The Code of Extraordinary Men Ten Pillars of True Masculinity

[00:00:00] If you’ve ever looked at men like John Wick, Jesus, James Bond or Jock Willink and thought, what do they have that I don’t? Well, you’re asking the right question. Today, we’re breaking it down. No fluff. Just 10 core traits that term regular men into exceptional ones. These aren’t random virtues or cliches.

They’re actually operating systems that high performing, grounded, purpose-driven men run on. And if you stick with me, you’re not just gonna learn. You’re gonna start building them into your life story today. Now let’s kick us off with what I believe is the root of exceptional manhood, and that is clarity of purpose.

It picked us, said first, say to yourself what you would be and then do what you have to do. That’s not just philosophy. That’s a blueprint. Proverbs 29 18 says, where there’s no vision, the people perish, and I’ve seen it, man. Men without vision drift. They just, it’s [00:01:00] really kind of sad and you can look around and see it today.

They move, but they don’t advance. They’re busy, but they’re not building. Here’s the truth, if you don’t know who you are or where you’re going, the world’s just gonna hand you a script and it won’t serve your mission or your family. Neurologic neurologically, we’ll see if I can say that word today.

Purpose activates your prefrontal cortex, your command center. That’s the part of your brain that says, I’ve got this. In terms of chaos into clarity, it gives meaning to your pain. Look at John Wick. I know he is a fictional character, but we can use it in the example. His purpose reignited with a dog and a letter, something small, but it pulled him.

Back in emotion, Jesus walked to the cross knowing exactly what he was doing. If you want a real life example, not wondering, not reacting, but walking with purpose. That strength, if you don’t [00:02:00] define your purpose, your comfort will today. Let me challenge you. Write one sentence. I exist to dot, do fill in the blank, post it, pray over, act on it.

And if you’re not sure what your purpose is yet, start by studying greatness. Read biographies, watch documentaries, study people who move you, who have built something lasting that inspire you. That’s where the spark comes from. A man without purpose is a loaded weapon with no target. But purpose without control.

Well, that’s like giving a child the keys to your Lambo. That’s why the next trait is emotional mastery. Before we go deeper, this episode is brought to you by MyPillow. Right now you can get their premium bedsheets just 29 88. Any size, any color. They’ve also got towels, bath masks, and even men’s towel wraps.

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Welcome to the Driven 2 Thrive broadcast where men learn to lead themselves, their families, and the world with purpose, growth, and lasting impact. I’m your host, Brent Dowlen, and I studied multiple real influential men along with some of the most popular fictional characters that men align with to identify what makes ’em stand [00:04:00] out.

Why do we like these guys? What makes us men look at them and connect with them and what they represent to us? And I identify the top 10 traits in men that forge strength, purpose, and legacy. Let’s get into it. You ever wonder why. The world’s most dangerous and respected men are the calmest ones in the room.

I’ve had the great privilege of knowing some of our top silent professionals as the seals like to call themselves, it’s because they mastered their emotions. Emotional mastery isn’t about stuffing feelings away, it’s about choosing how you act. It’s not being ruled by impulse, that level of control.

That’s what we’re diving into next. So let’s talk about the trait that separates warriors from wrecks emotional mastery. Markelius said, you have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. Emotional mastery isn’t about being told, it’s about being in command.

[00:05:00] Ephesians 4 26 says, be angry and do not sin. Notice that it doesn’t say, don’t get angry. It says, don’t let anger run the show. Brents translation, your emotions are messengers. They’re not masters. The amygdala fires first. It’s a fight flight, freeze. You know this, but your prefrontal cortex can override it if you train, and that’s what separates reaction from response.

If you remember in our last two episodes, we’ve talked about some breathing habits or breathing techniques to help you stop that amygdala hijacked. Think about Gerelt of Riviere, right? No, not the new season four version. We, we will just not talk about that. Right? But think about the character himself, right?

I know he is a fictional character, but men love this character. Why? He’s stoic, he’s calm, he’s calculating even when surrounded by chaos or look at Jesus, [00:06:00] he wept when his friend died, but he didn’t lose control. He didn’t freak out like some general Z. Jocko willing talks about the same thing. Discipline equals freedom.

