Parenting Adult Children is just the next stage in the life of a parent, because they still need us. As a dad, you’ve spent years guiding your kids through life’s ups and downs. But what happens when they spread their wings and leave the nest? How do you transition from being the all-knowing parent to a supportive mentor? I recently had an enlightening conversation with Rob Finlay, author of “Hey Dad: Everything You Should Have Learned About in Life But Didn’t,” about navigating the often tricky waters of parenting adult children.

The Coaching Shift: From High School to Pro

Rob shared a brilliant analogy that really resonated with me. He compared the transition in parenting styles to the difference between coaching high school football and coaching in the NFL. When your kids are young, you’re like a high school coach – teaching the basics, correcting form, and providing constant guidance. But as they grow into adults, you need to shift gears.

As Rob put it, “When your kids are young, sure, hey, you need to block. This is how you block. This is the hole. This is exactly how you do it. Right. This is how you step. This is how you form. Everything is very specific and you’re constantly iterating and adjusting and correcting that position, that behavior.”

But with adult children? “You’re much more of a mentor, more of a guidance than anything else.”

Letting Them Take the Wheel (Even If It Means Running Out of Gas)

One of the hardest parts of this transition is letting our kids make their own mistakes. Rob shared a piece of wisdom from his mom that struck a chord: “The world will teach our children.”

It’s tempting to keep solving all their problems, but sometimes, the best thing we can do is step back. Rob gave a great example: “I can tell my kids, tell them blue in the face, put gas in your car. Put gas in your car. Put gas in your car. Right. And hopefully they do. And for the most part they do. But sometimes if they don’t and they run out of gas, well, the world will teach them.”

Parenting Adult Children: Building a Foundation for Independence

So how do we prepare our kids for this transition? Rob suggests exposure is key. “I think it’s exposure. I really do think the more exposure you can have with your kids to things like just, hey, come on down. Hey, let’s go to Jiffy Lube, right?”

It’s about including them in adult situations and conversations. Bring them to work occasionally, involve them in business dinners, or let them sit in on adult discussions. This exposure helps them understand the world they’re stepping into.

The Balancing Act: Support Without Hovering

As dads, we often struggle with finding the right balance between supporting our kids and letting them stand on their own two feet. Rob admits it’s not easy: “You’re gonna hover, you’re gonna take care of your kids especially. I’m, I’m guilty of this.”

The key is to encourage independence while still being there when they need you. It’s about being available for guidance without solving every problem for them.

Parenting Adult Children: Embracing the New Dynamic

One of the most exciting aspects of this new phase is the opportunity for mutual learning and growth. As Rob pointed out, our kids will likely outpace us in certain areas, especially when it comes to new technologies or trends.

“When I talk to cryptocurrency, I’m talking to my son about cryptocurrency. If I’m talking about things on, you know, other things. It’s, it’s. What’s this? What does this mean? What’s this?”

This shift allows for a new kind of relationship – one where you can learn from each other and engage on a more equal footing.

The Most Important Thing: Relax

If there’s one takeaway from my conversation with Rob, it’s this: “Relax. Your kids will be fine. Make sure they’re good adults. Make sure they’re good kids. Just make sure that. And then you’ve done everything. That’s it.”

As dads, we often put immense pressure on ourselves to have all the answers and solve all the problems. But the truth is, our job is to raise good humans. If we’ve done that, we’ve succeeded.

Parenting adult children is a new adventure, filled with its own challenges and rewards. It’s about finding that sweet spot between being there for guidance and letting them forge their own path. Remember, you’re not retiring from being a dad – you’re just moving into a new position. And trust me, it’s a pretty great one.

TL:DR 6 Points

Navigating the Transition: Parenting Adult Children

1. Shift Your Coaching Style

           Move from detailed instruction to mentorship and guidance.

       2. Let Them Learn from Experience

           Allow your children to make mistakes and learn from the world.

       3. Provide Exposure to Adult Life

           Include them in work, business dinners, and adult conversations.

        4. Find the Balance

           Support without hovering, encourage independence.

        5. Embrace Mutual Learning

           Be open to learning from your children in areas they excel.

        6. Relax and Trust the Process

            Focus on raising good humans and trust that they’ll be fine.

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