Troy Horne: The Dad Who Teaches His Kids to Fail a Hundred Times Before They Win

[00:00:00] Coming up on this episode of Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast.

Troy Horne: I remember walking, I guess near him and some of his friends after one of their games, and he was saying the same things that I had said to him to some other kid who was feeling down on himself. And I was like, oh buddy, you’re listening. I couldn’t find ones that would, uh, help my kid with his mindset.

And uh, I really wrote it for him in our small community. And it took off, I think because it was written, not trying to. You know, be some kind of anything else but, you know, support from my kid. I wish someone, I wish everyone could have the chance to have all the fame and stuff that they think they want so that when they, so they could understand that it’s just stuff, it’s not, you know, it’s like there’s no magic to having these things.

When I went to, um, LA the first time, um, as a 20-year-old kid. I knew [00:01:00] absolutely zero people in LA I knew like, oh, I knew my cousin, but that was about it. And I went and stayed with him. And that’s a whole other story. Um, I couldn’t play any instruments, none. I had never written a song. And so I drove out there with like 1500 bucks in my pocket total to my name, and because I was not buying into the probabilities and the possibilities or whatever.

You know, I was able to make a career out of it. Now that it’s easy, it’s like now we’re cooking with grease, as they say, or it is like, this is easy to help them get to wherever they want to go, and it’s possible. Again, this kid got $600 million to run and make funny faces on the street, on camera.

Brent Dowlen: Troy, every dad has that story that just lice them up, that they love to share, kind of tell on themselves with their kids when they’re talking about parenting. What is your [00:02:00] dad’s story?

Troy Horne: You know, one of my most favorite dad stories that lights me up is when I was telling my youngster, you know, really to believe in himself and that he could do the things that he wanted to do.

And, you know, oftentimes they look at you like, uh, you know, like you’re an alien or something like that. And, um, I remember walking, I guess near him and some of his friends after one of their games and he was saying the, saying things that I had said to him to some other kid who was feeling down on himself.

And I was like, oh buddy, you’re listening. Like you actually take this stuff in. That was kind of cool. Yeah, that was a, that was a big moment. I was like, oh, cool. This stuff is working. It is helping, you know.

Brent Dowlen: It’s incredibly rewarding when you actually get to see your kids. Kinda parrot that back. Some of the things you’ve been trying, you’re like, are they listening?

I, I hope they’re getting this. And then you [00:03:00] hear that moment, it’s like, oh, they actually heard it. Yes.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Yes,

Troy Horne: exactly. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

Brent Dowlen: Gentlemen, I sleep on a MyPillow. I sleep on MyPillow Giza sheets and with my MyPillow body pillows to hold my back in place. I have MyPillow towels. My wife even wears MyPillow slippers.

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Welcome to the Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast, the unfiltered Truth about being a dad. Real dads real stories, unfiltered, candid conversations on fatherhood. I’m your host, Brent Dowlen, and my guest today is Troy Horne. Troy, welcome to the Dad Hat. Shenanigans podcast.

Troy Horne: Well, thank you for having me, man. This is fun. I’m excited.

This is really cool.

Brent Dowlen: Troy, uh, we’re, we’re already getting some great laughs before we even started rolling. This is gonna be a really rewarding conversation, but we have to start off automatically. You gotta describe your hat for our audience and tell us why that’s your dad hat.

Troy Horne: So this is my dad hat right here.

And this is something, you know, that recently has been, I mean obviously the design is kind of new and all that stuff, but something that’s recently been something for my life, which is, um, being the goat, if you can see, I don’t know if you can see it, ’cause the lights, whatever, but it’s a goat and it says goat on there.

And um, the reason why I wore this hat is because, and the reason why I [00:05:00] love this is because we set so many. Limits to our own lives. And it’s like, if you think about anything you want to do in life, why would you choose or not choose to be the greatest of all time at whatever it is that you wanna do?

Why would we purposely choose to be less than the greatest? So this is why I wore this one because I was like making the choice to be the greatest go for being the greatest of all times is, you know, something that I, I want to inspire myself to be. And hopefully kids, my kids and other people too. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: How many kids do you have? Boys? Girls? What?

Troy Horne: I have three. I have two boys and one daughter. So we got the girl at at the end there, which was like, yay. Get, get that experience. So that was fun. Yeah. Okay. Three, two. And two in one.

Brent Dowlen: Two in one.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: So give us a little context, ’cause I don’t do introductions. Who are you?

What do you do?

Troy Horne: Yeah, so, [00:06:00] um, my name is Troy Horn. Um, I started off this life as a musician. Um, was lucky enough to tour and get record deals and, um, star on Broadway and do television and all that kind of stuff, which is really cool. And then kids came into the picture and I was like, I can’t, one year I was on the road for like nine months and I was like, yeah, um, I need to do something different because I want to see my kid, you know?

So, um, um, went into kind of being a dad, didn’t really know what I wanted to do as far as, you know, what that looked like. Um, really went full fledged into billing, being a dad and helping other people understand how to do the, navigate the, uh, entertainment industry. Started writing books ’cause I wanted, I couldn’t find ones that would, uh, help my kid with his mindset.

And, uh, I really wrote it for him in our small community. And it took off, I think because it was written, not trying to, you know, be some [00:07:00] kind of anything else but, you know, support from my kid. And I think that it resonated with a lot of parents, um, out in the world. And so, um, uh, so that kind of got, got me into thinking, I really want to do this, you know, as being an author.

I really want to be another resource for people who may have a different perspective than what’s being allowed out there in the world. So now I, uh, write books, which is quite interesting for me to say. ’cause that wasn’t part of the plan in the beginning. So there you go.

Brent Dowlen: It’s amazing how frequently the plan gets, like totally here’s the plan and here’s actually

Troy Horne: Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, life, life, God and kids, uh, have their own way of throwing in. Interesting. Trust me. If you had told me 10 years ago, I’d be sitting here in a silly red hat and vest talking to people online like

Troy Horne: Yeah,[00:08:00]

Brent Dowlen: totally.

Troy Horne: And here we’re, you know, doing things. Yeah, man. Yeah. And helping people, which is the biggest part, you know, of it, of, of it all. So that’s, oh

Brent Dowlen: yeah.

Troy Horne: That’s cool. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I love that part. Now I wanna pause for half a second here and, and take a second to appreciate, as a father, you were in the entertainment industry.

You were touring, you were doing movies, television, you were doing like a lot of what people dream about, doing those things. And you went, yeah, but this isn’t really working with me being a dad and my dad goals. And you, you completely changed your life around and went, no, this is better. So can we, can we take a minute and, and like just.

I know a lot of people, they, they dream of being super wealthy are super famous. Right. Whether they wanna be, uh, the next, I know Grant Cardone or, or whoever you look at, right? [00:09:00] Or whether they want to be famous and have their face recognized, right? We all have these things that we look at and go, that’s it.

Right? That is the pinnacle. And you stopped and went, no, I want to be a dad. I want to be in my kids’ life.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. Right. Can, can you spend just a minute and, and share that with us? That realization of this is my priority,

Troy Horne: you know? Um, there is something, at least for me, there is something about seeing a little person that you know, like you’re kind of it for, that makes you go, okay, yeah, it’s fun to.

