Gal Ezra: When Children Break Things They’re Actually Trying to Help You!

Gal Ezra: [00:00:00] I love it when they, when there’s throw up on my shirt, I, I’ll go to work with a badge of honor. I love it. I wanna be a dad. I love it. I’m excited about every aspect. Good or bad. Kids don’t learn by what you tell them. They learn by what you show them. And so if they see that you work hard, they will work hard.

If they see that you don’t talk nicely to people, they won’t talk nicely to people. My dad always insisted that the most important thing to preserve in me or in any child is their self determinism. What does that mean? What they determine to do, what they govern themselves to do that is sacred. It’s holy.

It must be preserved. Their self determinism. Let them. Govern a fake reality is a piece of [00:01:00] information that you’re a hundred percent sure is right, but when you use it, it doesn’t bring you the expected results. So any area of your life that you’re operating in that doesn’t have the expected results in in any way, there is no excuse other than there’s a fake reality you’re operating off of.

If I treated some of your listeners, if I treated some of their kids the way they treat their kids, they would kill me.

Brent Dowlen: Gal. Every dad has that story that just lights him up about being a dad. What is your favorite dad story?

Gal Ezra: So my favorite dad story, I’d say was actually an interaction I had with somebody at the gym and I was early on in fatherhood. And there was a guy and he said to me, so, wow, I heard you’re a dad.

I ran into a friend there, right? So he knew I was a dad and I, you’re a new dad and you know, how’s it going? And I was like, man, I love every second of it. And he said, nah, open golf. Come on man. The late [00:02:00] nights. I was like, I love it. He said, okay, what about in the middle of the night? You know, 1:00 AM and you have to go and change a diaper.

And then in the morning you change and then there’s poop on your shirt or throw up. And I was like, no. I love it when they, when there’s throw up on my shirt, I, I’ll go to work with a badge of honor. I love it. I wanna be a dad. I love it. And he looked at me like, you love that part too? And I said, yeah, I love every element of it because.

It’s what I signed up for. It’s what I wanted. I’m excited about every aspect, good or bad. I explained to him, this is how I think about life in general. If I need to do it, and that will get the result. I love it. And I genuinely loved every second. So that moment where he was like, whoa, it’s a different perspective.

Instead of complaining about it, I can love every element of it. Wow. And that’s really, uh, a really special dad moment when I got to. Share that point of view with somebody else, and I could see that they had a shift in their perspective.[00:03:00]

Brent Dowlen: Gents. I sleep on a MyPillow. I sleep on MyPillow Giza sheets and MyPillow body pillows. I have MyPillow towels. My wife wears MyPillow slippers. We have MyPillow merchandise throughout our entire house because it is such great quality products that I love every single one of ’em, and I would never recommend a company to you that I don’t use.

We’re proud to have Mike Lindell and MyPillow as sponsors for the show, and you go to mypillow.com and use code TFM. Super complicated. That’s our parent company, the Fallible Man Code TFM, for up to 80% off your order, and free shipping on orders over $75. For our listeners, you get to support a great American company that is employee owned and you get to help us keep making shows just like this one that you’re listening to right now, as well as you get great products that you can trust and that are amazing in your home.

So go to mypillow.com, use code TFM to get discounts on. Over 200 products, guys. It’s a win-win, win for all of us. Let’s get back to the show.[00:04:00]

Welcome to the Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast, the unfiltered truth about being a dad. Real dads real stories, unfiltered, canned conversations on fatherhood. I’m your host, Brent Dowlen. Today my guest is Gal Ezra Gal. Welcome to the Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast.

Gal Ezra: Thank you. It’s so good to be on. I appreciate you having me.

Brent Dowlen: Now, right off the bat, we, this is the dad hat, shes podcast and the dad hat is part of what we are doing, and I’m looking at your hat that just says, so what is the story behind the.

Gal Ezra: Yeah, so this was actually a gift from one of my best friends. Uh, he’s a singer, his name is Ri, and, uh, he, I mean, he sang at my wedding and he was one of my groomsmen and like, we’re really, really close.

And, uh, this was a gift from him that I got, you know, this year. Uh. You know, when I became a dad. And so it has a lot of meaning for me because it [00:05:00] was like the fir, it’s the only like actual dad hat that I have. And it was so funny because when you, when I saw that your show is around, you know, you gotta wear a dad hat, I was like, I know exactly the one.

This is the one. So that’s, uh, got a lot of meaning for me.

Brent Dowlen: Awesome. Now you said you’re new dad, so I’m excited. Yeah, we, we haven’t had, I’ve had a bunch of dads on the show. We haven’t had like a brand spanking new dad on here, Uhhuh. So I’m really excited to talk about some of your perspectives today. So you have the one, so you have a boy or a girl.

Gal Ezra: Girl, eight months old. Yeah, I can definitely give you the uh, uh, current, you know, fresh perspective. I imagine that when I’m, let’s say five or six years into having kids, I want to remember. Some of the perspectives that are fresh in my mind right now on pregnancy and on having a newborn and you know, going through these first few months.

So, yeah, it is interesting actually to be able to speak about it now and to have this [00:06:00] recorded on this podcast forever. ’cause I’ll probably look back at this one day and show her. See? So, yeah,

Brent Dowlen: I was gonna say now, now it’s documented. When you get a couple years into it, you can look back at yourself and be like, huh.

Gal Ezra: Yeah, exactly. For the better or for the worst. Exactly

Brent Dowlen: right.

Gal Ezra: Yeah,

Brent Dowlen: no, it’s, it’s one of those things, no matter how ready you are for kids, uh, I, I grew up working with kids. My wife and I grew up working with kids. We were very active in our churches, so we grew up mm-hmm. You know, going through like bible school, but also like teaching nursery and taking care of the babies.

