Shepherding with Intent: A Conversation with Josh Poteet

D Brent Dowlen: [00:00:00] Josh, what is your funniest dad story? ’cause we all have that dad story, right? Where it’s just like, you did something stupid and it made everybody laugh. Or your kids did something. You’re like, ha, what is your favorite dad story?

Josh Poteet: Yeah, Brent. I don’t know if it’s, uh, I don’t know if it’s funny or tragic, but went to IKEA with our, our 1-year-old and my bride, and about halfway through their corn maze of a store.

I realized that I had forgotten diapers, which, uh, fun fact about Ikea, they don’t sell diapers. We didn’t have diapers and we only found out we didn’t have diapers because we situation emergent like things are happening, uh, which led to us scampering out of their store in shame, um, needed to, to go to Walmart, buy my wife a new t-shirt, like.

My [00:01:00] wife gave me a ton of grace, but man, I, uh, I forgot diapers in Ikea, which is the worst place to do that, I’m pretty sure.

D Brent Dowlen: Oh, IKEA is complex. ’cause like they, they do, they build that thing into a maze and you funnel through the whole stupid store.

Josh Poteet: The exits don’t mean exit, it means like new room, like you’re, you’re leaving one room to another room.

That’s all it means.

D Brent Dowlen: Right. Yeah. No, no. I Ooh ha. Having a, having a diaper breakdown in, in the middle of Ikea would be, was, was that the first kid or did you learn on the first time?

Josh Poteet: That was the first kid. I, uh, I have, I have forgotten diapers since then because I am a broken man and I learned the hard way, but I haven’t forgot in ikea, which I think, I think the bigger stumbling point for me.

D Brent Dowlen: You, you got some PTSD with ikea’s. Like, see the storefront? You’re like, oh, diapers.

Josh Poteet: That’s it. That’s it. Alright, we’re, we’re gonna Walmart first this time. It’s, I learned my lesson.

D Brent Dowlen: Fair enough. You know, every [00:02:00] dad in the world worried about providing for the kids. When you find out you’re gonna be a dad, your brain starts racing and trying to figure out how are you gonna pay for everything?

Because you were taught your whole life. Hey, that’s your job is to provide. I know when my wife told me that we were gonna have a kid, I was like. Oh my God, I gotta make more money. There’s a silent freakout that happens in your brain as you start stressing about making enough money to take care of this precious new life.

But what if I told you that financial provision is not the most important thing that you’re going to provide for your child? You should provide for your children in every way you can, but the most important thing you provide as dad will be the blueprint for how your child lives everyday life. Today we’re talking to dad, author and pastor Josh Petit about leading your kids.

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Welcome to the Dad Hatch Shenanigans podcast, the unfiltered Truth about being a dad. Real Dads real stories, unfiltered, candid [00:04:00] conversations on fatherhood. I’m your host, Brent Dallen, and my guest today is Josh Poteet author of Parenting Against the Current and Lead pastor of the, I’m Gonna Say It wrong, lead pastor of the 180 Life Church in Connecticut.

Josh, welcome to the show.

Josh Poteet: Thanks, Brent. Excited to be here.

D Brent Dowlen: Now, Josh, I’m, I’m loving the hat backwards thing. People tell me at, at 45, I shouldn’t do that, but I still wear my hat backwards ’cause I’m a Gen Xer and I didn’t know you could wear it another way. It’s funny to see how generations change, like my wife’s little brother is, is totally a Gen Z and he wears it with the bill like at a weird angle.

Oh

Josh Poteet: yeah.

D Brent Dowlen: Leaves the stickers on. But I’m, I’m a hat backwards guy. So tell us, what is the, what’s the hat story?

Josh Poteet: Yeah, so, uh, not super exciting, but really meaningful to me. So before my daughter was born, uh, we did like this, uh, I don’t even know what we called it, but it was like the last hurrah before you’re a dad, we’ll call it that.

And, uh, so I got all my community, [00:05:00] I had a really, really tight knit group of guys that I was plugged into and still, still am. And, uh, we got together and we just goofed off. It was probably the guy version of a baby shower, which meant we did like really just dumb stuff, but part of it was. I was given a gift and this dad hat was a gift.

It’s a Space Jam Dad hat. I dunno what Space Jam has to do with anything other than it’s, it’s pretty dope. And uh, so it was that the hat that I got right before my daughter was born, and it’s meaningful to me because it kind of represents that there was obviously life changes when you become a dad and, uh.