Go do this or that the other. But that right there is the thing that I want to do. Um, I was really lucky, you know, early on to be able to kind of do some of those things and like we talked about like tour and, you know, be in places where you’re kind [00:10:00] of seen as, you know, semi-famous or whatever. And I, I Will, Smith and Jim Carrey, I think both have said this separate independently of each other and they’re like, I wish someone, I wish everyone could have the chance to have all the fame and stuff that they think they want so that when they, so they could understand that it’s just stuff, it’s not, you know, it’s like there’s no magic to having these things.

And I was really blessed, you know, early to kind of see glimpses of that, you know, not being able to go downstairs because there might be, you know, someone, a fan or someone downstairs or, or you know, being around people who couldn’t go to. The Ralph’s I was friends with, I’m friends with a lot of people who like, I’d be like, well, hey, let’s go to the grocery store.

And like, I, I can’t go to dude, I can’t go to the grocery store. I mean, you know, it’s like to see that and then be like, okay, you know what? It’s cool, but life [00:11:00] is more than that. And I know it’s hard to, to imagine that, you know, if you haven’t experienced it. But I got to experience that. And so when I saw that kid looking at me, I was like, yeah, this is what I gotta do.

This is important. This is where I want to be. So,

Brent Dowlen: man, that’s, that’s just, I love to hear it because for me, this is an opportunity, right? I, I have that as a core belief. I believe that being a dad is in the top two priorities in my world, right? Being a husband, being a father, those are my two biggest priorities in my life.

Troy Horne: Yeah,

Brent Dowlen: and I have the privilege that I get to talk to people like you who have come from all different walks of life, right? I’ve talked to some. Multi, you know, large million dollar entrepreneurs Yeah. I’ve had on the show who have these booming empires and uh, yeah. Money is never a thought for them. Right.

And a lot of people never get there. And we always, all of us who aren’t there go, [00:12:00] oh, that’s the thing. Right?

Troy Horne: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brent Dowlen: But I love talking to people who have gone to those places that most of us don’t and go, you know, I looked around and I don’t think that’s it,

Troy Horne: but, but we’re told, we’re told that it is.

We’re told that, you know, all these things are, and I even have that conversation with my kids, you know, ’cause they only know me as dad. They don’t know me as doing any of other stuff. And I go, you know, when you get those things and you know you’ll will on some level

Brent Dowlen: mm-hmm.

Troy Horne: You’ll, uh, you’ll, you’ll get it.

It’s like they’re more important things than the things and. So, yeah,

Brent Dowlen: I heard Alan Richon, I think I said his last name, right. From Jack Reacher on a podcast. And he was talking about, you know, finally getting to that a-list actor status in Hollywood. He’s like, you know, and everybody’s trying to get there and you get there and it’s like you get to the top of the mountains and you can see over the clouds and you realize [00:13:00] there’s just more mountains.

No one told you about all the work it takes to stay there. Yeah. You still have CL Mountains to climb. After that peak. He’s like, there wasn’t a, I arrived, I got to where I thought I had arrived and just realized there’s a whole lot more work ahead of me.

Troy Horne: Yes. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then you go, well wait a minute.

I mean, do I really want to find those other mountains or am I cool with the mountain I’m on? You know? Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Right. Is that other peak any better than this one? I’m, I’m not, so

Troy Horne: maybe, but maybe not. Do I really wanna find out?

Brent Dowlen: Yeah,

Troy Horne: exactly.

Brent Dowlen: Maybe,

Troy Horne: right?

Brent Dowlen: What is, what is the cost? I was just talking about that on another show is like, what is the cost?

Like everything looks greener on the other side until you start having to actually pay the cost out of pocket. And you realize that’s not just financially, there’s, there’s other things you’re giving up. There’s other things that it [00:14:00] costs you. And I was like, does that actually,

Troy Horne: yeah, there are lots. Yeah.

That’s the thing. It’s like, um, uh, when we were touring, everyone’s like, oh my gosh, you’re so lucky. You get to go to this country. You get to, I’m like, okay, let me break it down. What really happens on tour? You get in the plane or you get in a bus, or you get in the whatever, shuttle or whatever you drive to your hotel.

You, you know, go to sleep ’cause you’re exhausted. ’cause you’ve been in a car or a bus or a plane all day. And then you get up and you go to the performance. You don’t go touring, you don’t go see the sights, you don’t do whatever. You know, you get on stage, you do your show, then you go back home and go to sleep and you do it all over again.

So it’s like, it’s not you, like you’re not there on vacation, you know? You know what I mean? So, yeah. That’s funny story.

Brent Dowlen: I heard, I heard a couple of the Game of Thrones into actors talking about, you know, we’d wrap up shooting and we’d go get [00:15:00] on a plane and go to sleep and we’d wake up in a different country in a different, ’cause they were, I think they shot in like seven different countries or something, uh, to get the very drastic differences between the Yeah.

Sets and stuff. I said, yeah, we’d, we’d wrap up 18 hard days of shooting and climb onto a plane and pass out. Wake up in another country in a different time zone for another 23 days of hard shooting in horribly cold weather. And it’s like,

Troy Horne: yep.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah, that sounds, that sounds like a good time,

Troy Horne: but you know, it looks great when you, you know, from from when you don’t know that it’s like it’s,

yeah.

So, yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah, absolutely stand standing on the red carpet and taking photos, like everything looks good. It’s like, you know, a lot of work there. That’s great.

Troy Horne: Definitely. Definitely. Yeah man.

Brent Dowlen: Thank you. Thank you for sharing that insight with us. ’cause like I said, it’s, we all have that grasses green mentality.

It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. You have that grass is greener mentality. It’s like, [00:16:00] but it’s not

Troy Horne: always. No, no, it’s, it’s, it’s, but you know, the beautiful thing it is, again, I won’t wanna say, it’s like all horrible. The beautiful thing is you get to do what you love. So, I mean, that is beautiful.

You do get to act, you get to, you get to sing, you get to perform. So it’s like, it’s not all horrible, but it’s like, you know, there’s, there’s work to this. Yeah, there’s work.

Brent Dowlen: Troy, what is your favorite thing about being a dad?

Troy Horne: My favorite thing. There’s, there’s, lemme, my favorite thing about being a dad is being able to give some of the things that I wish I would’ve had. Now I will say sometimes I receive them, sometimes they don’t. But I love being able to give them advice and insights and stuff that I wasn’t able to have as a kid.

I mean, that’s one of my favorite things to be able to do. Um, as a dad.

Brent Dowlen: Let me ask you, I, I like to ask this question. It, I [00:17:00] didn’t use to ask this, but I, I’ve actually. Everybody gets a crap load of advice the first time you find out you’re gonna be a parent. Right. Everybody and their dog comes outta the woodwork to give you advice.

Troy Horne: Yeah. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I know. It is been a little while since, since that first Oh wow. This is gonna happen. Right? Yeah. Do you remember out of all the trash advice, ’cause that’s most of it’s just trash advice, out of all the trash advice, does someone actually give you a good piece of advice?

Troy Horne: Um, it’s gonna be, it’s gonna sound very cliche maybe to dads who have been a dad for a long time or have, have, and I didn’t really appreciate it in the moment, but mm-hmm.