My wife, my oldest daughter, actually, uh, helping the nursery at our church now. And so we’ve been around kids our whole lives. I spent 20 years working in youth ministry.

Gal Ezra: Wow.

Brent Dowlen: When I became a dad, there were several moments. I was like, you know, I thought I had this plan, but

Gal Ezra: yeah. Yeah. How old are your kids?

Brent Dowlen: Uh, my daughters are [00:07:00] 13 and 11.

Gal Ezra: Wow. I can’t imagine my eight month old at that age. You know what I mean? But I’m sure everybody tells me it happened so fast. I can already tell it’s flying by.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah, look at my, I look at my daughters and go, wait, they, they fit right here. Not, it was just the other day, I’m pretty sure.

Right.

Gal Ezra: Wow. Yeah, it’s wild. Really amazing. Yeah. You know, I’ll tell you a bit about my perspective on it. So I’m an entrepreneur. Uh, I’ve been, you know, basically working and running my own businesses for, um. Probably about 14 years now. And, uh, I started out doing actually festivals. I was in the music festival industry, so I owned, I started owned, ran, organized, operated music festivals, uh, based out of Cape Town, South Africa.

I was born in Cape Town, South Africa. And, um, I also lived in the US for a few years, but most of my life has been in Cape Town. So I was doing festivals and then I, I [00:08:00] started the finance business and I do many different, uh, entrepreneur. Ship directions all the long term. I’m not like, uh, one of those five by nighters.

So I’ve had the festival business for over 10 years. The, uh, festival business, the, uh, finance business for seven and a few others. And, um, I always had this thing in mind even when I was starting young, that everything I’m building. It’s for my future family. It was really clear, like it was as a 22-year-old, 23-year-old, and I’m starting to make a little bit of money and I was like, yeah, this is the foundation for a family in the future.

Like that was always my idea. I always wanted to have kids. I was looking forward to it and it was never. Rush at the same time. Like, I kind of knew it would be like everything in the right time. And, um, my wife and I started dating about 10 years ago. Uh, the way we met is wild. It’s a whole long distance, uh, thing.

And we, anyway, we met 10 years ago and. Uh, got married five years [00:09:00] ago and we had a really great time, you know, just us. And we were then, okay, let’s have kids, like, we’re ready. And so then, uh, relatively quickly when we decided she fell pregnant and we have our beautiful daughter. And so that journey was always kind of a clear path for me.

I was always excited about being a dad. I knew it would be the most amazing thing. It was just totally there for me. But every expectation, all the prep, in reality, it’s been beyond words better than what I could have expected. And, uh, I, it’s just more than anything I could have ever hoped for. And I was hoping for a lot.

And, and really I think that part of that is that a, I’m, I’m, I’ve learned a lot beforehand on personal development, on children, on relationships, on different things, a lot. And I implemented it right away, and on the same breath, [00:10:00] I think it had to do with, you know, everything happened. Correctly, like at the right time for us.

And so it was, you know, it wasn’t a rush thing. I can understand the pressure. Maybe if somebody falls pregnant accidentally or a bit early, that does change the, the dynamic around. So I think that that was for us, really successful to kind of control that process, to yield a, a really good result.

Brent Dowlen: Let me ask you, uh, the long distance thing I, I wanna know.

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, um, I was living in Cape Town, South Africa. My father, who you’ll probably interview at some point, and him and I are extraordinarily close. And, uh, we also work together on some things. So he was at the time in the US with my mom and my family. My whole family was in the us. I’m in Cape Town.

We’re talking about 13 years ago. Okay. And now my dad is a absolute genius. One of the most incredible people you’ll, you’ll, anybody’s lucky enough to talk to, you’ll see why. And, um, [00:11:00] he was there doing seminars, doing a variety of different business seminars, been doing it for years. He’s also extremely successful.

And basically my then would, what would become my girlfriend and wife, she was going to his seminars, her and her dad. ’cause she started a business in high school and she’s in, in the US 16 years old, going to these seminars. I’m in Cape Town, 17 years old. She’s there 18 years old. She’s there at 19. She says, you know, I wanna travel the world.

And my dad says, oh, I have a son in in Cape Town. You should go to Cape Town. It’s amazing. I have a son. You’ll love him. You guys should really meet. And uh, so her and I started to talk to, kind of coordinate her, potentially actually coming, because our dads knew each other, you know, but we had never met in person.

And, uh, long story short, her and her best friend flew to Cape Town. It was like this summer love. And then she went back and it was like, Hey, [00:12:00] when like, I don’t know, I’m, I’m living in Cape Town. Bottom the bottom tip of Africa and you’re in the us. Uh, and long story short, six weeks later, she returned to Cape Town and then we said, okay, let’s see how this goes.

And for years, for about five years we were doing this. I mean, we still kind of do it, but we were doing this back and forth. Cape Town, us, you know, and we never went more than a month apart, which is crazy. Uh, more, never more than a month apart, true long distance. That’s about as long distance as it gets.

You know, some people live like three hours away from each other and they like three hour drive away, and they call it a long distance relationship. We were like a 36 hour flight away from each other. And, um, that’s what we did. That’s, that was our, that was how we did this entire. Relationship. It was like the be, it ended up being the best thing ever.

But, uh, that was an adventure.

Brent Dowlen: I, I had to ask is I thought my wife and I did long distance. We were, we were across the US from each other, our entire [00:13:00] relationship.

Gal Ezra: Yeah. Wow. Okay.

Brent Dowlen: Until I, until I moved up to where we Yeah. Washington State to marry her, like, uh, our entire, from friendship to we’re getting engaged till up until I moved up here two months before we got married.

We, we were in opposite sides of the country, so I thought we were going Oh, wow. But wow. Us to Cape Town. You,

Gal Ezra: I mean, it is further, but I will say yours is also, that’s also far, that’s also very far. Wow.

