Go Ghost | Reclaiming Your Mental Space in a Noisy World

The Driven 2 Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving purpose-filled intentional lives. Welcome back to The Driven 2 Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men. I’m your host, Brent Dowlen, and if you’re new here, this shows where we help men like you transform from simply living to genuinely thriving, not just in your career or your bank account, but in your soul.

Today we’re talking about a topic that’s gonna make a lot of glass squirm, and. Quite honestly, that’s why we’re talking about it now, what if I told you that the most powerful upgrade you can make as a man costs nothing requires, no equipment needs, nobody’s permission, and yet almost every man will avoid it his entire life.

Not because it’s hard, but because it means facing your biggest fears. You see? It’s not the fear of failure. It’s not the fear of rejection or even public speaking. It’s not even death. The fear is silence. See, I’m talking about the kind of silence that happens when you turn off the world’s noise and actually listen to yourself.

Literally, time to get into your own head. When you stop consuming and start, say, creating. When you stop reacting and start responding when you face the quiet and let it show you who you really are. Well, today I’m gonna introduce you to what I call the silent upgrade. By the end of the episode, you’ll see why the most successful man I coach have all mastered this one skill.

More importantly, you’ll know exactly how to implement it in your own life starting today. But first, let’s, let’s get really honest about the problem. If we don’t actually face the problem, we certainly can’t get past the problem. So let’s be real. You wake up in the morning, what’s the first thing you actually do now?

Be honest. Besides taking a piss, what’s the first thing? Well, for most men, before their feet even hit the floor, they’re grabbing their phone before your eyes are fully even open. You’re scrolling through notifications, emails, social media. And God forbid, possibly even checking slack or your calendar. You see the average person checks their phone 96 times a day.

It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud, but look at it like this. That’s once every 10 minutes that you are awake. Every 10 minutes. We are stuck, addicted to our phones. You’re consuming endless amounts of self-improvement content, podcast YouTubes, videos, books, courses, you know, whatever, right? But somehow you feel more scattered and empty than ever.

Does that sound familiar? I bet it does. Here’s what’s really happening. The noise is drowning out. The only voice that matters, and that’s your own inner wisdom. The quiet voice that knows what you really want. What you really need, what you’re really capable of, and who you really are. But you can’t hear it.

You, it’s, it’s drowned out by all the static. You’re surrounded by all the static of other people’s opinions. The dopamine drip of notifications and the schedules and the constant buzz of what’s next. ’cause we gotta be busy and there’s so much bombarding us all the time. I see it all the time when men eye have ice.

On paper, they’re crushing it, absolutely crushing it, right? They got great careers. They’ve got wonderful families that they love, even some outward confidence. But inside, they’re exhausted, they’re anxious, they’re lost, and it’s tearing them apart from the inside out. The truth is the world is designed to keep you this way, distracted, reactive.

Addicted to noise. But here’s the good news. You can opt out, you can choose a different path, and that’s where the silent upgrade comes in. So let’s talk about what we’re gonna call going ghost. I’ve, I’ve heard a term similar on YouTube, so hopefully that’s a familiar term for some people. We’ll try and use it now.

I’m not talking about disappearing from your responsibilities. I’m not talking about ghosting people you care about or your friends. I’m talking about the intentional solitude, a strategic disconnection from digital and social noise, so you can reconnect with your purpose If you’ve been on the channel, and you know that I absolutely stand on the fact that men thrive best when they’re living in alignment with their purpose.

But if you’re distracted all the time, it gets lost in the noise. So. That’s what the silent upgrade is all about. It’s about choosing silence, not as an escape, but as a tool, a weapon, if you will, even. But in the silence, you’ll find three things that every driven man desperately needs. Number one, you’re gonna find mental clarity.

When you unplug, your brain has room to actually process to reflect, to solve real problems, instead of just reacting to the next ping or other outside stimulus, which is what we actually spend probably most of our day doing if we’re honest with ourselves. The second thing you’re gonna find is authentic relationships.

When you’re not performing for the crowd, you can actually show up as yourself. You can connect more deeply with your partner, your kids, your friends. Important people in your life because you’re not distracted. One of the biggest upsets with modern relationships is actually your cell phone, because you’re never actually just fully in the room.