The advice was, enjoy it. It goes fast. ’cause my friend, it, it, it goes fast. And I know everyone’s gonna tell you that, but it, it really does. You, I mean, I still see the, you know, four or 5-year-old and one of them is 20 years old and about, you know, so I’m like. It goes fast. [00:18:00] Yeah. So please, uh, you know, take a moment to enjoy the, the journey.

’cause eventually they move on and go do their life and, um, you get to be a small part of it, but not as much as you were when they were living in your house. So it goes fast. Was, uh, the big, big piece of advice I would, I I got that. I, I really appreciate,

Brent Dowlen: you know, it may sound cliche ’cause I think all of us were told that, but my kids are now 11 and 13 and like in, in my head, like every time I look at my oldest daughter who’s almost 14, I, I still see this little, little girl in my arm that was, you know, yay big.

Uh, and I cannot believe that we’re into her teen years already. Right. It’s just like, ugh. Wait, when did that happen?

Troy Horne: Yeah, yeah.

Brent Dowlen: My youngest just moved to youth group. She, she got old enough at 11 to start going to youth group [00:19:00] with her older sister at church. And that first night taking her to youth group, I was like,

it was like, it was like going to kindergarten. It was like, wait, no, no. My baby is not old enough to do this yet. What do you mean? They’re both terms now, so as cliche as it sounds, and I, we’ve all heard it, I think. Yeah. It still really doesn’t register, I think. Right.

Troy Horne: Yeah. But you know, the thing is, you know, because life does move fast and I mean, again, I know you know this, but it’s like anyone who out there who’s a new dad, it’s like, please mark it in your calendar once a month or whatever to take time to just sit there and be with them and look at them.

No, like nothing to do. We’re just sitting and talking. Looking at each other because yeah, those moments are amazing. So

Brent Dowlen: it’s one of my favorite things on my calendar. I have daddy daughter date night [00:20:00] every, every week on my calendar. Nice. On a one day a week, because when I started my business, it’s like, okay, I’ve known enough business owners, I know I’m gonna work more than I ever did working for somebody else.

Right, right. And I was okay with that. ’cause I, if I, I’m okay with that working for me. I’ve got a great work ethic.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Um, I, I was raised well in that, I was very blessed in that fact. Uh, I was raised with people who gave me a great work ethic. So that doesn’t bother me at all. I spent a lot of years working 70 hour weeks in the corporate world.

So this, this doesn’t even phase me, but it was like, I know I can lose things in the. So it’s actually on my calendar, which is a hard block from 4:00 PM till they go to bed one night a week. Every single week. Yeah. That’s their night. I don’t answer calls. I don’t do anything else. I do what they wanna do.

We hang out, we watch movies, we go do things, we eat together.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: That’s it. There’s nothing else. [00:21:00] I don’t care if I’m not done with a project I need to do for work.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Or a clock comes. It’s theirs, period.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: And it’s been one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.

Troy Horne: Yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah. It’s amazing. It’s, it’s, it’s amazing. Yeah, definitely.

Brent Dowlen: Mm-hmm. Troy, we, uh, we, we’ve kind of kicked around a little bit on some of this, and, and this is why I love talking to dads, because men can universally, like dads anywhere, can universally come together about being dads.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: But every dad has that thing that’s near and dear to their heart.

So today, what do you wanna dig into about being a dad?

Troy Horne: What do I wanna dig into about being a dad? I think, you know, for me it would be l letting not limiting your kids on, um, uh, the things that they want to do as far as [00:22:00] their beliefs. And that, by that I mean the things that they believe they can do, the things that they believe are possible. And I say that because there’s so much.

Out there in the world when a kid says, I want to be x, I want to be b, I want to be whatever. Everyone loves to chime in and go, well, you know, the odds, you know the probabilities, you know the chances. Let me just put it this way. When I went to um, LA the first time, um, as a 20-year-old kid, I knew absolutely zero people in la.

I knew like, oh, I knew my cousin, but that was about it. And I went and stayed with him. And that’s a whole other story. Um, I couldn’t play any instruments, none. I had never written a song, and so I drove out there with like 1500 bucks in my pocket total to my name, and because I was not buying into the probabilities and the possibilities or whatever, [00:23:00] you know, I was able to make a career out of it.

And. I think if we can plant those seeds, and I think my, you know, my mom did that for me when I was a kid and my dad did too. Um, but I think with, you know, sometimes with boys, mom’s words are a little, you know, I don’t know, resonant or whatever, anyways. Um, because they never let me really doubt myself. It was like it was a gift to help me through those moments where, you know, there were doubts of like, well, maybe they’re right.

Maybe this isn’t going to work out for me. And so I would say, dive into, instead of saying, you can’t do it because of this, that, the other saying, why not you? Why not? If so and so can do it, why can’t you do it? And so that would be the one thing that I would say, you know. Be the champion for limitless beliefs would be, um, my dad thing to pour into today.

Brent Dowlen: I said, okay, well let’s dig into that because you started to say like, don’t limit what they, and I thought, wait, are we talking about time constraints [00:24:00] here? ’cause that’s the first thing that came to mind when you started talking about like limiting what they can do. Before you finished saying it, I was like, are we talking about like scheduling things here?

’cause I’m, I’m of the high opinion that kids are, I don’t know if high opinion’s the right way to say that. I’m of the opinion. My, I think I have a pretty good opinion. So there we go. Brent tooting his own horn here. Um, a lot of parents let their kids over schedule their lives.

Troy Horne: Mm.

Brent Dowlen: They got too many things happening at once.

Troy Horne: Mm.

Brent Dowlen: It’s not that I wanna limit. What they want to do. Right. If they want, I’m all for it. If my kids are like, Hey, I wanna try this, like, let’s do it. Go. Yeah. Right,

Troy Horne: right, right.

Brent Dowlen: But I limit them to one extracurricular activity. So they’re either doing the sport or they’re doing drama or whatever they wanna do.

I’m a hundred percent in on it, but they’re doing one per season.

Troy Horne: Right, right.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, because I think we have gotten to a point in society where we’re [00:25:00] just like, oh yeah, you can do that and you can do that. You, but, but you can’t ever actually, like truly, deeply experience it or grow in it or be good if you’re spread between tooth ends.

We do that often as adults.

Troy Horne: Yeah. Yeah. I can definitely see that. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I thought that’s where you’re going with this, but you, you, you wanna dive into, you know. With not telling the kid, no, you can’t be a professional gamer.

Troy Horne: Exactly. Funny story, my middle one wants to be a professional gamer. And at first when he said that to me, he’s like, I wanna be a content creator.

And you know, as a, as a parent, the first thing I was like, I said that internally though, I learned to be, because I was that kid that was like, I wanna be a professional musician. Everyone was like, ah, what’s your plan B? Or what’s your what? And I was like, no, this is what I wanna do. So anyways, when he said, I want to be a kind of creator internally, I caught myself, you know, saying, uh, but I said, great.

So let’s look at how this happens. Because if [00:26:00] Mr. Beast can do it, if Kaiac can do it, if you know actual speed or whoever it is that you’re watching can do this, you can do it too. So let’s figure out what it is now. The thing that he’s learning along the way and making his goal is that what we talked about before?

It’s a lot of work.

Yes. It’s like 70 plus hours. Yeah. It’s like, it’s it’s work, work like all the time. So he’s discovering that part of it. So, you know, that’s his, his mountain to climb in this moment.