So much better and so much more difficult. Like it’s a, it’s a both and. Mm-hmm. And, uh, and so that was the jumping off point for me was really around the time of this hat.

D Brent Dowlen: Alright, I like it. How many kids do you, is it one, two boys, girls? What?

Josh Poteet: Yeah, so we have a 2-year-old son and we have a 7-year-old daughter.[00:06:00]

D Brent Dowlen: Okay.

Josh Poteet: Yeah. So, uh, pretty, pretty big difference there.

She, she gets that from her mom. Like I’m not naturally empathetic in the way that she’s, and she’s just awesome. And then we’ve got EZ, who is two years old and he’s a one man wrecking ball. And, uh, I’m pretty, pretty sure that I have played a part in that one.

D Brent Dowlen: You know, you, uh, you, I, I laugh. I tease my wife.

She gets mad at me when I tease her about this because like, I married a woman who was as opposite me in a lot of my. Shall we say less positive traits as we could? I, I found a, a woman who would balance me out, like very, very opposite in the way we were personality wise, the way we grew up and the stupid things we did as kids to try and balance the me because it’s like, yeah, one day that kid will be a, a [00:07:00] split.

It’s like, uh, let’s, let’s tame it down a little bit, right? But it’s funny how you see that in your kids, right? Your kids have that personality from both parents and, and it’s entertaining to watch as they grow and start to come into their own personalities. And you see how that mix starts to pan out.

Josh Poteet: Yeah. And they’re, they’re a mirror too, right? So like, uh, it’s, it’s fun to see my wife and my kids and I would.

A chance for me to actually see kind of what my leadership looks like and really some of my tendencies, magnifi kids. Uh, and so getting to see that, especially in my son when trying to climb Everest, that is our couch. And we’re like, buddy, you can’t do this. You’re, and you shouldn’t be parachuting off the backside.

Well, that’s, that’s my fault. I’m in on that.

D Brent Dowlen: That’s what couches are for, you

Josh Poteet: know.[00:08:00]

D Brent Dowlen: You know, I, I learned, uh, early on, it’s like couches go against walls. That’s wisdom.

Josh Poteet: Yeah.

D Brent Dowlen: I, I, I’ve watched too many of my nieces. I have seven nieces, um, and the oldest is like 30 now. So I, I’ve got a wide range between my siblings and my wife’s siblings. And so we learned with their kids taking care, watching their kids like.

Jump off the balcony of couch, back of couches after my kids were born. Our couches were always against a wall, largely due to watching my nieces.

Josh Poteet: That’s a wisdom, but I’m the guy forgetting diapers, ED and ikea. So, I mean, how often am I employing that wisdom that I should, you know?

D Brent Dowlen: Well, you know, it’s those things.

The great thing is there’s a lot of grace ’cause kids bounce pretty well.

Josh Poteet: Yeah. My son, he has a. [00:09:00] He has big fro and uh, and we joke that’s, that’s God-given padding because of the risk that he takes.

D Brent Dowlen: I like it. I like it. Have you had that, uh, emergency phone call, get home. Your kid did this and there’s blood everywhere.

And have you had that buddy?

Josh Poteet: I have, um, nothing, nothing crazy, which is.

But, uh, it usually, it’s just something small like a, the bloody nose and you gets those. Sometimes it’s just part of being a kid.

D Brent Dowlen: I got this panic call from my wife like 30 minutes before I was supposed to get off work one day when I was working in the corporPoteet world and like my wife is almost hysteric.

She’s like, there’s so much blood. She fell and, and she was, my youngest daughter was running around with a plastic screwdriver from their little building set. Yeah. And tripped, damned it right into her pocket. And it hit just, just on the right side of the oral bone. So it slid up [00:10:00] instead of down into her eye, but it, it punched a nice hole right there in her, uh, eye.

Oh

Josh Poteet: man.

D Brent Dowlen: And so she’s screaming and like, you know, the face bleeds pretty well.

Josh Poteet: Oh yeah.

D Brent Dowlen: My, my boss, I’m standing next to his desk and he’s like, just go, I don’t even wanna hear the rest of it. Just go, I’ll, I’ll shut everything down. Go

Josh Poteet: Yeah.

