Olaolu Ogunyemi | Raising Kids From Afar: A Marine’s Guide to Long Distance Parenting

Brent Dowlen: [00:00:00] Olaolu. Everybody has this dad story that just lights ’em up that they love to tell on their kids. What is your favorite dad story?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: My favorite dad story. Is, uh, when I got stuck at Chuck E. Cheese. Now this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but with my oldest child, I didn’t know much about being a father. I was a young father and I decided I wanted to follow her in the, in the ball pair a little tube at Chuck E.

Cheese thinking, oh man, everybody will get, do that now. You know, all his parents are sort of sent to the side and they’re watch me. They’re like, this guy just let, let her play. I’m like, nah, I’m gonna follow her up there. And I ended up getting stuck. The reality was I wasn’t actually like physically stuck, uh, but as I was trying to like maneuver around, there’s kids running through and I’m like, oh shoot, this is like an enclosed space.

That’s when I learned, I felt like I was claustrophobic or something. Uh, and it was just, it was just a fun moment. Um, you know, afterwards, during, I was like sitting there thinking like, oh my God, somebody please come save me eventually. Some kid like came and tapped me. He is like, are you okay sir? [00:01:00] And I, you know, we found our way out of the, somehow got our way out of it, but it just reminded me of how you know it, how fun it is being a dad, just being engaged with your kids and trying to spend all those great moments with them.

And then sometimes, a lot of times, uh, dads, we tend to tend to have some fun, uh, mess ups like that. So that was probably my most memorable, uh, dad moment.

Brent Dowlen: Man. I absolutely love that story. You know, you’re the first dad to actually tell a story on himself. When I asked about that, that, that, that’s a good sign for the show, guys, that that’s some vulnerability right there.

I was like, yeah, I can laugh at myself for being your dad. So that’s a great start. Uh, most dads go for some ridiculous, I just had a, a potty training story, which I think we all have as dads, which was not near as bad as I thought I was gonna go. I’ll, I’ll admit. I was like, whew. Man, I thought that was going a whole lot farther south.

But I love it. I ’cause, ’cause I have wanted to crawl into those play places, but I knew, I knew if I got up there with my kids, I’m like, I’m [00:02:00] not sure that going support me. I’m, I’m not a small man that I can’t believe you. It’s a bad plant. You’re brave enough to follow. Hey, you are brave enough to follow her up.

You did great. Right? So, absolutely. Hey, and she won’t remember that necessarily. How old was she?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: At the time she was five. Uh, I was trying to really, ’cause she was scared of Chuck E. Cheese, right? She hated that for whatever reason, she did not like that rat. But you know, I’m trying to like do things where they’re encourage her and I told her, Hey, if you go take a picture with them, I’ll go up there with you.

Uh, thinking, you know, it’ll be easy. Uh, I think the part that really got me it was that, that doggone tube that goes across and just like you were thinking, it’s like that’s. That probably won’t support me, but I’m like, well, eh, it may work out, whatever. And so I did it and, uh, yeah, I, I regretted it almost immediately as kids were, kids were getting pissed too.

You can imagine how upset children were, uh, when you got this big guy in the way they can’t go through. So [00:03:00] they’re mad. The parents are like, looking up, trying to figure, I was so embarrassed. But, uh, yeah, it, it was a, it was a good time.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. But in years to come, that’s gonna be an awesome story to be able to tell.

Oh yeah. She’ll grow up with you telling that story and it’s just gonna be a great, it’s like, you know what? My dad loved me enough to stick his butt up the hair and get stuck and, and the fact that you were doing it just to help her get through that, that’s even better. So I love the story, man. That’s awesome.

The hardest part about being a dad isn’t the sleepless nights or the messy house even. It’s the moment you miss that first bike ride without training wheels. The whispered, I love you, dad at bedtime. Look in their eyes when they scan the crowd and don’t see you. Well, for some dads like my guest today, a US Marine, those moments aren’t just rare.

They’re a reality of life deployments, business travel long stretches away from home. They test your role as a [00:04:00] dad in ways that most people don’t understand. Think of it like trying to keep a campfire alive from across the world. You can’t add logs, but you still need that flame to burn. But what if those long absences could actually make you a better father?

Well, in this episode of the Dad Hat  Shenanigans podcast, you’re gonna hear battle tested strategies for staying connected, protecting your bond, and showing up as a present dad, even when you’re a thousand miles away. We’re gonna take a 90 seconds break to check in with our sponsors, and we’re gonna dive into fatherhood when you have to be away.

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Welcome to the Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast, the unfiltered truth of Being dads real. Dads real stories unfiltered. Candid conversations on fatherhood. I’m your host, Brent Dowlen, [00:06:00] and my guest today is Olaolu Ogunyemi Well, I pretty sure I butchered that, but Lou, welcome to the show, man.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Hey, thanks so much for having me.

I’m very happy to be here, Brent. It’s been, uh, I’ve been looking forward to this and I told my wife, this is a phenomenal thing that you’re doing, and so I commend you for bringing dads in to have great conversations and learn. So I definitely appreciate you.

Brent Dowlen: So, okay, guys, for the record, I tried to say it once.

We’re, we’re just gonna call him Lou, from here on out. Uh, you guys can mock me openly in the comment section, feel free. Uh, but I, I tried it once. That’s, that’s about as far as it’s gonna go. I, I gotta admit. I if you watch the show enough, you know, I, I suck at people’s names anyways, like I mess up easy names, so I, I guess that’s fair.

People have messed up my last name for years and I don’t understand why, but it’s all good. So, Lou, you started off with a great story. I absolutely love that story. And you are wearing as fashionable a hat as [00:07:00] I am. So I gotta tell me, what is the dad hat story behind this hat?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Absolutely. So this hat actually belonged to my uncle who grew up in the greatest generation.

He was my great uncle. He raised my mom. Uh, he was a World War II veteran. Uh, and this hat actually belonged to him, uh, before he passed a few years ago. Uh, and the reason I’m wearing it today is because it just, to me, it screams wisdom. Uh, my wife absolutely hates when I wear it out, but I love wearing it out to embarrass her.

Of course. Uh, but it screams wisdom. It says that. From one generation, you’re able to pass something to another generation. It just, when I see myself wearing this hat, I just remind myself from my uncle, two of ’em, one fought in Vietnam, one fought in World War ii. And to see them and the impact they had, not just in the military, but on my life as mentors and guiding me through, uh, being the knucklehead that I was, uh, this hat really means a lot to me.

So that’s why I’m wearing this one.