Brent Dowlen: I’m just always interested because Yeah, it’s very seldom you see that these days, right? Mm-hmm. You don’t see a lot of people doing long distance relationships, like you said.

They’re like, oh, we’re, we’re two hours apart. I, I dated a girl that I used to drive. Three and a half hours every weekend to go stay in the town where she eat. Wow. Uh, wow. Yeah. Before my wife and Uhhuh, you know, I, I didn’t think that was too bad. I was like, you know, I [00:14:00] get to see her every weekend. I don’t see her during the week, but I see her every weekend.

That’s not a big deal.

Gal Ezra: Yeah, yeah, sure. Exactly. Yeah, it’s not, it’s not as common. It can be tough. There’s challenges to it, you know. That’s why we try to never go more than four weeks apart. We found that like, actually the first week apart, you kind of miss each other a little bit. Mm-hmm. Which is nice. Or actually no, how it goes, we found the first week you’re actually thrilled to be solo.

You’re kinda like, okay, I’m solo. I, I don’t need to coordinate dinner. I don’t need to like, you know how it goes, like, what do you want for dinner? What do you want for dinner? You don’t, you’re just independent. You’re on your own for the first week and you’re like having fun with it. Week two, you’re like, okay, I miss you.

Like you can come back now. Week three. It’s like, wow, this is really, like, it’s tough. I, I, I feel like I have so much to catch you up on, like we haven’t been together. And around week four, the little bickering starts on silly things. It’s like you start going crazy. So we were like, okay, let’s, let’s try to make it not more than four weeks apart.

Um, and, and that’s what we somehow managed to achieve, which is amazing.

Brent Dowlen: That, that is amazing. Yeah. We, uh, we had long distance phone calls. [00:15:00] I spent most of my paycheck on long ’cause. It was pre precept phone, like

Gal Ezra: Uhhuh. We

Brent Dowlen: got married. We’ve been married for 24 years now.

Gal Ezra: Wow, that’s an amazing achievement to, wow.

Brent Dowlen: Thank you. Uh, but yeah, our, our relationship was built when you were still having to pay long distance bills on, on like phones and

Gal Ezra: Yeah. So you see that, I mean, you had some real challenges. I mean, what we have it easy FaceTime voice notes, you know, it’s easy to send updates of like photos or videos of what you’re doing.

Like we have it easy compared to that.

Brent Dowlen: I don’t know about easy, but yeah, no, it’s just always interesting to me because I, I, in my opinion, I think long distance relationships, or least relationships start out that way actually stand the best of time, the test of time a little bit better.

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: Because you, I can see that have to communicate more. You have to talk more. Yeah.

Gal Ezra: Yeah. For sure.

Brent Dowlen: There’s less fluff conversation [00:16:00] because there’s only so much, like, how’s the weather going? Kind of crap. You can grow when all you can do is talk.

Gal Ezra: Yeah. Exactly, and you have to care more about, about the other person.

That was also an interesting lesson with how I built the relationship with her is, you know, to be honest, with previous, um, relationships, which were far too quick lived to mention, there was no real, no real. Nothing was built. Her and I talked for like five months before ever meeting one another. Mm-hmm.

Because she was planning this trip to come visit Cape Town and so forth. So we were talking and talking and we built up this real connection. And before we ever actually met, even physically, even in person for a whole, a handshake, a hug, nothing. So. That was foundational for a real relationship. These days, things move so quickly in the dating world.

I mean, I, I, uh, vicariously lived through my friends and their stories, and it’s like a different, it’s, it’s quick. Everything’s quick. Not only from the element of, uh, [00:17:00] the fact that you see their entire life in two and a half seconds from just looking at their Instagram, but obviously dating apps and so forth make things super quick so you don’t have that.

Build up of like a courtship and like everything that takes to actually build a foundation. Uh, and that was really key as well.

Brent Dowlen: I, yeah, yeah. I’m just, it always fascinates me ’cause it’s rare when I meet someone else who came up that way. Let me ask you that.

Gal Ezra: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: What is, you said you’re really close with your dad, so that’s always a great foundation.

Yeah. What was the best advice you were given about becoming a dad before the child was born?

Gal Ezra: Hmm. So. The advice. Couple things actually, to answer that. First of all, my dad always said, and I could see it to be thoroughly true in how he raised me, is that kids don’t learn by what you tell them. They learn by what you show them, and so if they see that you work [00:18:00] hard, they will work hard If they see that you don’t talk nicely to people.

They won’t talk nicely to people. And so my dad always set such a good example himself as a dad and that made a massive difference on how I was raised. So that’s the, the first thing. And so I knew that, in other words, set a good example from day zero. Um, second of all, lots and lots and lots of love. Okay.

My dad really gave lots and lots and lots and lots of love. Same with my mom, of course. Um, which I think was foundational because when you have a real basis of love, you are much more open to the occasional, uh, feedback or guidance, right? Because there’s that real love there and a safe space. So you know that if anything goes wrong, you know who to go to, or if you need guidance, you know who to go to.

And the [00:19:00] third thing. Is my dad always insisted that the most important thing to preserve in me or in any child is their self determinism. What does that mean? What they determine to do, what they govern themselves to do that is sacred. It’s holy. It must be preserved. Their self determinism, let them govern.

Themselves, let them lead. Don’t squash that out. And um, and that was really. Really, really key. I mean, among other things, of course, you know, we run a, my dad’s delivered a, uh, parent and family academy. It’s been delivered to over 1 million people. It’s an entire relationship academy for parents, for children, for spouses.

Uh, so I was very lucky to learn a [00:20:00] lot, a lot, a lot from him.

Brent Dowlen: Awesome. So you had a great foundation.