D Brent Dowlen: So that, that was,

Josh Poteet: that, that’s terrifying, man. That’s, that’s no joke.

D Brent Dowlen: You know, I was that kid who had been in the emergency room a dozen times by the time I was 12. So for me it was like, oh, that took long, longer than I expected. But, you know, so it, it happens, right? Your kids are you?

Josh Poteet: Mm-hmm. Yep. Just waiting. Just waiting. What’s the next thing?

D Brent Dowlen: The next thing. What’s the best part about being a dad?

Josh Poteet: Man, I think, uh, I think it ties into a lot of what I already said, like kids being mirrored at mirrors for, for me, um, [00:11:00] I think there’s, there’s, there’s hard to that where it’s a, a growing stretching for me, I, I just constantly see them helping me grow, not, not even trying to, right. They’re just, they’re just goofing off and being goofball.

But that reflect.

And this kind of just comes from my faith background, is I’m constantly being reminded of who God is and seeing his fingerprints through my kids. Um, which is just so encouraging to me. Um, even when they ask, like just really kind caring questions like the other day. Silly example, but, um, so our son was recent.

I’m gonna just kind of gloss through this, but my son was recently diagnosed with a, a pretty rough disease at 18 months old. And so he’s had four surgeries since then. It’s been about six months. And, uh, and so I was talking through that with my daughter and she was like, well, when he goes, like, when he gets the medicine to make him fall asleep, um.[00:12:00]

He’s in. It’s a good thing that he stays asleep and she’s like, but what if he has a nightmare and can’t wake up? Like that’s the kind of gentle, tender heart that I get to see in my 7-year-old daughter. And it’s always just like this, I dunno, just like punch right in the heart of just like, man, like Josh, like there is so much more.

That I get to experience because I have kids, because of the questions they ask and because of what they point to and look at, like, they still wave at airplanes. Like, that’s, that’s the kinda wonder I wanna live in. So, uh, that’s, that’s the gift of being a dad. I think

D Brent Dowlen: every dad listening just had that heart tingle moment when you tell that story.

Like, I, I felt it on this side of the microphone, so I was like, oh, it’s, I, I love doing this show because dad’s. It’s like this amazing brotherhood. I’ve talked to men on four different continents on my other podcast, and every man I’ve ever met who is a [00:13:00] dad can meld together over the amazing life. It is that being a dad, I, I watched a big, like, burly one percenter biker, like biker gang.

1% are biker, right? Yeah. My, uh, best friend was, we were at a motorcycle rally right after my, uh, my oldest was. Maybe 11 months old and my friend is over and she’s pulling these little sunglasses, right? She’s looking at these little sunglasses and this big burly biker. I was like, oh ho. Oh yeah, you should get those for you.

And she looked straight in the eye and she said, they’re for my niece. And pointed at my daughter in my arms a couple feet away. And this big like guy’s got prison tats. It just. Oh my gosh, she’s so cute. Right. And starts helping pick out shades. Like it’s this amazing thing about being a dad.

Josh Poteet: Mm-hmm.

D Brent Dowlen: Josh, what do you wanna talk about?

About being a dad today?

Josh Poteet: Yeah, I think, I think my heartbeat, Brent, is really, [00:14:00] um. Just this idea that we’re meant to shepherd the hearts of our kids, like our kids are, which is like, it’s, it’s super intuitive, right? Like we know that we need a parent, we need to lead. Uh, and yet I would say that the majority of people, and it’s so easy to do, this happens to me all the time, but like, I don’t lead my schedule.

My schedule leads me, and that’s not the.

We get home from work X, Y, and Z, and it can be easy to offer leftovers to our family. Um, when really my, my first ministry, the first place that I’m meant to have an impact is my family. Uh, work is a means to provide for that, uh, and maybe even to have an impact in the community and the world. But family is meant to be that, that number one place that I’m making a key, uh, impact.

And I think it can get really twisted. Our families [00:15:00] get the leftovers, shepherding their heart and our, and walking intentionally. I think intentionality is the big, the big crux for me. It’s like, am I being intentional in every environment I’m, I’m in, especially with my kids. Uh, and so that’s, that’s my, that’s my drumbeat.

I’ll bang that, uh, for the rest of my life, even when grandkids are in the picture and I’m walking beside other dads because.