Brent Dowlen: That’s, that’s so funny. I actually, one of my podcasts I have behind a paywall on Patreon, Uhhuh, it’s, it’s called Behind Closed Mics, the Unfiltered Truth About, and it’s about being a dad and a business owner and a content creator and

Troy Horne: Yeah,

Brent Dowlen: the insanity be you were asking me, how, how do I do all that?

How do I keep up with all that? Yeah, it’s, it’s an unfiltered look at what this actually looks like. ’cause life is nuts. Running multiple shows, [00:27:00] being on multiple platforms, trying to grow this all, all while still trying to be a good dad, a good right. And it’s, people don’t understand all the things. You learn to do these various things.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Right. I mean, you know, you know music, right? I’m my own sound engineer. I’m my own video guy. I’m my own editor.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, so yeah, like there is so much to learn, to create content,

Troy Horne: and then you don’t realize, you know, as you’re going, you don’t realize how much you have learned until you like look back and go, wait a minute, oh, I know how to edit that.

I know how to, I know what this sound is supposed to sound like. I know how to EQ this. I know how to, you know, cut here and, you know, deliver whatever

Brent Dowlen: mm-hmm.

Troy Horne: Things so that I can edit it later, you know? It’s good stuff.

Brent Dowlen: Oh

Troy Horne: yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Well that’s how I got into producing other people’s shows is like, well I’ve spent several years learning how to do all this.

Now I can help [00:28:00] other people who don’t wanna spend in several years learning how to do all this. Right.

Troy Horne: Yeah, yeah, definitely. Definitely.

Brent Dowlen: Now it’s, it’s funny ’cause uh, my brother actually tried to convince me to go depressional gaming. ’cause I used to be a hardcore gamer.

Troy Horne: Oh,

what game was you like, you know,

Brent Dowlen: oh no, I, I was a war World of Warcraft nerd, like Early World of Warcraft.

Nice vanilla. Wow. I started, I think a month and a half into the game and played for the next eight to 10 years. Um, but like my guild leader used to be one of the guys who stream, he streams professionally. Uh, like that, that’s his job.

Troy Horne: Nice.

Brent Dowlen: And so we’d hit like the start of season and it’d be the, that 24 hour race who can get to 71st at the beginning of a new season of the game and stuff like that.

And

Troy Horne: yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, yeah. I was, I was playing at that level, but it was before streaming was a really big thing. It was like it was starting to emerge. Right. And there was [00:29:00] a lot of people trying it, but there were only a handful of really big.

Troy Horne: Right, right.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, so I played Wow. And Diablo, uh, three, two, and three at a elite level.

That’s

Troy Horne: cool, man. That is really cool.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, I real, I stopped playing. Wow. After I realized I spent three years of my life in game. Like there’s a command you can type that says slash played and tell you how long you’ve been on character. Three years of my life on Wow. And it was like. Sobering moment for the alcoholic.

It’s just like, drop the bottle. I’m, I’m done.

Troy Horne: Yeah,

Brent Dowlen: no, I’m not in control of this.

Troy Horne: Yeah. Yeah. It takes the time to, you know? Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

That’s great, man.

Brent Dowlen: I didn’t even realize, like my brother’s like trying to talk me into, I’m doing this, my brother’s like, you should go back to gaming, start streaming again.

I was like, what? [00:30:00] I thought you wanted me to do something useful in my life. Like,

Troy Horne: but I mean, I think there’d be a lot of people that, I mean, obviously you know, you, you know what’s best for you, but I mean, there are a lot of people I think would enjoy, you know, seeing someone who is so, uh, who spent, uh, who’s a master at it really, if we’re being honest.

You know, you don’t spend that kind of time and that kind of dedication about being, being a master at something, about becoming a master at it. So,

Brent Dowlen: oh yeah. I, like I said, I played at, at elite level. Um,

Troy Horne: yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I was one of the first people. Did you ever play? Wow.

Troy Horne: No, but I have a lot of friends who played a lot of, of Wow.

Back in the day because I was, you know, I was a musician, so, but I remember

Brent Dowlen: lot playing. I was one the first people in the world into Ice Crown Citadel, which was the, the big dungeon for the end of the second expansion. First expansion, second expansion. Um, yeah. I was one of the first people in the world that threw the gates.

Troy Horne: Dude, that’s like, [00:31:00] that’s not a small feat, you know, that, that’s like a big deal

Brent Dowlen: Once upon a time. Yeah.

Troy Horne: Still.

Brent Dowlen: So, hey, it’s tell your, tell your son it, you can do this. Right? Yeah. You just find, you find your game that you’re just obsessed with, right. That you can just Absolutely. I I, it’s so funny to me that that’s actually a possibility.

’cause I, I’m a Gen Xer. It’s such a crazy idea that that’s actually a possible profession at this point.

Troy Horne: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It, it’s wild to think that they like, and like, like a real profession. Like they’re doing okay, they’re doing great. Oh yeah. These kids that are, they’re not hurting. I’m like, because I, you know, in our, in our age, it was like.

These, you know, kids playing in their rooms or whatever and not coming out the, the blind, all that stuff. Mm-hmm. Like now these [00:32:00] kids are like, they’re like celebrities. They’re internet celebrities. Right. Which is amazing. Yeah. It’s amazing.

Brent Dowlen: So how do you, how do we as dads ’cause right, our first it instinct is to protect, protect, protect, protect.

And so like we hear things like, I want to be a professional gamer, and we’re like, pump the brakes. Like, I, I’m, I’m amazed that you, you managed to like keep that internal. We’re like, okay, let’s talk about that. Right. Let’s do it. How do we as dads step over that self-limiting idea? Because for me, that that was a difficult idea and I did game, but for me, that’s like, okay, that’s a hard idea.

Right? My daughter told me I wanna, I wanna be a live streamer. I’d be like, Hmm,

Troy Horne: yeah.

Brent Dowlen: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So as dads, how do we step past that? ’cause a lot of that comes from our own perspective, right? Our own [00:33:00] limiting beliefs about what’s possible.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: How do, how do we step over that?

Troy Horne: Um, I would say the best thing to do is to go all in on whatever it is they want to do. And here’s the thing, it’s like they may or may not decide once they’re all in, it’s something they want to do.

But, uh, it’s like we tend to, and this me included, tend to try to prepare our kids for the world we grew up in. And I’m sorry gentlemen, but, uh, that world no longer exists. That world is gone and there’s a new world with. Endless possibilities. Like you said, it’s like in our day, there’s no way you are going to make a living playing like this kid.

I think my son showed me, I, uh, I showed speed or something like that in his name. The kid got something rumored at $600 million to stream 600. Good lord. So [00:34:00] it’s like we, this is a different planet that we’re on right now, and it’s like, so if your kid says, I want to be, whatever it is, we have access to all the information.

The beautiful thing about being a Gen Xer is we have access to all the information that we used to dig through Encyclopedia Britannica and, and, uh, we had to go to the library and get one of those things, the card things, the mm

Brent Dowlen: card catalogs,

Troy Horne: card catalogs. We had to do all that to get like a sliver of outdated information from 10 years ago.

