Tracy Brinkmann: When Your Dad Cries Like a Baby Everything Changes About Love

Tracy Brinkmann: [00:00:00] Back into the house. I was over visiting Robbie of all people, and they came into the house, you know, the light streetlight was coming on, and that was my time to be at the house. Um, so I was walking in the front door and there was my dad sitting on his easy chair and he had his elbows on his knees and his hands in his, his face in his hands.

And he was crying like a baby. Never had I seen my dad cry. I’d seen him weep, I’d seen him sad, but I’d never seen him just full out cry. He had just gotten the news that his mother had passed away. And so that cut him deep. And so I let him gather himself and he finally pulled me and he gave me this big old hug.

And he goes, you know, she loved you like even. I forget the, the adjectives he put behind that. ’cause I was so wrapped up in the moment of my dad and just hugging me and just being emotionally open and letting it all out at that time. And he goes, I know, I, I I love you too. I just don’t want you to, to [00:01:00] not know that.

And from that moment on, I found myself saying, I love you dad. Right? And even kissing him on the cheek, I was 17, 18, I was a man. I didn’t need to do that. And it just, it never, it never paused after that. It was like, oh, okay. Right. And he would say it right back. It was, I think it was a just this pivot moment for both of us where he had just lost someone significant and probably hadn’t told her, I love you in a month.

You know? ’cause he would call her everywhere, every month or so. And so that hit him. And so he was making sure I knew, I’d already known it was that missing factor. It’s always not, yeah, I know you love me, dad. He goes, well, I make sure you know these statements. Okay. You know, you know what I’m saying? So never assume they know.

Go ahead and tell ’em. I tell my wife and my daughters, I love you. Every single time we communicate, just because you never know

Brent Dowlen: Tracy. [00:02:00] Every dad has that story that they light up. They love to share with their dad friends. What is your favorite dad story?

Oh

Tracy Brinkmann: my gosh. Unfortunately, I have so damn many of them.

But I’ll, I’ll give you one that really kind of sparks me up too to, to use your, your, uh, your point there. Um, my. Youngest daughter was a cheerleader, started doing cheerleading at like 12 and did it all the way until she aged out at, at 18. And I became that cheer Dad. I was the one that had the crazy hat I told you about the hat I couldn’t find, I wanted to bring to the show.

I had a jean jacket that had my daughter’s image, you know, spray painted on the back of it. I was at every event. I even went so far for her team and, uh, I made them a flag and I’m talking a real four foot by six foot blinged out flag with their logo that I started running at first in front of [00:03:00] my, uh, daughter’s team.

When they’d come on stage, I’d run the flag out to give everyone, you know, a time, uh, time to cheer them on and everything, but. Eventually all the other teams were like, did you run that flag for us as well? And that was an amazing experience. ’cause my daughter got to take the stage and do things she was proud of.

I got to be an integral part of that. And then when she finally stepped away and, uh, wasn’t cheering anymore, she actually considered coaching for a little while. And the following season, the, uh, the, the head coach there, the lady that owned the gym, I reached out to her. I said, Hey, your, your, your first event this season is gonna be right in my town, which was about an hour away from them.

Would you, would it be okay if I could come, you know, run the flag and she Oh yeah, sure. No, no problem. And. I went and I ran the flag for all the teams, which was an all day event. And then the next day I hopped on Facebook and I was like, Hey, thanks [00:04:00] Tanya for letting me come out there and be a part of the team.

Once again, it felt like family and all of a sudden I got all these comments from all the cheerleaders and their parents about seeing the flag guy. Some of them didn’t even know my name. They just knew me as the, as the flag guy, and it was like this moment of pride that, oh, right, you know, I was actually doing something not just for my daughter, but for all the other daughters and sons that were a part of this sports that they remembered and look forward to.

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Welcome to the Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast, the unfiltered Truth about being a dad. Real dads real stories, unfiltered, candid conversations on fatherhood. I’m your host, Brent Dowlen and my guest today is Tracy Brinkmann. Tracy, welcome to the Dad

Tracy Brinkmann: Hat Shenanigans podcast. Hey man, thank you for having me on. You know, we were talking about both of [00:06:00] us being podcasters.

Have you ever noticed how your voice changes right into radio mode as soon as you hit that, that, that start button for this part of the, of the show? Oh my gosh.

Brent Dowlen: Oh yeah. No, my, my children tease me about it all the time because they, they, they have all my podcast bookmarked. Uh, I have an 11-year-old and a 13-year-old.

Okay. And they’ll listen to this one pretty regularly actually, especially my youngest. But they all love to give me teasings about, it’s like, oh, dad’s working. That’s right. My voice changed as it’s working.

Tracy Brinkmann: I, I’ll come upstairs. Uh, my, my particular studio is down in the basement right below the living room.

And my ladies, uh, they can hear the tone shift in my voice when I’m sharing on a podcast or doing my own podcast. They call it My Happy Voice. I’m okay with that.

Brent Dowlen: Oh, yeah. No, I, I used to, you know, I didn’t really pay attention to the fact that people’s voices changed in certain scenarios. Mm-hmm. [00:07:00] Until I was in, in high school.

My sister called me out, you know, I, I, I’m old enough, I had a regular phone, like before everybody had cell phones. Right. And she would always tell if I was talking to a girl because my voice changed. It didn’t matter if it was my girlfriend or just a female I knew, but my voice changed registers. And she’s like, oh, he’s talking to some girl.

How do you even know that your voice changes? I’m putting on my dating voice. Right. Uh oh. Yeah. No, it’s, it’s the good stuff, right? It is the little things that we take for granted. My, my daughters think it’s hilarious. ’cause right now we just started, uh, the children’s production, which I, of course got drug into because my wife’s best friend is the director.

So they needed a providing and sound guy. And my daughter’s we’re like, oh dad, so when you get on the mic, I was like, no, I, I need to be on the mic. They’re like, come on, [00:08:00] where’s the podcasting voice?

Tracy Brinkmann: That’s right. That’s awesome.

Brent Dowlen: Tracy, I know you had some trouble finding your hat for this one ’cause you couldn’t find the one you wanted that show, right?

So we gotta have the hat story. What, what does your hat represent for you?

Tracy Brinkmann: This particular hat here, it, it’s got two uh, representations. One obviously is the big steel superman. And I think for me as a father, because uh, I think about my father, my two grandfathers, they were Superman, right? Uh, there was a period of my time where I thought, you know what?

My dad could do any bloody thing he wanted to, and, and my dad was that cliche, six foot three, just manly men, you know, 23 years in the military. My grandfather was also in the military, and then he became a brick mason. You know, my other grandfather, uh, was, uh, uh, in construction and then did lots of things, [00:09:00] lots of crafts with metals.

So they were all very creative, all very manly men. And so being a dad, I think carries with it that superman mantra. Sub-story to this is I’m a big rollercoaster fan and I groom all my daughters, all four of them. I groomed them on rollercoasters from a very young age. As young as they were able to get onto a rollercoaster, they were on it.

Now, mind you, I never forced them to, but as long as they wanted to, they were on there with me. There was a few of them. They did. No, I’m okay. I’m not gonna go on that one. And there was this one amazing one when we lived down in Atlanta. And it was the Superman ride and it was the first lay down rollercoaster that I had ever experienced.

And you got into it and you sat down and when you got, when they started the rollercoaster, they lifted you up about six inches and then they pivoted your seat forward. [00:10:00] So you were almost in a full laying motion like this. And then they took you through the loops and the swirls and the rights and the left banks, you know, and then they brought you back to a and you felt like you were flying.