You don’t have to like Jocko, but he makes a lot of sense in some places that calm you feel in men like that it’s earned. It’s strained it. When you master your emotions, you master the moment. This week. Track your triggers, and you all know, I hate the word triggers, but track your triggers. When do you get irritated?

When did you get defensive or reactive? Write down what happened, what you felt, and what you could have chosen Instead. Remember, master your emotions or your emotions. We’ll master your moments. When you can control yourself, you’re ready for life to hit back, and it will make no mistake. That’s where the third trait comes in, and that’s [00:07:00] resilience through pain.

Marcus Aurelius told us. The impediment to action. I can’t even hardly say that word, so I feel weird quoting it sometimes. But Markelius really knew some shit. So, you know, forgive my speech, lack there, or my lack of good speech. My kids make fun of me too. It’s okay. The impediment to action advances action.

What stands in the way, becomes the way. Paul said it better. In Romans five, suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance, character and character. Hope Pain isn’t a punishment, it’s a process. It activates the limbic system, the emotional core of your brain. But when you give that pain, meaning well. When you reframe it through purpose, it rewires your mind for strength.

Look at James Reese from the terminal List loss forged him into [00:08:00] something unstoppable. Garra Riviere carries scars that made him wise and Jesus well. He didn’t avoid pain, he transformed it into redemption. Every great man you admire has a scar story. Pain isn’t what breaks you, it’s what builds you. If you stay in the fight long enough.

That is pain is the gym where your soul learns endurance. So try this this week. Write down one pain you’re still carrying. Could be physical, emotional, spiritual. There are a lot of people carrying some really heavy trauma and you may need professional help with that. But it’s okay to start. Somewhere.

What did this teach me? Write it down. How did it keep me? How did it shape me today? Write it down. When you can name the lesson, you can reclaim the power pain’s, the teacher, it either shapes you or it shatters you, [00:09:00] but it never leaves you the same. Now from that pain, something solid forms. And that’s a personal code, a set of rules that tells the world this is who I am, and that’s what we’re tackling next.

You see, every great man lives by a code. Marcus Aurelius said, if it’s not right, do not do it. If it’s not true, do not say it. And Jesus said, let your yes be yes and your no be no. That’s not just about honesty, it’s about identity. Now you guys can get ready to laugh. I’m very bad at medical terms, but I do do my research.

There’s something called ventral medial prefrontal cortex. I love looking this stuff up. Like I dig learning about the brain. I should have like become a neurologist or whatever. What’s his name is, because I really enjoy learning about this stuff, but this [00:10:00] ventral medial frontal, pro frontal cortex, and that’s why I write these things down because we couldn’t remember to say them if I tried to.

That’s the part of your brain that handles moral judgment, like this is an actual piece of your brain and. Actually lights up when your actions align with your values. That’s cool, right? Like they can actually see that in your brain with scans when your actions and your values align. Integrity isn’t a virtue.

It’s your nervous system in harmony. Look at James Bond, he kills sure, but he never betrays his mission. Gar won. Won’t harm a child even when it cost him. And Jesus flipped tables because his code demanded it. Righteous anger and fury because it violated his code. When you live by code, you don’t need a crowd’s approval.

You already know what’s right. A man without a code is a compass without a north. So try this this week. Write down [00:11:00] your three non-negotiables. Those lines you will not cross no matter the pressure. Pressure. Keep ’em visible. Post upon your mirror, put them somewhere you see them all the time. They’re not rules.

They’re reminders of who you are. Everything else goes to hell. A man without a code will always fold under pressure. So make sure that you know exactly what yours is. If you wanna stand solid, no matter what you face, but a code means nothing if you can’t back it up. And honor without skill is just really good intention.

So let’s talk about competence. And Picta said, don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it. Ecclesiastes tells us whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might. See men talk a lot about confidence. But confidence doesn’t come from words. It’s not something you [00:12:00] say. It’s not something you espouse.