Gal Ezra: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: And I’m assuming you’ve got some great dad jokes at this point.

Gal Ezra: Oh, for sure. Of course. I mean, I don’t know if I have any off the top of my head, but they come all the time. You know, they, it’s my, my wife, my friends, they just, uh, they know I’m the, I have, I’ll spit out terrible, terrible, painful dad jokes when they come to me.

Brent Dowlen: Oh, okay. Well you gotta throw in one, at least during the course of the show today ’cause.

Gal Ezra: Okay.

Brent Dowlen: That’s a prerequisite. Okay. You gotta have a bad dad.

Gal Ezra: I love that.

Brent Dowlen: Uh,

Gal Ezra: okay, good. I’ll, I’ll, I’ll think of one.

Brent Dowlen: See, you know, you know why I really do this? ’cause I’m not actually funny. So I eat great jokes from you guys and then I go to ’em on my daughters who are homeschooling two rooms over.

Gal Ezra: Yeah. And I

Brent Dowlen: find out if it’s a good joke or not. I’m like, I heard this joke in my interview, and they’re like, dad, yes. It was a good one. [00:21:00] Right.

Gal Ezra: Uh, yeah. That’s great. I’ll give you a, uh, a, a slightly more mature, let’s call it a more mature joke. Okay. It’s not exactly as a pun of a joke, but it’s a classic joke and, uh, it goes like this.

So there’s, um, teacher, right? And she’s, uh, she’s speaking to, to a class and she says, alright, kids, there’s three birds on a line. One of them gets shot. How many are left? So little Johnny says, pick me. So she says, okay, Johnny. And he says, none are left. And she says, no, there were three birds. One got shot, so there’s two left.

And he said, no teacher. There were three birds. One got shot, the other two heard the noise and flew away. So there’s none left. So she said, okay, it’s not what I meant, but I like the way you [00:22:00] think. So the class, you know, comes to an end and Johnny stays behind and he goes to the teacher and he says, teacher, can I ask you a question?

And she says, yes. He says, there’s three women holding an ice cream. One of them is licking an ice cream. One of them is biting an ice cream, and one of them is sucking an ice cream. Which one is married. So the teacher blushes and Oh my God. And she said, doesn’t know what to say and she thinks, and she says the one that’s licking the ice cream.

So he said, no teacher the one with the ring. But I like the way you think.

Brent Dowlen: Oh my goodness. Yeah. I’m not telling my 13-year-old that one yet. That’s

Gal Ezra: No, that’s not for your 13-year-old. That’s for your audience. That’s for the other dads out there to tell their dad friends,

Brent Dowlen: now that we set up today’s topic really well, [00:23:00] gal, where do you wanna go from here? What do you wanna talk about today?

Gal Ezra: Yeah. So I want to, uh, talk about a few things that, uh, I think can add value and, uh, for those that stay to the end, I’m actually planning on, uh, gifting all your listeners the first five lessons out of the Family Academy. So we have a, it’s Family Academy is a massive, you know, about, about a hundred hours, uh, probably two hours each, all about.

Handling every problem in families and relationships from kids with too much screen time to rebellious teenagers, to parents fighting to, uh, relationships that get poisoned by other people that come in and poison relationships. Uh, everything that goes wrong with, uh, raising children and running healthy relationships.

And the, um. Very interesting thing about the Family Academy. As I told you, it’s been delivered to over a million people with incredible results. We have, you know, 10,000 success stories, [00:24:00] literally. Um, and what I basically want to do is gift them the first five lessons, which is usually $349, totally for free.

So at the end, I’ll, I’ll give you the code and, and I’ll send you the link after so you can send it to everyone. Um. And the basic thing that, uh, I wanna talk about and the foundational, you know, piece of truth here is the child. What is, what is a child? What is the definition of a child? Because most people, when they have a problem and they don’t get good results, they are operating off of something which is called a fake reality.

A fake reality is a piece of information that you’re a hundred percent sure is right, but when you use it, it doesn’t bring you the expected results. So any area of your life that you’re operating in that doesn’t have the expected results in in any [00:25:00] way, there’s no excuse other than there’s a fake reality you’re operating off of.

If the business is not making enough money, you don’t have the expected results, you have fake realities. A piece of information you’re sure is right, but isn’t. If there’s children that are rebelling as teenagers and you think that’s just how they are, no, that’s not the expected results. You have fake realities.

You know, my, me and my brother and sister are totally different, completely different people, but we ne never, ever, ever, ever, ever rebelled against our parents. We never went through that crazy teenager phase. So it shouldn’t be that they, your parents who have helped you so much and been so pivotal to you now you rebel against them.

No, something here doesn’t add up. So any area that you’re not getting the expected results in, you have fake realities in. And the main fake [00:26:00] reality, or the first fake reality, the first piece of information that isn’t true is what is a child? People think that a child, uh, especially younger, but a child.

Is, uh, is like another life form. That’s what they think. You know, you have, uh, birds, reptiles, you have amoebas, you have uh, uh, what’s marsupials? You have different types of life forms, and then you have also adults, and then you have children, like a different life form. They’re not human being Exactly.

They’re children. They’re different. Yeah, that’s how most people behave towards their children. Like, they’re different. They don’t have the same rights. They treat them like they don’t have the same feelings. There’s a whole, uh, different treatment towards children, people, uh, you, you know, if I treated some of your listeners, if I treated some of their kids the way they treat their kids, they would kill me.

If I went and I tugged on their kids and tell them, come, [00:27:00] we’re leaving now, or they would kill me. Or if I, uh, went to their kids and, uh, snickered and made remarks right in front of their kids about how annoying they were last night in front of them, and I did that, they would kill me. But parents have an exclusive right.

