Men’s Mental Health: Lessons from The Men’s Round Table Series

The Men’s Roundtable Series Podcast- The Mental Health Mountain

[00:00:00] 1, 2, 3, 4.

Welcome back to the Men’s Round Table Series podcast. I’m your host, Mr. Yu or your moderator. These guys are all co-hosts right here. We got DL in the house, Tristan Rorie’s in the house, Brent Dowlens in the house, Aaron Gamble, Jake Sebok, the Lion, Rory Paquette, and some other guys that are missing an action.

But we’ll let ’em come in once they, uh, jump in. But thank you guys for being here. If you don’t mind, quick intros your name, where you’re at, uh, if you wanna share about what you do, keep that part brief, but unmute yourselves and jump in popcorn style. Whoever’s next, go ahead. All right, I’ll start. Uh, my name’s Rory Paquette.

I’m a professional podcaster and podcast coach, and, uh, I have [00:01:00] three podcasts currently with a fourth on the way. Um, power Man is my signature one. I also have the Podcaster Nation, and recently started Wake Up The Lions and, uh, just happy to be here. Thanks gentlemen. Thank you, sir. Next, I’ll go second. Uh, my name is Aaron Gamble.

I’m an impact driven life coach. Uh, I help people rewrite their stories, break free from the past, and reclaim their power to live their best lives. I also am a men’s group facilitator, and I run a men’s group called the Wolfden, uh, trying to help, uh, lone wolf’s get away from Lone Wolf syndrome, and I’m based outta Los Angeles, California.

Copy that. Thank you, Aaron. Next. Love it. My name is Jake Sebok. I am a master certified coach and founder of Modern Manhood over here in St. Louis. I help men who’ve built everything except their life. They’re actually excited to live. I help ’em connect more deeply to, uh, the people [00:02:00] in their environment, the people they love by connecting more deeply with the person they are.

Below the roles, masks, responsibilities, and duties. Uh, I’m also a men’s group facilitator, uh, the modern Manhood circle. And yeah, happy to be here. Excited to talk to you guys. Thank you, Jake. Next, um, Dustin. I go by dl, the Low Life. For the sake of my podcast, I am a former low life who now lives a low life of humility, service to the kingdom.

Anything I can do to help, that’s what I do. I’m in the Bay Area. Thank you, dl. Next, should I go there? Can you guys hear me? I can go. Great day. Good day everyone. My name is Kevin Pierre. I am a minister of the Gospel Deliverance Minister and me, and I’ve known you for a while to the same church, and I’m just happy to be part of you guys today just to be here.

It’s a privilege. Thank you, Kevin. Next,[00:03:00]

my name is Tristan Rorie. I, um, live down here in Charleston, South Carolina. I am the maintenance technician for North Palm Church, uh, with Yusef and Kevin. Um, I do not have a ministry as you other guys do. I’m more of the person y’all would’ve helped. Um, been to Long Wolf, been a prodigal, been a broken person.

Uh, God found me in a low point and you know, here we go. We just stay alone Another way. Just happy to be here. I love it, man. Thank you, Christian. Next.

Hey, my name is Brent Dowlen. I’m a men’s relationship personal development coach. I help men with skills, techniques, and solutions to rebuild thriving relationships with the people they love, even if they’ve struggled with being the husband and father they wanna be in the past. I’m the host of the Driven 2 Thrive broadcast, the Dad Hat Shenanigans podcast and the Read Me Story Dad podcast.

I just love working with men, period. [00:04:00] Absolutely. I can vouch for all you guys, man. Thank you for being here. And of course, keep me honest. At the end of the show, I wanna wanna give everybody a chance to know how they can find any work that you’re doing, whether it’s your social media or an actual ministry.

And men, you guys have men’s groups, so I wanna point the people who are watching and listen, especially when they hear it on the replay. If they’re not live with us, I wanna point ’em to your men’s group, so please don’t hold, hold me accountable on that one to mention it at the end before we go off air.

Okay. Put a pin in that. But, uh, let’s go ahead and jump in. Looks as though we got a, uh, comment from a good buddy of mines, fellow New Yorker, TO. Outstanding man to God says blessings, brother. Thanks to for jumping ahead, brother. Thanks for listening and watching. I think you’re gonna get a lot out of this.