It comes from competence. You feel better because you’ve earned the right to those guys we were talking about at the beginning. You know why Navy sills walk in and own a room instantly is because they are competent at their mastery of violence. Every time you master something, a trade, a craft, a discipline, your brain fires off dopamine.

You’re literally rewiring yourself for strength, certainty, and progress. Skill mastery doesn’t just make you capable, it makes you calm because you know you can handle it, so you stop fearing it. Like I said, that’s why stills own it. Stills own rooms, green Berets own rooms. Why? Because they are master at their art.

Which means they’re no longer afraid of whatever they walk into. [00:13:00] Bon’s. A technician, Jocko. He’s a tactician. Jesus. He’s the ultimate craftsman. A carpenter who built with hands and a teacher who built men from the ground up. So pick one area of your life. It might be finances, fitness, leadership, or faith, and commit to mastery.

Don’t dabble. Don’t sorta kind of do it. I’m talking like commit, like jumping out the plane. That’s commitment saying I trust that this parachute is gonna save me. It’s gonna catch me so much that I’m willing to jump out of this plane. That’s what actual commitment looks like, guys. No safety net. Just total commitment to your belief.

Lock in and dominate that lane. A man who can do things. Well, never needs to say much about himself. Confidence without competence. [00:14:00] Just ego in a costume. Now let’s talk about presence. ’cause we already touched on it a little bit because great men don’t just do they influence. But lemme throw in a quick pause right here.

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Alright, let’s get back into it. You know, I hate self-promotion, so let’s talk presence because great men don’t just do they influence. That’s what I said, right? And I meant it because Marcus really has told us. Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Just be one guys. That’s powerful.

That’s super powerful because we live in a world where people talk a lot instead of just doing Presence isn’t about charisma, it’s about [00:16:00] consistency. Matthew five 16 says, let your light. Let your light so shine before man that they may see your good works. Presence is how a man shows up. It’s how you walk into a room.

The atmosphere shifts, not because you’re loud, but because you’re grounded. You’re competent, you’re capable, you’re skilled. Garrett Riviera does this, and he doesn’t even need to talk. His silence doesn’t work for him. But I know that’s a, that’s a fake character. Well, guess what? Jesus embodied this more than anybody.

He didn’t chase crowds. Crowds chased him because there was something about him. Crowds still chase him thousands of years later. Psychologically, your presence is contagious. Mirror neurons actually fire in those around you and they start to mirror your calm. Your discipline and your confidence, your energy introduces you before words ever will.[00:17:00]

Try this. Enter every room with intention. Shoulders back, eyes forward. Good posture, right? No phone, no fidget, no nervousness, no hands in your pocket. Just presence. Show people what steady, confidence, calm, and capability look like. Your presence should speak before your mouth ever does and conveys so much more than your mouth ever will.

But presence without purpose is vanity. So presence becomes power only when you’re willing to pay a price. So let’s talk sacrifice and all of these groups that I looked at, real men, movie characters that we look at as men and go, yeah, I wanna be like that, right? There are these incredible traits, and one of them is sacrificial willingness.

Marcus Aurelius said It’s not death that a man should fear, but never [00:18:00] beginning to live. Jesus told us greater love has no one than this to lay down one’s life. For one’s friends. Sacrifice isn’t just about dying. It’s about giving up comfort to gain character. Your brain actually rewards sacrifice.

Altruism activates the reward sinner filling you with a sense of deep meaning and connection. John Wick lost everything, yet he kept giving himself to the fight. Chris Kyle, the Navy Seal Sniper gave his life for his brothers. Jesus gave his all for all of us. The pattern’s the same. True strength is proven through surrender.

The measure of a man is what he’s willing to lose for the people he loves. So this week, identify one comfort that you would be willing to sacrifice this week for your family, for your calling, for your brotherhood, for your [00:19:00] purpose. Find that comfort. You would let go because there is something more valuable and you know it.

Less Netflix, more time with your kids, less scrolling. More serving small acts of sacrifice, build eternal impact, and it makes you the kind of men that we all look up to. You can measure a man’s strength by what he’s willing to lose for the sake of others. We see this throughout classic literature. We see this in the Bible.