Over doing that to their children. That’s what they think. So that is. Treating them in a way that you wouldn’t want to be treated. Treat them like they’re different to you. But if you know that they are exactly like you, you look at your children differently. They have the same feelings, the same goals, dreams, purposes, rights, the same, uh, heart that can get broken, everything.

And so the definition of the word child is a human being with a small body. But a human being nonetheless, that always [00:28:00] has good intentions and often bad results, always with good intentions and sometimes with bad results. So you see the child, uh, tries to help mommy to mop and makes a big mess. They’re trying to help mop.

They don’t know yet. The results are not so good because they’re learning, but the intention is amazing. The classic story that, so I, I can tell you a great story, but I’ve talked quite a lot. Maybe I’ll pause for a moment to uh, see if you wanna interject on anything, but that’s the first thing is the definition of the word child,

Brent Dowlen: Adam, curiosity, what point do you remove them from the child parameter then?

Is that when they stop having good intentions?

Gal Ezra: They always, always, no matter what, forever, have good intentions.

Brent Dowlen: Like I said, at what point do you break them out of the [00:29:00] child category then? Because at what age?

Gal Ezra: When the the So what changes is not the good intention because. Man is basically good. And it remains like that throughout when they’re no longer a child.

This is when they don’t anymore have a small body. That’s the difference when they’re 18 or whatever the case may be, that the, the body may be changes and they’re not a child. Or maybe when they’re 16 or whatever, when they, you see that it’s not a child anymore. Yes, but the good intention element that doesn’t change.

People have good intentions, man is basically good. Even when they do terrible things, and I’m not saying that people don’t do terrible things, but man is basically good. We can start with that is the question of, is man basically good?

Brent Dowlen: A man can be good.

Gal Ezra: True. But basically on the basic level, [00:30:00]

Brent Dowlen: hmm. Man can be good man. Has the capacity for both good and evil.

Gal Ezra: True. True. So that’s true. That man can be good and they can do bad things. That’s true. The question of it is, man, basically good is measured by the fact that when somebody does something, which they consider is bad, the first thing that they do is hide it.

When people do bad things, you don’t go around and put it on Facebook. Listen, I just stole money. You hide it. You know it’s bad. When you do something that you don’t feel good about, you don’t go and tell your friends about it. You hide it because you know it’s bad. If you are basically bad, you would promote it because you wanted to do bad.

If you wanted to, basically, if your basic intention was to do bad, you would be proud when you’ve done it. Just like when you do good, most people, [00:31:00] when they do good, they want to share it. They like the fact that they’ve done good, or at least they don’t hide it. So the measure of his man, basically good or basically bad.

The first indication is look how they behave when they do bad actions and people know when they’ve done bad. Anybody knows anybody intrinsically knows when they’ve done a bad action that. Because they feel that it wasn’t okay and they don’t want to share it, they actually, first thing they do is withhold it.

First they justify it and then they withhold it.

Brent Dowlen: Dunno if it’s embarrassment as much as fear of repercussion.

Gal Ezra: For sure. There can be many different reasons as to why, what they’re worried about. Uh, and it’s not necessarily embarrassment. You’re right. It can be fear of repercussion. It can be many different things, but they know it was bad. They regret it.

They have some element of, I’m gonna be get in trouble. I wish I didn’t. There’ll be something [00:32:00] like that that happens. And if man was basically evil or basically bad, when they went around and did bad, they would be happy about it. There would be no worries of repercussion. There would be no worries of embarrassment, no worries of I wanna do bad.

I, that’s what my intention is. My intention is to do bad. So yeah, I did bad a hundred percent, but that’s not how people behave. They, when they do bad, they are their own worst judge.

Brent Dowlen: I think I’m gonna have to agree to disagree on this one with you.

Gal Ezra: That’s totally fine. It’s, it’s totally fine. The, the view that man would be basically evil would basically say that anyone has the intention on a fundamental level to harm others to do bad.

That, that’s what people want. Fundamentally. People want to create bad, wanna do bad, wanna bring about bad results. Like that’s, if we say man is basically [00:33:00] evil, then we’re saying that that’s what everybody on a fundamental level wants to do. The average person wants to do their, their dead set background motive is bad.

I’m saying no, that most people actually want good. Their basic background motive is not to do bad. They want to do good. They do many crazy things. People do horrible things, bad, terrible results, like beyond bad results. I’m not saying people don’t do bad things,

but if you check even the worst of criminals, and I’ve worked with criminals and rehabilitated them and worked with different people. Even them, they are actually just wanting to do good. They’re just terribly misguided, terribly misinformed, terribly lost. They wish that they could do good. The fundamental root is, I want good.

So [00:34:00] when you have a, a child, and we don’t have to take it too far to the extreme of a criminal or of anything like that, but children. Children want to do good. They really, really want to help. They really try to help. And what happens over time is parents, um, actually unintentionally with the best, most beautiful of intentions, really wanting for the best for the child, but unintentionally end up.

Uh, kind of beating out, not in, not physically obviously, but just kind of, uh, eroding at this intention that children natively have to help. They really, really, really like to help. Like the child will try to wipe like, like mommy or daddy or like to clean up, or they’ll try to, uh, try to cook or they’ll wanna carry things for mom or carry things for.

They’ll try, they wanna help, wanna help, wanna help. But they make big mistakes along the way while doing it. They do it badly. They mess up, they [00:35:00] break things, they try to help break the glass, they something over. And so the children then, as the parents then will say to the child. Hey, look, what you’re doing is not okay in various ways.

Don’t do that. And so the child starts to learn, I shouldn’t help. I shouldn’t help. And as time goes by, the time that they get to being, uh, you know, a teenager, they start to think, I’m, I’m of no use here. I’m of, I’m no use here. I, I don’t where, how do I belong here? And that’s actually one of the causes that they start to rebel.