So we’re talking about the mental health mountain today. Honestly, man, we can go a lot of ways. I wanna kind of set it up a little bit for you and kinda let you guys just run with this man. Uh, I don’t know about you guys. I’ll just speak for myself on this one. You guys can just chime in if you [00:05:00] agree.

This is one of those things that, for most of my life, it felt like it was kind of invisible. Like I didn’t know there was really a problem with that. I was just doing me and then, and, and bouncing into all these challenges and turmoil. Didn’t realize that it was like actually a thing to be conquered, a thing to be focused on and dealt with.

I was just doing life stuff, thinking, oh, this is my normal, this is what I either deserve, or this is what I, I asked for, or I caused this, or everybody just deals with this. It’s no big deal. But that’s a lot and there’s a whole lot more to this mental health mountain. I want want, you got to flesh it out within the course of the conversation.

If you guys are watching and listening outside of this panel, please jump into the live chat, either on YouTube, wherever you actually see in the show. Facebook. I think Twitter’s a a possibility there to leave a comment, jump in with your questions, share your stories. We’ll make time for it because this is an important issue and we wanna make sure we give it all the rightful time it deserves.

So I, we wanna start, but let’s talk about the experiences with [00:06:00] the kind of stigmas and societal expectations that come with mental health, health, especially for men. So share some of those experiences, what you think about this, what you’ve seen in your own life. You guys can jump in. Popcorn style. Go. No, I’ll give it a start then.

I think one of the first things that comes to to mind for me is, it’s sort of a mantra that I think, I’d probably guess that all of us have. I’ve heard before growing up is you put your head down, you bury your emotions, you work hard and you provide for your family. And to me, I grew up in a very small town, a very hardworking, blue collar, collar life.

And it took me till I was 43 years old to realize that burying your emotions is not something that you should be doing. And for me, and I can only speak from my own experience, I, I nearly was one of [00:07:00] those statistics of ending my life. And, um, it shifted my entire being. Um, and one of the things that I really try to push is really like, we need to blow up that mantra.

I mean, it’s such a classic trope, but you know, yes, I think you should provide for your family and I think you should work hard. Or us, we should work hard as men, but we don’t need to bury our emotions. We need to actually learn to express our emotions, feel safe and comfortable to actually speak about what is going on inside ourselves, inside our brains, and inside our bodies.

And I personally believe, and I know a lot of, a lot of the other guys in here are also are in men’s groups, men’s groups, and men’s work is one of the safest and best places to actually do that. So you know it. The second leading cause of death, as of 2022 [00:08:00] is for men. 45 and under is suicide. The first leading cause of death is unintentional injury.

That means that there are a hundred thousand different reasons that you could die. Something could fall out of the sky. You could get hit by a car, you could get bit by a poisonous spider and die. That is here. Men’s suicide is right there as of 2022. I don’t know what the, what the, the recent statistics are, but that’s a problem.

And that’s the reason why I’m sitting here having this conversation with all of you because I was almost one of those statistics and I chose to not in my life. And now I’m here to share my story and to have these con conversations with you. And hopefully a man out there that’s listening to this will actually get some help that they need.

Go talk to the person that, that, that is a facilitator or a [00:09:00] coach or a therapist or something, that they won’t have to go through that same experience that I did. Thank you Aaron, for sharing that. Brother. That’s, go ahead. Yeah, I wanna say, uh, you know. Thank you so much for sharing that. I really, uh, I take a lot from that just now, and I just think that, um, a lot of men go through mental letters because, uh, I feel we are in a society especially

to express themselves too much, uh, because we grew up to where, uh, people make us believe that we shouldn’t. Uh, men shouldn’t cry. Men shouldn’t share their emotion. Men shouldn’t share how they feel. Um, and these are the things that, um, leads to isolation. Um, also loneliness to the point where it begin to cause mental health [00:10:00] and, and, and men.

Because, uh, we, especially if we are not women, you know, there’s a lot of men that grow up in, in homes where, uh, they make them feel like they have to be the toughest one. They have to be the tough guy to the point where it’s not okay for them to share, uh, their emotion. It’s not okay for them to share how they feel because if they share how they feel, it’s going to be to a place where they’re being judged.

So all that, uh, when it comes to isolation, it becomes, uh, it causes mental health and, and mental, you know, you know, when mental you to a place where, uh, you be suicidal, uh, you feel like alone, you feel you don’t belong because nobody wants to hear you. And I believe that that’s why a lot of men get rid of themself because they feel like nobody wants to hear them.