Brent Dowlen: I love it. That means you actually wear [00:08:00] yours out. My kids are trying to get me to go out in the red bowler hat. They’re like, come on dad, we should go. You should wear it to the store. I’m like, the rest of my clothes are not stylist enough outside of recording to wear this hat.

I’m,

Olaolu Ogunyemi: well, the best thing you could do is, uh, become a prom chaperone. Uh, mm-hmm. So remember your kids told you to do that, and they wear it to their prom, uh, as a chaperone. They’ll never, they’ll never forget it.

Brent Dowlen: This is, this is my, you know, I’m going to work outfit with my hat. It doesn’t really go with my jeans and t-shirts that I pretty much support all the time.

And dressy for me is usually my, uh, my polo shirts. But I’m like, I, I don’t dress fancy enough to actually wear this in public. Girls, you don’t understand. This is not a casual hat. Of course, my wife was like, you, you had to pick a bright red hat, right? Yeah, of course. You are gonna go, go big. So I, yours gets more utility.

I’m, I’m looking at your set, [00:09:00] man. You got children’s books behind you. I, I’ve gotta ask be just what, what is this about?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Absolutely. So I actually published Three Children’s book as a part of my Parent Child Connect series. Uh, the first is actually the most successful, uh, is a award-winning book called Crew From the Shadow.

Uh, it’s all about, uh, knowing that the shadow, whatever, who or whatever that is for you, uh, can’t tell you what you can’t be in life. And the message in that book is you determine your own destiny. Uh, so really, uh, that was the my attempt to create resources for parents, teachers, mentors, and caregivers.

And dads, of course, uh, to sit down with their kids and enjoy, uh, a teachable and memorable moment. So they all have rhymes. They all have a, a message or a theme in ’em, and they also have discussion questions, uh, in the back. So that way, um, if you feel lost like I did when I first started being a dad, um, at least you have something that you can go back to, which is a book.

Sit down, read to ’em, and just have some conversations that start there. [00:10:00]

Brent Dowlen: Okay, so, uh, light. Props man hat hats off. That’s, that’s awesome that you wrote some kids books and that they’ve done well. I, I’m gonna have to connect with you after we finish this recording, just so I make sure I have the names of those books and, uh, talk to you about my other podcast, the Remy Story Dad podcast.

’cause it’s gonna be right up your alley. Absolutely. Sorry guys. We’ll get back on track here. Now I’m, I, I meet cool people. I gotta enjoy the cool people I get to meet. This is, this is one of the reasons I love podcasting. I meet cool people. So, Lou, how many PE kids do you have?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: I have three kids. I have a 15-year-old girl, uh, 11-year-old boy and a 6-year-old girl.

Brent Dowlen: Oh my goodness. You have the handful of the range there. I sure

Olaolu Ogunyemi: do.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah, that’s, that’s quite a jump. Six to 15 I.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah, it wasn’t, uh, initially, uh, the plan, uh, my oldest, uh, was, was o unplanned, but a blessing nonetheless. Uh, my second one, we actually, that was the one we planned. We, we said, we, we have a girl, [00:11:00] uh, we wanna go for a boy.

We had the boy and we’re like, all right, family, complete. If we want to have a baby again, we’re gonna get a puppy. That was the agreement that my wife and I made such an agreement that I went on Facebook and made it, uh, made that, uh, statement. ’cause my wife, she was holding a baby and she said something like, uh, I have baby fever.

Hint, hint. Uh, which made me laugh. And I posted something on Facebook like, yeah, okay, here’s a hundred things I would rather do, uh, than have another kid just sort of joking and we went back and forth. So Facebook, uh, reminds me of that, uh, every single year. Uh, so for the last almost seven years now, it reminds me of my little comment that I made.

Uh, but yeah, love ’em to death. I mean, it, it’s, uh, it is just, it really is just a, a blessing to have kids, man. I, I love being a dad. It, it’s, it identifies who I am. Uh, most people when they see me, uh, they say I look like a dad, which is fine. I’ll take that. Uh, I think that’s a compliment, honestly. It’s an honor.

Uh, ’cause my kids make me a better man. Uh, they. My oldest, uh, she’s obviously now a [00:12:00] sophomore in high school. Uh, she’s in a band and, uh, you know, I, I can’t embarrass her and probably because of our early, um, interactions getting stuck in Chuck E. Cheese and things of that nature. Uh, but I, I, I can’t embarrass her and we spend time together and the same thing with my other kids.

Um, I, I just love being a dad.

Brent Dowlen: I, I, you’re in the right place, man. This, this is the right place. Seriously. I, I look forward to every moment with my kids. I’ve, I’ve got a, my youngest just turned 11, and then I’ve got a 13-year-old going on 30 Who, uh, she, she’s been that way her whole life. So, you know, it’s, uh, there’re a lot of fun.

When we just got back from our family camping trip, uh, went to the ocean for a vacation and went camping. We get up at the early morning tide when it’s farthest out. And walk along the beach that way we can like actually find sand dollars and crabs and stuff like that. Uh, so yeah, I, [00:13:00] I love everything about being a dad.

Some, some dads, you know, I’ve heard of fathers and I see ’em every now and then on social media who don’t. They’re like, oh, kids are such a headache. I don’t, and they’re down. I was like, I, I don’t understand. I,

Olaolu Ogunyemi: I,

Brent Dowlen: I can’t commiserate with them, right? So when I hear dads be like, boy, such. I don’t get it, man. I, I love everything about being a dad.

It’s so much fun.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Oh yeah, absolutely. I can’t, like, I, when I’ve heard people say that, I just, I’m like, dude, I can’t relate man as, as much as I would love to. Uh, I, I try to encourage ’em in that moment to say, Hey, man, it, you know, it would be okay, but I, I just, I can’t relate to you, you know? It’s, it’s, uh. You know, they, they’re just hu little human beings who are just, they’re, they’re like, they’re innocent, right?

They have all these, now granted, they do some crazy stuff sometimes, uh, but they’re innocent, you know, and their view on life and their outlook on things most times, it’s just positive. Uh, [00:14:00] and you, it’s just, it’s so much that you can do to help develop them and guide them in the right direction. And a lot of times if they’re getting on your nerves, it’s because they’re acting like you.

So, you know, so I, I just, I, I, I love it, man. I, I like, I, I agree with you, man. I, I just absolutely love being a dad. Everything about it.

Brent Dowlen: I laugh so hard, get myself in trouble sometimes with my wife because. Kids will do something. I’ll just look at my wife and was like, that’s all you like, that’s it’ll, that’s me too.