They wanna be their own independent. I wanna go where I can bring about a result where I can control things. Uh, whereas I’ll tell you, for example, in my family, any, any help, even bad help at any age of mine or my brother and sister was celebrated, was expanded upon, was rewarded, was made a really big deal out of, and so we learned, oh, we are valuable.

Even when we messed up. Yeah, we did [00:36:00] things that were like, really, we would like accidentally break things out. Let’s say I broke a vase. My mom or my dad would say, did you know that gal today tried to clean the vase? And it was amazing. He cleaned it and he wanted to help and then it broke. And we to explain to him, we showed him how if he does it, it breaks.

But the amazing thing is he wanted to help and he helped clean it up and like this, they would tell that to the dinner table, like if we had guests over, like they would make a big deal out of any time we helped. So we felt. Oh, we can help. And of course it made us wanna help more and to improve on how we help and to provide value to the family.

Like our parents like it when we help. So we have a place here. It was really that mentality. Um, and that was key. I mean, just from personal experience, that was really key.

Brent Dowlen: I love the idea of celebrating your kids trying to help.

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: Uh. You wanna do everything you can as, as a parent, [00:37:00] especially as a dad, uh, too, there is a lot of self-esteem that comes out of rewarding those actions.

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

Brent Dowlen: And celebrating this action. So I love that idea. Um,

Gal Ezra: yeah.

Brent Dowlen: And

Gal Ezra: yeah,

Brent Dowlen: you don’t have to be a dad long before you start to realize like, you know what? Things get broken. I, I,

Gal Ezra: yeah,

Brent Dowlen: I,

Gal Ezra: yeah, totally.

Brent Dowlen: Honestly say I feel good about, I’ve never, I’ve never blessed my kids for accidentally breaking something.

’cause

Gal Ezra: Mm. Amazing.

Brent Dowlen: I don’t, you know, uh, I, I hear something break while my daughter’s washing a dish and it’s like, are you cut? Did you get

Gal Ezra: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: In this process? That was my only concern. At this point. I’ll, I’ll buy a new plate. I don’t really care. Uh, that, that doesn’t phase me at all

Gal Ezra: so much. Yeah, I, that’s amazing.

Oh, sorry. Go ahead please. [00:38:00] Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: So much comes out of how you respond to your kids actions.

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. For sure. For sure. They really. Really look at that and you know, I am, I have to, you know, give you huge amounts of credit because the reality is I’m a new dad and you have 13 years of actually being willing to say, look, I’ve never actually gotten mad at them.

So it’s, and it’s easier said than done. Right. I can’t say that I have, uh, definitively not done it for 13 years. Like you can, or, or even if you did it once a year or once every six months, I don’t care. It’s still amazing ’cause there’s so many opportunities to get upset at that. So you have a huge actual leg up.

I’m talking to. What’s interesting is I’m talking from a perspective of number one, how I was raised and what I am intending as a new dad carry into how I raise further. But I will say it’s easier said than done. And so you [00:39:00] having, uh, that viewpoint and operating like that, all the credit, I mean, really, that’s more than I can say.

Brent Dowlen: It’s, it’s, I don’t think it’s hard for dads when they get into perspective, and I think that’s the hardest part is getting things into perspective sometimes, right?

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: What actually has value in your household?

Gal Ezra: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Um, you know, we were talking before the show, I have a lot of equipment. I, I just posted on social media yesterday.

A friend of mine was Minimalizing. He’s a big computer guy. That’s what he does for a living, right? He’s a big, uh,

Gal Ezra: yeah,

Brent Dowlen: it engineer for Microsoft and he decided to minimalize home a little bit. So I, I have a brand new desk. Well, it’s brand new to me. It’s a hand me down. Right. It’s a desk that it’s cool.

Yeah. You’re not spend the money on. It’s like, you know, it’s one of those nice, like you push a button, it has memory settings. Oh, amazing. Right. Yeah. It’s like a That’s

Gal Ezra: awesome.

Brent Dowlen: $800,000, 800 or a thousand dollars desk or something. I would never, it’s like, [00:40:00] nope. Um,

Gal Ezra: yeah,

Brent Dowlen: I, I have lots of equipment in my studio.

If the house burned tomorrow, as long as my family is okay, I’m fine. Right.

Gal Ezra: Yeah, exactly.

Brent Dowlen: That, that’s the simple solution for me. And so mm-hmm. Everything else is that way. Right. If you can wrap your head around that idea. Yeah. That this is what is permanent, this is what matters.

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm. That’s so true. Yeah.

And I’ll bounce off one other thing from that, which is again, how I was raised, which I really found to be effective. Um, we touched upon the fact that the child’s self determinism, what, how they govern themselves is paramount. And one of the things on, in terms of possessions, so for my parents, what they did is anything that was ours.

Was ours. Now it’s, oh, okay. Of course, anything that’s yours is yours. But I’ll, I’ll tell you what was different. If they gave me a toy [00:41:00] and I wanted to break it the second I got it, break it. If it’s your toy, it’s yours. What’s yours is yours. Whereas, and, and, and again, sometimes they would, uh, I would see other parents that wouldn’t be like that, Hey, no, no, don’t break your, don’t hit your toy.

That they get involved in how the child. Handles their own things. No, don’t you? You clean that Now don’t do that. Now don’t take it. Don’t break it. Don’t use it for that. Don’t put it in the water. I never had that. It was, if it’s yours, it’s yours. It doesn’t mean that my parents wouldn’t explain to me before I accidentally put an electronic, I dunno, battery powered little toy in the water.

They may be, whoa, whoa. Go. Hold on. I just wanna explain to you that if you put this in the water, it’s gonna stop working. So maybe they’d explain, I’m not saying they would just let me do, they’d, they’d guide, but it was never, don’t do that. It was if it, but, but by the way, if you wanna put the toy in the water, go for it.

