

Meir Ezra: I look at that and I say, what’s more important, the money that I put her or her self determinism. [00:42:00] And, and I can, I I, if it was something that will be dangerous, of course I will insist on giving much more data. But at the end, it’s her decision. And unless if I know that she’s going to kill herself, something to that extreme and it’s never got to that point, uh, I will never stop them.

Never. Very seldom I can say that in all my life. Maybe I stopped them once or twice from something that I realized could be really, they still don’t, they didn’t get it. They didn’t get it. I, I told them, look, I, you’re not doing it now. I’m going to give you more data. And they, I can assure you that you will change your mind.

And, uh, I, it’s just I give them more data and more data until they realize, oh, actually not, but sell them one twice, three times all [00:43:00] my life. So, so this is really important. And the story about the production. Uh, so every kid from the age of, uh, almost zero, they have, uh, things that they need to produce, they have to contribute.

They have to contribute. It’s not something that they have a, they can select, they have to contribute. And when they contribute, we measuring the statistics, how much they contributed, and they get reward for that. And some of the thing they need to contribute just because they’re part of the family. And so they don’t need to, they don’t get any specific reward.

And some of the thing, they get rewards, they get, uh, for example, gal had this thing that he was organizing the bed. So everyone will, uh, me and my wife will, uh, wake up and he will go and organize the bed and organize and clean the bed. There. The, we have guest, uh, guest. A lot of time we [00:44:00] had guests. So he will organize the bed, he will organize the bed.

His job was to organize the bed and we’ll count how many bed he organized and did he change the, the du the, the cover of the pillow or not. And there was a whole system. And, um, by the end of the week, if he did better than last week, he will get a reward. Uh, and um, he came up with all kind of i ideas how to improve the, the numbers.

So one day I’m getting a call from the neighbor and he says, uh, he was there, were a friend, and he says, look, I need to talk to you. I said, okay, fine. I’m coming across. And he says, well, I won’t talk to you about gala. I said, gal, the angel. What? You can talk to me about it. And he said, no, no, I want to talk to you.

I said, okay, fine. So of course I dropped everything. I’m going to see him and he tell me, look, this is what happened. Gal came here and he asked me if it’s okay if I will let him fix our beds [00:45:00] because he needs to improve his statistics. And I said, well, that’s very funny. He said, wait. And I told him I will pay him for that.

And he said, no, I cannot, uh, get double pay because, uh, he already get paid from his parents because they’re counting it. So they really get up and they become, cause they figure out how to produce more, how to be more contributing, how to be nicer. And um, I dunno if Gaal told you the story, but he started from zero.

I didn’t give him money to start. He started from zero and he built the most amazing businesses here in South Africa and around the world like unbelievable, all by himself. Why? He was educated to be self-determined and he’s extremely loving. Hadar, him Neo, extremely loving, unbelievable, really Everyone that speak to them [00:46:00] see they’re well, they’re different.

Why? Because they’ve been contributing. Because they’ve been, uh, they knew that what’s belonged to them, belonged to them. We didn’t invalidate them. We didn’t evaluate for them. We just validated them, validated them, them validated them, and we knew that whatever we want them to do, we need to demonstrate ourselves.

If I come home and I don’t do my homework, my work, I cannot ask him to do. His homework. But if I come home and I go to my office and I do my homework and I explain to him, this is my homework, and my wife come home and doing her homework and he see that the whole family is productive, there was never a problem with gal to do his homework or with Hadar or Neil never.

’cause they learn by observation, not by listening.[00:47:00]

Brent Dowlen: I’m, I’m actually resisting asking too many questions because I don’t want to, I don’t want to detract from what you’re saying there. There is so much value in what you’re saying. I don’t want to ask questions for questions sake, because I think No problem. You’ve already shared so much. I am, it’s interesting now, right from my perspective, and I’m gonna air this episode back to back with gals.

So I’m gonna air his and then yours. Um, because I’ve never gotten to do this, like this is too now, like I feel like I have a better understanding of my conversation with your son after talking to you. And it, you’ve clarified several things. ’cause there were some questions with some of the things he shared.

I was like, I, I don’t understand where this is coming from. And he is like, yeah, [00:48:00] my dad will probably be able to explain that a little bit better. Uh, just because, you know, there’s, there’s things going on in a parent’s mind, right? As, as you learn these things as a son. You understand this much of what’s happening.