And there was a couple of points where you were doing those cliche, you know, rollercoaster nose dives straight towards the ground. Oh my God, what a rush. It was amazing. So that’s the sub-story that goes with that as well.

Brent Dowlen: Oh my God, I’ve heard of those. Like I, I love roller coasters. I love roller coasters.

Grew up going to Six Flags, uh, as I was growing up and all those, and I’ve never, I’ve heard of. The Superman. I’ve never actually been on one that lays you out like that. Oh God, that’s amazing. It want you so bad. Oh, I want you so bad. It’s

Tracy Brinkmann: such, it’s such a different experience from any of the other ones.

You know, even with you’re, um, there was one there, it was called, it was the Batman, and it was you, you receded and it was like all open, which is cool in and of itself, but man, that laying [00:11:00] down one that’s mm-hmm. That’s a different experience.

Brent Dowlen: Oh my goodness. Yeah. I wanna try one of those so bad. It’s been so many years.

I used to keep a, I had a punch list of like the top 10 rollercoasters in the world. Mm-hmm. And I, that I was, I was marking ’em off as I hit them, uh, when I was younger. Haven’t been on a few in a while.

Tracy Brinkmann: Who the two of the greatest rollercoaster parks for me. I mean, and I love Six flags, uh, and grew up. With all the Six Flags Magic Mountain in California, the one down in Atlanta.

Mm-hmm. But the two that stick into my head when it comes to rollercoasters, if you’re a rollercoaster aficionado, one is, uh, Cedar Point up in Ohio. And so that one’s a really good one. And it’s, and it’s in there in Sandusky, uh, Ohio. So it’s the very top. And then you have to go down to Universal Studios.

And Universal Studios has two parks. One is obviously the Universal Studios Park and the other one is the Rollercoaster Park.

Brent Dowlen: Oh.

Tracy Brinkmann: And they have some [00:12:00] sick rollercoaster. They winner used to be, uh, called the Double Dragon and it was really two rollercoasters that kind of went weaving around each other. So you get up and go on one and then you just crawl around and go back on to go on the other one.

’cause it’s a little bit of a different experience. And they have some amazing other rollercoasters too. So check those out if you’re ever down.

Brent Dowlen: Is that universal Florida?

Tracy Brinkmann: That’s Universal Studios Florida. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I’ve been, I’ve been on that one. I’ve been on the Double Dragon. Double Dragon. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I, I, I’m a personal, huge fan of The Viper at Magic Mountain.

Like that That one was a Yes. Yes. I was in junior high. I was there when first

Tracy Brinkmann: built that one. That one’s been around a minute.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah, I was in junior high, uh, passing through and we stopped and went to Magic Mountain. Oh. We probably passed each other in

Tracy Brinkmann: on the walkways of, uh, of Magic Mountain. Then

Brent Dowlen: Tracy, you said you had four girls?

Any boys? I, I have four

Tracy Brinkmann: girls. All totaled. Yeah. [00:13:00]

Brent Dowlen: Oh, power Girl, dad,

Tracy Brinkmann: power Girl, dad. And it’s all my fault as we come to learn in biology.

Brent Dowlen: Oh, that’s right. I think you’ve been on my friend Oscar’s the daughter podcast. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Oh, Oscar, what a great guy. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. I love Oscar. Uh, yeah, that’s right.

I, I’m, I’m helping him. I’m, I’m working production on the, some of the shows now. So I was going back through, I thought I, I had seen the soundbites with you on there. Yes.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah. That was, that was a good show. I love that. What a great concept for a show too, because, you know, I think being, um, a dad to a daughter is night and day to being a dad, to a son.

It is. Let’s get past the obvious reasons, right? Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: But

Tracy Brinkmann: even still, you’re trying to raise, here’s what I call it. You wanna raise a princess? That is a princess, but you want her to be able to get her hands dirty, right? I want my daughters and I taught my daughters how to change [00:14:00] their oil, how to change their tires so that they did not need a man, but I also raised them to pick a man that wouldn’t make them do those things, right?

So it’s right there. Yeah. It’s this odd balance, you know what I’m saying? You know how to do it. But I don’t want you to have to do it. So there’s that, there’s that tricky balance you gotta do sometimes.

Brent Dowlen: I am a deep believer I have stop and count these days. I have eight or nine nieces. Mm-hmm. And two daughters, like there, there’s only a couple boys between the two sides of the family, there’s only a couple boys mm-hmm.

That have come in, in the, our kids’ age groups. And so I, I’ve grown up, you know, being around my nieces all the time, and so I had expectations when I became a dad. And that was one of ’em was like, okay, I want my, my daughters need to be able to do this stuff for themselves. I don’t want them to have to, if they bring me home a boy where they have to, he’s out.

Like, that’s just a, [00:15:00] that’s it.

Yeah.

Tracy, I, I said you were, I, uh, sorry.

Tracy Brinkmann: I was just gonna say there was a, there was a young man that, uh, my oldest brought to the house and she goes, uh, dad, he wants to ask you. She would take me out on a date and she was probably, I was about a junior, maybe a sophomore in high school.

And she told him, you have to do this. And all the other boys are like, well, later. And he came up and he did, he asked me, you know, Hey, I take your daughter out a date and this Yeah, sure. And, you know, we had a good chat. It was a great guy. It didn’t last long, but just the fact that that respect was there and my daughter had made sure they were aware this was a requirement.

Brent Dowlen: Mm-hmm.

Tracy Brinkmann: She wasn’t gonna be going out with someone that I didn’t know who they were. And I thought that was cool on both sides. One that he did it and two, that she insisted upon it happening. [00:16:00]

Brent Dowlen: That’s solid gold right there. When your, when your relationship is so successful with your children mm-hmm. That your daughters have this in their head, it’s like, no, we, there are hoops you gotta jump through to date me.

And one of the means you gotta actually like meet my dad and they’re

Tracy Brinkmann: down with that. Right. It’s, I was, I was loving it. I was loving it.

Brent Dowlen: Gentlemen, right there. That, that should tell you we’re, we’re talking to a good person, uh, to get, there’s some advice on, on this. But before we dive down those rabbit holes, Tracy, uh, I said you were a podcaster.

Is there anything you wanna tell the audience about you before we deep dive that they need to know?

Tracy Brinkmann: Uh, you know, I, I’m just, I’m just your average schmo. You know, I, I, like you said, I, I have a podcast. It, it’s funny and it’s like anything in life, you, you go, you dive into something. I dove into podcasting way back when in 2007, and then started my most recent one in 2020 when everything was going haywire.

Actually, I, [00:17:00] I started planning it before everything went haywire and I thought, you know what? I’m not stopping now. I’m gonna keep going. And it’s gotten narrower and narrower and narrower as I’ve gotten more experience with it. And it’s like anything else in life. Okay, I’m gonna be a car guy. Okay. Were you gonna be a GM guy, a Ford guy, or a Chevy guy?

Right. Dodge Mopar. What are you gonna do? And you start narrowing it down. Okay, well now I’m gonna be a Ford guy. Okay. Are you, are you a Mustang guy or not a Mustang guy? Right. Okay. I’m gonna be a Mustang guy. Okay. Pre sixties or after six. It’s all these ne because you ask any Ford guy, he’s got a very specific vehicle that is his favorite.