No one wants to take the time to listen. And I know there’s a men that are probably going through that, that feel [00:11:00] like. For a long time, you have tried to explain yourself. It’s been possible, but we want you to know it’s okay to be a man. It’s okay to be, it’s okay to be emotional. It’s okay to cry sometimes because that alone brings no self relief and such as healing.

You know, a lot of times people don’t have healing in them because they hold so much things, uh, because we don’t make them feel, uh, comfortable enough to release certain stuff that they go through, especially men. You know, I grew up to a place, okay, I believe that I had to be tough. I grew up in a neighborhood where I had to be tough, you know, you couldn’t be softy.

So, so all of that because you, you go through stuff in your life and never that you had to, uh, express yourself and all of that can cause mental health, especially when it comes to isolation and loneliness. Thank you, Kevin. Appreciate that. Who’s next? I, I will jump in. First, I, I wanna say you [00:12:00] guys, if you’re listening to this conversation or part of this conversation, are the cutting edge of men’s mental health, okay?

We’re trying to change decades and generations of not having these conversations. So thank you for all the guys who are being part of this. And all you guys here are joining us on this live are, and the replay. The fact that you’re here having this conversation puts you light years ahead of the average guy.

Wow. Um, I am Gen X. Uh, I know some, you guys are right around that same age group. Some of you guys are a little bit older than me. Some of you guys are a little bit younger than me, but we’re the, this is a new conversation for us, and we’re starting to have the conversation because this conversation wasn’t held in the previous generations of men because of this stigma of men have to be men.

We have to suck it up. This manly man thing. So we’re trying to change this conversation and undo gener generations of the way this has been done. As men, [00:13:00] part of that conversation that we really have to lean into is we are not teaching men any of this fathers right now as we move down towards the millennials and now we’re moving to what is Gen Alpha or Gen Z, whatever we’re on.

Um, they’re the first ones who are actually starting to have those conversations about with their kids. Like, no, you, you don’t have to be the toughest guy. You, you can have emotions, you can express yourself, but we haven’t equipped generations to know how to even recognize that mental health is a concern, much less how to actually handle their mental we health issues or start to recognize they have mental health issues.

And so. One of the conversations we need to get into and as men is how do we start to teach our children and our children’s children that you [00:14:00] can be both masculine and manly and at the same time you do have emotions. So you have to actually face them, process them, get involved with them and express them some way in a healthy manner.

My father helped me. I had anger issues when I was in junior high. In fact, we actually ended up moving because I was so angry. My dad wanted me outta that school system after several years in the school system. But he taught me to split wood. I would go, I would get home from school and I would split wood for sometimes hours after I got home to keep from bouncing people’s heads off of concrete at school.

Uh, my dad said, no, listen, what you’re feeling is real, but you have to find a better way to do it. You can’t just take out all these guys. ’cause I was already in some trouble for that. So. My dad was ahead of his time, but he was a minister. He was much more on the emotional side as far as actually dealing with feelings than a lot of men’s fathers were in that age group.

[00:15:00] My dad was a boomer and so, you know, that set me on a better path. Starting early, going, I have to find ways to express my anger. I have to find, I do have this, I can’t just stuff it down ’cause it just makes it worse. ’cause I was boiling over at that point. But now it’s on us at this point to help other men start to have that conversation and explore, Hey, you do have these feeling emotions.

You do have these feelings, they’re legitimate. Let’s talk about how to process them in a healthy manner and how to teach the next generation to do the same thing.

Okay. Anybody else? I just wanted to add one thing real quick. I’m sorry to jump in on, give everybody else the time, but Brent, I think you, you really jumped. You’re talking about something that’s really important. I, I also am in Gen X and. I think what’s happens here is we are a generation of men who were raised by war veterans who were raised by war veterans who were raised by war veterans.

And [00:16:00] what happened is those war veterans were all taught to not talk about what happened when they were at war, the things that they saw, the emotions that they felt. And that ripple effect then now comes down on every man below that. And what we have to do is we have to shift that and shift and, and teach men that it’s okay to talk about this and it’s okay to have fear.

It’s okay to be sad. Like these core emotions, the only one emotion that we’re really acceptable, and you said it, Brent, yourself, is anger. That’s the only acceptable emotion that in society that a man is, is, is somewhat accepted to, to have. And we are shifting that right now.

