Never Satiated | The Content Hungry Man How to Chase Growth Without Losing Your Soul

Speaker: [00:00:00] Have you ever finished something, you, you just worked your tail off to accomplish a goal, a project, a milestone, and instead of feeling proud or fulfilled, your brain quietly whispers, cool, what’s, what’s next? What’s next? You don’t get that victory lap. You don’t get an emotional payoff. You just get this low grade pressure to start climbing that next mountain.

Well, it’s not actually that uncommon. See a lot of men mistake that feeling for failure. Some even think that maybe it’s in gratitude or that it means they’re broken. There’s something that they’re broken, there’s something wrong with ’em, or something like that. The truth is, a man’s hunger for more is not a defect.

It’s actually part of your design. But if you don’t know how that hunger works, it can and probably will eventually work against you. Today we’re gonna [00:01:00] break this open from neuroscience, from stoicism, from scripture, and talk about the gift and the danger of being a man who never truly feels satisfied or completed.

Uh, the term never Sat is coined by Brian Alsruhe that you might know on YouTube to talk about never being satiated. By the end of this episode, you’ll understand why your hunger for more exists biologically. Physi psychologically and spiritually, and how to use it for the purpose that it’s intended for instead of for pressure.

Let’s do this. The Driven 2 Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving. Purpose-filled intentional lives. Welcome to the Driven 2 Thrive broadcast where men learn to lead themselves, their families, and the world with purpose, growth, and lasting impact.

I’m your host, Brent Dowlen. Today [00:02:00] we’re getting into the topic that every ambitious man feels that actually rarely talks about, and right off the bat, I want you to understand you are not broken for wanting more. You’re broken when you let that hunger tell you you’re not enough. Understanding that dis distinction will actually change your life.

You see, your brain loves to chase more than a finish line. That’s what’s driving all this is your brain. Most men don’t understand dopamine is a motivational chemical. It doesn’t show up when you hit the goal. It shows up when you’re chasing the goal, when you feel like you’re getting close, when you’re stock, when you’re in pursuit.

Your brain’s designed to reward the pursuit more than the completion, actually. So yeah, of course you feel a little restless after a win. Your brain is literally pushing you to the next thing before you even had [00:03:00] time to enjoy whatever you just did. Now, on the positive side, you’re biologically wired for forward motion.

That’s a good thing. That drive is what builds businesses, marriages, legacies, personal growth. You are built for pursuit. You’re built to grow. You’re built to climb. It is what has driven mankind to conquer the world. The downside, if you don’t understand this wiring, you’ll actually misinterpret that restlessness as a sign that there’s something wrong with you.

The STOs had a good I good handle on this. Desire is a wild animal. You train it or it trains you. That’s a quote. Scripture frames it differently, but it says the same truth. God set eternity in the hearts of men. If you don’t speak Bible, that translates to, you’re created with a longing that nothing in this world fully satisfied.

Satisfies your hunger’s. Not the problem. [00:04:00] It’s thinking of. The hunger means your failing that gets you into trouble. So try this. Name it. Before moving on right? Today, not tomorrow. Today takes 60 seconds after a small win and say, that counts. I did it. I’m giving myself credit before I move on. The single practice will actually help your brain close that loop and instead of saying in permanent pursuit mode, so if the brain’s wired for pursuit, then the real question is this.

What happens when pursuit stops being purpose and starts being pressure? Well, we’re gonna go there next, but before we move on, let’s get real for a minute and talk about the sponsors of our show, because sleep is one of the most underrated performance enhancers in a men’s life, and it’s really critical in this pursuit.

As you go through [00:05:00] our sponsors over at MyPillow, understand that if you’re a driven guy. If your mind runs hot and you need to crash hard at night, a great pillow’s not optional. It’s a tool. It’s critical. It helps you be able to pursue those things you’re after. And so that’s one of the reasons the eye align with MyPillow and we keep ’em around and sponsors of the show because MyPillow understands that sleep is critical to ambitious men.

They understand that sleep is critical to you showing up as your best self. And legit my life has gotten better. Sleeping on my bill of products. I use them every single night. They made a huge difference in my rest and recovery, both professionally, personally, as as a person who is in pursuit of bigger things in my life.

And hey, I like to work out and crashing on clean MyPillow sheets and laying my head on my [00:06:00] MyPillow pillow. Makes a huge difference in my physical recovery as well as my mental and emotional recovery. So here’s the deal, go to mypillow.com and use promo code Thrive or call 807 9 4 5 8 3 4 and use the code Thrive there as well and you’ll get huge discounts sometimes all the way up to 80% off.

Again, that’s mypillow.com promo code Thrive or call 1-800-794-FIVE 8 3 4. Take your sleep seriously because it powers everything else you do in your life, your pursuits, your relationships, everything. All right. Back to the show. The moment you, your hunger becomes a substitute for your worth. You’re not growing anymore, you’re running this one.