And it’s like anything else in life. You, you keep narrowing down. And when I started the podcast, and I’ll get off my rant in a minute, it was entrepreneurs, all of them. That’s a pretty big ocean. And then I narrowed down to my online entrepreneurs. It’s still pretty people. And then it hit me that most of the folks I was chatting with, uh, behind the scenes, not on the podcast [00:18:00] itself, they were parents and they were trying to escape their nine to five with online opportunities.

Oh. And that’s where the magic sauce to come in. Like, I’m gonna focus in on these guys. ’cause that was me just not too long ago. So let me help them out. So if you’re looking for that kind of podcast, come on over and, uh, check us out

Brent Dowlen: guys. I haven’t even heard it, but what, what I haven’t told you guys yet is Tracy and I have some history.

Tracy was on my other show three years ago. Um, I’ve been a fan of his podcast, his primary podcast that he is had for years, the Dark Horse Podcast, uh, for a long time. I’m actually really excited. I was looking at it before the show. I was looking at your new show, like, I’m just adding a new one to my playlist because

Tracy Brinkmann: it’s fun.

I try to have fun with it, you know, and, and drop nuggets. And there’s the thing, if you’re not having fun with it, why, why are you doing it? Right,

Brent Dowlen: exactly. Uh, I, I, [00:19:00] well, you know, to not to like, you know, blow smoke at you, honestly, like tracking your work on the Dark Horse Podcast, you were on season three of my other show.

And we’re in season six, wrapping up the end of season six right now. Um, but I have tracked your work ever since. I have stayed connected with you on social media, and it has inspired me in some of the more difficult times that I’ve had during this. So thank you for that. And guys, I’m serious, you’ll want to check out both shows.

The man has a lot to teach and a lot to share, but today we’re just picking his brains about being a dad, being a dad. There it is. Being a dad because let’s, let’s face it, that’s like one of my favorite things, I think is one of your favorite things.

Tracy Brinkmann: It is. I’m very proud of my, uh, of my, uh, moniker as as a father.

A hundred percent.

Brent Dowlen: What’s

Tracy Brinkmann: your favorite thing about being a dad? Hmm. I think one of my favorite things that’s gonna be self-serving is, [00:20:00] um, hearing them pass the lessons I tried to bestow on them onto my granddaughter. I have one granddaughter now, and, uh, my, uh, my oldest will occasionally reach out to me and say, alright, here’s what’s going on.

You know, to kind of write on the text and, uh, share whatever’s going on in, uh, my granddaughter’s life and say, here’s what I told her. I’m like, you got it. You nailed it. And I’m sitting there thinking to myself, wow, that’s the exact same thing. I actually told her about the same age, or that I would’ve told her if I’d have been in that same scenario.

And as a, as a father, as a parent, you just kind of paw, you just puff your chest out. Like, damn, she actually hurt me. Um, because let, let’s be honest, there are times in your life, and if you haven’t gone through it yet, you probably will, where your kids aren’t gonna listen to you, keep talking to them.

Right. Don’t, I’m [00:21:00] not a big fan of the yelling. I’ve been through the yelling phase. It was. It was a waste of time. But keep talking to them because here’s the, here’s the thing that I learned, uh, luckily from my mom and dad weren’t big yellers. If they, if my dad raised his voice even a little bit, I knew how fire was about to rain and my name changed from Tracy to boy, and that was the level of voice he would go up to, up to.

And if I heard that, I’m like, oh, okay, what’d I do? So don’t bother yelling. They’re just gonna, that’s an instant turnoff. But keep talking to them because as a result of that, when they get older and they get into that same scenario, your voice, God willing, the river don’t rise, will be the one in their ear going.

Here’s what I told you to do when you were 14. Maybe you should share this with your child at 14. You know, and those are proud moments. And [00:22:00] even with the changing environment, society and social media and everything, a lot of the core lessons, they kind of remain the same and they can be bestowed forward.

Brent Dowlen: I, I, years ago I was a youth minister and, uh, this before I had children, but I, I grew up working with kids and, but I used to tell parents all the time, it’s like there’s a point where you’re going to have to trust that you did your best work. Mm-hmm. And though you don’t see it right now, when life tries those kids later on that what you did, that’s actually embedded and it’s gonna come back up to surface when they’re faced with those situations.

Yeah. And you gotta trust that that’s what’s gonna happen. ’cause that’s what happens with you. You may not remember it with your parents, but. I was, I was in my twenties and early thirties and it’s like, I, I still have those moments where I look at it and it’s like, those lessons come [00:23:00] flooding back. I’m in a situation, it’s like, oh yeah, dad told me about this.

Yeah. Mom hurt me for this. Right. Yeah. And so it’s one of those things I’m having to look at now with my kids being 11 and 13, is remembering some of those lessons my parents taught me. Mm-hmm. And I was like, uh, what, what would mom have done? I have the benefit. My mom now lives with us. Uh, so Oh, nice. I have the benefit ’cause grandma is, is right down the hall, which is a huge benefit.

There’s a lot of value, um, to having her in my kids’ life every day. Yeah. That’s an

Tracy Brinkmann: amazing experience. We were lucky enough to have that for a short period of time when we were down in Atlanta and the girls were, you know, they’re still in their single digits. I think Tylee got as old as 10, but grandma and grandpa were, weren’t, they weren’t in the house, but they were like five minutes old.

And you know, grandma was like, if you ever need a babysitter, just bring ’em over. And dad would say, who cares if they want a babysitter, bring ’em over. Anyway, [00:24:00] my dad loved the girls, loved them to death. And uh, so it was a blessing. Take ’em over there, you know, he’d feed them and joke around, play with him, have a good time, and they would see yet another man, you know, being a man, but still being able to be soft and, you know, be joing and have a good time without all that male bravado on.

But don’t you Right. Push come to shove, dad would leap over a bar, and I say this because I, I saw it happen to defend family, right? Mm-hmm. So when something boom, it would be there. So, you know, they get to see both sides of that. And not just from one male person, but from another as well if, if they’re around.

So, and, and I think I want to add to this. You can’t just be parenting when things go wrong. I think you need to be parenting. And I use that word intentionally all the time. [00:25:00] And for me, that also meant sometimes having to share a part of my life that I’m not proud of, but I survived. So when I tell you, don’t do drugs, right, or Don’t go drinking, or, you know, or if you do it, monitor yourself or wait till you’re, you know, all the leaks, all the stuff.

I told my wife at the time, I said, I’m gonna be telling ’em these stories. And then of course I, you keep it age appropriate, right? Oh yeah, yeah. Tell ’em what they can understand. Um, but I’m gonna be telling ’em the stories because I lived it and because some of these are pretty horrible stories that I hate and.

Devoid of pride. It does two things. One, I’m not preaching from a, a pulpit. Right? I’m not preaching from the choir. I’m sharing lived experience and not, it’s not, you know, it’s not the dare sign, don’t do drugs because [00:26:00] the, the sign says, so it’s, I did it and trust me, it’s not as fun as you might think it might be.

Brent Dowlen: I think that’s one of the most underrated things that we can convey to dads, uh, any, any dad is your kids learn from you around the clock. Mm-hmm. There there’s not dad hours. Right. There’s not a little sign. You click on the sign dad is in right now. Yeah. There’s not dad hours. Uh, every, every moment your kids learn so much more from observing you than anything that ever comes out of your mouth.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I was talking with some, uh, I, I have a Bible study on every, every Monday morning that I go to, uh, with a group of guys before people had to work. And we were talking about it this morning. It’s like I generally start my day out with some prayer and some Bible reading, and that’s, that’s the Ben benefits my day.