I’m just like, that’s all you. And then they’ll do something. My wife just looks at me and is like, no, no, I admit it. That’s all me. That’s, that was a hundred percent me. Sorry. It’s all my fault. But, uh, yeah, it’s so much fun. ’cause you get to see, you get to see parts of you and your spouse. Their kids, but you also get to see this amazing person they start to develop into as they step into their own and develop their own personalities.

And they got a little bit of you and a little bit of your wife, but then, then they start [00:15:00] to really delve in and it’s like, oh man, this is just exciting to see the person you are becoming and get to be a part of that and hopefully help you go in the right direction on those things. Uh, so exciting.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: It is.

And I mean, we get excited about creators. You’re a creator. I know you, you did designing and things of that nature. Uh, I wrote a book. Uh, you get really excited about those things that you create. But when you look at a child, uh, that’s like, that’s a part of you. And then of course, like you watch them continue to grow, whether they have your personalities, even for blended families, they still get your personalities.

They still get. All these other things that, that you’re giving them and then you watch them develop into this, this great human being, uh, and you have a, like, you are a part of that. Uh, I just, I mean, I, I don’t know, maybe it’s the, the country boy in me that, that loves going outside and planting seeds and seeing things grow.

Uh, but it is just amazing to see how, how they turn out. So yeah, I’m, I’m right here, right there with you.

Brent Dowlen: Where do you guys live? [00:16:00]

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Uh, we’re actually in Stafford, Virginia, so about 45 miles, uh, south of DC.

Brent Dowlen: Okay. You’re over in the metro areas.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Oh, yeah. Uh, we just sat on 95 for too long.

Brent Dowlen: Oh my goodness. I, I’ve only been close to DC once I was in Nor fort for a couple months.

I was stationed out there. Uh mm-hmm. And it’s like, life is so busy out there. Like I, I was just. Being around Norfolk Bay area and, and I was just so overwhelmed. It’s like, how do people live in these, like huge, like I live in the middle of my state. People know about Seattle, but like, I mean, I live in nothing.

So I live in the middle of farm fields and uh, and I love it. People are like, how do you live out there? It’s like, because it doesn’t take me 20 minutes to turn off my street.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Right, right. Yeah. I grew up, I grew up in Louisiana the same way we grew up in the woods. Uh, the only thing is the mosquitoes are so [00:17:00] big they can they their carry you away?

Oh, yeah. Uh, but I, I still loved like being out there on your own land and you just, you go out, I used to play full football games in our front yard, uh mm-hmm. Because we just had a, a big field open, uh, the cows right across the street. Uh, it is just something I actually miss. My sister lives in New York and we just went and re uh, visited her recently and man, it’s.

She wakes up at like five in the morning and she’s just going nonstop. I mean, a trip to the store, uh, for us, uh, even here, a trip to a store. I can go down the street to Walmart, uh, you know, 10 minutes I can get what I want and come back home. At least the neighborhood, Walmart for her, uh, trip to the store.

Uh, it’s like, man, it’s like a two hour ordeal and that’s just getting there and back. I’m like, this is, uh, that’s not for me, man. It’s just too busy. Uh, so. But we enjoy it. I mean, we’re, like I said, we’re south of DC now. Um, I, this is my fourth time in this area, the Marine Corps, they keep like, it’s, it’s like this area.

They keep pulling me back in. Uh, but I [00:18:00] think we’ll be here for about three years now, so, we’ll, we’ll, we’ll settle in and, uh, got a good community that we’re in now. So, uh, I’m looking forward to, uh, and I think the kids are actually looking forward to school and all that kind of stuff here, so it should be great.

Brent Dowlen: Are you active still?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: I am. Yes,

Brent Dowlen: you are active duty Marine. Well, I am service, sir.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Oh, thank you.

Brent Dowlen: I, I love, I love military guys. I get their sense of humor. It makes sense to me. My, my, my daughter actually, my oldest daughter has my sense of humor and it’s, you know, from multiple generations of military guys in our family and construction workers.

And so my 13-year-old has this really.

Normal people find it questionable. I, I just think it’s normal.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: No, I’ve been there plenty of times. Some of the stuff that I, I say, uh, I’m like, oh man. I’m curious what that would sound like and [00:19:00] like if I said that at Walmart, what would that sound like? Maybe I should, I should do better considering the jokes I tell

Brent Dowlen: do normies. How do they hear that when I say that?

Right. Yeah. Yeah. I spent a lot of time around the Special Forces community and yeah, it’s a lot, a lot of normal people think they’re really like dark jokes and like, that’s, that’s really kind of screwed up. It’s like, that was hilarious. What are you talking about?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Exactly. That’s the best joke I’ve heard all day.

They’re like, okay, well maybe it’s not that funny. I’m sorry.

Brent Dowlen: No, it is. People just don’t get it, you know? Right. So, Lou, what are we digging into today?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Absolutely. So, uh, one of the things, uh, that we we’re gonna talk about is being away from family, uh, extended periods of, uh, being away from home and, and things that we could do to, to overcome that.

Um, you’ve mentioned, obviously I’m active duty bere, uh, so there’s a lot of active duty s service members [00:20:00] that spend, uh, months or even years away from their families. And there’s other, uh, professions. I have buddies who are in the, the oil rig and in industry, uh, there’s pilots, there’s, uh, flight attendants.

There’s all kinds of industries out there, uh, where dads are going out and they’re doing their job. They’re providing for their families, but they’re, they’re having these extended periods away. Um, and just a few things that I’ve learned, uh, over the last, uh, several years in, in the Marine Corps, uh, to help people out.

Brent Dowlen: It, it’s rough. I, uh. I was never, my kids were long after I was outta the military, but there was a point when I was doing construction where I was, I was in Salt Lake City for almost four months on a project. Uh mm-hmm. Um, yeah, that was right when we were getting pregnant. And then I got my last corporate job.

I was gone for 25 days at a time down to North Carolina. I was helping put together a team, a new [00:21:00] facility down there. So I’d be gone, dude. I like it. Broke my heart on my second trip, my youngest daughter hadn’t started walking yet, and I’m like, FaceTiming with my wife and my oldest daughter, and all of a sudden like this streak goes by the camera.

I was like, what was that? My wife was like, uh, she skipped walking and went straight to running and doing. My heart just broke. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’m in this hotel in North Carolina. Just wishing I was at home and, and there goes, I, I totally miss my youngest daughter learning to walk. I’m like, you know, uh, so yeah, I, this is, I mean, there are a lot of you, I was listening as you were talking about industries.