Now we can go on the internet and really do a deep dive into, and obviously there’s some stuff out there that’s gonna be not useful and, and garbage, but there you can also find the great stuff. And being Gen Xers, we know how to get it the hard way. We know how to dig things outta the mud. So if anything, we are perfectly equipped to help any child or youngster or kid of ours get to where they want to go just because [00:35:00] we know how to research and get the stuff the hard way.

Now that it’s easy, it’s like now we’re cooking with grease, as they say. Or it is like, this is easy to help them get to wherever they want to go. And it’s possible again, this kid got $600 million to run and make funny faces on the on camera. We can figure out how to help them get one two. Or even a hundred thousand a year, that’s 203, whatever we can figure this out.

So I would say let’s prepare them for the, just go into the idea of thinking we’re preparing them for the world that is not the world that we remember.

Brent Dowlen: I think that’s one of the biggest, uh, roadblocks for a lot of men. Even, even step down in generation right. To the next group. And I, I, I get in trouble, so I have to go not millennials.

There was a, there was a generation that get skipped over between X and millennials. My wife is part of that generation. She gets really pissed calling a [00:36:00] millennial. Um, but you know, the gener Xers and into that next generation before the millennials and even the be of the millennials, right?

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: There are so many hard rules that we were taught that we, no, this is reality.

This is what you gotta live in the now, or, you know, you gotta do something practical or,

Troy Horne: yes.

Brent Dowlen: That goes so counter because like, you know, this conversation you and I are having, where are you at? Where are you at right now?

Troy Horne: I’m in Denver.

Brent Dowlen: You’re in Denver, okay.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: So I’m in Washington state. Right. This conversation wasn’t possible 20 years ago.

Troy Horne: No, no.

Brent Dowlen: Right. Technology is moving in such a crazy speed at such a different world, even in the last 10 years.

Troy Horne: Yeah. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: That there’s this hard line in our heads as dad’s, like, no.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: That’s, that’s not a real job. That’s not a legit thing. Right. You can’t do that. Right. And we, and we’re doing it to protect our kids.

Troy Horne: Yeah. [00:37:00] But we’re actually not protecting them because the world’s totally different. We’re actually kind of hindering them. ’cause I mean, you and I rem I remember when Skype was a thing, you know, it was like, oh my gosh, this is like the Jetsons. And it’s like, these kids don’t even know what the Jetsons are probably, you know, so

Brent Dowlen: no dating ourselves.

I, I actually worked, I actually helped work on that team with Skype, but

Troy Horne: Nice.

Brent Dowlen: I, I used to in the IT industry, so I, I worked on the Office 365 launch and stuff like that. But yeah, that’s, that’s the thing, right? I had the original, like, you remember the Motorola Eraser, the original flip phone? Yes. Right.

1996, I believe is when that came out. People do not understand, like, we’re only looking at like a 31 year time span from that first modern mobile flip phone that they used in, in like Star Trek as a, as a prop, [00:38:00]

Troy Horne: right? Right.

Brent Dowlen: To Everybody’s got an iPhone and there’s AI now and like the speed.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: That has enabled possibilities.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Right.

Troy Horne: Yeah. We were happy to play, what was that little dinosaur jumping game on the Nokia phones? I

Brent Dowlen: remember what it was called, but I remember the game.

Troy Horne: Yeah. We were happy to do that. It’s like, yeah, it’s, it’s come

a long way. Definitely come a long way.

Brent Dowlen: So how do we empower our kids? Because first we gotta get over that hurdle of our own disbelief getting in the way of whatever they want.

Right, right, right. Because your parent kid is gonna come to you at different times throughout their life with some really absurd things. Right. No, you can’t jump off the roof at four years old. ’cause I know you put on a cape, but you’re not a Superman. Yeah. Now, okay. Right. There’s that reasonable, but how do we move after we move past our own fears of.

No, that’s [00:39:00] not really even a possibility and go, okay, let’s humor this. How do we empower them as fathers to pursue those things?

Troy Horne: I think the biggest gift we can give any of them is introducing them to the actual work, because that’s the biggest thing I think that gets a lot of people. We fall in love with the fantasy.

We fall in love with the idea of, um, you know, what the end goal looks like. It’s like all of our kids want to get to where we are right now. Not realizing like, it took me like 20 years to get here. It’s like, I know you want to be, you know, doing what I’m doing, but like, so I think the, the, the short answer is as soon as they say, Hey, I want to do whatever, obviously take them to go see people maybe doing what they want to do.

I took, um, my son to go all the twitch cons and all that stuff so they can see these people. But then say, okay, so now here’s the actual work that goes into getting this. Are you still in love with the [00:40:00] process, knowing that this is the work that goes into it? And if so, then hey, we’re great. You, you could, we could do this.

But I think we tend to try to hide the, the work and the hard part from them so they keep the dream. I think the best thing we can do is introduce them as early as possible to what the work actually looks like.

Brent Dowlen: It’s that classic Ronnie Coleman saying, everybody wants to be big, but nobody wants to lift the hammy weights.

Troy Horne: Exactly

Brent Dowlen: right. Yes. I I’m a meathead. Sorry. It’s

Troy Horne: No, no, no. But

Brent Dowlen: he’s, that’s the classic line

Troy Horne: lightweight,

Brent Dowlen: right? That, that man has some, some great lines and, but that one is just such a reality. It’s like, yeah, everybody wants to look like that, but

Troy Horne: yeah,

Brent Dowlen: I have no idea

Troy Horne: the

Brent Dowlen: pain you

Troy Horne: got, but hey, if we can get, if we can fall in love with lifting the heavy weights, now we’re doing something.

Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Right. It’s, it’s, um, learning to embrace the, I think, embrace the suck. It’s been [00:41:00] played over so many times, but I mean, it’s learning to embrace the pain, right?

Troy Horne: Yes, yes. Speaking of the content creator like Mr. Beast was talking about, he goes, he’s, I showed it because I showed this to my son recently.

He goes, I was on a plane. Like something like 200 and something out of 365 days last year.

Mm-hmm.

He goes, nobody, nobody’s going to do that. No one’s going to be traveling 200 and something days out of the year to make content, not like to go on vacation to make content.

Brent Dowlen: Mm-hmm.

Troy Horne: Like, he goes, that’s why I know there’s such a huge moat between me and the next person, because they won’t, he’s like, why wouldn’t you stop?

You know, once you got to a certain level, why wouldn’t you, you know, say that’s, that’s good enough. And he goes, that’s the difference. And it really is. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Well, and, and people don’t like Mr. Beast is a creator at a whole different interesting level [00:42:00] because like, he invests millions of dollars into every.

Everything he does right? Like he turns around and takes all the money he’s made. Like he, he has gone broke multiple times.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Because he’ll turn around and invest millions of dollars in one. It it’s one video.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: And it will play really well, and he’ll make it all back into some, but the amount of people who actually get to that point, the, the jumping through the hoops, the process mm-hmm.

The long nights. I actually love working from home. It’s one of my favorite things because my daughters know I’m in here in my studio at 4:00 AM Yeah.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: My day starts at 4:00 AM in my, in here, in my studio at 4:00 AM and I work 12 to 14 hour days every single day, seven days a week. Yeah. They see me in here.