I love that. Thank you guys. I’d, I’d like to jump in here for a second. Um, you know, as as men, as as human men, we have eyeballs on the front of our head. And because of that, most of our focus is exterior. It’s outside of us. [00:17:00] And we’re very discerning about what we allow into our lives, what we don’t allow into our lives.

And we can meet a person and we can say, that person gives me an energy that I don’t trust. I will cut that person off. And we’ve, we sort of create these fortresses for ourselves and, and we get to choose who comes in and who comes out. But there is one thing that was inside the fortress before it was even created.

And that one thing can be your greatest enemy or your greatest ally. And that thing is your mind. And, uh, you know, I speak to, to many men, and some of them are completely on board, uh, with getting in touch with their emotions and others are still pretty resistant to it. But the, the question that I often use.

Speaks to that warrior aspect of every man, and it’s this, what is the greatest threat to your safety? Is it the friend that you keep in the light or is it the stranger that you keep in the darkness? And that [00:18:00] often evokes this idea of, you know, we, we, many of us have had this experience of, uh, holding in grief for so long that just all of a sudden it breaks and it it comes out, uh, as lashing out on the people around us or, or maybe an outburst of rage that we didn’t quite expect.

And I think that often comes from this, uh, desire to put on this mask, this persona of being strong, stoic, suppressing all of this so I can be that man that everyone expects me to be. But when we start to identify with that, when we start to believe we are that. We don’t just hide the emotions from the people around us, we hide the emotions from ourselves.

And that is exactly what puts that stranger in the dark. The way that we actually gain fluidity and the ability to, uh, morph and move through those emotions in a healthy way is to come in contact with them. Uh, there’s a phrase, name it, [00:19:00] to tam it. And I think that’s one of the biggest things we can do to develop that intelligence about our minds, to turn it from that, that stranger, that threat into our greatest ally.

I love it. Let’s shift gears a little bit just because I wanna keep the, uh, train moving in, touch all the topics. If you can tell me what, uh, it looks like for you guys when depression hits your life at any point in time. I think that’s something that we need to flesh it out, because a lot of folks are watching and listening and they think it’s, I guess, in that stigma category where they don’t think they can talk about it.

It shows weakness to say, you know what? I’m not feeling good. I don’t wanna be around people. I don’t feel good about my self-esteem. I don’t feel mentally, uh, well, I guess you could say, so if you don’t mind being transparent, share about what depression looks like when it hits your life, if you can be open to share that man, I think the people who are watching and listening would appreciate the transparency.

So go ahead when you’re ready. I’d love to jump in [00:20:00] on this one. Um, go for it. So, depression, let me just give a, a frame for this. Depression hit me when in 18 months I was divorced, lost custody of my kids. My mom got hit by a car and killed my sister. My grandfather rapidly fell ill and died, and then I went to prison for two years and I had to process it there.

One thing, let me say caveat, community is very important. It’s also important to be wise and discerning on who you share with. I think there we go a little extreme Sometimes as a society we go, let me just blab everything I’m feeling to everybody and then be surprised when somebody stabs me in the back with it, right?

So wisdom has to be present there. But when depression hit me, um, I found one thing that I wasn’t doing in my life. I wasn’t talking to God. I had plenty of people around me. I had a bunch of friends, you know, bunch of people that would be there for the fun things, some of the dumb things. Um, but when things got real, and especially then I was in the fish tank, so I had [00:21:00] nobody, I was in a cell by myself, you know?

Uh, never lost anything. So I’m processing grief and depression and I didn’t know how to do that. ’cause just like you guys. I grew up, a man does this, a man does that. Women are the ones that share their feelings. Women are the ones that are vulnerable. Men don’t do that. Stone faced, stand up straight. Do what you gotta do.

Um, so I think it’s very important ’cause I know for a fact, like I can see it on people’s faces. They’ll, they’ll deny it, right? That men suffer in silence more often than not, right? Because of a stigma. And, and you guys spoke to identity. I think there’s something in the scripture that speaks to this and that, that’s very helpful, right?

As Paul would say, we take captive every thought, right? But as we’re processing, as we take it captive, we don’t own it, right? So, like, I was clinically diagnosed as depressed. I was clinically diagnosed with bipolar and all of these different things. And I decided one day that I wasn’t gonna call it my depression.

I wasn’t gonna call [00:22:00] it my bipolar. You know, I, so I began to release that ’cause that’s not part of my identity. Um, and I think that’s something for anybody that’s watching right now. It’s something that I would suggest. Just try it. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever’s ailing you, whatever mental condition you have, try, stop calling it yours.