It’s like, I know a lot of construction guys who are gone on multi-month projects and it’s like, man, yeah, they’re, they’re just, that’s the sad reality. There’s a lot of traveling for a lot of people these days. So I’m, I’m really excited for the conversation. ’cause like, I, I’m [00:22:00] fortunate at this point, that’s not a situation I’m having to deal with these days, but I know so many dads who have to live with this all the time.

So, you know, let’s, let’s not beat the bush anymore. Let’s, let’s, let’s talk about it. What are some of your strategies that you’ve learned, uh, in this situation?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah, so I’ll start with the, the dad himself. Uh, ’cause once you’re away for a while, the family continues. Uh, and that’s the beautiful thing about having a resilient family.

They continue to grow, they continue to go to school. They get their friends, uh, they have their first, I’ll put this in quotation marks, boyfriends and girlfriends. Uh, and they have sometimes their first, uh, driving lessons, first steps. All those things are, are things that are happening while you’re away and like, you know.

When you miss those moments, at times there’s the, it starts off as the sadness of, dang, I’m missing it. Little bit of regret. And then it turns into this weird thing, uh, when you miss, [00:23:00] uh, certain events, um, it almost turns into this thing like, well, dang man, life is just moving all without me. I guess. What am I here for?

Uh, and I’ve heard, I’ve talked to a lot of dads that have been there. So first and foremost, I gotta dispel that rumor. Uh, you are here for a reason. Uh, your family still needs you. Uh, no matter where, how long you’ve been gone or how much you have to go in and out for work, uh, or school or what have you.

Uh, your family still needs you. They still love you and they still love the person that you are. Uh, that was the first thing I always encourage people with because it almost feels like you’ve been replaced, uh, especially. In our world when we deploy, um, and things happen. There’s, there’s always some weird thing that happens.

This last time I was gone, uh, last year, my house got struck by lightning. Uh, I mean, it’s just things that you cannot make up. Right? Uh, definitely. It’s just, you know, it’s gonna happen and it’s just part of it. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: How do you, how do you even cope with something like that happening while you’re gone? I mean, [00:24:00] what?

How’s that? Well, the first

Olaolu Ogunyemi: thing

Brent Dowlen: all go with your wife.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah. Well, the first thing is, that is a rough call to have, uh, because the immediate thing that you both realize is that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. Uh, you can try to call, uh, insurance and help out. You can give suggestions, uh, but at some point you’re so far.

Away and so far removed from the situation that your advice is almost, uh, irrelevant at times. ’cause it’s gonna be outdated, especially if you’re in different time zones and so on and so forth. Uh, and for me, uh, once I, because I I, I’m a natural guy who loves being organized and structured, um, I’d like to hold on to control of things.

And I know a lot of dads are like that. You gotta control these things. A lot of variables that are any variable that is controllable, I like to be able to control. And this, technically, if a tragedy happens, if a light house gets struck by lightning, that’s why you have insurance. There’s things and, and processes in place for me to take care of this, um, until I’m not there.[00:25:00]

And so the first thing I had to do is just be like, Hey, you know what? I have no control over this, so I’m gonna have to switch my role, switch my hat in this case, uh, from being, you know, the engaged, okay. Time to lock in and do what I gotta do, uh, to the support. Hey, honey, what do you need? You know, babe, I’m sorry.

I, I’m sorry this is happening. I definitely understand how inconvenient it is. Let me know if we, if you need me to sit, move money over here, or you need me to do it, it’s a different role now. You’re, you’re in a support, more empathetic role, uh, instead of the, alright, lock in and we’re gonna make sure that we call the insurance and we’re gonna take pictures and do all these other things that you normally would do.

Uh, that was, to me, that was the first step, letting go of the, the reins and fulfilling whatever role, uh, you’re. Spouse or family needs you to fulfill in that moment?

Brent Dowlen: That’s really hard for us men. We, we are used to, we, we wanna have control of everything and be Johnny on the spot and on our natural, just our natural impulse to fix things.

Right? Feeling helpless is so, [00:26:00] I don’t think I, I’m sure it’s difficult for women, but I don’t think women appreciate like. It’s almost debilitating for a guy. Mm-hmm. When he feels helpless in a situation involving his family. Uh, I like, yeah. I, I, I know, I know women struggle with it, but like, it is almost debilitating.

Men just don’t know what to do. It’s like, oh, wait, wait. How do you Oh, yeah.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah. Because we’re trained from when we’re little to provide and take care of our families, provide. Protect and take care of. That’s literally from, uh, the time we’re born as men, uh, until we become fathers. Uh, that that’s what we were trained to do.

Uh, and that’s one of the things we take so much pride as we were talking earlier, we take so much pride in being fathers because we’re able to protect and provide for our kids. And so, uh, in these situations where you’re not there, you’re right, it is, it’s stressful. [00:27:00] Uh, it’s, it’s very stressful to have to be away and to deal with that.

So I think that to your point, uh, that’s the first thing. That’s another thing. We have to just encourage each other and say, you know what, it’s not, you’re not crazy for feeling stressed about the situation you’re not in. Uh, now I recommend not projecting that stress on your wife. Uh, ’cause she’s experiencing a different kind of stress in that, in the emergency.

Uh, but it’s still one of those things that we, we just recognize it, it is stressful and it is debilitating. Uh, there’s, I, trust me, I, I know exactly what you mean when you say that.

Brent Dowlen: What was your longest deployment outta curiosity so far?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: So the longest one, uh, has been just under eight months. Uh, so yeah, just under eight months.

Mm. That one was, uh, unintentional. It was, uh, we were trying, it was actually during, right as COVID kicked off, I was on the way back from Afghanistan. Mm-hmm. Uh, and it just got extended because, um, it, I was coming, supposed to be coming back in, I think February of, of 20. [00:28:00] 2020. And so nobody really knew what COVID was or what was really going on at that time.

All I knew is that toilet paper and paper towel was being bought outta stores back in the us. I was a little confused actually, and I told my wife, oh, that’ll just all blow over, uh, until I finally made out Afghanistan on what was probably the last C 17, uh, for a while before they stopped them for about two months.

And then I got in Kuwait and we got stuck there. Um, so it, it was supposed to be just over six months, but it, it, it extended a little bit, but

Brent Dowlen: that, that seemed to happen to a lot of guys. My brother-in-law Got, it was the same thing. They, they got him out of Afghanistan and then he got stuck in Kuwait for I think almost a month before they ended.

So the, the six month deployment turned into, I think by the time he actually got home, almost eight months.