Right. But I was sitting with it [00:27:00] the other day and I was talking to him and it’s like, you know, I realize that there’s a downside to the way I do things. ’cause my day starts so much earlier than anybody else’s in this house. I’m, I’m up and going at 4:00 AM And so same, my kids, my kids aren’t seeing that.

They’re not seeing the daily Bible study and prayer that I spend in the first part of my morning. And I was sitting on my couch yesterday. So today’s a Monday. I was sitting on my couch yesterday morning and Sunday the morning is the one day. I, I don’t, I. I don’t turn on work. I don’t, Sunday morning, I, I wake up with my wife instead of getting up my normal time.

Mm-hmm. So we have at least one day a week. We’re getting up at the same time actually. Sure. She gets a little frustrated waking up in an empty bed every day. ’cause I’m up and going already. And so I didn’t have my computer on, so I was sitting on my couch when my youngest daughter got up and I was reading my Bible on my phone and she came over and, and snuggled up [00:28:00] under my arm.

Which, you know, that’s, that’s those dad moments you just love. You just, yeah.

Tracy Brinkmann: You hold onto those, just

Brent Dowlen: melt. But she’s been taught not to read people’s phones over their shoulders. Mm-hmm. Because I’m constantly on social media having to advertise my stuff and mm-hmm. Uh, and I don’t wanna see them seeing everything that happens to couple of my feed.

’cause the algorithm threw something totally inappropriate. My feed mm-hmm. Feed all of a sudden. Exactly. And so I was reading and I realized like I started to put down my phone. And I looked down and noticed she was, I was like, baby, are you done reading? She’s like, oh, oh no. It’s, it’s okay. I’m reading my Bible.

You can, it’s okay for you to read over my shoulder reading my, the Bible. Right? But she was watching me and she was reading along while I was reading. I thought, mm-hmm. Why am I not doing this? I know is more of a pain to break after my day has started. Mm-hmm. To do my prayer and bible study, but why am I not doing this more in front of them?[00:29:00]

Yeah. Right. What am I missing teaching them? Because I can say Dad does that, but for them to actually see that, that’s a priority to me.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Right.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah. And it’s not like you even have to break it out of your pattern. You could leave that pattern that you’re already doing in the morning. You could just add a few more minutes later in the day when they’re around and they can participate.

Just a thought,

Brent Dowlen: hey, no, that’s an absolutely valuable thought. You know, I, I don’t think I. I, I sometimes get into that checklist mode. It’s like mm-hmm. Done On the next thing. Yeah. It’s done.

Tracy Brinkmann: It’s done. Yeah. Right.

Brent Dowlen: Punch list. Tracy, lemme ask Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. I, I was just gonna ask you, when you were found out you were gonna be a dad mm-hmm.

Everybody gave you advice. I have no doubt, because that’s just what people do at this point. Sure. Everybody and their dog has an opinion. Did someone actually give you good advice? Any, what was the best piece of advice you got?

Tracy Brinkmann: Let’s see. I was lucky [00:30:00] enough and, uh, I had chosen to surround myself with at least four amazing people that weren.

My family by blood. And uh, one is my brother from another mother that we met when he was 14 and I was 16 and we were, we were like this, uh, until he passed away a few years ago. And, uh, he had given birth to, well he didn’t, first time, um, he had a daughter, uh, a few years before I did. I think it was like two, three years before I did.

And so he came to me and said, your life is about to change and you need to change with it. And, uh, I say it like that because he was one of those guys that would walk up to you, smack you in the back of the head and go, what the bleep are you doing to me? Right. And to his brother, because that’s the [00:31:00] relationship we had.

And, and that’s how I wanted it. I need you to check me, because I’m gonna check you. So we had done that for years. And, uh, I was in a, I was in a good place in my life, you know, uh, I alluded to the drug scene earlier and I was in that, and I tell my oldest daughter, she saved my life because when, when stuff went down, three months later after she was born, I was walking home and in my head I could hear my dad going, family for his family, for his family first, which I probably just would’ve pushed off to the side if it had just been me, but it wasn’t anymore.

I now had a three month old daughter. And so that was saying, okay, I’m not just jacking around with my life anymore. I’m now impacting another human being that I brought into this world and I wanna make, it’s my responsibility to, you know, raise. And so Robbie giving me that advice. [00:32:00] Hit me when at the same time, because I had to change my life.

So he had effectively verbally smacked me upside the head saying, dude, new baby, you need to change your stuff around, otherwise I’m probably gonna come whoop on you for, for your a little while. You know what I’m saying? So it, that was great advice because the moment you become a parent, everything changes for me.

You have to make them the priority. You still need to make sure you take care of yourself so you can take care of them. But everything is second fiddle at that point because they’re there and you brought them here. And that’s the period. It’s a hard stop right there, and you have to handle that. I was lucky enough that my mom and dad when I was, you know, uh, fixing myself coming outta [00:33:00] this, uh, I was able to go back to mom and dad and I moved into the garage and my, uh, daughter literally moved into what used to be my bedroom, probably not more than four or five years previous.

And, uh, you know, obviously mom helped out with the babysitting and dad helped out with the, uh, the occasional whoop upside the head while I was fixing myself. But it was that advice that rung in my head, twofold. One, my dad sang family first, family first, but then my brother from another mother saying, you are a parent now.

Everything has to change,

Brent Dowlen: man. That was good advice.

I like that. There, there’s just so much lousy advice. Like, I, like I’m not joking. Everybody and their dog Right. Gives you advice the minute they find out they’re gonna be a dad. Oh, so much, so much of it is lukewarm at best.

Yes. Right.

Yeah. Um, that’s what [00:34:00]

Tracy Brinkmann: I think society, and of course we come from an earlier time.

I don’t know your age, but I see the beard and a little bit of gray going on there, so, oh, definitely. I’m gonna tack on, I’m gonna tack on a couple of years, maybe not as many years as I have, but I think we came from a different age. When you, when you got advice, it may have been milk toast vice, but yours are, you know, teen or, uh, 13 and 10, I think you said 11.

Yeah. In that, in that area. Okay, so you, you’ve got a decade, you’re going back. So yeah, you got a lot of that milk toast advice. My oldest is 35, so I got that advice 35 years ago, and my circle of close friends were a little more honest and I wanted them to be, I, I didn’t wanna surround myself with a bunch of yes folks.

Oh yeah, you’re amazing, Tracy. No, uh, if I’m not amazing, don’t say it. You know, [00:35:00] uh, hit me upside to head. Stop me in my, uh, in my tracks and guide me. ’cause that’s why you’re my friend. Otherwise, you’re not my friend. You’re a fan. And I don’t need fans. I’m not on a stage, if that makes sense.

Brent Dowlen: Oh, I would a hundred percent agree.

People talk about, oh, I, I, I blame Facebook for contaminating the concept of friends instead of having followers or something like that. They have your friends group, right?

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. Um. But that’s the thing, right? If, if I count friends, actual mm-hmm. Friends, it’s a very small number and Yes. And all of those people would not hesitate to hit me in the head with a baseball bat if that’s what it took.

Right. To get my attention to straighten up. Right. Yeah. If they thought I was being stupid or foolish as a father, they wouldn’t hesitate. ’cause they love my children too. Yeah.