Truth can save you Years of burnout, guys, when hunger turns into self punishment. It’s a problem. That’s the real danger when that drive to grow becomes a scoreboard for your identity. [00:07:00] A lot of men aren’t chasing goals. They’re chasing reassurance. They don’t want the accomplishment. They want the feeling of being enough, and I’m using air quotes there, guys, ’cause you’re already enough.

That’s a bottomless pit when you chase improvement, not because you want to grow, but because you’re terrified of what it means if you stop. Men with old wounds, father wounds, daddy issues, whatever you wanna call ’em. Spiritual wounds often don’t chase goals. They chase labels. They’re chasing being enough.

They’re chasing being capable, being impressive, being worthy. Well, psychology calls that maladaptive striving when you’re starting to chase improvement to escape insecurity. The STOs actually talked about this as well. You suffer not because of your circumstances, but because of your interpretation of them.

It’s not the growth that’s hurting you, it’s the story you attach to growing or not growing [00:08:00] fast enough that’s actually causing problems. Scripture shows us Jesus refusing this exact temptation when he is tempted in the wilderness. If you’re the Son of God, do this right. Prove it. That’s, that’s the short version of that scripture.

If you’re the Son of God, prove it. Uh. But it’s a whole long story. You should check it out. It’s pretty cool. But Jesus doesn’t bite. He has a good answer every time. ’cause Jesus understood. People aren’t about performance-based identity and he wasn’t either. He taught that. Value doesn’t come from performance-based identity.

It comes from who you are as a child of God. A man who doesn’t know who he is will use achievement as an anesthesia. When you’re living like that, something else always breaks. So try this. If you’re struggling with performance based achievement or identity as opposed to [00:09:00] actually just trying to grow, ask this five second question.

Before taking on a new project, task or goal, ask yourself this. Am I doing this to grow or am I doing this to feel like I’m enough? You gotta be honest with yourself here. It’s not gonna work. Am I doing this to grow or am I doing this to feel like I’m enough? If your stomach tightens up, guys, you know the answer and it’s not the one you want to go with.

You don’t have to stop the project. You just don’t let it become the validation for who you are. So if hunger’s not the problem, it’s when the hunger tries to heal a wound that only a truth can touch. If your hunger is rooted in security, it’s gonna show up in the next place every time, and that’s your relationships and that’s gonna hurt.

There’s a relational cost to unchecked dry. [00:10:00] I recently was on a show talking about this very concept of netter, never satisfied, and that was one of the things that he asked me about. Was what happens when he goes to the negative side? Well, here’s one of the places that being get blindsided because a lot of people are like, wait, unsatisfied.

There can be a lot of value in never being satisfied, but there can be a severe cost if you aren’t paying attention and are doing it for the wrong reasons or are not keeping it in a healthy way. Men who are never sat satisfied often become men who are never actually present. When you’re always chasing that next level, that next project, that next promotion, the next number, fill in the blank, whatever you’re chasing, your family starts getting what’s left of you, not the best of you.

Your wife may get your physical presence, but not your attention or your emotional [00:11:00] connection. Your kids may get your physical presence, but not your engagement with them. That’s problematic, right? That’s not the relationship you want. You wouldn’t be on this channel if that’s what you’re into. Well, neuroscience explains this constant pursuit mode.

Keeps your brain locked into task thinking. You literally start to lose the ability to, to emotionally attuned. If you are struggling with this, your wife feels it, your kids feel it. You fill it and a lot of times you just brush it off as being tired. Seneca said he is everywhere is nowhere. That’s the dad at the ball game, refreshing his email instead of watching his kid at scripture hit.

There was one even harder though. What is the prophet of man to gain the world but to lose his soul? Well, let’s fill in the blank. Is a prophet, a man to gain the [00:12:00] world, but lose his soul or lose his home, or his relationship with his kids, or his marriage or his presence. Your drive can elevate your family’s life, but it can also pull you away from them emotionally because you’re always mentally onto the next thing.

Ambition’s a gift guys, but without boundaries, it becomes abandonment. If you’ve fallen into this trap, try this. Give your family 10 minutes of unguarded time. Now, I know there are people right now saying, well, that’s not a lot. You’re right. That’s not a lot, but it’s a place to start tonight. Give your wife or your kids 10 minutes of undivided.

No phone, no multitasking presence if your time is wrapped up so tight. Set a timer. I actually have. Spots on my calendar for my family to make sure, because I [00:13:00] know I get busy. I fall into this a lot, but 10 minutes, well done. That’s more than two hours done. Halfway. You’d be shocked how grounding it feels.

So give it a try. Start with 10 minutes. I encourage you to work up from there, but if you are struggling in this area, here’s a place to start. Hunger can push you forward, and hunger can pull you away, which means you’ve gotta lean, learn to tell the difference between holy hunger and a hollow hunger. Now stick with me.