Add Copy: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: I dunno what that, how that chain was so broken to getting you guys back.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah, it kept, so for COVID specifically, it was the. [00:29:00] Um, like every once in a while you’ll have, you’ll have a different story every time we showed up to the terminal, uh, be because as you know, for the, the mil military flights, um, you sort of show up, you manifest the first thing in the morning or whatever, however many hours ahead of time.

Uh, and then you just wait. Uh, so we’ll just be waiting for hours and then be told, oh yeah, they’re not coming. ’cause, uh, the, the pilot tested positive for COVID, or one of the crew was feeling sick, so she couldn’t come to work. And then the Kuwaiti commercial airport shut down. So, uh, they didn’t even know that if we’d be able to go out of the military side of the airport.

It, it was, it was just a lot of things happening at once. And like I said, that was when I realized it’s like, oh shoot, this actually, I guess this thing is serious. Um, still didn’t know the implications until I landed in, into, in Baltimore. Uh, when I landed there and literally nobody was in the airport. I was like, oh.

All right. Well, this is, this is crazy. I mean, nobody wanted to talk. Everybody was like to themselves. They, everybody had on masks, [00:30:00] and the only thing I had was a scarf. I had a scarf, uh, from Afghanistan. So I was like, shoot, and I wrapped it around my face and I was like, man, here I am, like in the airport looking like a bandit, because I, I didn’t know, I didn’t know I was supposed to have a mask or anything.

I had just flown back. I was, I was expecting like a, a welcome home and. No, it was nothing like that. Uh, but yeah, it was interesting times, interesting times.

Brent Dowlen: Sorry, I got a off track there entirely. So the first thing you wanted to share in was, you know, you’re not replaceable guys. Uh, yeah. Things keep happening when you’re not home, but you are not replaceable.

So let’s keep going from there.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Absolutely. And make sure you communicate to your wife that those feelings and your family. Uh, so. That’s not going home and whining. I know we don’t like communicating our feelings a lot, but, uh, be open and transparent about how you feel. ’cause sometimes they don’t even realize it.

Uh, when you come home after a long time away, uh, whether it be weeks or [00:31:00] months, doesn’t matter. Uh, when you come home, uh, sometimes they don’t even realize that you feel like you’re being replaced or you feel like you’re being looked over until you’re transparent enough to share it. Uh, so that’s the first thing.

Second thing is one thing that I, I probably don’t have to tell dads, but I still mention it because a lot of times we work hard and we’re very tired. Uh, make the most outta the moments you do have, um, spend time with children individually. ’cause that’s, it’s great to have family moments. And if that’s all you can do, then great.

That’s all you can do. Get in there and make the best out of it. Um, but do your best to have those individual moments. It could be 10 minutes here, five minutes there. Uh, date night there. It doesn’t really matter, but. Make, be intentional about the time you do spend, uh, because it makes the extended period away, uh, just a little bit less, uh, I, I guess a little less, uh, hard for the child emotionally.

Uh, so my recommendation is always, uh, goes to where they are, meet them where they are. Um, a lot of times I think we, [00:32:00] uh. Pridefully sometimes. Nah. You come to, you come to me like, we’re gonna hang out here and we’re gonna do this. Um, because that’s what I wanna do. Um, and sometimes we miss the child that way.

Uh, there are times where you should, you know, bring ’em out. You, you know, if they wanna shoot some hoops, they’ve been sitting down on the couch all day. Yeah, I, I think that’s good. You know, throw a football or something. Um, but there’s other times that I believe that the best thing that you can do is just go sit down with him.

Um, you have no clue how many episodes of Bluey I’ve watched in my lifetime. And I, how many hours of b bluey I’ve watched and Doc McStuffins and I re we reinvigorated the Power Rangers and anime now. Yeah. Yeah. It’s been, it’s been very interesting. So meet them where they are and spend time. It is the second thing I offer.

Brent Dowlen: I’m, I’m a big doc mixed stuff fans. Out of all the, all outta, all the cartoons my kids grew up with. That one was one of the least offensive ones to have to sit through.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Not true.

Brent Dowlen: At least like, like [00:33:00] my, my doctor absolutely loved that show his nurses because my kids would show up and they’re like, it’s like, well, I’ve gotta do it.

And they’re like, that’s okay, doc does that all the time, blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. And they’re like, ah, their doc, my stuffing kids. Thank God, uh, they were so much braver going to the doctor after watching that show. But yeah. Yeah. And I that I, I watched my, my little ponies with two little girls. I watch a lot of my little ponies.

I’m not sure how they ever got into that one, but, you know,

Olaolu Ogunyemi: well, there’s plenty of bonies out there. I, I don’t know if you know this or not, but that I’ve, I’ve learned this, I’ve learned this from my Marines doing room inspections. Uh, believe it or not, that’s the best way to learn Marines. Same way we do with children.

You go meet them where they are. I went to their rooms and we’re just hanging out. Uh, talking and I look up and I see a room decorated with my little, what I, it’s my Little pony, but it’s, it’s adult men who love My Little Pony and they call themselves Brodies. I thought it was a joke. I thought he was, he decorated for [00:34:00] us.

Uh, but he was serious. They actually had that, it was like a it association out in, in, uh, San Diego. So, just so you know, if ever you wanna join.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah, no, I, I had a young guy who used to work on one of the other teams, uh. At one of the IT places I worked, uh, he wasn’t one of my guys, but he was on one of the other, uh, teams.

’cause we split, we had day, night, and swing a side, which was Sunday through Wednesday and then Wednesday through Saturday. And, and he, uh, was always like, he’s like this 24-year-old kid. Tall, tall, lanky kid, always wearing milo pony shirts. We’re like, you, you’re screwing with us, right? Like this is like, no dude, I’m brony.

Totally. I was like, what the, is that? And I, I was a lot off the construction lot, you know, back in, in that stage of my career in it a lot, lot closer off the construction trades. It’s [00:35:00] like. I’m, I’m trying to

white collar the, the reaction, like on the job side, I would’ve said this, I, I can’t really say that here. Uh, this is, this is not quite the place to use construction friendly language. Um hmm. I’m just not even sure how to respond to that. Like, I was just like, you know, go that way. Leave my presence. I can’t believe any Marine would actually admit to that.

Wow.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Oh, you’d be surprised.

Brent Dowlen: It’s a brave new world, man.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah. I’m, I’m a communications officer, which means I deal with the, it, uh, basically it and the Marine Corps. Mm-hmm. And, uh, yeah, I, we have some very, very intelligent guys. I love ’em to death. Um, but some of them, they, they’re special characters. Uh, they, they’re, they are funny to me.