Tracy Brinkmann: And that’s the way for me, I believe it should be. Right. I’ve got that. [00:36:00] I could probably count ’em on one hand, the friends that, uh, that I would’ve take advice for in the first place.

I heard a video, I think just this morning that said there are uh, four people you should take advice from. And the one that’s, you know, one of them was the person that’s traveled the path, the person that failed traveling the path. And, and I forget what the other two were, but the, the last one was the person that you respect that traveled the path.

Because I know a couple of people that are or were parents, while they still are parents, that I don’t want to be like them when it comes to being a parent. So that’s not someone I want to be taking advice from and trust me. And like you probably experienced, they’re just as fast as everyone else I know because I have, you know, a a girl and here’s what you’re gonna go through and you’re like, no, no.

Those are usually those, um, part-time [00:37:00] parents. They’re parents when things go awry or worse, even worse than that, their parents, when everything is going well and when things are going awry, you’re like, where’s your mom? Where’s your dad? And they’re like, I don’t know. They were here a minute ago.

Brent Dowlen: I actually like to talk to those parents mainly because it throws in.

That, that studying people, I like to study people. Mm-hmm. Kicks in and so I’m, I’m studying not for what I wanna do, but for the key indicators of this is what I should not do. Right. How do they actually get to this point? What, what, what is, what interfering with their focus, what is drawing their attention, what is it they see that is so much more important that I should absolutely be aware of that thing, so I can not follow that same path.

Right.

Tracy Brinkmann: I bet you found one of the common indicators, didn’t you? If you, if you’ve studied some of those people, and I, I’ve, [00:38:00] I won’t say I studied them, but I paid attention to a number of them, especially in the circle of friends that my daughters would have over the years and the parents. I found that I would class not great parents.

You can put, call it whatever you want it. Were the ones, and this is the universal statement, that were more interested in themselves than their children. A and therein lies the problem. It comes back to the advice I was given by my, my brother, Robbie. Everything’s gotta change. And I was going through my party phase, right?

I was going all, doing all kinds. This all me, me, me, me, me, me. I couldn’t be, it couldn’t be about me anymore. It had to be about them. Did I get me time? Of course, you get me time out of it, but you, it’s a lot less. And then a lot of times, I think as a good parent, you figure out how to put you into their [00:39:00] lives.

There’s where one of the big breaks is, especially with social media, right? Oh, my mom’s, uh, you know, doing this thing over here. She’s on her phone. The kids are on their phone. Check it out, ladies and gentlemen, moms and dads, if you are not being the parent, someone else is, Facebook is Instagram is, they are influencing your child’s perspective on life, on what’s good and what’s bad on the gray spots where some parents think you should go that way and some parents think you should go that way.

Um, so you wanna be there. You wanna be that parent during the good times and during the bad times, during the quiet times as well as the loud ones.

Brent Dowlen: You know, one of the, I I would agree, you know, you see the ones who are self-interested, right? Mm-hmm. One of the big, big red flags I see. And, and it, it’s a, I wanna say it’s part of that, [00:40:00] it’s all about me, is the parents who never move on.

Mm-hmm. People who never move, right? Those, those friends. Friends you loosely that are like in their thirties or forties, and they’re like, oh, you remember the good old days? That is such a red flag statement to me. Yeah, okay. It’s as red as my hat. Yeah. Those parents who never moved past and looked for forward towards the future, they got stuck in, uh, glory days and now they’re going to live those glory days through their kids and force their kids to do it, and that’s what they really want out of children.

It’s like, mm mm mm mm No, no, no, no, no.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah, yeah. And those are, those are, um, not great folks to even be in a relationship with, let alone be co-parenting with.

Brent Dowlen: Right. Yeah. Those are, I I’m always [00:41:00] awed by those people. It’s like, um, I, I’m really happy with my life now. I mean, my life’s far from perfect. Yeah.

You, you couldn’t pay me to go back to those days. I lived them. Sure. They were cool in the time and I moved on to much other, but there are so many people who never moved past that 18 to 22 range.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah. That’s, that’s sad. That’s about the best way I could put that one.

Brent Dowlen: Tracy, is there anything particularly, I mean, we’re covering some broad ground here and I’m loving the conversation. Sure. Is there anything particularly you wanna bring up today while we’re talking? Um,

Tracy Brinkmann: I, I think as being, um, the father of someone who’s lost a child, and I, I think that’s a very narrow group of folks.

God, I hope it’s a narrow group of folks. Anyway, there’s a, um, there’s a, a message inside of that [00:42:00] and. For me, uh, I was lucky enough to start learning this early on, which is probably why I’m not stuck in my 18 to 21-year-old self is. Um, I learned to take the moments and look back into what I call the abyss, your dark times, whatever your dark time is, a loss of a child, your divorce, bankruptcy, stupid relationship.

You got whatever it is, and learn the lesson. And I think the same thing is really applicable to parents and help their children do the same thing. Don’t ignore the, the ugly, the bad as much as you wouldn’t ignore the good. I mean, we’re so busy giving our kids, you know, prizes for participation. How about make sure we give them the, um, awareness of when they stumble, bumble, fall and face plant.

And as the parent helped them understand, we stumbled, we mumbled, we fell, we face planted. [00:43:00] We got up with kaka all over our face, learned to wipe it off, maybe laugh at ourselves a little bit and move on. Before Krista passed away, I probably had one perspective on life, and it was a good perspective. It was like, oh, there’s all these great things that can happen, and I was always hopeful and optimistic.

I still am. But then there was a level of realism that stepped into my life at that moment and from every moment on to say, okay, well it’s not all rose. You know, rose colored sunglasses and you know, rainbows and unicorns. Every once in a while bad things happen and you just gotta learn to, okay. Step up and move on.

You’re not gonna get everything you want, not gonna get everything you even need. Um, you are gonna be faced with a really tough decision or faced with [00:44:00] something really ugly happening. What is the lesson in that so that you’re not stuck at that moment? Maybe it’s not your 18 to 21 moment. Maybe it’s your 27 to 31 moment.

You can’t get past that moment. I believe God, Allah Buddha, mother, nature, whoever you believe in is going to keep giving you that lesson, putting it in front of you until you learn it. And once you learn it, well then you can start moving on and you’ll stop being that person that is, uh, stuck in their 18 to 21 phase.

Brent Dowlen: I think it’s one of those valuable gifts. I was enjoying you talking about how you, you told your children those stories, right? The, those stories that you don’t always come off looking so good in. Right,

Tracy Brinkmann: exactly. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I think there is so much value. I mean, and like you said, you obviously you have to keep it aged appropriate.

Sure. I have some stories that my children have gotten the cliff note version of mm-hmm. A few more [00:45:00] years before they get the full unfiltered version of that. Sure. Um, because I’ve definitely stepped in it pretty deep, but there’s so much value as a father to, and, and I think vulnerability has become a, a big word for it.

Right. In a modern era, you hear men sos talk about vulnerability all the time, vulner. Mm-hmm. Part of that is being a dad. One of the best things you can do with your kids is let them see you as an imperfect human, I think.

Mm-hmm.

Agreed. Let them see you fail, let them see you struggle. Let them see that you’re not perfect at everything and you gotta work for it.

Yeah. It’s one of the things. Yeah. I,

Tracy Brinkmann: uh, um, there, there was a, a period in my late teens that I questioned. If my father loved me as much as I thought he did, and it wasn’t because of anything he did, there was no abuse, none, none of that. It was just, I didn’t see it. My dad was amazing, man. Did [00:46:00] all the right things for the family, but he, I don’t know, there was just, there was something missing.