Number three is unshakeable self-reliance. When you stop outsourcing your validation to likes, comments, other people’s advice, opinions, you start to build real confidence. We are all surrounded by people who think that. They should tell us what we need to do. Everybody has a great plan for your life and tell tells you what you should do.

But when was the last time you actually heard your own brain, your own heart, tell you what you should do? ’cause that’s what it’s there for. In the silence, you can build unshakeable self-reliance and real confidence, the kind that can’t be shaken by someone else’s opinion. Your phone has basically at this point become your external brain.

I mean, mine’s right here on my desk as I’m recording. It’s never far away from me, and I mean, honestly looking ahead of right, just looking straight in front of me, I have two different holders for my phone. All within my peripheral vision of my workstation where I do all my stuff. It tells you what to think, what to want, even who you are.

We know our phones listen to us, and they follow and trace our habits, our browsing history, what we look at it on social media, what we’re talking about, right? So it’s even trying to pitch you because it knows what you actually want and it’s trying to steer you. It’ll even try and manage your time for you, even if you haven’t tried to let it, because it knows what you do.

It knows your patterns. The silent upgrade is about reclaiming your internal brain. Your original operating system, the one God gave you, and actually letting that guide you instead of an outside source. Now, before I give you the exact framework, let me quickly share something that’s actually made a huge difference in my own silent upgrade journey.

One of the biggest obstacles to mental clarity is poor sleep. And I’m not just talking about how long you’re in bed, I’m talking about how you wake up. For years, I’d wake up groggy, neck, stiff mind, foggy ’cause I slept like crap. It’s tough to embrace silence and focus when your body’s already fighting you, right?

That’s where my pillow changed everything for me. This isn’t just another pillow or sheets or whatever, bedding, ’cause they make lots of great products, but their pillows are engineered support for your head and neck, so you can actually wake up rested, and when you’re well rested, the silent upgrade is so much easier.

Here’s what I love, MyPillow comes with a 60 night sleep trial and a 10 10 year warranty. They’re so confident you’ll sleep better. They’ll let you try it risk free. Right now, MyPillow is offering the Driven to Thrive listeners an exclusive deal because they’re sponsors for our show. So go to mypillow.com and use promo code Thrive to get up to 80% off your order and free shipping over $75.

That’s mypillow.com promo code Thrive. If you’re not sleeping well, you’re not thinking clearly. And if you’re not thinking clearly, the silent upgrade is gonna be that much harder. Alright, let’s get practical. Here’s my simple three phase framework to help you implement the silent upgrade. And listen, this isn’t about becoming a monk or moving off to a cabin in the woods.

I know for some of us, me included, that’s really tempting. Like that sounds like a good idea, but let’s face it, we probably can’t do that most of the time. That’s not what this is. This is about small, intentional steps that will change how you show up in the world. Phase one, the digital detox. This is the first 24 to 48 hours.

You start by removing social media apps from your phone for a day or two. That might mean locking your phone out, actually, like burying them all together. I know you can take ’em off your home screen without actually removing them from your phone, but that means. Pop out, they go. In fact, I try not to do social media on my phone.

I try and do all my updates on my computer when I’m working, but start by removing those social media apps from your phone for a day or two. Turn off all the essential non, or not, I should say, non-essential notifications. Guys, your phone has about a bazillion notification options for every app on it. I get almost no notifications on my phone anymore.

I, I’ve turned off 99% of them. Put your phone in airplane mode during focus work or family time, either or Now, if you’re feeling panicky, just thinking about the idea, well, congratulations. You’re exactly where you need to be because if that idea panics you, you are way too connected to your phone and it is drowning out you.

Who you are, the way you actually think it’s actually drowning you out as a person. Your brain’s gonna panic a little bit. You’re gonna feel some fomo. It’s, it’s what happens when, because we’re so addicted to all these notifications and the constant interrupt interruptions and dopamine hits. You’re gonna invent emergencies.