[00:43:00] They know I was like getting ready for this interview. I, I stepped outta my studio to go to the bathroom one more time. Right. Because you don’t want to stop in the middle of recording this. Not unprofessional. And they saw me in my outfit and they’re like, oh, got an interview this morning. Done. Yep. Yep.

Right. Because I’m walking past where they’re being homeschooled right now.

Troy Horne: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: And so they know, they know what’s going on. They, my schedule, I have one of those Alexa devices, it looks like a picture frame. My schedule is right there where they can see it. So they’re seeing is like, oh, what are you working on now?

What are you working on now? Right. I’m, IM cutting a video. I was cutting a video for a client the other day, and they’re like, oh, that’s so cool, blah, blah, blah. Right. And they’re looking at my workflow on my big wide screen here, 14 layers of video for a minute long video. Wow. And they’re like, that’s, that’s, how long is this video?

One minute. Yeah. And so they could see that, right. They’re, they’re seeing, oh, [00:44:00] dad sleeps some.

Troy Horne: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Brent Dowlen: And I think it’s, I think it’s great. I didn’t have the opportunity when I worked in the corporate world for them to see, you know, I was at work 10 to 12 hours a day, but they didn’t actually see what I did.

Troy Horne: Right, right.

Brent Dowlen: They weren’t even, they weren’t even allowed in the building technically. So, like, they didn’t, they don’t know what I, what do you, what do you do? I work in computers. Yeah, that’s What does that mean?

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. Right.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: We have a computer. Is it like this now?

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, so I love that. That’s something I get to do in my life.

You said you were, you got out of the traveling and stuff like that when your kids were young. So do they, do you work from home studio on your books or do you, do they ever actually get to see you grinding out at home or anything like that?

Troy Horne: Um, they do. They, they get to see me writing at home. Um, we also, you know, have a couple of other, [00:45:00] um, businesses that we do, but, um, they see that we, um, work a lot.

Um, but we also, like you said, they, we get to spend time with them, um, a lot too. We get to spend time seeing them, you know, in between, you know, teaching or in between writing or in between, um, editing or, you know, whatever. They get to see that, you know, we get to be around. So that’s, that’s really cool.

Really fun. I enjoy it anyway.

Brent Dowlen: I like that you get to loop ’em into your life. That that’s one of the fun. Yeah. One of the side effects, right. I didn’t realize when I tried to start my own thing was my kids are actually more involved in my life mm-hmm. Than they were in the professional corporate world I worked in.

Mm-hmm. Uh, which is is is very interesting. Right. It’s like they, they come in to show me, like, my daughter came in the other day to show me, uh, she got an a on a paper and they, they both like to make fun of me ’cause we make them do [00:46:00] it in cursive. Like they, they have beautiful

Troy Horne: Oh, nice.

Brent Dowlen: Like, I look like a 2-year-old scribbled one I ever read out my, their handwriting looks so much better than mine.

My youngest. Came in and showed me this paper and I was like, oh, that’s so beautiful, baby. And she paused and I watched her and she was taking in everything that was on my screens. And it’s like, what are you looking at? What are you working on? Like what, what’s that? And she asked, and

Troy Horne: yeah,

Brent Dowlen: but she’s right here as this is all happening.

And so we’re, we’re working on one of the, one of the things they’re gonna work on this year is they’re gonna start their own business. They, they had a business for a while. They did, uh. They were designing clothes and selling ’em on Redbubble for kids.

Troy Horne: Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Right. So we were just working on the design aspect, digital products, and then that way they didn’t have to have their own storefront, they just had it on Redbubble.

Right? Mm-hmm. But we were working on just creativity at that point. We’re working on, you know, design styles, colors, fonts, [00:47:00] styles of art coming together to make a design, cohesive design, stuff like that.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, so we started with that. We’re looking at doing popcorn. They wanna do something more physical.

So we live right on the walk path for the junior high. I.

Troy Horne: Oh, nice.

Brent Dowlen: The elementaries. So we’re gonna, they’re drawing up a business plan. We’re gonna buy a popcorn machine this spring so they can sell popcorn on the sidewalk in the afternoons, but they gotta work out a business plan with me and stuff like that.

Troy Horne: That’s beautiful. And know their, know their, uh, clientele, their profit margins, they’re, you know.

Brent Dowlen: Mm-hmm.

Troy Horne: Always fun. That would

Brent Dowlen: be

Troy Horne: great. Right.

Brent Dowlen: It’s one of the things I want to teach my kids. You’re talking about teaching kids, like, hey, yes you can.

Troy Horne: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: Right. I wanted, I was never taught that there was another way to make a living other than working for somebody else, or like, you know, I grew up around farmers, but it was like, you’re a farmer or you could work for somebody else.

Right. Working for yourself wasn’t a, [00:48:00] my, my dad wasn’t an entrepreneur. That wasn’t his thing. But, uh, trying to introduce my kids. Like, let’s, let’s think some other ideas, right? They wanna work for somebody else. If they wanna work for somebody else, great. But if they don’t, there’s other options.

Troy Horne: And you know, with the way things are going with ai, I think this is definitely something that people need to learn how to start their own business.

Because it’s like, who knows? I mean, I’ve seen so many things where people are like, well, you know, this, this career or this job, or this industry, you know, is beginning to go to, you know, the robots if we’re just being honest. It’s like, so what can you create yourself to sustain yourself? You know? Yeah.

Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: What would you share with dads whose kids are throwing out the things that just seem impossible to them? You know, we, we’ve talked about. Okay. Gotta pause and, and stop from putting a damper on [00:49:00] that right off the bat, out of our own fear. That’s

Troy Horne: right.

Brent Dowlen: That’s really rough stepdads. So like, work on that one.

I know that one’s gonna be hard to get past and you talked about, you know, taking your son and showing him the streamer conventions and you know, this is what it actually looks like.

Troy Horne: Right.

Brent Dowlen: Right, right, right, right, right. How do you recommend to dads, like okay, when they’re ready to go past it, you’ve, you’ve gotten past the, okay, yeah, let’s explore this and we, we’ve educated them some.

Mm-hmm. How do we inspire and encourage them to pursue those things past that when they go, yeah, I really, I really wanna try this.

Troy Horne: Yeah. I think it’s the same way the, the thing that you’re already doing, you know, that you just gave them an example of which is, you know, have them write out a plan of how we’re going to get there.

Have them like write out what is our next goal, um, how are we gonna get to the next goal? We don’t have to get to the. You know, big stream of the universe right now, but what is our next goal and how are we gonna get there? And then there’s [00:50:00] something about seeing it, you know, with them and add them as themselves, seeing, okay, like this is the goal I wanted to reach.

This is work I’m doing. Either I’m moving towards it or I’m not. And it kind of validates the idea for everyone I believe, you know, to see, okay, look, we’re sitting, we’re reaching this goal. We’re not, what do we need to adjust or pivot to get there? As opposed to it being, you know, just some idea that’s floating out there.

So I would say ride it out and set smaller goals and start, um, moving towards them. Yeah. Would be the next move after they’re in, you know,

Brent Dowlen: now we, we gotta tap this just slightly here for the dads whose kids are going, the entertainment industry. I, I want to be a musician. I want to be an actor. Do you wanna throw any advice towards them?

’cause there are a lot of kids who think that right now, creators are what I would say to them.