That feeling went away. One evening when I walked, uh, back into the house, I was over visiting Robbie of all people, and I came into the house, you know, the light streetlight was coming on, and that was my time to be at the house. Um, so I was walking in the front door and there was my dad sitting on his easy chair and he had his elbows on his knees and his hands in his, his face in his hands, and he was crying like a baby.

Never had I seen my dad cry, seen him weep. I’d seen him sad, but I’d never seen him just full out cry. He had just gotten the news that his mother had passed away. And so that cut him deep. And so I let him gather himself and he finally told me, and he gave me this big old hug. And he goes, you know, she loved you.

Like, even I forget the, the [00:47:00] adjectives he put behind that. ’cause I was so wrapped up in the moment of my dad and just hugging me and just being emotionally open and letting it all out at that time. And he goes, I know, I, I, I love you too. I just don’t want you to, to not know that. And from that moment on, I found myself saying, I love you, dad.

Right? And even kissing him on the cheek, I was 1780. I was a man. I didn’t need to do that. And it just, it never, it never paused after that. It was like, oh, okay. And he would say it right back. It was, I think it was a just this pivot moment for both of us where he had just lost someone significant and probably hadn’t told her, I love you in a month.

You know? ’cause he would call her everywhere, every month or so. And so that hit him. And so he was making sure I knew, I’d already known it was that missing factor. It’s always not, yeah, I know you love me, dad. Here’s why I wanna, you make sure you know these things. Okay. Right. You know, you know what I’m saying?

So [00:48:00] never assume they know. Go ahead and tell ’em. I tell my wife and my daughters, I love you. Every single time we communicate, just because you never know.

Brent Dowlen: It’s something I try and tell my daughters at least multiple. Like, I, I don’t have a set number, but like first thing when my daughters get up, it’s one of the first things I do is hug them and kiss them and tell them I love them.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Before they go to bed. Hugs, kisses. I love you. You know, sweet dreams throughout the day. Just hugs. I love you. And you know, there might come a day when your kids are feeling that teen I’m, I’m, I’m cool dad. Right. They that. Yeah. You know, that gets into ’em every now and then, even if you’re a great dad and you have a great relationship with your kids.

Yeah. It’s an age thing. You did it to your parents probably. Yeah, I did. But Right. But never stop telling them. Mm-hmm. Even if they roll their eyes, you never [00:49:00] stop telling

Tracy Brinkmann: them. That’s the, I think that’s the lucky thing about being the father of all girls, is they never stopped saying it back. Now they may have said Right.

And said it real quietly because they were, you know, amongst all the friends stuff, I leave you too dead and then moved on. Um, but I remember, you know, uh, my brother Robbie, he had a son that was his, uh, first child, uh, Nikki. And he was the same way. He said, I love you all the time. And Nikki was always saying, I love you.

Right back. Never even paused. Never. It was never different to him. It, no matter where we were. And I remember when, uh, we were attending the funeral, I hadn’t seen Nikki in quite some time. And, uh, he goes, uncle Tracy, dude, I love you, man. You know, and he’s like 28 at that point in time. And so it’s those little things that you instill in them that, you know, 20, 30 years later they, they blossom.

You’re like, yes, thank you.

Brent Dowlen: You’re saying it’s [00:50:00] so important to

gain that perspective, gain those moments. Mm-hmm. Uh,

you know. Look back and see and take away from them and pull away from them. Every moment you sit with your kids, every moment you do something with your kids, you’re giving them. ’cause one of the things that you find out is you understand psychology, right?

Is there’s, for every bad thing, there’s gotta be more good things to mm-hmm. Outdo those. Right. The world’s gonna throw enough bad at your kids as they grow up.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. So every time you give your kids that, I love you, every time that you give ’em that hug, every time you give ’em that attention, you are giving them the fuel that it counters the bad things.

So what, then bad things are gonna happen. But when they look back, right, when they [00:51:00] are facing those things and trying to find that lesson, you’re building resilience in your kids. That gives them the strength to face that and come forward.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah. And at the same time, um, while you were talking there, you, you as a podcast, you’re always, you’re listening to extend the conversation.

I was trying to listen to do that very thing. One of the things that popped into my head is as a parent, and you mentioned this earlier, they’re watching you and they’re learning from you like all the time. You wanna be careful how you let them see other people treat you as a person, let alone as a parent, right?

And I’m talking about maybe it’s your boss, maybe it’s a coworker, maybe it’s a neighbor, maybe it’s a fellow parent. You wanna make sure how you’re allowing other people to treat you. What it is you are putting up with is what you’re teaching your kids to put up with inside their lives, right? So [00:52:00] you want to be cautious of that.

And sometimes that means you need to have conversations, maybe more adult conversations with your spouse. Outta their earshot. If you need to come home and vent about something at work, has someone treated you like shit and you did nothing about it, how do you want that lesson to be interpreted by your kids who are within earshot?

You know, sure, maybe they’re up in the room, but they come down for a snack and they hear dad going, oh, what, what’s dad so excited about? And then they stand there and listen in the kitchen for 10 minutes and they’re like, but he didn’t do anything about it. He’s always telling me to stand up for myself, but he didn’t stand up for himself, right?

So you wanna, you wanna, uh, you wanna give those lessons that are true to who you are so that when something happens to you, well you better man up. Or they’re gonna see, well wait a minute, there’s a chink in that armor right there. [00:53:00] What else has he told me? That’s not true. You with me?

Brent Dowlen: With you a hundred percent.

It’s funny ’cause we don’t realize there’s a, there are magnet words. We, we, we get it when they’re younger, but we don’t mm-hmm. Realize there are magnet words. Like it’s, it’s like rubbing the genie. If I say the word dessert or spider or ice cream, my 11-year-old pops up like a mere cat from nowhere. Like, it’s like, you know, the whole bloody mirror thing in the mirror.

Like, it is amazing. Sure. We had, uh, yesterday morning I, I killed a spider in our living room and, you know, I had to have my wife grab a shoe, uh, while I was keeping an eye on it. ’cause it was moving fast and, but I said the word spider. My 11-year-old wasn’t even in the room like she was. Mm-hmm. I’m not, I didn’t think she was even wholly awake.

The first question out of her mouth [00:54:00] when she came out of her room was, what kind of spider was it? Dad? Because she’s terrified of spiders. Like, oh, okay. Like the tiniest little spider we’re talking like Right. Barely visible. Makes her uncomfortable. Oh, wow. And I live in a place where we have spiders and so, but I didn’t even know she was awake, and my wife and I were talking slightly quietly because we did not want to freak out my daughter.

Mm-hmm. And she’s still hard at half asleep, four rooms away. Yeah. So, you know, when you have those things where you have to deal with it better, right? Mm-hmm. You don’t know what words your daughters have learned to hone in on because Yeah. Yeah. Every, every parent knows we start talking about dessert, the kids are showing up like it’s just magic.

Exactly. Right. But you don’t know what other key words your kids have latched onto that have that same effect on them. And so when you’re facing those moments, it’s [00:55:00] like, hmm, how do I process carefully? How do I, what do I need to keep out of earshot and Yeah. Right. Because you don’t know what they’re gonna latch on onto.