Feel survival mode. Uh, sometimes those babies come out and come with a training manual or tutorial. You can a book. And I did, and at the same time still I was, how do I hold this? What do I, I still haven’t figured out toddle properly. And, but as our kids grow and as they, uh, start using their legs for.

A thing that I wanna talk about today.

D Brent Dowlen: Okay. I like it. You know, it’s funny [00:16:00] ’cause there’s well over, last time I saw the statistics, it’s been a while, so guys don’t hold me to this, but there’s over 750,000 parenting books that have been written mm-hmm. In existence today. There are over 750,000 parenting books that have been written.

I wanna say it’s probably way north of that at this point. What gotta be is there’s not a perfect parenting manual. Out there written for parents because like you, you’re finding out right, your 7-year-old and your 2-year-old, it, it’s a very different experience from one child to the next.

Josh Poteet: Yep.

D Brent Dowlen: So you know that, that individ, especially as that individuality comes out, you’re like, oh, huh, okay.

I have to deal very differently. Mine are 10 and 13 and mm-hmm. Deal very differently with the two of them. At this point, they’re both girls, but. Like their personalities are so

Josh Poteet: totally,

D Brent Dowlen: totally unique to each other at this point that it’s like, okay, I’m [00:17:00] talking to the sensitive one. I need to bring my tone down.

Right. So you, you use the term shepherding. Now, people without a church background or a country background may not entirely follow that. So yeah, let’s get real clear. What are we talking about? Is that, yeah, we’re.

Josh Poteet: They were talking about leading, right? Uh, leading with intentionality. So I’m not, wherever I go, my family is following. That’s just the result of being a parent. You accepted that role, whether you meant to sign the paper or not, you’re there.

D Brent Dowlen: Oh, yeah. Uh,

Josh Poteet: you’re listening to a podcast about it. So I, I think that you’re invested too, which is great.

Um, and so, so the big thing is I’m leading somewhere. I.

I think there’s a big emphasis today on organic things like organically happening, and that’s good. That’s not a bad thing. Uh, but things being organic and happening wasn’t meant to be at the expense of me being intentional. So the example being [00:18:00] if I allowed, if you allowed things to be organic in your home as far as what your kids would probably naturally gravitPoteet towards ice.

I’m my, although sometimes I break the rule. Um, and, and so that, that’s the thing for every aspect of our lives, where, where are we leading our kids to? And so quickly, like conflict being the example, when conflict rises up, you got siblings conflict’s gonna happen, right? If it’s a sibling group, multiple kids, and even without it.

When conflict arises, is it a man, we gotta deal with this. This is a problem. Like, we need to shut this down. This is an obstacle to me. You probably wouldn’t say it that way, but it can feel, I, I can feel that sometimes in my chest. Or is it, what an opportunity this is for me to teach my kids what conflict resolution looks like.

Like how are we gonna navigPoteet this in love and make the people a priority deal with the issue, but deal with it without [00:19:00] attaching it to the people. Uh, so that when they are 30 years old and 50 years old or whPoteetver, and there’s an employee or an employer that is driving them wild, which that would never happen, that’d be crazy, but if it did, like how are they gonna navigPoteet it?

Are they gonna gossip? Are they gonna like tear people down? Are they gonna passive aggressive or are they gonna handle it in a, a really beautiful, honoring way?

D Brent Dowlen: I think one of the biggest struggles of being a dad sometimes is trying to navigPoteet that line, right? Because naturally you wanna be protective, but at the same time, you also want to be instructional and make sure your kids are learning and getting the life experiences and that you’re letting them, because growth comes out of struggle.

Right. I mean, oh yeah. And we can pretend it doesn’t all you want, but growth comes outta struggle, right? Kids whose parents, I, I love the [00:20:00] parents who like dive the minute their kid hits the ground, they’re like, oh, I’m like, stop it. Just stop it. Right? Because you freak out. The kid’s gonna freak out, right?

Yep. The first time you get a parent who’s used to doing that and you’re like, just, they see your kid at the ground. They’re like, aren’t you? Just wait. And the kid looks over at you and you’re like, you okay? I’m like, and they kind of crawl back up to their feet, like good to go. Two or 3-year-old, like hit the ground.

I’m like, whew, trying to break it, aren’t you? You know, you didn’t freak out. They right. But finding that line is a dad. ’cause you, you want to, but you also want them to learn. And so that figuring out where that line is and how to lead them through that. Because they are reading every reaction you have to every situation.