Just give it a shot. Don’t take ownership of something that you don’t even want to be a part of you. I love that deal. Thank you sir. Anybody else? Tristan War? Anybody else? Yeah, I’ll share. Um, I am a ward veteran, uh, served in the Navy and then in the Marine Corps Purple Heart recipient. Um, and I’ve dealt with the PTSD, the depression, all that craziness.

Um, you know, we, we do feel fear and kind combat. We were just taught you shove the fear down and then you replace it with anger and, but nobody ever taught and then violence of action. [00:23:00] Um, but nobody ever taught us any other way to do it. Like. And as men you’re taught, shove your feelings down, violence of action going forward.

And you know, and it is a lie. And it’s not just men who feel this women too. I can’t count the number of women in my life who said, you’re a man just plowed through. Wow. And it’s like we forget as you know, especially as Christians, like the Bible says we’re made in his image. I mean the Bible tells this guy gets angry, he gets sad.

There’s even a verse where it says that something happened in Jesus’ side. Like he was just, ’cause he is just frustrated and we act like he can’t relate with that. We, we get an Amos, he’s as far off, you know, being, we’re made in his image. We feel the things that he’s felt. It’s recorded in the Bible and.

And also [00:24:00] says to come bully before the Lord. And I would challenge anybody who thinks you can’t be honest with God. Like, just come and pour out the rawest ugliest. You have read half the book of Psalms. David said some really horrible stuff to God. Like, why are you blessing my enemies and curse to me? I, I, I love you.

They hate you. And to the depression and all that. Like, you have to get to a point where you’re like, what? The thoughts in my head are a lie. Like you may need some time to be. I, I’m introverted. Um, so I I like a long time, but I will go for a drive and listen to worship music. I will turn on my favorite artists growing up.

’cause I, I grew up listening to. Eighties hair, metal and country. So I’ll wind is down, we’re going for a cruise down to interstate and I got LED Zep under Aerosmith or [00:25:00] whoever, and I’m just, I’m going to bring myself up when I hear those lies that say you’re alone. I’m like, well, that’s a lie because I’ve been to war like thousands of other men.

They felt the same things. And I have been blessed to have a core group of other veterans that I can, I can bounce the ugliest of, ugly off of. And I would recommend to anyone and everyone like, get you three, four guys that you can call anytime of the day, anytime of night, and just be like, Hey Bo, I’m in the bad spot.

My best friend called me at two o’clock in the morning, woke me up crying, and I’m like, where are you at? He’s like, I’m outside your door. The, I come outside because I’ve been there and not had somebody. And it is the grace of God that got me through. So, you know, like that. And that, that’s for me. And I know that, you know, war and combat, little worse, but the principles [00:26:00] are still the same.

They’ll, they’ll work for anyone. My oldest son is 22 and I tell him these same things and they’re working for him and he never went to war, but it, it still benefits him.

Thank you, Tristan. That’s fantastic, man. I love this man. Tristan, I appreciate that. Tristan, what you just described right there, that council of men. That, that food group of friends, that’s a men’s group. That’s what that is. And you can, you can call it a council of peers. You can call it, call it a men’s group, you can call it.

It’s having a group of people that you can rely on, that you can trust to actually listen and hold space when you’re having a hard time. So I, I just wanna honor that and honor you as a, as a, as a veteran, uh, in that, because you’re, you’re doing it, man. I appreciate that. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing that. Tristan. Anybody else wanna share on that? Yeah, I’ll jump in. I think Rory’s next. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Um, and Tristan, thanks for your service, brother. [00:27:00] A hundred percent. Um, I, I really like what everybody said to say on a lot of these, uh, topics. The, um, and I can’t disagree with, with anybody, uh, right now.

So the, uh, the thing though that’s kind of rolling through my head, just with the men that I work with, uh, personally in my men’s groups, um. And I work with a lot of veterans too. The, there’s two things. One from the, the previous question and then, you know, kind of into this one, we’re all called the sacrifice, uh, as men, as fathers and husbands especially, you know, it’s, it’s kind of the old adage of, uh, you know, hey, if, if there’s four people sitting at the table and there’s three pieces of chicken, who doesn’t eat?

I mean, you, you’re the one who was supposed to provide the chicken. You know, I don’t think anybody sitting here would say, no, that’s not the case, because we sacrifice the way we do, and because it’s just part of who we are. When you sacrifice too much and when sacrifice becomes your actual way of life, you no longer have value.