You be like, oh God, I gotta get on my phone, uh, because this is gonna happen. Right? The world’s gonna end. That’s just the addiction. Talking. Guys, push through it. It’s hard. It’s rough. Push through it, the first 24 to four, eight hours. Phase two is social silence, and this is try it for a week after you phase out the phone a little bit for the next week.

Stop explaining your decisions to everybody. Decline at least one social commitment that doesn’t actually serve your goals. If you’ve been on the show before, you’ve heard me, might’ve heard me mention that billionaire, Richard Branson has three goals a year, and if it doesn’t work towards one of his goals, it does not matter what it is.

The answer is no. So you can decline one or two social commitments that don’t serve your goals without going in extreme. Guys, this is a nice ease into it. Okay. Practice saying, you know what? Lemme think about that. I’ll get back to you. Instead of saying yes or no on the spot, notice who in your life starts to get uncomfortable when you stop being constantly available.

This phase is about setting boundaries. It’s about teaching yourself and others that your time and intention are valuable and they don’t have unlimited access to control that. Now in phase three, we’re gonna work on internal mastery, and that’s things like start your day with Sunshine, fresh air, and a good book and put off checking your phone for at least the first hour of your day.

Now guys, I’m not just saying these things the whole last week. This is how I’ve started my day and it’s been amazing. I get up in the morning, I don’t even look at my phone, I go outside and read whatever book I’m reading right now. I think it’s behind me over there on the desk. I sit down and I read one chapter of my book, and you may read different books than I do, so maybe you could only read 10 pages.

When I actually go outside into the fresh air, into the sunshine before it gets really warm, and I sit down and I read a chapter of my book. I read a chapter from my Bible study, and I just start my day off with. Air, sunshine and a book without the digital simulation. Every now and then I put in some classical music.

I like classical music. I know I don’t look like I do, but every now and then I put in some classical music in my ears while I’m outside to drown out some of the street noise because my streak gets pretty busy. But that’s how my day has been starting for over a week now. And guys, I’m, I’m loving it. The difference of my morning is amazing then.

Phase three. Make solitude a daily practice. Start with just 20 minutes a day, okay? You don’t have to do anything bigger like, like I said, don’t go all monk mode or something. Spend half your day. I spend half my day away from everybody ’cause I’m in my office. So you already kind of do this. But instead spend 20 minutes, just start with 20 minutes.

No phone, no music, no distractions, no book, even just 20 minutes. You can call it meditation. You can just say thinking. You can call it whatever makes you happy, guys, I don’t care, right? I know not everybody likes the idea of meditation, but just 20 minutes a day in silence with you and your thoughts. No distractions.

Now this is gonna be uncomfortable and it’s gonna take some work. You might actually have a really difficult time getting that 20 minutes a day to start. Okay? If you can’t do 20 minutes a day, aim for 20 minutes a day total, but maybe you do a couple five minute sessions or 10 minute sessions, I understand because the majority of human beings don’t ever spend any time in silence along with themselves.

Spend 20 minutes a day, it’s gonna revolutionize your life. You can pray, you can thank, you, can meditate 20 minutes a day in silence with you and yourself. Also, during an internal mastery, you want to train physically, right? Do your workout. You should be working out anyways, but don’t post about it. Don’t share about it.

Don’t, but don’t make a big deal out it. Just do the work, right? If you’re really, if you’re really kicking hard on this one. Do it in silence without your tunes. Some of you guys train in silence. Some of you guys train with tunes on it. It will blow your mind training without music, but let progress be for you, not for Instagram, and make decisions without seeking validations from other, right?

I know so many men who have to ask a dozen opinions before they make a decision on anything. Guys, stop it. Stop it. Trust yourself. Learn to listen to yourself. Make decisions without seeking external validation from other people. Trust your gut guys. This is where boys become men is in the silence. It’s where you’re forged because you have to be forged internally as well as externally.

It’s where you face your fears, your dreams, your real self. And I know that can be really scary. I know I’m not supposed to say for men that that can be really scary, but seriously. Time alone for yourself terrifies people. That’s why nobody does it. But it will make you so much stronger, and it’s where you’re gonna find clarity and strength to move forward in your life.