They’re, they’re funny. [00:36:00]

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. That, that would’ve gotten you beaten in, in my training detachment. I, I was around Oh, I bet. High speed Special Ops trainees, and they were nuts. Like, it, it was like. People talk about toxic masculinity. It was the Center for Toxic masculinity. Uh, it was, it was, and a guy admitting that in that attachment, like something bad would’ve happened to him, he would’ve fallen down the stairs or something.

It was, it was a little extreme. All those guys were a little, yeah, a little, a little much. Sometimes it’s a different kind of group, but yeah. My, my cousin was a marine. I can’t imagine that. Wow.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: It wouldn’t go, you’re right. It wouldn’t go over in some units very well.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. Yeah. [00:37:00] So where do you wanna go from here with it?

’cause this is, this is great. Yeah. I’m, I’m actually talking a little less than I would normally would just ’cause this is something I feel like you have much better handle on for our dads than I do so.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Absolutely. And that’s why I keep pausing to, to let you, uh, engage. ’cause you know, I, I could talk all day, so you may have to give a signal, like a, like my uncle used Oh, used do like a

Brent Dowlen: blow.

You got, you got so much more insight on this. I, I had a very fractional period. I was very blessed. I had a small period where I missed some parts of their early lives, uh, with my. Job in it when I was the training head, but, uh, I had not had that much time. And I’m such a homebody, like, I, I listen to you.

I’m like, I would lose my mind. Like I, I, I don’t like to be gone for the weekend away from my kids. I can’t imagine. Um, but my brother’s daughters had so much of their lives, uh, when they were [00:38:00] younger, when my brother would be out at sea. For just three to nine months. Uh, and you know, my hats off to my sister-in-law who managed life and, but yeah, I just can’t even imagine.

He’s, he’s the same way. His, his daughters are everything to him, and I knew it just made him, all he could do was turn it off like that. That was his only, yeah, his only solution is he could, he would, when he wasn’t working, he would bury himself in a book. But all he could do was turn off because if he thought about home, he was just miserable.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah, no, I understand. I definitely understand that. Uh, ’cause you have to and, and I think that’s the, the worst parts, uh, when you’re away, uh, which is gonna be the next point as well, but when you’re away, you connect with them. And then they start sharing things, especially heartfelt things. Uh, like my oldest was going through something at one point, uh, and, you know, we’re talking and I was able to talk her through, and I, I could [00:39:00] tell, uh, she was feeling better.

It was a daddy-daughter dance that was happening. Uh, and it was the first one that I missed, uh, without, without being there because somehow it was, it was weird. I can make their birthday or make her birthday, or sorry, excuse me. I will miss their birthdays. But somehow I made the daddy-daughter dance every single year.

But the one that I missed, uh, was the first one I’d ever missed, and she was trying to play it off. Uh, she was, I think, uh, about nine or 10 at the time, somewhere around there. Uh, and she was trying to play it off like she didn’t care. Uh, but it, it worked out that we were able to talk and it was, so I was in Afghanistan at the time and we were FaceTiming, so it, it was probably middle of the night for me.

But we just talk for hours. I mean, at least two hours, just spending time and that, that’s my next tip to use technology to your advantage. Uh, so I would say start habits while you’re there, um, that you can continue while you’re away. For example, grab a book. [00:40:00] We’ve already talked about reading. Grab what I call an anti-gravity book.

That means you, you can’t put it down. Uh, it’s my first dad joke of the day. I’ve been doing well, sorry. Uh, but read, uh, I, I definitely encourage, uh, reading, uh, with your kids. Um, for, um, my oldest, we have something we call tee time, uh, where she, uh, and this is ’cause she’s a teenager now. Where she just catched me up on the T.

Um, now granted do I know every it start, it started in like seventh or eighth grade. Do I know every person she’s talking about? Absolutely not. Uh, most times she points out these kids and I’m like, oh, is that the one that you said was, uh, blah, blah, blah? Does dating this one? And it doesn’t really matter that whether I actually know what’s going on.

The more important thing is I’m giving her, uh, an opportunity to communicate, um, about what’s important to her. Which in this case is, has been, uh, junior high and high school drama. Uh, so that’s our tee time. We sort of download time. My son and I, of course, we, [00:41:00] we go out and we play ball. Uh, sometimes we wrestle, sometimes we watch, um, we watch, uh, anime.

He found another one that that’s. Actually anime, they’re playing basketball. They’re all in Japan. Uh, I had never heard of it, uh, but we watched that one too together. Uh, my youngest arts and crafts, uh, little things like that. Uh, all these are things that you can do, uh, no matter where you are in the world, so long as you can tune in.

Uh, sometimes maybe it’s not live. There’s been times when we did, we exchanged videos. Um, and at least they knew at the same time that, hey, we’re, we’re staring at the same star right now, or we’re watching the same show at the same time. Uh, in some ways you feel connected to the child and, and vice versa, they feel connected to you.

So. Use technology to your advantage, uh, so that way you can maintain that connectivity, uh, with your child and, and they know that you’re thinking about them and they know that you’re, you’re keeping up with ’em. And then, uh, debrief if you will, uh, for using the military term. [00:42:00] Um, but go back and then talk about what you guys were experiencing.

Hey, man, I saw, I saw this star in the sky. It looked like. It looked like X or whatever it looked like. It looked like a pot, it looked like this and that. Um, granted, uh, are you looking at the same thing? Maybe, um, maybe not. Um, if you’re on different sides of the world, uh, perhaps you weren’t looking at the same thing.

Or even there’s been times when we literally on different sides of the world, and I’m looking at the sun. They’re actually looking at stars. Um, and so I would even use that instead of just making up stuff. I’ll say, Hey, man, here’s what the, here’s what the ocean looks like. Like, on our deployment last year, I would send back pictures of the ocean when it was real calm and the sun was rising.

Uh, and then they could send me pictures from, uh, where it was a lot, obviously, in the middle of night. Uh, so, uh, again, just using technology to your advantage. Um, never miss a birthday. Um, always plan ahead. The birthday’s the same time every year. Never miss a holiday plan ahead. Uh, have something in store under the table, under the desk, um, uh, anything like that that can, [00:43:00] that can help encourage the child.

So that, that’s my third tip.

Brent Dowlen: If your relationships are not where you want ’em to be, I want you to know I got you. Relationships take a lot of work and can fall on the back burner pretty easily as your empire building in your life. Men often suffer from damage to the relationships that matter the most to them while they’re trying to provide Well, I help men with skills, techniques, and solutions to rebuild thriving relationships with the people they love.