It, it just won’t work. Just so you know. And I was like, okay. And then I decide if I wanna put it in the water, if I don’t. And then, so it was really this thing [00:42:00] of, if it’s yours, it’s yours. Do whatever you want with it. You wanna throw it away? Throw it away. You wanna break it, break it. You wanna paint it, paint it, whatever.

It’s yours. And the other thing is your room is your room. What happens in your room, it’s, you can do things in your room. The rest of the house is ours. What happens here? It’s under our control, but in your room, it’s your toys, your things, go for it. So there was this real understanding early on of, oh wow, I have certain things that are mine, certain things that aren’t, and I have the control over those things that are mine.

If I do certain things with them, I have consequences. I break and it’s broken. That’s it. And that was another interesting thing, very similar to what you’re saying, like what really has value in terms of the possessions, like what’s your, you know, same thing though, with those individual things that my parents would give me, go for it.

Do what you want with it. It was that sort of perspective, which was also, um. I’m sure tough for them to do. I can already feel as a [00:43:00] dad, it’s tough to do. You wanna like, you know, but, but it was, it was really something that, uh, to this day I’m impacted by.

Brent Dowlen: I was to say, can you, can you feel the tension building in the back of my neck as you’re talking?

Gal Ezra: Yeah. Yeah. It’s a, uh, I, I didn’t notice you hate it. Well, but I understand. ’cause look, I’ve talked to many, many people about, uh, the, you know, relationships, parenting, different things and it’s, uh, I know, I know that it, the reactions on the subject, I get it. I know it’s different. I was raised, it was different and it wasn’t like gentle parenting, which has good and bad connotation.

Like none of that. It was what’s yours is yours. Like, you’ll meet my dad. He is no pushover. He is like, there’s no, but he, he allowed me to become me without controlling it. And it was a really interesting and delicate balance at how they did it, which I can only hope to take half of that and implement it as a dad.[00:44:00]

Brent Dowlen: I think that there’s an interesting line ’cause I can, I can hear, you know, other dads like myself going. Uh, like just, you know.

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, and I don’t completely reject the idea. Um, I think there’s an interesting balance somewhere in there of, right. At the same time, you’re wanting your child to grow into who they’re gonna become, but you’re also teaching them about respecting themselves, respecting what’s theirs, respecting what’s shared property.

Um, taking care of things that they are theirs, right? Mm-hmm. You want them to learn to care for things that they invest themselves in or that they mm-hmm. Put some kind of investment in mm-hmm. Uh, so that they don’t do something stupid. It’s like the, and, and I hate to just say rich kid, but I, I don’t know a lot, you know, a better example, the rich kid who wraps a brand new Porsche around a [00:45:00] tree and is like, whatever.

Mm-hmm. That will buy me another one. Right. Uh, there’s no value in that very nice vehicle because they didn’t ever work for it. They weren’t expected to take care of it. Dad always replace it.

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: Um, I, I knew a dad that I just, one of the places that him and I would differ on was, uh, his kids would break something and he’d just go replace it and he’d just go and like, they could break it four times.

Mm-hmm. He’d just go buy them a new one. Yeah. And I was like, um, at what point are you reinforcing bad decisions here?

Gal Ezra: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: Right?

Gal Ezra: Yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah, a hundred percent. That’s, that’s. Definitely not, not the way either, because, okay, so what’s mine isn’t mine. It’s yours to replace. Very different. It’s not, it’s not that, uh, first of all, shared property is shared property.

That’s a hundred [00:46:00] percent. Um, what gets given to the kid, and not only can, should be explained, should be, uh, guided upon. For sure. Like it’s not just, Hey, take it and you don’t know how to use this toy or whatever, and look at the mess you made. Like, no, no, no. Obviously there’s guidance and, and, and there’s obviously the natural thing from the child of, Hey mom, hey dad, how do, what do I like?

How do I do this? Or should I do this? Or I’m looking at them for, you know, you know how kids will look up at you to check if it’s okay. A lot of that, right? But that was happening while knowing, hey. It’s still mine. Whereas the alternative is nothing’s ever mine. It’s only my parents. And so eventually the second I can, I’m going to revolt.

I want things that are mine and that’s doesn’t manifest until teenagehood when That’s one of the main reasons that kids revolt because they’ve never been able [00:47:00] to have something that’s theirs. I wanted my way, I wanna run my, my life. It’s me. It’s, I, it’s my room. I’m slamming the door. I, because it’s just a revolt against.

I wanna finally have my own self determinism. We never had that because we had our self determinism. Who do I have to revolt against? So there’s not nothing to revolt against. My parents are my teammates. They let me have my things, they guide me. What is there to revolt against? And, um, so yeah, it doesn’t mean let them go and do this the most stupid things because of course kids can do that.

But it’s that understanding of, Hey, I want you to know that this thing is yours. I wanna guide you. I wanna tell you what happens if you break it. I wanna explain to you how this thing, like what can happen here. Um, you know it, and it’s definitely not go take the Porsche and and and wrap it around the tree and I’ll get a new Porsche.

No, because that also destroys the kids. One of the worst things. Worst things is children that are born into rich families, because actually those families [00:48:00] are very controlling. Even though you see that they replace things, they’re missing a lot of fundamentals. And I can say that because I know many, many, many, many, many, many, many rich children and I was, uh, born into a very successful and rich family, but we never went through.

This thing of, oh, I, I’m super entitled and, and, uh, my dad will give me the new thing and no, none of that. No way. Ultimate respect for our things. Like, like any, like any normal kid. But how that was done, and that’s probably something you could bring up to when you interview my dad, is so how do you raise kids under circumstances where there is money?