Josh Poteet: Yeah. Well, and I think that is a really important point because like boundaries have [00:21:00] this, I think in parenting, it’s actually a more positive perspective, but a lot of areas in our life where, like boundaries, man, that sounds like a rule. That’s awful. We hPoteet rules. Let’s go against it. Uh, but, but freedom is found within safe boundaries.

Especially with our kids. And so navigating that tension that you were just walking through of, man, I want them, I want them to take risks. I do not want my kids growing up afraid to the world in the, I want them be, tackle what’s in front of them and take risks and fail glori. I want them to feel that freedom.

But also I, I wanna minimize those er visits that my son is surely gonna lead me to. Right. Uh, and so it’s a balance and I, I think what you kind of pointed to was really good though, Brent, of, and like, like, we’ll see if they, if they need me. Like it’s, it’s not a man, they fell so I have to rush over. It’s, they fell.

Now I, I’m paying attention.

Get. At the same [00:22:00] time, I want you to know that you’re strong, you’re brave, and that stumbling is a part of life. Like that’s that stretching process that you, you pointed to is where growth ha stretching never feels good. Um, as someone who does not do yoga ever, like I’ve heard rumors, stretching doesn’t feel good, but like it’s good.

Like I.

I don’t know where I heard this, so I, I didn’t make this up, is what everyone needs to know, but it was in a book I was reading on parenting. It was just kind of talking through how, like a cPoteetrpillar, when it goes into a cocoon, maybe you’ve heard this. Um, when it’s starting to break out of the cocoon and it’s not a cPoteetrpillar anymore, sometimes people will run over and be like, Hey, you know what, I’m gonna help it out.

Like, get outta here. This seems like really hard to get out. And so they helped the cat, the new butterfly out of the cocoon. And what happens is now that butterfly’s wings are not strong enough for it to be able to fly. Mm-hmm. [00:23:00] And so this now butterfly is cPoteetrpillar around the world because it wasn’t given the, the opportunity to struggle in the way that it needed.

Now I don’t even know if that’s scientifically correct.

Uh, it’s one of the things that I point to pretty often in, in the book that I wrote, um, is parents need to stop fighting for their kids. Um, and it’s not a, you don’t care about your kids. It’s some battles they need to fight, some failures they need to experience, and our role isn’t

D Brent Dowlen: how. In, in your own experience doing this with your kids and how, how would you suggest to other men, how do we model failure to our kids [00:24:00] and coming back from that, do you like I know some parents, like, they never let their kids see the struggles that are going on Sure. In their lives and have like this f almost facade.

It’s like, oh no, dad is superman and perfect. And other parents are really into, oh, no transparency. They need to see everything. And I don’t know that one way, right? Extremes bother me. But how do you model struggle, resilience and that to your kids?

Josh Poteet: Yeah. I think that’s such a.

I either extreme, I think has a a broken perspective. If I never show any mistake or failure on my end, my kids grow up learning that they need to be perfect, which means that they’re gonna be highly insecure and terrified of the world. Shame is gonna own them versus the other extreme. I’m inviting them into things that.[00:25:00]

Trying figure out how are we gonna make ends meet today? Uh, it’s not fair. And so middle ground, I have found that middle ground is almost always the place that we’re meant to be. Uh, and so for me, uh, there are a couple practical things that I encourage dads to do all the time. Uh, one is, there’s two phrases that if parents could learn, dad’s, especially because we’re bad at it.

Um, the two phrases are, this one is, uh, I don’t know. When your kids ask you a question, like, it’s okay not to know the answer, you don’t need to like puff up your chest and pretend, or I, I’ll say that the, the church answer that drives me nuts is God works in mysterious ways. Sure he does. But also there are answers to some of these questions and we need to be knowledgeable and understand like how to navigPoteet that, especially with our kids.

The second one, I would say more important, especially when our kids are, is will.[00:26:00]

To let your kids know you made a mistake and asking for their forgiveness is not like a, uh, a mutiny against your authority as a parent. It’s not against your role, it’s actually for it. You’re modeling. Yes, I’m an adult. Yes. I’m still figuring this life thing out. And you’ll too, okay. What I humble. And then provide an opportunity for my kids as they’re growing, for them to learn that too through my leadership.