Even if you’ve struggled in the past with being the husband and the father that you want to be, there’s still hope. Guys, reach out. Schedule your free discovery. call@purposedrivenmen.com to learn the skills you need to connect deeply with the people who matter most in your life. Let’s jump back to the show.

And I, I, I love, I actually look at where we are now. Right? There are so many advantages to the technological side that didn’t use to exist when your dad was away, uh, which is just [00:44:00] such a huge blessing. Like I said, I was ti timing with my oldest daughter and my wife on that trip when I saw my youngest daughter started walking while I was gone.

Uh, but being able to FaceTime like. I don’t FaceTime with anybody else, but being able to FaceTime with them made that so much easier. Now I was enjoying what you were saying about things you can do together or report back on that you can share in common. Mm-hmm. Uh, I used to be a youth minister. And that was one of the tools I always used with the kids I was working with, is with each kid I found something that they were involved in, something they loved to do that I could share with them, that I could get involved in.

Right. So I took up several hobbies that I never wanted to do, but I took up several hobbies so I could connect with those kids. Right. I started, uh, online gaming. That’s. That’s where I started World of Warcraft. I was playing World of Warcraft with those kids. Uh, I had like seven [00:45:00] kids in my youth group who played World of Warcraft, like they would get together and play for.

And so I started playing World of Warcraft with them. Did not know I’d ended up addicted to the game and play for years and years to come. But, uh, you know, I, I took a up a couple television shows that I would watch with ’em so that when I saw ’em I’d be like, oh man. Do you see what happened on Gilmore Girls?

Dude? Can. What was Laurel? I thinking Right. You know, I’m all over Gilmore girls. ’cause I had a student who loved Gilmore Girls. Right? And it’s one of those things that sometimes we don’t think about when we have our kids with us all the time. But having those connection points in common, we’re talking about the anime.

Uh, my daughter loves my hero, academia. And we were doing, uh, we were doing a fundraiser for Stop Soldier Suicide, a 50 mile ruck March last year. And like for three days we’d be walking in the mornings together, doing a r march with getting the miles. And, and she just told me [00:46:00] all, I don’t care about the show.

I don’t wanna know. I knew everything about that show because I love just listening to her talk about this. Mm-hmm. I still don’t get it. I’ve seen the show. Right. Seen the, seen the manga or whatever you call ’em, the books, and it’s like, I, I don’t get it. Mm-hmm. But okay, you like it? Let’s talk about it.

Tell me all what, what kind of powers that he have. Right. Um, so many dads, even when you have your kids all the time, when you’re not away, miss this incredible, incredible touchpoint you can have with your kids. Find something they love that you don’t absolutely hate doing with them and learn to love doing it with them.

Right? Just, just, that’s right. Add something to talk about. I’ve, I’ve heard so many dads like, well, I don’t really have anything to talk about with my kid. My kid doesn’t wanna talk about me. Well, what do they wanna talk about? Okay. Mm-hmm. Learn, dude, you’re the adult. Yep. Have them teach you. They’ll love that.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: You’re spot on, man. You’re [00:47:00] spot on. ’cause the influence that you’re winning. In those moments, it is just immaculate, right? Because you’re, you’re doing something to, uh, create those touch points. And I love how you talked about that connection. ’cause obviously that’s my brand. Parent Child Connect. That’s what it’s all about.

Mm-hmm. Uh, establishing that connection in times where you may not think it matters or where, whether you’re talking about anime or you’re talking about Gilmore Go Girls or Playing World of Warcraft, no matter what it is, it seems like it doesn’t matter in that moment. At times it’s like, well, you know, it is what it is.

Until one of those kids comes and talks to you about something completely separate. And perhaps they even use Gilmore Girls as a, as a foundation, uh, to talk about it. And it’s, it’s only then when, when I think as parents, as dads, uh, we learn the value of those connective moments. Uh, ’cause again, it, it’s like you’re investing a lot of time and effort into doing this thing that you may or may not care about, uh, for the hope, uh, that they will come and [00:48:00] talk to you when the time is right.

In my opinion, that’s a worthy investment. Uh, no matter what, uh, how we feel about it or how bad it may seem, it’s a worthy investment to have that connection with them. Uh, over what do you have to do? Watch a couple of shows or, or learn. Go read. I mean, we have chat, GPT, we have ai. Now go and go and AI and ask, Hey, listen, what, what is this episode about?

Tell me something about this and read it. Learn about it. Become engaged in their world. You know what I mean? Like become, become a part of, of what they believe in and what they know. And believe it or not, they will come to you at times. Uh, it, it’s been, um, it’s been amazing and equally heartbreaking, uh, to watch, uh, my children grow up.

Uh, ’cause there are certain times and, and I know you can relate, uh, that they’ll come with a real problem that’s heavy on their heart. You just feel the sadness in them. Uh, and you, for me, personally, even in that moment, no matter how tough I think I can, I am, uh, I’m just fighting tears, [00:49:00] you know, just ’cause I feel their sadness, I feel how heavy, whatever that thing is, is weighing on them.

But then I feel a different feeling. It’s a pride, it’s a proud, proud moment for a dad to know that my kids can come to me in that moment that they’re feeling sad or when they’re feeling happy, no matter what. They can come to me and feel like they’re being nurtured and feel like they’re being heard.

And even if they have nothing to say, they know they can come talk to me about it or, or sit down with me and get these situations off their chest. So, no, you’re you, I love what you’re talking about there. ’cause that, that connective, uh, those touch points as you call ’em, are probably one of the most important.

Things that we can do as dads

Brent Dowlen: and dads. Let me give you a pro tip here. There’s a setting, since you mentioned chat, GPT. There’s a custom chat, GPTT, and you can go to custom GPTs inside chat, GPT, that is video summarizer. Mm-hmm. Do power move. You simply type in, summarize the key points, ideas, and [00:50:00] elements of this video, and then paste into URL.

Yeah, baby. As long as there’s a transcript, you don’t need two hours to watch that. I use that for all kinds of things. Yes, I use it for my kids’ videos sometimes, but I, I use it for like videos of like, I don’t have two hours to listen to this whole conversation, but I know there’s gonna be some solid gold, and I’ve done this with podcast.

Add Copy: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Just saying, guys, you can summarize this podcast real quick, just saying, you know, Hey, utilize that technology, man. I, I am, I am. Uh. After working in the technology sector, I certainly have my reservations, but I know it’s gonna happen whether I like it or not. Mm-hmm. And so I, I still embrace it and, and utilize it just ’cause it’s like, hey, you know, let’s, I, I don’t really have three hours to listen to this conversation or two hours to listen to this interview, but I, I know it’s gonna be solid gold.