And it is just like a homey missile. You, you hit the right word. And here they come. Are they? Yeah. All in, uh, my, my daughters will have headphones on working on stuff and, and there are still words that just right

Tracy Brinkmann: there. Somehow they make it through all that, right. All that noise dampening. Yeah. I think one of the, one of the greatest things about being a parent, and, and I say this because I believe you’re like me and you just, you own it.

I am a dad. Period. Hard stop. Right? You are the mom. Period. Hard stop. And is one of the greatest things about that is it has taught me to be a better person. Because I started being even more mindful. I was pretty mindful. [00:56:00] Uh, I got, got into martial arts early, which, you know, taught, teaches you situational awareness.

Again, I mentioned my dad was in the service. I joined the service against situational awareness. It’s just a part, uh, if you’re breeding at that point, it becomes a part of who you are. And so I think I was pretty good at, you know, knowing who I was, sometimes I just didn’t care. Um, but as a parent, you start learning, oh, okay, I, I, I need to do this because I have a little meaning me that is really a mirror of my actions.

My, and I don’t care what I tell her. You know, it’s like I’d be doing this. Right. The mouth is just moving it. Maybe it’s like the Charlie Brown teacher, wah wa wa wa, and, uh, but what they see you do, do they see you stand up and take a stand against. Whatever it is, you, you are hard for or hard against. And if they see that, they’re like, okay, you could never say it anytime in your life, [00:57:00] but the moment they see you do that.

I mean, there was a moment where I stood up for someone that was, uh, getting up and, uh, another one of the wives, wives, it was a cheer mom. I’m gonna assume she was married. Uh, none of ’em wanted to cheer mom’s face. Not my team’s mom, not my wife. Had no relation to me whatsoever, but I still felt it was wrong.

And I stepped up and stepped between her and the gentleman that was being ugly to her, my daughter saw this coming off stage and she walked over and just kind of stood, you know, behind me and a little bit to the right there and waited for everything to die down. And I, you know, I offered my apologies and I told lady, I’m like, right over here if something goes on and Shandy goes, what happened?

So I kind of broke it down for you. She goes, you’re awesome, dad. Okay. She didn’t have to say that, but you just, you’re like, oh, yeah, but it was because it, I never told, Hey, you need to have a man that’s gonna do this for you. [00:58:00] But it’s that moment in her, I think inside her psyche where she was like, that’s the kind of guy I need in my world that I know is going do that.

It doesn’t have to come to fisticuffs. You know, we don’t wanna be all, get out there, get all violent and everything, but there’s a point where the man’s gotta step up and say, dude, step back. Or else, you know what I’m saying?

Brent Dowlen: Well, it’s one of those valuable things as his dad, right. I look at every action and, and I try and step back and look at myself almost on the third person.

Mm-hmm. Every action in the way I treat my wife. Mm-hmm. Every reaction in the way I interact with other women, I am teaching my daughters what to expect from a man. This is such a sacred duty as a father.

Yes.

If I hate to, I, I hate, like, I’m gonna get so much hate for this, but if, if your daughter [00:59:00] ends up with a horrible guy who treats her badly and abuses her or something, guess what?

Dad? You fell down.

Mm-hmm. Because

if, if she’s okay with that, she learned that from you. Yeah. She learned that that was acceptable.

Mm-hmm.

And, and I know I’m gonna hate for that, but I don’t care at this point, my daughters, it, it goes back to the beginning conversation about your Superman hat. The day my daughter was born, I decided my job was to become Superman because I wanna set the standards so high for what my daughter considers a man to be.

The value, the standards, everything from how I take care of my health to the way I treat people, to the way I spend time with them. My job is to set that expectation so high that she will have a very clear, this is how I expect to be treated and this is how I will tolerate being treated. And [01:00:00]

Tracy Brinkmann: nothing less.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah,

Tracy Brinkmann: exactly. And at the same time, if you have a son, you’re teaching your son, this is how you treat women, right? This is how you treat your, your, your buddies, et cetera. And, and here’s one for me. And, uh, this one irritated. The snot outta me for the longest time, and I, my circle is probably another reason why my circle of friends were, were so small I would not tolerate misogynistic behavior amongst my male friends.

I just, I wouldn’t tolerate it. Now, mind you, I’m talking about after my 18 to 21 phase. I was a bit of a, I was a bit of a, a dog back in the day, but right when I grew up, my circle of friends trunk instantly because of that one factor, I just, I wouldn’t tolerate it. We would go out, [01:01:00] I can name three of my buddies.

We’d go out and go to downtown Los Angeles, you know, up there on Hollywood Boulevard. We’d like to go to, uh, the clubs up there, listen to the rock and roll, and two of those friends would be cat calling ladies as we drove down Hollywood B. I would be slugging guys in the shoulder and calling them names that I won’t say right now because I don’t want that kind of behavior in my circle of friends.

And if that’s who you are, you and I are not hanging out tonight. I’m just not, I’m not gonna do it. I will take a taxi home or something because maybe that woman you just cat called is someone I might actually wanna date. And I’m now associated with that cat call because of your lame behavior, right? And that’s, that’s how it happens.

So you’re teaching the men, the future men, how to treat ladies. And then you’re teaching the ladies [01:02:00] how they can, you know, what they’re willing to, how they’re willing to be treated at the same time.

Brent Dowlen: Tracy, we’re covering a lot of ground here today and I’m hoping, this is my honest wish. Guys, if you go find more of Tracy’s. You will benefit from the knowledge he shares on his podcast. Where is the best place for people to connect with you, Tracy?

Tracy Brinkmann: Uh, the best place to catch me would be over at, uh, dark horse entrepreneur.com.

You can see everything that’s going on there in the podcast, and all the socials are up there that you can reach out and follow me there. And, uh, I hope to see you over

Brent Dowlen: on the other side. I see you had a new newsletter for this AI entrepreneur thing.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah, I started, uh, I started diving into the AI realm.

I, I, I held off for about a year, a year and a half. ’cause I was, is this another fad? Right. We’ve all seen the fads come and go and when I saw, I was like, oh, this has got some legs because I’ve been in computers [01:03:00] since high school. Um, I jumped in and, uh, added a newsletter to go behind the podcast. So what we cover in the newsletter.

Is different than what we cover in the podcast and yet it’s still kind of the same. Every one of the newsletters, I try to make sure I give you some idea and they’re always quick reads, you know, five, 10 minutes tops. Some idea that you’re like, oh, well I could do that. And then I give you a story of someone that’s done it and then kind of a quick step-by-step, here are the key steps that you need to do to make this happen if you’re interested.

And then you just go for it. And if you have, if you want more information on how I could help you, okay. Just hit reply and ask me the questions and I’ll help. And if that means coaching or whatever, I can do that too. But it’s, it’s a lot of fun ’cause it allows me a platform where I can share. I mean, I get stupid level of ideas sometimes.

You probably do too with, with your podcast. And I just can’t [01:04:00] share them all. I just don’t have enough time in the day to record that many episodes.

Brent Dowlen: Right. Yeah. That’s, uh. Raining and every now and then gets a little difficult. I, I think I’m up to, I’m up to four podcasts right now. Nah, rainy. It was enough for

Tracy Brinkmann: me.

Thanks.

Brent Dowlen: The third one is, is our, I was gonna say the newest one is, is very cathartic. It’s, uh, it’s a behind the scenes, behind the paywall, Patreon only, but it’s totally different than any of my other shows. It’s nice a hundred percent unscripted, no interviews. It’s just a behind the scenes look at trying to be creator and I men’s coach and do multiple podcasts and produce other people’s shows because I produce other shows as well.