So within [00:28:00] yourself, you don’t look at yourself as, I’m a person of value. I have no value. I don’t need anything. I don’t want anything. I’m here for others. And I think that there’s a tipping point for, you know, every man out there where we’ve given so much that we no longer think we have any value at all, when we don’t have any value anymore, then I think that’s a, a real open door for depression to come in.

Because then the why bother starts to come in and take over your mind. Then the, um, you know, I’m not good enough comes to mind, uh, those types of things. And so when you hit that, another thing that I’ve seen lead to depression. The second thing besides having no value, and then I’ll, I’ll shut up. But the second thing besides having no value really is lack of purpose.

And so we kind of get to a point where we’ve, we’re making all we can make, we’re doing all we can do. We feel as good as we think we can feel. And this is just life. We sort of resign ourselves to that. And when you’re not in a group of brothers that [00:29:00] are all pushing each other to get better, when you’re not challenging yourself to become more tomorrow than you are today, then you, you literally end up just settling into, I guess this is it.

This is just the best it’s gonna be. That doesn’t help any man ever. And when you give up on becoming better tomorrow and you have no purpose and no reason for getting up in the morning, you literally are just waiting to die. And that turns into depression, full-blown depression very quickly from what I’ve seen.

So I go back further when I’m talking to men and when we’re working in our groups to the point of, you know, let’s reestablish the fact that you’re a human, that you have value and that you know you are worth it. So when we get to that point, we work on purpose when we move forward. But I just wanted to put that out there.

You know, it’s, we come back a few extra steps. I think that helps. Thank you, Rory. Alright, Jake, real quick. Go ahead man. Yeah, Rory, that was [00:30:00] fantastic. Value and purpose. I see those things pop up so often here. Um, yeah, I just wanted to say, you know, if, if I’m completely honest here, I’ve honestly been going through a bout of depression myself past few weeks.

I’ve just noticed it creeping in. I’ve noticed it’s harder to wake up in the morning and it’s, it’s very similar to that idea of what I’m doing doesn’t seem to be, you know, moving the needle. I see it in myself. Um, and I came across this video that I made and I was just talking to myself, uh, from about a year ago and I was reflecting on the last time that I had gone through a bout of depression.

And in this video I said to my future self, the next time that depression comes, I’ll greet it as an old friend. Because what I realized at that moment in retrospect is that depression, just like any. Other emotional experience is an action signal of sorts. It is alerting us to something in the environment that is [00:31:00] out of alignment.

And, uh, one of my favorite actors, Jim Carrey, you know, he said that when you’re depressed, it’s a signal that you need deep rest. Uh, depression is this signal that the body is saying, I’m done playing that character. I’m done playing that role. Trying to achieve that responsibility, being something that I’m not, I will no longer exert energy to be something that I’m not, that no longer proves valuable.

And it is an opportunity then to stop exerting that enormous amount of energy to be something we’re not, to build a life that doesn’t look like anything we’re actually interested in. And to reflect back inward. To find out who this person, who is valuable, intrinsically in and of themselves, who they are, what they truly want, and to find that purpose and to create it.

And that is the thing, A man with a mission is unstoppable and he will have energy, uh, even when he’s been going [00:32:00] nonstop. He’ll find that energy to no doubt, to make something good doubt. No doubt. No doubt. All right, let’s go ahead and keep on moving. I know that, uh, Aaron breached the topic of suicide. I got a good friend, uh, I think part of him, he had the time to, to be a part of this, but I think he billed for some other reasons and everything, but he had, uh, he lost, uh, somebody very close to him and his family to suicide.

And I just, I don’t want it to be a topic that we are afraid to talk about, so I kinda wanna put it out here. And if there’s only one person that. That, that feels courageous enough to talk about it is fine. We can move on to the next one after that. But there’s a, there’s a, there’s a bridge where we live, and three of us on this, or two, three of us on this call, know where that bridge is.

And randomly we can drive to it on the way to church. We can drive to it. We could see a random person standing on the bridge getting ready to jump off onto the interstate, onto the freeway. And we’ve seen that three or four times, I think maybe this year, or at least in [00:33:00] the last 16 months alone. And it is just, it just kind of just exacerbates the point that it took.