Right. Or I’m not sure it’s gonna be great. So gimme the high points and then I’ll go back and watch it if it’s got good points. Right. Um. But [00:51:00] you, you, you breached the barrier, so, okay. You, you dropped the first dad joke. You got a dad joke for us.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Of course I have one. I have plenty. Uh, ’cause you were talking about your children earlier and one thing I always tell my wife is, uh, one thing that you have to do if a child ever does not, um, want to take a nap, that’s one of the thing that we struggle with as parents, getting our children to lay down.

Um, you can call the police, um, because that means they are guilty. Resisting a rest. Uh, so that will get, somehow, I’ll catch that one later on. Uh, the second one I had, as I was thinking through, um, just talking to my kids about cooking, I was trying to explain to them, um, the origin of food. And you may have known this, it’s a good fact fact for you.

Um, the origin of french fries, um, most people think they were first cooked in France. Um, but I beg to differ. They were actually first. In Greece. That’s all I have for now. Uh, of course I have, I can keep going if you want me to. [00:52:00]

Brent Dowlen: No, we, we can’t do an episode without at least one dad joke though. You gotta, you gotta have Dad on a dad podcast.

Come on. Right. That’s, that’s just like, yeah. It, it just, what it is. What It’s, you gotta have it. I, I love. You know, I, it is funny. I didn’t used to appreciate dad jokes and, uh, the older I get the, the more funny it’s, it’s just little subtle opportunities when you’re like, ah, ah, ah, right. I, I don’t even have to say, say it sometimes my, my 13-year-old, like, she’ll say something I’ll.

And she’s like, don’t, don’t, don’t, dad. Yeah. I absolutely love those moments when my kids are like, oh, or I’ll start cracking dad jokes and making puns and, and they’re just like, dad, just stop. It’s like, I think that’s right up there with tormenting your daughter’s [00:53:00] boyfriends when they get to that age, right?

Oh, yeah. There are certain things you have to do as a father. Those, those repeat. Oh, I can tell you piling puns. It’s one of them, you know?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah. Oh, I can tell you one since this is a dad’s podcast, and this is a safe spot for me, although it’s gone all over the internet, it’s fine. Uh, the one I in particular, I, I, uh, I made ’em ride in the frame.

We’re going to church. I invited, I always invite them to church to go with us. Uh, I made a ride to front seat and I didn’t say a word to ’em for like 10 minutes, first 10 minutes of the ride. I’m looking at my wife in the rear view mirror. She’s just like, and I’m like, just, it was just something I felt I needed to do.

Uh, obviously after that we, uh, I talked to her. Yeah. Uh, of course I wasn’t gonna leave him hanging. I, part of my role is to be a mentor to young man, so I couldn’t, couldn’t just leave him hanging, but I had to like, assert myself as, uh, the guy who. We’d be willing to not talk to you at all. Uh, for my daughter, I [00:54:00] don’t know.

I, I really don’t know what I was trying to do. One of my buddies gave me an idea. He said that his, his dad did for his sister, uh, for their initial prom. He climbed up on the roof and nobody knew where he was. Uh, but as soon as the guy pulled. S up in his car and out opens the door. Uh, his dad released the arrow off the, off the roof.

What they didn’t recognize, there was a target, uh, close to the road and he just shot a target right by, uh, close to his car. He’s like, oh, huh, sorry, I didn’t see you there. I’m just, uh, practic, target practicing. And I’m like, dude, that’s, that’s borderline. Insane. I don’t know if I wanna go that far. ’cause you know, just my luck, I’ll sneeze and poor kid to have a, it’d be like, uh, Jim Carrey on, uh, h mature nature calls with a, with a arrow going through his legs.

So, uh, interesting times, interesting times for say least.

Brent Dowlen: My father-in-law went straight to like mini me at the door with a gun, a more military style firearm. Mm-hmm. [00:55:00] He was like, hi. Hey. I was like, I shook his hands back. The 30 round mag. Yeah, I got one of those too. But he, he just went straight. All goal on it.

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Gotta love it. Maybe I should try that one,

Brent Dowlen: right, Lou, we’re uh, we’re we’re wrapping in. What else you wanna share with dads?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Yeah, the last thing I’ll say is just love, enjoy being a dad. Uh, I love what you’re doing for that reason, uh, because it’s, it’s really an honor and a privilege, uh, to be a father. Uh, so everybody should just embrace it.

Uh, love all your children. Uh, don’t worry about all the other things that, that society calls masculinity. Uh, spend time being vulnerable with them. Be transparent and just give them the best version of yourself. Go out. Try hard. They usually are graceful enough to let you make mistakes and come back and try [00:56:00] again the next day.

Uh, so continue to like be a great father. Thank you for being there for ’em. Uh, I’ve been in places where fathers were non-existent, uh, and so, and I’ve seen how those situations turn out. Uh, so thank you for being a great dad. Thanks for being in their lives. Continue to, to work hard, continue to know that you have other people out there like Brent, myself.

Uh, we, you’re out there. Just come call us if you need anything. You’re not in this alone.

Brent Dowlen: Lou, where’s the best place for people to connect with you?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Absolutely. So you go to my website, it’s parent-child-connect.com. Uh, again, that’s parent-child-connect.com. You can find me there. Uh, look at the about section.

You’ll see my partnership with YouVersion Bible app, where I provide Bible plans. Uh, you’ll see my blog, uh, you’ll see my books there. Um, although I do prefer that you buy my Amazon, Barnes and Noble, um, you can buy ’em from me. I’ll send you a signed copy, no problem. Uh, and of course I have, uh, downloadable resources there, [00:57:00] so that’s the best way to contact me via my website.

Brent Dowlen: All right. Now Lou, we’ve had some laughs. It’s been a fun conversation. I’ve been enjoying it a lot. For the guys listening, if they took nothing else out of this whole conversation, what do you wanna leave ’em with?

Olaolu Ogunyemi: Absolutely. Uh, so whether or not you’re there for your children, make the best outta every moment.

Love on ’em. Make the best out of the moments you have with ’em. Uh, ’cause those moments are fleeting. Um, and time is the best, uh, non-renewable resource that we have. So make the best outta their time. Invest it wisely.

Brent Dowlen: Guys, for myself and Lou, thanks for hanging out with us today on the Dad Hash podcast. A community of dads just navigating life’s challenges together.

Until next time. Laugh, learn and live the dad [00:58:00] life.