Um, so those are the two phrases that I would say. But the other thing that I think is really helpful, and, and this can, can kind of, you gotta figure out what’s age appropriPoteet, but my testimony or the, the non-Christian view of that would be like my story that I.

The best tools that I have to point my kids to learn from my mistakes and to grow and mature, um, without having to [00:27:00] experience the pain that I did. Uh, so for me, um, 13 years sober, recovered alcoholic like that, that’s a big part of my story. Now, alcoholism of the 7-year-old pay. So my daughter.

Dad makes some mistakes, especially before he knew Jesus. Yes. Uh, she, she would smile and she’d say yes. And she’ll, you could ask her, does he make mistakes Now she’d be like, he made a mistake yesterday. He had asked my forgiveness for this, this, and this. And it’s like, yes. Like I want our, we need our kids to see us fail in age appropriPoteet ways and for us to.

Hide. Do you cover your face it put on a mask and pretend like everything’s fine, which church folk do all the time. Like, how are you doing? Like highly favored and blessed. Like, but your life is on fire right now. Like, it’s okay to be like, man, I’m, I’m [00:28:00] struggling. Yeah. And so that’s the big thing is it needs to be appropriPoteet for the age.

Age, but I don’t ever want to be so focused on protecting me that I don’t lead the hearts of my kids. And that’s, that’s the measuring stick is who am I trying to protect here? If it’s them, um, cool, then it’s not age appropriPoteet and that’s totally fine. But if I’m trying to protect me, well that’s not what a dad does.

Like a dad lays down his life, a dad protects his family and dad intentionally leads and steps forward. And, and that’s what I wanna do. And I mess this up all the time, but the beauty of this is as I mess up, I can own that too and continue point to what’s better.

D Brent Dowlen: Well, you know, we wear a lot of dad hats.

Sometimes that hat looks like humility and honestly should, more often than not, sometimes hat, you know, looks like the police officers going, timeout. Rules are not, these are the rules, there are consequences. Right. And, you know, [00:29:00] that’s, that’s just the way it is, right? Dads have to model a lot and. It, it like, it was a huge concept shift for me.

The first time I heard someone say that you should, you know, apologize to your kids when you’re wrong, when you’re out. Like, the first time I heard that I’m like, say what? Yeah, that’s, that’s like just opening yourself up to civil disobedience right there. Um mm-hmm. But the longer I sat with the idea, right.

The first time I apologized to my daughters because I was. I had a really long day and I was hurting, and my, uh, I, I’ve broken my spine twice now, and so when, when my back goes like it goes, uh, we’re talking like can’t feel, my legs can’t walk, kind of goes. I. And I had to apologize because I was in incredible amounts of pain and it had been a long, rough day and I was just way too gruff with them.[00:30:00]

It had nothing to do with my children. It wasn’t their fault. Nine times outta 10 when parents like at their kids, right. It, it’s, that’s on us. It’s not actually, the kid didn’t do something, we’re just mentally on something else and stressed out and it just, yeah, totally. Right. And learning to apologize to my kids was like such a humbling experience, but it also opened up the world a lot.

It was a really crazy thing for me. And then, yeah, you were talking about your daughter has, has so much, you talked about that story at the beginning, like that’s, like I said, all the guys got the heart tingles. You know, my, uh, both my daughters are very empathetic, but my youngest particularly, like she wants to nurture.

She wants to take care of you. She wants to sit with you and do things for you. And, and the grace that came back from my children in that moment was just like, man, there, there’s something to this. Right? [00:31:00] And when I talked to my daughters about it, they’re like, well, you know, you apologize I did this, I apologize.

Right. That, that makes sense. And it’s like I stumbled into a good dad moment. Yay.

Josh Poteet: That’s awesome. Well, I think, I think what’s neat about that too, though, not that this is a leadership podcast or anything, but I mean, dads, you’re, you’re leaders, whether you like it or not. Uh, this translPoteets into like so many other areas that I didn’t even realize when I first started practicing this, like as a, as a lead pastor, like my staff, I apologize.

That as weakness, right? I’m exposed, I’m being vulnerable. I could be attacked. Okay. But it also deepens relationship and it deepens fellowship and it shows people what winning looks like. Um, especially in our families when I would say this even goes into our marriages, right? Like, I need [00:32:00] my daughter and I need.