So let’s make this really practical. How can you start this today? Tonight? Stopping using your phone one hour before bed. Also tonight, put your phone in another room when you go to bed. No scrolling before you sleep. No checking it first thing in the morning. Or if you’re like me and you have a longer bedroom, my phone is plugged in where I cannot reach it from my bed.

I plug it in and I move away from it. Tomorrow morning. Spend 20 minutes in silence before you touch any device. Go out, touch grass, breathe fresh air, get some sunshine. Read a book. It can be any, whatever book you wanna read. Just read a book, spend some time. Meditating journal. Sit with your coffee and your thoughts.

Just spend 20 minutes in solitude feeding you mentally and emotionally, and this week, say no to at least one social obligation that doesn’t actually align with your goals. Use that time for yourself. Instead, start small, but start today. The more you practice, the more powerful of the role result.

Powerful the results you’re going to get. Now I know that you’re probably thinking, wait, Brent, this all sounds great in theory, but I can’t just disappear. I got responsibilities. Yeah, I know. People depend on me. Yep. Been there, done that. What if there’s an emergency? Yep. Been down that road too. Guys. I hear you.

I’ve been there. Here’s the uncomfortable truth. Most of what you think is urgent actually isn’t, and most. Emergencies. Air quotes, guys, big air quotes on those most emergencies aren’t really emergencies. They’re just someone else’s poor planning becoming your problem. Your brain will invent excuses to pull you back into the noise because it doesn’t want to let you go.

Really think of it as this horde kind of monster that’s trying to keep his grasp around you, the people around you. Some are gonna test your boundaries. They’ll push harder when you start saying no. When you stop being instantly available, it’s actually gonna piss off people. That’s normal. It’s gonna p piss off people who are close to you.

That’s normal. That’s the resistance that’s always showing up right before you have a breakthrough. Hold your ground. Don’t give an inch the discomfort you feel in the silence. It’s real, but it’s also growth. That’s your real self trying to emerge from underneath all the noise and all the distraction that you feel your life with.

Remember, loneliness is temporary, but weakness is permanent. And here’s bonus insight, guys. The people who truly matter in your life are gonna respect your boundaries, the ones who don’t. Well, that tells you about everything you need to know about where you stand with those people. So this is actually gonna be a really clarifying experience for you guys.

So what happens when you actually commit to the silent upgrade? Because you know I’m telling you about this. So Elise, let me tell you why it’s worthwhile. You’re gonna start making decisions faster because you’re not second guessing yourself with everyone else’s opinion, you’re gonna become more present with your family because you’re not middling somewhere else.

Your work is gonna improve because you can focus deeply instead of constantly switching between, between distractions, but the biggest change. You ready? Here we go. The biggest change. You start trusting yourself again. You remember who you are when nobody’s watching. You reconnect with your own values, your own dreams, your own definition of success.

Men completely transformed their lives through this practice, not because they learned some fancy new strategy. ’cause what I’m telling you is not earth shattering or super complex, but because they finally got quiet enough to hear their own wisdom and trust themselves. So here’s my challenge for you.

Try the 48 hour silent upgrade. Don’t announce it on social media. Don’t tell everyone what you’re doing. Just do it. Give it a test run. If the 2048 hours feels good, try through the full week like we outlined. Put your phone in airplane mode for 48 hours this weekend. Oh, your head might explode. Fair warning.

Sit with the discomfort. See what comes up. See who you are when the noise stops and when you finish. Come back to this episode and drop a comment. Tell me what you discovered. What was the hardest part? What surprised you? What changed for you? If you found value in this conversation, share with a man who needs to hear it.

’cause there’s a lot of us out there. And if you’re ready for more practical, no BS guidance on thriving as a man in today’s world, make sure you’re subscribed to the channel and you click that notification bell if you’re on YouTube. Check out our next episode. If you’re on YouTube, it will be right here.

If you’re listening to this via podcast, it’s in the show now Notes so you know exactly where to go. From this episode to the next. Until next time, remember, disappear to reappear stronger. You’re not just here to live. You’re here to thrive. Thanks for listening to the Driven 2 Thrive broadcast. Be better tomorrow.

’cause what you do today. We’ll see you on the next one. The Driven 2 Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving. Purpose-filled intentional lives.