’cause I understand that not all of you are necessarily faith-based, but this is the best way to describe this, to make it understandable. Holy hunger is growth rooted in identity, purpose, and calling. It expands you. It strengthens you. It blesses the people around you. Hollow hunger is growth rooted in fear, insecurity, and ego.

It drains you. It [00:14:00] distracts you. It damages relationships. Holy hunger is the pursuit that grows you. Hollow hunger is the pursuit that drains you. Holy hunger is rooted in identity hall. Hunger is rooted in insecurity. Holy hunger strengthens your family. Hollow hunger steals you away from them.

Neuroscience says, hol, holy hunger includes rest, recovery, celebration, hollow hunger, whispers in your ear. You don’t deserve rest. You haven’t done anything yet. The stoic said, virtue is the mark of a good man, not accomplishment. Pursuing what makes you good, not just what makes you impressive. Because we fall into that trap frequently in our.

Never satisfy state trying to always grow. So understand that if it’s trying to take you away, if it’s separating you, that’s hollow hunger. [00:15:00] You, you’ve gotten mixed up. Somewhere along the way, the Bible basically said it. Even sharper holy hunger builds character. Hollow hunger builds ego. Scripture calls it a calling.

Growth rooted in identity, not insecurity. When your growth blesses others, it’s holy. When it costs others, it’s hollow. Maybe even easier to understand that way. So try this one. Define the win for the season. Ask yourself what matters the most in this season of my life, not five years from now. Not in theory, not the Internet’s version this season.

Right now, write down one thing and let your hunger aim at that and not everything else, because that hollow hunger will keep you scrambling for more and more and more and more because it will never actually fill the gaps that’s keeping you moving. [00:16:00] Once you know what you’re aiming at, you can actually live in that sweet spot.

Hungry, driven, grounded, and content. The man who’s content and hungry. Yeah. Yeah. That’s where we want to be and that’s where we’re going. This is where men thrive. Content doesn’t mean passive, it doesn’t mean complacent. It doesn’t mean you stop growing content means your soul can rest while your hands are still at work.

Neuroscience says, men who celebrate wins build healthier dopamine cycles. If you’ve been on my show before, you know that dopamine can really, really screw you up. It can really shortchange you, and we get stuck in this unhealthy dopamine cycle of instant gratification. We mistake this because we’re not filling that growth.

We’re not achieving, and [00:17:00] so we start. Finding substitutes, right? We click, we scroll through social media. That’s feeding those dopamine cell those dopamine needs, but celebrating wins creates a healthy dopamine cycle. The SOS say discipline equals freedom. No, Jocko willing did not make that up on his own.

Jocko Willink has some stoic practices in his life and there’s nothing wrong with it, but discipline does equal freedom. First Timothy six, six says, godliness with contentment is great gain. When you’re anchored and hungry, that’s when you start to build legacy. A content man who stays hungry is unstoppable.

Really A hungry man who never finds contentment becomes exhausted, frustrated, who spiritually starved. A satisfied man will stop growing. A starving man stops living, but a content hungry man. He [00:18:00] changes the world and that’s, I’m sure is why you’re actually here. So try this to help stay grounded. Practice the three part evening reset before bed tonight.

Do this. Name one win. Name a gift. Name one goal for tomorrow. Bonus points if you stop and pray about it. ’cause that really helps. This resets dopamine, it builds gratitude and anchors contentment. It only takes 30 seconds, but it will start to rewire your life. Now, a quick break before we wrap this up, guys.

If you want deeper conversations behind the scene contents, the director’s cuts bonus training, and the stuff I wish I could say on the public feed, join us over at Patreon. You’ll get exclusive episodes, early releases, raw conversations, and access to a community of Driven Men who are walking this path with you.

Go to patreon.com/the foible man and hit the link in the show note, or hit the link in the show notes [00:19:00] and join us over there. You’ll also get access to our exclusive Patreon only podcast, high and close mics. It’s a ride. Guys. This is a totally different show than this one. All right, let’s, let’s land this ship.

Your hunger’s not the enemy. It’s a gift, but it’s gotta be aimed. It’s gotta be grounded in identity, not insecurity. It’s gotta be ’cause of purpose, not because of pressure. You don’t have to kill the hunger. You just need to teach a who’s in charge. There’s no problem with living in a state of never being satiated, never being satisfied that you have.

Reach the pinnacle because you never will. That’s not a problem. The problem is when you let that drive become for negative reasons, instead of [00:20:00] positive reasons that are growing you towards your goals, towards your purpose, and towards the people you love. If you want help walking this one out, go to purpose driven men.com.

Let’s do this work together. Until next time, be better tomorrow because of what you do today. We’ll see you on the next one. The Driven 2 Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving. Purpose-filled intentional lives.