Troy Horne: Yeah. Um, what I would say to them is, uh, it’s, it’s a long journey, and by that I mean, it’s like [00:51:00] you, you have to be in, uh, actually, I’ll give you a, a great story. When I first moved to LA it was 97, 96, somewhere in there.

Um, I got there and I got a show doing, um, it was caroling at Disney. It was my first job when I got to la. Um, after that I went to go work at this, um, consumer testing place, um, where we call people in and invite them in to do paid surveys. One of my coworkers, the first people that I met at that job, her name, um, is Octavia Spencer.

Octavia Spencer is now an Oscar winner. She’s been in movies like The Help. She’s been, she had her own lead at ma She did some stuff, um, with, uh, Jennifer, I forget her name. But anyways, she’s, she’s a huge star, has a star on the walk of fame, I believe at this point. It was almost 16 years from the time that we met to [00:52:00] the time she got her first Oscar.

So this industry really rewards people who continually get better and continue to show up and say, this is what I’m doing. Um, that’s the thing I would say, because I, I hear a lot of people say, Hey, um, I’m gonna go to New York or LA and I’m gonna give it like three to four years and I’m gonna do something else.

I love you enough to say,

if your plan is three to four years, I mean, go and have fun, but just go in and plan on whatever the next thing is, because that’s not how this works. This ain’t that. As they say, it’s like, this is, you know, I, I think even Matthew McConaughey was talking about like, you know, like this, this stuff is like.

You have to put in time, you have to build relationships. You have to become great at your craft. You have to understand what it’s like to audition in the room. You have to understand what it’s like to be on stage. You have to understand what it’s be like to be on [00:53:00] camera. And that takes more than three to four years.

So, um, kinda like with anything, it’s like if this is what you do, you can do, it says the person who had no connections, no, like marketable skill as far as music I could sing, but you know, who can’t. Um, and was still able to, you know, do some of the things I was able to do with, you know, touring and being on Broadway and all the other stuff.

And it’s because I was like, this is what I’m doing and, uh, we’re gonna figure this out. So as they say in some of those, uh, entrepreneurial things, if you can’t burn the boats, then maybe find something that you feel like you can burn the boats with. So hopefully that wasn’t too tough love, but

Brent Dowlen: No, and you know what?

You’re in a spectacular place to offer the advice because you’ve toured, you’ve done Broadway with stage theater, which is a totally different craft, the movies.

Troy Horne: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: You’ve done the movies, you’ve done tv, [00:54:00] you’ve done a little bit of it all and had success in your industry, but that gives you a unique vantage point to be able to say, Hey, like this is, there’s a lot going on here.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Uh, and sometimes we, we need a little tough love. You’re not telling, you’re not telling dads to say, Hey, tell your kids No, it’s not gonna happen. Right, right,

Troy Horne: right, right.

Brent Dowlen: Yeah. It’s a journey.

Troy Horne: You, it can happen a hundred percent. It can happen. It is just, are you willing to do, like Mr. Beast and all the people, are you willing to put in the work?

Brent Dowlen: Mm-hmm. ‘

Troy Horne: cause uh, what’s his name, Al Christiano. Ronaldo was like, I can give you the blueprint, but will you do it

Brent Dowlen: Right.

Troy Horne: That, that’s the difference.

Brent Dowlen: Well, what do they say Jordan was at the end of p Every practice shot like 200 free throws or something.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: The, the amount of work that the extraordinary do to get there.

Troy Horne: Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Most people just don’t wanna put in that kind of effort.

Troy Horne: No, [00:55:00] and that’s the difference. That’s the separator. It’s like, are you going to like, you know, are you gonna do it? Or, and if you don’t the in what’s, say the industry, whatever industry it is, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mine. If you don’t do it, it doesn’t care if you don’t do it.

It’s just going to look for the person who did do it. It’s not personal, it’s not vindictive, it’s not like, you know, they’re not out to get you. It’s like who did the work and who can do the job when it’s time to do the work, the end period, not personal. So

Brent Dowlen: let me ask you for one more piece of advice here before we start to wrap this up.

You did the work and, and got to a place where most people will never get right. How do we teach and transfer that work ethic to our kids to pursue their dreams ruthlessly?

Troy Horne: So here’s another tough part [00:56:00] that I think a lot of parents in general suffer with, and I would say this, um, to my younger self because I wasn’t necessarily always a, a, um, what’s it a, a user of this theory?

And that is you’ve gotta, you’ve gotta allow them to fail a lot in the beginning because there is no, there is nothing actually, it’s funny, I was talking to, um, someone about this this morning. It’s like, you have to get tired of losing. You have to get tired of going, oh my gosh, I lost again. Oh my gosh, this person beat me again.

This, this situation didn’t work out. That only happens when you fail. And I think we all have this moment where we’re like, you know what? I’m tired of losing. I’m tired of not getting it. I’m tired of denying myself the opportunity. And the beautiful thing about them being kids is what’s the worst [00:57:00] thing that’s gonna happen when they’re, you know, they’re gonna be sad, they’re gonna be upset, they still get to come home, the lights still come on.

They still get snacks and meals, and they still get all their clothes. No one’s gonna, you know, kick them out of the, uh, the, the house or the apartment. No one’s gonna repossess their car. It’s like, failure at home with you is pretty safe. I mean, obviously it’s going to affect, you know, emotionally, but it’s like you can, you can help with that.

But it’s like the short answer would be allow for the failures early and often, you know?

Brent Dowlen: I love it. That’s what

Troy Horne: I would say.

Brent Dowlen: I think so many people are afraid of failure and it’s like there’s so much more value in failing sometimes.

Troy Horne: So much, yeah. So much value in failing. You learn all the things that you, that aren’t gonna work and you know how to do.

I mean, you learn, you know what, how to do the things that will is it’s, there’s so much value [00:58:00] in failing

Brent Dowlen: so much. It’s, it’s the often Bastardize Edison quote, I learned a thousand ways not to make a light bulb.

Troy Horne: Right,

right.

Brent Dowlen: So, so not correctly what he actually said, but it’s a really good quote though.

Troy Horne: Yeah. And you think about like, how many of us are gonna give ourselves 1000 times? How many of us are gonna give ourselves a hundred times? How many of us will give ourselves 10 times? There’s a difference. I always tell my kids, shoot for, shoot for a hundred. Let’s see if we can get to a hundred. You know,

Brent Dowlen: that’s such a big idea for kids.

That’s a big idea for adults. Let’s get

Troy Horne: to a hundred. Yes. Yes. What’s that? Did they say that Disney went to 500 or something banks back when they were 500 banks?

Brent Dowlen: Uh, how that’s

Troy Horne: a lot.

Brent Dowlen: Rolling. Got turned down by how many publishing houses. [00:59:00] Right.

Troy Horne: That’s a lot. But look at the, but look at the reward on the other side of that.

It’s like,

why? I mean, for instance, when I talk about Octavius, like all the nights during those 16 years that she had to be like, oh my gosh, did I do the right thing? I mean, 16 years, that’s a long time.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Can you do the a hundred? Can you do 10? Give them that in the beginning. Give their kids that in the beginning. And I think they will automatically self-correct. They will automatically get to the point where it’s like, you know what, dad? I’m tired of losing this. Let’s, I’m gonna figure this out. Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: I love it, man, that this is some sage vice. Now let’s switch gears because we gotta wrap this up. I feel like I could talk to you for several more hours. I really do.