They, they didn’t get there overnight. That was a journey to get to that place. Say, you know what, outta all the options that I might have or might not have, this is my best one. So I wanna speak to the people who are listening and watching who might be at that place in the journey. I know that people say, oh, you know what, get help, get counsel, go clinical.

I understand that, but everybody doesn’t have the mean to do that. Or the capacity to do that. It, it’s, it’s not as simple as that. Suicide is not a simple situation at all. I want you guys to speak to it from what you know and what you dealt with. I wanna share a real quick story. I’m gonna make it really quick ’cause I have to, but there was a time when I was living in New York City, all of the pressures and all the things you think about with the hustling ground in New York.

It is a real thing. A lot, lot of people sitting the magazines are lies. Not if you haven’t lived there, you don’t understand it. But I was at a place where I was on the, uh, at a turning point [00:34:00] with my music career and some other things that were going on, and some things didn’t go right. There was some betrayal, some hard things happen, and I had some thoughts.

I had a bottle of pills in my hand. I was getting ready to go ahead and make that big move, take a, uh, a temporary situation and turn it into something permanent. And only thing that stopped me. I, I even say the voice of God because I can’t even give, I can’t even even say that. What it was, was the image of my little sister who was, I was her best friend in the world and I saw her.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it to her. It wasn’t even about me anymore. So I just can’t do it to her. So if you, if you, if you don’t mind being transparent, quickly share some stories or some wisdom you received regarding that topic and then we’ll go ahead and move on. Go ahead please. I I can jump into this one.

You. Um, so I actually was talked off the ledge when I was, uh, 18. I had proposed to the young woman I [00:35:00] was dating and had been dating for a couple years and we were in different states at the time and instead of us, you know, having a great Christmas together, when we got together, I found out she had been sleeping with a guy ’cause she missed me and he was too much like me.

And what was supposed to be a celebration of our engagement came crashing down, kind of screwed Christmas for me forever. Uh, it’s been a. 25 years, I’m happily married, and it’s still like, Christmas is still a hard time of the year for me. Uh, but I also, like, I, I had friends talk me off. I was nibbling on the barrel of a gun, literally.

Um, I had friends talking me down trying to talk me down, keeping me from going that far. But years later, I was in a horrible situation. I have scars on my wrist from where I cut my wrist. Like I, I’ve been down this road more than once. And that’s the thing about depression and suicidal thoughts with men is it’s always there eating the [00:36:00] back of us.

We had this dialogue in our head that we would punch somebody else forever talking to us about. I, I, if someone else talked to us, the way we talk to ourselves, we would knock them out just out of sheer pride. Um, I would never let anyone talk to me like that, but we have this running dialogue in the head, in the back of our heads for most men.

In fact, there are a lot of men, I’ve seen it expressed a lot on social media recently where there are a lot of men who are only alive because they won’t abandon the people they love, but they have what we would call really settled lives, right? Really thriving lives. But they don’t feel that way, and they only are still alive.

They’re not going that direction because they won’t leave the people that they’ve committed to. That commitment outweighs the self-deprecation and the hate for themselves, and it’s a, it’s a depression is something I’ve struggled with for years and it’s one of those things that’s always in the back of my [00:37:00] mind, right?

I am, I have two beautiful children who are healthy, uh, loving marriage, and I have days where I struggle every single day to even look at myself in the mirror and like myself. I have stayed, there have been times I’ve stayed just because of those beautiful little girls and my wife, because I won’t ever abandon them.

But it is this sickness in the back of your mind that takes root because no matter what you tell everybody else, you don’t believe you have value. You don’t believe that you are worthy of joy, of good things, of happiness. Um, I’ve, I’ve had friends accuse me of self-sabotage more times than I can count.

They’re like, what is your problem? Every time you start to have a good path going, you just do something to screw yourself over entirely. And it’s this deep seated belief that you are [00:38:00] not valuable sitting there, and that is gnawing at so many men across the world. And guys, you’re, you’re wrong. You’re, the world needs you.

The world desperately needs the man you were born to be. You have value. But I know so many men right now are struggling with this argument in the back of their mind. And the answer is, you have value. Even if you don’t see it, even if you don’t feel like it, it’s there. Please hear us. You bring value to the world, and we need you.

Yes, sir. Thank you. Thank you Brent. Amen, brother. A hundred percent. I love everything you just said, man. That’s, that’s huge. You know, if I can jump in, um, I’ve been there. The same thing, just like you, uh, you, it’s been, uh, holding a bottle of pills and, uh, it was going down the hall to say goodbye to my boys.