I’ll seek forgiveness from my, my wife too, and that she is a priority. I’m teaching my son how he should treat a woman, which means when I fail, I better, if I fail in front of him, I better also model seeking forgiveness in front of him. And I’m teaching my, my daughter how a man should treat her, uh, which means that I’m setting the line here of what she’s gonna.

As the treasure she’s, which means that I need to model that. Same thing with her mom.

D Brent Dowlen: My kids were born right when I, when I found out I was gonna be a dad, my, my first, my first thought was, oh, the bar just raised. ’cause I, I want to, I, I’ve told my friends for years, my goal is to set the bar so stupidly high and everything that I can, that my [00:33:00] daughters will not be able to bring home.

Some bozo. Like they’re gonna have, I love it. High bar standard because dad acts this way. Right? I, I wanna set that bar so high that even if they don’t find the perfect guy, the lower end of that pool is still gonna be an acceptable level.

Josh Poteet: Yep.

D Brent Dowlen: And it’s so important. I think it’s often underestimPoteetd the impact that dads have.

Establishing not only the, that standard, but also, you know, for your son, how, how you interact with a woman in a healthy way. ’cause they’re not gonna get that in society. No. This whole OnlyFans culture thing and social media, like I, I cringe on social media. I won’t like children anywhere near social media at this point.

Josh Poteet: A.

I don’t know [00:34:00] that that’s new. I think it’s different, but it’s, it’s not a new concept. Mm-hmm. Which is why I, I like that it’s emphasized more now. Like it’s more obvious when we’re in the extremes because technology shows us all the extremes. Like we don’t even, it’s the voices that you don’t see. Um, and so when we see the extremes, we can actually see the weight that.

Those different extremes are destinations that you don’t decide for your kids. You can’t control them. Eventually they’re gonna do their thing, but what you can do is you can help them make the wise choice and the equipping starts, starts yesterday is, is would be the best. Time is yesterday and the second best time is right now.

I

D Brent Dowlen: like it. You got a dad joke for us. Oh yeah. We’re gonna, we’re gonna lighten it up one step here. We need a, we need a good dad joke. We haven’t told a dad joke yet. I

Josh Poteet: know. I dive too deep, too quick. I’m in. Alright, so what do you get? I love [00:35:00] this one. What do you get when you have a a mama elephant who has babies with a daddy Rhinoceros.

D Brent Dowlen: What?

Josh Poteet: Ef I know

D Brent Dowlen: I, I’m gonna have to, when we wrap this up, I’m gonna have to go tell my daughters. I joke now. Because I, I love that one. My oldest is 13, so I get the really big eye rolls. Hmm. Uh, that just like, they, they make me laugh harder than the joke does usually. But like I tell a dad joke and my 13-year-old just gets that big eye roll now.

Classic. She’s into it.

Josh Poteet: That’s what winning looks like as a dad though.

D Brent Dowlen: A joke. Book a, a dad joke book. When I, when she found out I was gonna be She thought you needed help or, yeah. Yeah.

Awesome. Take it up a little. My

Josh Poteet: daughter’s at the right at the age where like the dad jokes are still cool. Mm-hmm. My son’s got [00:36:00] no idea, but like the dad jokes are still cool. She’s still figuring out what a joke is or like how to tell one. Um, and so, uh, I’m still pretty cool with it, but as soon as you hit that, I think that 10-year-old line.

Mm-hmm. When I’m gonna get a book too. Pretty sure.

D Brent Dowlen: Yeah. Yeah. I, I get the, the cringe the dad, and I’ll throw in like, if I get the opportunity to just like, start rolling and, and punt it up with the dad jokes. She’s like, stop it. Just, just stop. Like, she’ll leave the room. She’s like, you’re killing me. Can’t

Josh Poteet: stop.

D Brent Dowlen: I’m on

Josh Poteet: fire. Like,

D Brent Dowlen: right. I’m not funny. I gotta capitalize on this when it happens, you know?

Josh Poteet: Well, the worst is like when I do it. ’cause I preach every Sunday, and I’ll do this on stage too. Like I am who I am wherever I am. And, uh, so literally, this is awful. I shouldn’t be sharing this, but who cares? Uh, we were doing an announcement this Sunday.

On life groups, like one of our life groups branched, which is when [00:37:00] one gets so big you turn into two. Mm-hmm. So I was like, man, and it was a, a pray and play group, so just like moms and their, their babies. So I was like, yeah, this, this life group’s having a baby. In fact, maybe they’re having babies.