How do you make sure that they don’t become a spoiled brat? Like I saw so many of people that I know become, uh, and how do you still ensure that they have value for things while letting them know that it’s, it’s theirs, because that. [00:49:00] That is delicate. But when you know how to do that, it’s a real parenting game changer.

Uh, at least it was for me as a child, it meant the world to me on how that was handled.

Brent Dowlen: I love it.

Gal Ezra: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Gal, if people are interested in following up with you and figuring out more, uh, interested in y’all’s program, the family stadium, what is the family?

Gal Ezra: Yeah, the Family academy.

Brent Dowlen: Family Academy, yeah. Where is the best place for you people to find you guys?

Gal Ezra: So, first of all, you can follow me on any social media platform. It’s Gaal, GALA, Ezra, EZRA, Gaal a Ezra. We also have a whole, you know, we do business training, business coaching, relationships, personal development, uh, and uh, a lot of different offerings. You can follow us. G Prosperity. Now G stands for guaranteed, so G Prosperity Now or g prosperity.com.

And what I’ll do is [00:50:00] I’ll, uh, the code that, that your listeners can use is fam, FAM, short for Family Fam, the number five, FAM five, I’ll, I’ll send you the link when we’re done. They just go to that link. They put in FAM five, this $349 program. They get it for free. It’ll be some of the most different but powerful, intriguing, unusual teachings that work.

And, uh, I think that anybody that listens to it will, will kind of like this interview, might agree, might disagree, but what’s for sure is it’ll be different to what everybody says. And, uh, and I think that they’ll get a lot of value out of it. So that’ll be my gift to all your listeners.

Brent Dowlen: I, I am very interested, uh, just because of.

What do I, I, I looked it up at some point. There’s like thousands of books written on parenting every year [00:51:00] and

Gal Ezra: mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: None of them are right. None of them are necessarily wrong. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. None of them are perfect because every child is so very different and unique. Mm-hmm. And so, you know, a great idea is a great idea.

Bad ideas are bad ideas. But you find what works. Right. Um, my, the, so my kids are now old enough that both of ’em are going to youth group at church now. Mm-hmm. And my oldest child has been in for a couple years and the guy who runs the youth group was talking to my mom. And was like there, the differences between the two girls, ’cause the youngest one just started going, she’s like, the differences in personality between the two girls is she’s, she was like, yeah, they’re, they’re, they are very uniquely them.

You know what mm-hmm. What works with one does not work with the other. And so with parenting [00:52:00] you find it’s like, okay, what are some universal truths? What really applies more to this kid and applies more to this kid, what’s gonna work in communicating with them well and expressing love with them and yeah.

It’s,

Gal Ezra: yeah. Yeah, exactly. I, I’m sure that that’s, that, that, that balance. And, and I’ll say one thing that you hit the nail on the head as a final kind of word here is you are saying what are the universal truths? And really it comes down to. Everything that we teach is based off of certain principles, and if we teach something that doesn’t apply to every element of life.

So if I teach you a parenting principle and that same principle doesn’t apply to business, sales, marketing, scaling doesn’t apply to spirituality, doesn’t apply to every part of life, you need to know that it either is a lie or part of it is a lie. It’s not true. Every principle. Will apply. And [00:53:00] yes, different kids, the data will be different.

What you see, data changes, principles don’t. So you’ll see that in the first five lessons. You’ll get principles there that apply to anything. Take that family academy, those first five lessons and listen to it as if, and forget the viewpoint of a family. Listen to it from the viewpoint of business. You’ll see it applies the same.

And, uh, and that’s what’s really interesting. We go over the principles and those universal truths because every kid is different, every situation’s different. But we don’t look at the, the what’s in the front right now. We look at the principles. So I think that that’s what you’ll spot if you, if you listen to that

Brent Dowlen: guys, uh, some of what’s been said today may seem rough around the edges to you.

You know what he, he’s offering you. More, more access. So go see, go check it out for yourself. Don’t dismiss anything outright. You know, I didn’t agree [00:54:00] with everything you said. It doesn’t mean I’m right. Right. I’m very interested because I’m always looking as a father to do better to mm-hmm. My, my journey will stop when I die as a father, that that’s mm-hmm.

That’s the only thing that stops it, and so I’m always looking for. Things that challenge my beliefs, my thoughts, things that push me to be a better dad and to explore things I haven’t explored before because I’m not perfect, right? I got, I got a ways to go. I know that and I’m open to that. And so hopefully you heard something great.

I heard some great stuff talking to gal today. And you know what? I’ve been challenged as a father and now I wanna know more, and I hope you do too. Go, go find out. Because if nothing else you can take from this conversation, Gal’s dad did something right? Because here he is, [00:55:00] champion. Championing.

Championing. I can’t even say that real.

Gal Ezra: Yeah. Yeah. It’s a tough one. Championing. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, you know, the way his father raised him and the closeness in their family. And that is something to be had these days guys. Mm-hmm. That is something worth fighting for. Mm-hmm. And looking into at least. So be sure.

Check that out. We’ll have all the Gal’s links down in the show notes everywhere you can find him as well as the link to the program gal. Thanks for hanging out with us today. I appreciate it, man.

Gal Ezra: Thank you so much. I can say without a doubt that you’re an amazing dad. Who, what other dad runs a dad podcast.

Always wants to learn, always wants to improve. Is open to viewpoints, is willing to say I agree, or I don’t agree. That’s commendable beyond measure, so I can say, without a doubt, you’re an amazing dad. That’s really amazing. So thank you for having me on

Brent Dowlen: guys. Thanks for joining us today on the Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast.

Just a community of dads navigating life’s challenges together. ’cause there’s a lot of them and we [00:56:00] need each other. Until next time, laugh, learn and live the dad life.