You don’t necessarily understand all the causality why your parent had you do this this way, or why they did this with you. Uh, so it makes it, and he’s, he’s picking up a lot of that now as he’s become a father, but he is still learning some of the reasons behind some of what you did with them growing up.

Meir Ezra: Yeah. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Um, so, so. Go ahead. Sorry.

Meir Ezra: Yeah, it’s, it’s quite amazing to, to, uh, to see, uh, the father and the son, like the two interviewer, like I’m hearing myself and what Gaal says, and, uh, it’s amazing.

Brent Dowlen: So let, let’s wrap it [00:49:00] out with this first, where is the best place for people to connect with you, because you have given us a lot to think about and I want people to be able to find you.

Meir Ezra: So the, probably the best and easiest is Instagram, just Mayor Ezra officials. Uh, then we have a a website, g prosperity.com where there is ton of free stuff. Ton, like a lot. Uh, if you want to find, uh, we, we are on different platform where you can go to YouTube and write, uh, mayor Ezra Parent Academy, uh, or the seven Common Mistake Parents do, and you will find principles that really, if you would understand them, regardless of how old are your children and, uh, you are a child yourself.

So regardless of how old are your parents, you will see that the relationship will improve in order of magnitude. I’m not talking [00:50:00] about minor improvement, I’m talking about change of relationships and um, so YouTube, uh, Instagram, mayor Ezra Official, and the g prosperity.com, that’s the website. Endless amount of, uh, data.

And if people have questions, I always answer the m. Anyone that write to me, I always run answer. So write to me on Instagram and you’ll get an answer. And sometimes I will send you a specific video to watch, uh, but for free, whatever the question you have about parenting, about life, about nuclear physics, about anything you, you want, any subject in the universe, ask me and I’ll give you answers.

That will actually help you to, to achieve your end results

Brent Dowlen: and, and the nuclear physics. I was nice touch. ’cause guys, I, like I said, I, I wasn’t exaggerating at the beginning. Uh, the beginning [00:51:00] of the show, I could have spent an entire show just going through Mirrors bio. Uh, he has had a phenomenally interesting life that just sound, some, some of the soundbites sound like something out of a movie, like you’re like, no, that can’t really happen.

Uh, so I encourage you guys to follow up with him, not just because his life has been interesting, but because there is so much value. I am. I already went to your website once I’ve, I’ve already been there since I talked to gal to, uh, start to look at, because I always wanna be a better father. That is, that is my big goal, is to be a good husband and a good father.

Everything else goes away eventually. But that I, I, I grew up in a household. My father was a minister. I attended a lot of funerals, and I decided very early. That was my big goals in life. I wanna be a good husband. I wanna be a good father. Nothing else stays with you. And, uh, so [00:52:00] I’m, I’m very interested, some of the things you’ve shared, like I really, you were talking about the iPod.

I’m, I’m just cringing at the idea of allowing my child to destroy something of that kind of value. Um, but I can see a lot of wisdom in some of the things you shared. So guys. Go check out their material, go check out their channels. We’ll have all the links so you can follow up with these guys. Uh, you’ve heard gal’s story by now, now you get to talk to his dad and hear what Muir has to say.

And like I said, I’m understanding all kinds of things that now that I’ve heard, talked to both of you. It’s like, oh, okay. This story just gives more, more unique and more interesting. Meir, if our audience heard nothing else today, what would you like to share with them?

Meir Ezra: Um, whatever happened, whatever happened.

The only thing that eventually is important, did [00:53:00] you help your child to become able to determine his future? Did you make him more cause or more effect? Did you make him more powerful or more weak? Did you make him more free or more afraid?

The purpose is that he will be self-governed, that he doesn’t need anything. He can look at any situation and always bring about the ideal results from within the situation. Not do the correct actions. I don’t care if he’s doing the correct action because this is a viewpoint, but bring about the ideal results.

The results are not a matter of viewpoint. The results are facts. It’s there, it’s measurable. So [00:54:00] help your child to demonstrate his abilities, help your help your child to be full with himself. Make sure he expect everyone else to be at least as full with themself as he is full with himself.

Brent Dowlen: Guys, for myself, Meir, thanks for joining us today on the Dad Hat  Shenanigans podcast. Just a community of dads navigating life’s challenges together. Until next time, laugh, learn, and live the dad [00:55:00] life.