Everybody’s having. And I just go on this one minute rant about how this life group, it was, it was cringe. It was awful. I regret nothing. It’s just who I am.

D Brent Dowlen: I love it. Where is the best place for people to find you?

Josh Poteet: Yeah, so you can, uh, find me at parenting against the current.com. Uh, that’s, uh, a key place where you can reach out.

We’ve got an email at parenting against the current@gmail.com as well. Uh, great place to connect with me. It’s a place to be empowered as a parent to shepherd your kids, um, toward a destination that is, is well worth it. Alright

D Brent Dowlen: guys, of course we’ll have that link so you can connect with Josh after this.

You can check out the book he wrote. I have not read it yet. Full disclosure. Uh, always have to throw that [00:38:00] out there ’cause

Josh Poteet: just in case could get wild.

D Brent Dowlen: Right? And Well, I, I generally try and read books before I talk about them with people. So I, I would’ve gone much deeper into the book except I haven’t read it.

Uh, and, and so I always like to be really clear with that for people, Josh. You know, we, you’ve told some good stories today and we, we’ve started into the world of leading your kids right. And I just talking to you before we started recording, I, I know you can go a whole lot deeper on that. I think there’s more of that in your book.

Uh, so I’m gonna tell the guys you should absolutely follow up with Josh if. This is, it’s a big world guys understanding what it means to actually lead your kids. It, it’s your core job as a dad. Yeah. A lot of men have been taught that their core job as a dad is to provide, part of provision is leading your kids into [00:39:00] being, the adults are gonna be, it’s not just making money, it’s, it’s showing them how to live.

So Josh. What is the most important thing you wanna tell the dads Listening today?

Josh Poteet: Yeah. I think there’s probably, probably two things. One, uh, because you are connected to a podcast like this, like you’re doing the right stuff. Like, don’t feel like you’re failing. When you look in the mirror and you’re like, man, I botched it.

Like I, you’re doing the right stuff. You’re trying to grow as a dad. Uh, I’m not saying you’re a perfect dad, you won’t be, there’s only one of those. Uh, but we can talk about that when you come to church with me. Uh, but like. You are taking the steps that your family needs you to do. Um, and so that’s, that’s the first thing.

And the, the second piece would be, know where you’re leading your family. Like there needs to be a very clear destination. It’s for me. So I’ll give you our destination that we’re parenting our kids towards is we want them to love God. Love people. [00:40:00] Enjoy us. Like I, I want when they don’t have to be with us to want to be around us still.

Uh, which means that if that’s the, the destination, we’re going to those three points. Everything we do in our house is aimed at that destination. It’s a mile marker along the way. Uh, meaning when I’m worn out from work and my daughter wants to play soccer down in the basement, well, I need to make tired weight and.

Go into those things that are gonna help me grow that relationship because that’s gonna help her enjoy me and I deeply enjoy her and want her around. Um, same thing with like every part of that destination, those three pieces are, everything we do is filtered through that. Uh, and so I’m not saying you have to adopt our three.

I would love for you to, but at the same time, like figure out what works for your family. What’s the dynamic? Where are you parenting towards? And let that be the filter that you drive everything through. It’s gonna, it’s gonna help you make the decision on, [00:41:00] hey, do we add this to our schedule or do we not?

Everything I say yes to, I say no to something else. And so say yes to the things that lead where you wanna go and no to the things that don’t.

D Brent Dowlen: Now gents, if you’re struggling with connecting with the people in your life in a meaningful way, the message me directly on Instagram, you can DM me or whPoteetver, go to my website, purpose driven men.com.

There’s a bubble down in the corner and you can audio, video, or text. Message me from that bubble as well, and let’s talk. My Relationship Titans program is all about helping people who have gotten lost along the way and lost the connection they wanted with the people that matter the most. It may be great for fit for you.

If not, I’m gonna point you in the direction of people like Josh or some of my other friends like Oliver, Marcel. Who can help you maybe better than I can. I want you to have healthy relationships in your life because it is the core of what really makes his life worth it. Josh, thanks for hanging out with us today and telling your dad stories.

Uh, I love, this is why I do the show. I love hanging out with other dads [00:42:00] and having such a good time. Guys, thanks for joining us on the podcast. We’re a community of dads navigating life’s challenges together. Until next time, laugh, learn, and live the dad life.