Troy Horne: This has been [01:00:00] fun, man. I, I’m, I really enjoying. This is great. This is great.

Brent Dowlen: But, uh, let, let’s switch this up as we’re getting ready to roll this down.

You’ve already written mental toughness for young athletes.

Troy Horne: Mm-hmm.

Brent Dowlen: Right. Your first book. And guys, we’ll have links for all this down. Uh, tell us a little bit about that. And then you’ve got another project you’re coming out with, right? Yeah. Should come out right around the time this is airing. Yeah. So tell us about both.

Troy Horne: So mental toughness was written. Um, again, it was like a time when my youngster was, you know, beginning his competitive basketball career. ’cause he, we all know there’s a switch when you’re like, you know, a young six, 7-year-old, you’re playing having a great time. And then, I don’t know, nine or 10 or whatever, we become competitive and we’re doing all the, you know, the club teams and all the other stuff.

And, um, I noticed that, you know, just full disclosure, some of the adults in the room were kind of stealing the, the joy from that experience. And I was like, no, we’re not doing that. So, um, I was big into self-help and [01:01:00] I still am. And so I thought, well, how can I help him work on his mindset to, you know, kind of, because the industry’s not gonna change.

These people aren’t gonna change any different with their, in the way that they, you know, respond or act to the athlete. So how can I help him? I couldn’t find anything that was really for kids. And so, um, I was like, let’s put something together. Let’s write it and I’m gonna write it for you. So they can help you.

And it ended up, I think, you know, because I wrote it for him and in our small community, it ended up resonating with people all over the world. We were really, um, it’s been really great to still even today talk with them. It’s like we’ve reached hundreds of thousands of families, you know, through that book and it’s now being licensed all over the world.

And, um, I’m just glad that it, um, helps young people or young athletes and parents who are in a similar position that I was back then helped them help their kids. So, um, that’s been really cool to do [01:02:00] that. Um, the other one was, uh, it’s called middle management. And um, that one, um, is brand new. And I wrote it because everyone was like, well, can you write a mindset book, you know, for adults, you know, who are looking to kind of do a similar thing to move into, um, uh, a second stage of life and or just move into whatever they wanna do.

For me, it happened around second stage of life, around 45 or so. Um, I was like, okay, this kid’s starting to go do his own stuff. Um, the quick time that they said was gonna be fast is actually happening and he, you know, he’s off getting ready to do his own thing and, uh, what do I wanna do? And, uh, I found myself kind of struggling with the mindset and whatever, and had to work through it again using tactics and things like that, that I was teaching him.

And I had to kind of change them to apply to my life as an adult. I couldn’t find anything out there that was really saying, you know, here’s how you do it in your second half of life. Most of the stuff was like, [01:03:00] now’s the time to retire and, and, you know, um, wander off the pasture or whatever. I was like, nah, I don’t want that to be the message out there.

So, um, I went through these steps myself and, um, documented them and, um, so these things worked for me and I put them in the book to hopefully help other adults who are. That second half of life part or facing that second half stage of life of rediscovery of themselves. So that’s called middle management.

Yeah.

Brent Dowlen: Guys, we’ll have links for that. Full disclosure, I, I just bought your first book. Uh oh un unsolicited. I just bought the audio book for my daughter. Uh,

Troy Horne: nice, nice.

Brent Dowlen: I am all about raising mentally resilient kids, so, uh, I’m, I’m excited. I I just bought that on Amazon, guys. Full disclosure, he was not, did not ask me to, but after the conversation, yeah,

Troy Horne: bought, it’s funny, it’s fun because my, because Moses is the one that read the audiobooks.

’cause we did that because I wanted there to be [01:04:00] a kid’s voice on there so that kids could hear it from another youngster. And, uh, so it’s kind of fun to hear his little young voice on there. So,

Brent Dowlen: all right guys, you guys will be able to look for that review. I’ll share that on my website as well, so you guys can.

Find out from my 14-year-old or almost 14-year-old, exactly how great the book is. Yeah. We’ll, we’ll get that out there. So definitely look for the new book coming out, guys. I know so many adults, like really, we hit that age and it’s like,

Troy Horne: yeah,

Brent Dowlen: what does stage two look like?

Troy Horne: Yes, yes. And no one, they’re like, for me anyways, there wasn’t anything to say.

Like, okay, I understand that there’s the 30 for 30 and 30 under 30 and all that stuff, but you can still do this at 40, 45, 50, 60, and here’s the people who did it and here’s how they did it. I couldn’t find it, so I was like, heck, let’s just. Go through it and share our process and hopefully it’ll help other people.

So [01:05:00] there

Brent Dowlen: you go. Right, and hey man, kudos. Like, writing a book is an undertaking shit.

Yes.

Brent Dowlen: I talked to a lot of authors. Uh, I, I don’t know if you can see, I’ll turn my chair. You can see it in the back of my bookshelf.

Troy Horne: Yeah,

Brent Dowlen: those are all author interviews from my other show. Um, I, I’ve interviewed a lot of authors now, and kudos, like my, my show started off me working on a book.

I got about a hundred pages into a book. Started looking into self-publishing, it was like, oh, I gotta build an audience and no one’s ever gonna read this ’cause I’m, I’m not someone who’s known, so no publishing has gonna take me. Right. But then it turned into a podcast. I, I still have not finished my book, but the undertaking,

Troy Horne: yes, you do.

You really

Brent Dowlen: the undertaking on finished actually writing a book, brother. That is so, thank you so much. So kudos. You’re on your second book. That’s huge.

Troy Horne: Thank you. Thank you. It, it is really about, you know, it’s really about the people that [01:06:00] hopefully it helps, you know, that’s my motivator in getting through the slogging of the book writing.

So,

Brent Dowlen: Troy, yeah, we’ve, we’ve covered some pretty, like, there, there’s been some great share in this, so thank you for that. If our audience didn’t hear anything else you said, what do you want them to hear today?

Troy Horne: If you could make a choice on anything you would want to do, you know, as we bring it back to like the whole thing, why would you not choose to be the greatest of all time?

It’s like Barney. Uh, no, no. Bonnie Ware has this book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying or something like that. That’s good book. And the number one regret is I wish I would’ve lived the life that I want to live, as opposed to the life that I, that I thought other people wanted me to live. Right now we have [01:07:00] time to do this.

Why would you not choose to be the greatest of all time at whatever it is that you want to do? Why not go for it? Why not even try? So since the answer is there is no reason, why not, go for it. Whatever that it is for you, please do. That’s not even about me. Do yourself the favor of going for it, please.

That’s all I would say.

Brent Dowlen: Oh, that’s great. Sage advice, man. I like it. Guys, this has been a fan.

Yep. Not enough caffeine today. I’ve only had like five cup of coffee. Guys, this has been a phenomenal conversation. I’ve been enjoying this so much myself. So Troy, thank you for joining us today. Thank you. And for all of you listening, thank you for joining us today on the Dad Hat Henas podcast. We’re just a community of dads navigating life’s challenges.

Together, we’re sharing what we’ve learned. We’re sharing our experiences to help other dads along [01:08:00] their journey as they go. Until next time, laugh, learn and live the dad life.