We see this even in modern media, and we respond to it because it’s true. Now sacrifice only makes sense that there’s something worth sacrificing for. Every man needs a tribe. So let’s talk about loyalty and brotherhood. Marcus Aurelius tells us to live in harmony with others, is part of our nature.

Proverbs 1717 says, A friend loves at all [00:20:00] times and a brother is born for adversity. Every man needs a tribe because isolation kills. The myth of the won lone wolf is exactly that. It’s a myth. Nobody stands alone, at least for very long. You might stand alone in some of the hard times, but you don’t stand very long.

Right? History supports this. We’re all familiar with the story that inspired 300, or maybe you’re not a lit literature person and you haven’t actually learned that. That was inspired by real events. 300 men held back the entire Persian army. Was it as glorious as the film made it out to do? Eh, probably not.

But those men didn’t stand alone. They stood with their tribe, they stood in a brotherhood, and the power that created amongst them was incredible. If you read the actual historical, uh, recording of that, science [00:21:00] backs it up as well. Male bonding lowers cortisol. That’s the stress home hormone. If you’re not a hormone person, it increases oxytocin.

That’s the yay hormone, and it improves long-term Health Brotherhood literally reprograms your stress response to make you healthier. You can look at Gura of Riviera, right? I know fictional character again, but trust me, the story’s going somewhere, even with his ragtag crew and let’s face it, right? He got the menstrual guy that nobody remembers his name and his protege and the hot sorcerer’s chick.

He didn’t keep a lot of company, but his friends, his friends were loyal to the death. Even the ones, like the guy who got cursed by the ghost or whatever in season two. So brotherhood, right? He still had his crew. We all know we roll stronger with a crew. Look at James Reese and his still brothers in [00:22:00] the terminal list.

The terminal, yeah, the terminal list. That’s right. Uh, I’m new to watching that guys. I just started watching the terminal list. I’m behind everybody else. I know. But it’s definitely cool so far. But I actually know real seals not just fictional ones. And you see the same thing with those guys. Those are their brothers.

Man, that’s a powerful, one of the reasons that teams are so powerful is because they’re a team. The bond makes them as powerful as the crew. That 300 is based on even Jesus built a circle of 12. Why? Because it helped expand the ministry. It kept the message going out after Jesus went back to heaven. But those guys needed each other after that too.

He built a circle because as a tribe, we’re stronger. Lone wolves look really cool in movies. Like we’ve all seen them and we’re like, yeah, red Bull, [00:23:00] right? Eh? It didn’t always go so well, but in real life, lone wolf starve. That’s the reality. Stop watching National Geographic. They lie Wolfs alone in nature.

Die Brotherhood doesn’t just protect you from the world. It reminds you who you are. When the world forgets or tries to jam their crap down your throat, the strongest men don’t stand alone. They stand together. So this week, reach out to one man in your circle. Not to ask for something but to check in.

Real brotherhood isn’t about favor favors, it’s about faithfulness. And as men, that’s something we often really struggle with is connecting in brotherhood in a meaningful way. I have a long, dirty list of guys on my phone and I’m just like. Man, I should really check in with Oliver. I should really check in on David.

I should really check on, right? I can go through my phone [00:24:00] list and I do on a regular basis, like crap. I should check in with those guys. We’re all busy so we’re not hanging out all the time, but they mean the world to me, and I am better when I am with them, and I frequently forget to reach out to them guys.

It’s horrible behavior. Behavior to try and unlearn. Get intentional. I’ve got a friend who actually puts it in his calendar and twice a week he has no sentence calendar to text certain people just to check in with him. It’s something I’m think I’m gonna try. If you’re curious about that, if you, if you wanna try that, let me know in the comments.

’cause that’s something I’m thinking I’m gonna try because I really struggle with this one. Brotherhood doesn’t make you weaker. It multiplies your reach and brotherhood is tested in fire. Because when pressure hits, only one thing separates talk from the truth. And that’s courage. Courage isn’t the absence of fear.

We’ve all ho heard that quote. It’s the mastery of it. [00:25:00] Well, mark Israeli has talked about this too. If you’re distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but by your estimate of it. Joshua’s one, nine Echoes. Be strong, courageous for the Lord your God is with you. Courage isn’t a feeling.