Sure. So it’s, it’s, it’s a how the sausage is made kind of thing. Nice. Then if nothing else is very cathartic for me. ’cause then I can talk and that’s all the stuff in my head. If you have

Tracy Brinkmann: a reason why you’re doing it, then it makes sense. Right now I don’t have a reason to add another podcast to the list, lemme tell you.

But I did have a [01:05:00] reason to. Okay. I, I keep getting all these ideas. You know, I, I, at one point I was, I would put the ideas into an app in the hopes it would become a podcast episode. Later on I was like, this thing is just getting longer and longer and longer. I originally thought, okay, well it’ll be one EPIs, you know, it’ll be one edition a week.

I’ve already bumped it up to two because the, it’s like exercising, right? You can get addicted to it. I find the creative muscle, the more you use it. God says, oh, here, you need another I, here’s more idea. You want ideas? I’m, I’m just gonna shove them down your throat. So I’m willing to bet it’ll probably jump to three a week as long as my, uh, my subscribers will, uh, will, will let me

Brent Dowlen: Oh, the joy of making things for other people.

Tracy Brinkmann: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: It’s always that game, right? Yeah. Yes sir. It is. How frequency, it’s like, oh, is that too many episodes a week or, it’s not enough [01:06:00] episodes a week. We kept the, my other show back to one episode a week from, I was doing two episodes a week with the other show. I was like, oh, okay. I need to scale back a little bit, mainly ’cause I gotta breathe a little bit.

Right. Doing, uh, 54 interviews and 52 interviews and 52 solo shows a year for that one. Along with the other stuff was getting a little. Okay. It’s a little, little much now, but yeah, no doubt. And so then I started this show and have had a great time doing this show too, so it’s like, oh, well I could do more episodes.

No, no, no, no. Nope. Easy, easy, easy, easy. It’s that, that glitch control, you’re like, Nope, nope, nope. Too much of a good thing, blah, blah, blah. Right,

Tracy Brinkmann: right. Well, it’s, and especially if you enjoy, you know, uh, chatting with people and, and pulling the nuggets of wisdom out of them. Uh, and I do, I enjoy getting on the, you know, on the mic with someone [01:07:00] like, like yourself, where we can do this exchange back and forth and I can share something.

You’re like, oh, well that makes me think of this. And you’re like, oh, that makes, because I’ll, some of these things I probably wouldn’t have thought of on my own if I was doing a solo episode on this very same topic, but the, the, the energy going back and forth is it almost creates like this third brain between us that we both get to tap into.

Brent Dowlen: It was one of my favorite things is why we do this show, right? Because there are so many dads right out there that someone, someone needs this conversation we’re having. ’cause there is some dad right now struggling with some of these thoughts that just needs somebody who goes, you know what? I hear you mm-hmm.

Been down this road and here’s what we learned, right? Mm-hmm. All of us, all of us have something to grow with.

Tracy Brinkmann: This, uh, this reminds me of a, a bit of the topic that, uh, uh, Oscar and I went into is, uh, the degradation of the dad over time. And I think some [01:08:00] of the newer fathers, maybe the past, you know, 10 plus years, maybe a little younger than yourself, need to fight a different FDA different fight.

I mean, I grew up with the dads from, you know, the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family. Well part didn’t have a dad, but, you know, but, and, and the courtship of Eddie father and all those, all those men that, you know, did things and, and Mayberry, RFD And nowadays, you know, you, you got, oh, even when my daughters were growing up, there were dads like home improvement, which was a fun joke for a dad.

But as I looked back at it, it’s like there’s been this erosion of the father image in what I call the nuclear family. It’s obviously, it’s an official term and, uh, you know, you start breaking down the nuclear family by, you know, making mom more promiscuous and making the dad a joke, you [01:09:00] know? And next thing you know, the families are falling apart and guys don’t know how to be fathers, gals don’t know how to be moms.

Kids are running around doing. Net so things and Oh my God. And I think having a show like this and, and show like Oscars allows those fathers and mothers who want to do well, um, get advice from those that maybe didn’t do well, but, you know, think they did. Okay.

Brent Dowlen: Well we have that, I’m, I’m right in the age group to go from that switchover of family ties and some of those, uh mm-hmm.

What’s the one with Urkel? Uh oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I can’t remember the name of it. TGIF lineup where that term came. Yep. Right. Yep. But I’m right at the intersection of that and the Al Bundys and Homer Simpsons where yes. Fathers started becoming the butt of all the jokes and completely useless and yeah, major, major [01:10:00] shift from like, you know, what was it, what was it?

Family ties that had, uh, Michael J. Fox. Yes. Right. Yes. His doubt. His doubt.

Very grounded. Awesome.

Tracy Brinkmann: That was awesome. It was amazing. And it’s funny, even if you go back to let’s, um, all in the family, okay, Archie Bunker, not a dad that you would probably want to, uh, mimic, but he certainly loved his family. He would, you know, kill or die for them.

And he stood up for what he believed in. Okay, now you can do the more Whiteread version and you could look at, uh, you know, the Mayberry rfds where he was a policeman, you know, the mother was out of the picture, so he was raising the son and oh my God, even happy days. The father, there wasn’t a joke. He was, you know, he was a little, um, quirky, but he wasn’t a joke in that family.

Everyone respected him. It’s just, I don’t know where the, where the shift came and [01:11:00] why. And I don’t think it was intentional. I think it was just this slow erosion as Hollywood became more popular. So they had to do things a little more extreme to, uh, to catch people’s attention and, you know, the advertiser’s dollars at least.

I hope that’s the case.

Brent Dowlen: I was gonna say, I, I, I think there was a little more intention behind it, but yeah, that’s a, that’s a whole nother conversation. I can down That’s a, that let’s start a conspiracy podcast. Yeah, we can, we can jump to that one on another show, just on this one.

Tracy Brinkmann: Fair, fair. Absolutely.

But yeah, I mean, you don’t have to, you don’t have to be that joke.

Dad. Actually, I, I don’t want you to be that joke. Dad. I want you to be a dad that has dad jokes, but not a joke. Dad,

Brent Dowlen: lots of dad jokes. Tracy. We gotta lay on this plane. We’ve covered a lot and it’s been a great conversation. I’ve enjoyed this incredibly, and I think our listeners are gonna [01:12:00] enjoy this. If our guys caught nothing else today, what is the most important takeaway you want them to hear?

Tracy Brinkmann: I’m gonna give you a, a standard piece of lesson that I try to share as often as possible, and I learned this way back in my teenage years from many, from all people. Bruce Lee absorb what is useful, discard the rest, and, and that’s a quote that most people, you know, they’re in the martial arts arena will know, but they forget the last part.

Add what is uniquely you. So if you’re listening to this podcast and any other podcast and reading a book about parenting or just, I don’t know what I’m doing, wherever you go to get your advice, I want you to absorb what is useful. Discard the rest ’cause it’s not useful. And then add what’s uniquely you because your situation’s gonna be different than mine and different than breads and different to my father’s and anyone else’s.

So you’re gonna add [01:13:00] that little, little spice that is you, that will fit inside of your family.

Brent Dowlen: That is incredible advice. Thank you gentlemen. For Tracy and myself, thank you for joining us today on the Dad Hat Shannons podcast. We’re just a community of dads navigating life’s challenges together, trying to make each other better, trying to help each other out.

Until next time, laugh, learn and live the dad life.