It’s a decision. It’s an action word. It’s when your prefrontal cortex override your fear response. When logic and purpose steps in front of panic and fear, John Wayne said it best courage, just being scared to death, but saddling up anyway. And you can see it in men like. Desmond Doss, the medic who ran into the gunfire, unarmed just to save others.

Now, if you don’t know that story, don’t just wa watch Hacksaw Whit Ridge, which was a phenomenal movie. Props to that team. I know they took some liberties with it, but Desmond Doss story is [00:26:00] amazing, guys. It’s highly worth investing. Looking into that. Actually learning the truth behind that movie because it is more remarkable than the movie is.

Fear is loud. It screams Not yet, not ready. No, not enough Courage. Whispers back. Go anyway. Bravery isn’t the absence of fear, its obedience in his presence. So this week, write down one thing you’ve been putting off, out of fear. The conversation you didn’t wanna have, whether that’s with a spouse, your kids, your friend, or at work, the project that you’re like, I got it.

I’m a little anxious about start. Or how about the risk? Take one step towards it this week. Fear screams, but courage steps forward anyway. Courage wins battles, but discipline [00:27:00] wins, wars, and if you wanna build something that lasts, it all comes down to this final trait, and that’s self-control. The pickus tells us, no man is free.

Who is not a master of himself? Process that one for a minute, guys. No man is free. Who is not a master of himself? Second Timothy one seven reminds us. God gave us a spirit of power, love, and discipline. Self-control isn’t about suppression. It’s about strength. It’s the art of keeping your impulses on a leash so that your purpose can lead.

Every time you choose discipline over distraction, your pre-frontal cortex actually gets stronger. You’re literally training your brain to follow your mission instead of your mood. Jock Willie lives like this every day. Jesus fasted for 40 days. Guys, I get pretty hangry after fasting for 18 hours, [00:28:00] 40 days.

Whoa, discipline.

Gar Gar. Well, he’s surrounded by chaos and temptation constantly, and he still chooses the mission. That’s what separates men who drift from men who dominate their domain. A man who masters himself can handle anything else. So pick one habit to build or one to break, because sometimes we gotta break the habits first.

Stay consistent for 30 days. Track it, pray through it, fight for it. Freedom follows focus. The most dangerous man is the one who rules himself first. These 10 traits aren’t theory. They’re tools. They’re something we’ve seen expressed over and over again in great men and even in fictional stories that draw us in that we love because there are things we’re drawn to.[00:29:00]

There are code that turns potential into power. And if you’re willing to do the work, these 10 traits will take you a long way. These 10 traits, clarity, emotional mastery, resilience, code, competence, presence, sacrifice, brotherhood, courage and self-control aren’t just a checklist. They’re the foundation of what it means to live a life that matters.

You’re not gonna master all 10 of these overnight. You’re not supposed to. Guys. That would be impossible because things that are this deep, well, they take work. So pick one that punched you in the gut really hard while you were listening to this. I mean, that one that just lit you up is probably the one that scared you to death and you wanted to do the least.

That’s your starting point. That’s your battle. The world doesn’t need more men who talk at the game, it needs a men. Men. It [00:30:00] needs men who live with clarity, character, and conviction. So build your purpose. Guard your emotions. Endure your pain. Live by a code mass, your craft carry presence, sacrifice for others.

Lock arms with your brothers. Walk through fear and control yourself before you try and control the world. That’s the code of exceptional men, so go get it. What are you waiting for? Remember, growth isn’t about perfection. It’s about pursuit. And if this episode hit home, do me a favor. Share it with one man in your life who absolutely needs to hear this.

That’s how movement grows and that’s how this movement will grow. If you haven’t already subscribed, leave a review and check out our other shows in the valuable man ecosystem. Remember, growth isn’t about perfection, it’s about pursuit. So keep showing up, keep building, keep thriving. I am your host, Brent Dallen, and this is The Driven to Thrive broadcast.

Better tomorrow because of what you do today. [00:31:00] We’ll see you on the next one. The Driven to Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving. Purpose-filled intentional lives.