That threw me way off and, uh, sent me into like convulsions type of thing. You know what I mean? I’m, I’m not gonna get [00:39:00] deep into the faith talk right this second, but I mean, I’m pretty sure that God saved my life that night. But it was decided it was over. I was almost cold about it. I wasn’t even upset anymore when it happened because it had just been so long and been building for such a long period of time and there was so much.

It’s like when you’re underneath that pile of everything, I mean, you almost don’t feel anything anymore because you’ve Right. I mean, it’s just, yeah, you’re at that point and so you say, look, I’m just done. But, uh, in terms of what we would say to the folks who were watching, you know, and to each other, uh, it is the people you leave behind, you know, it was, uh, my boys and what would happen to them the next day.

For the rest of their lives. And I was like, look, you know, no matter how bad this gets, I can’t do that to them. I mean, I spent all this time trying to make things right for ’em. I’m upset because I can’t give them what, um, you know, we had lost everything. I’m upset [00:40:00] because I can’t give ’em what I want to give them now.

I’m gonna ruin their lives. What, what the hell have I been fighting for then? So I just wanted to throw that in there. Um, totally agree. And I really think that it’s the focus on the folks, but, wow. Kevin, real briefly, please go ahead. Wow, that, that’s good. Um, I’m gonna add onto that real quick. Yeah. Uh, I think our kids, man, I think our kids, when we look at our kids, uh, our family wife, and we, we, we have something to live for.

Uh, I remember 2019, uh, after going through a massive storm, anybody I heard about Hurricane Dorian, uh, hurricane Dorian sat on us for like three days. We losing everything. Uh. You know, we had to transition to another place. So quickly life changed. Like things that take you, uh, 30 to Bill. Uh, just like that, everything just gone in 30 minutes.

So when I got here to the us, you know, I, I slip into depression. Uh, but when I look at my life, like I [00:41:00] didn’t have nobody around to vent to, but I, I keep looking at my kids. I keep looking at my, my daughter. I keep looking at my son and I say, man, if I give up, they will suffer. So they’re the reason why I kept going.

But depression is real, especially when you come to a place where, uh, after losing everything, you just, you don’t see a reason to live anymore. You don’t see a reason to live anymore. You just want to give up. You just wanna give up with life. You, uh, you have no reason. You don’t feel, you don’t feel like you belong.

So. Every time I would look at my kids, I say, man, they the reason why I have to stay. They the reason why I have to stay. So I can say for me to not slip into the real depression, to the point where, uh, I, I wanted to get suicidal. I think it’s, when I look at my kids, I say, yeah, they reason why I have to continue to push for.

I love it. Thank you, Kevin. Go ahead, Aaron. You know, it’s really interesting [00:42:00] that all of you guys have just explained the exact same story that I have as well. I, on paper, if you looked at my life several years ago, I had a wife. I had a kid, kid, two kids. I had an amazing blue collar job in the film industry.

On the outside, everything looked amazing. I owned a home on the inside. I was absolutely drowning. I was drowning because I wasn’t living the life that was really meant for me. And like you, Yusef and Rory and Brent and Kevin, I nearly and dl, I nearly took a bottle of Xanax and thought to myself, I’m just gonna down all of these and never wake up.

And the thing that actually, for me, what stopped me, the first thing that came to mind was an image of my two [00:43:00] kids downstairs in the living room, laughing and playing Uno. That image literally stopped me from lifting that bottle to my mouth. And that led me to making one of the biggest decisions that I’ve ever made in my entire life as a man was to put myself into the hospital.

So I checked myself into the behavioral health unit at UCLA Medical center, and that was one of the hardest things that I could have ever done. But Brent, I wanna, I wanna actually talk about something that, that you mentioned and, and reiterate is having a mission. I had to go through that experience in order to understand that my true purpose in this world is to tell that story, is to, to let other men know that you don’t have to do this stuff alone.

We all have had that same story, you all just same that explained that same story. We all here, here together talking about [00:44:00] this because we’ve had that same experience. That means that we are not alone and that anybody else out there that’s talking about this doesn’t have to go through that alone. And hopefully maybe, maybe somebody out there will listen to this and they’ll make that same decision and they’ll go ask somebody, Hey, I’m really struggling.

I need some help. I’s all I got. Thank you. She, that’s good. Uh, this topic is, is, it’s a weird one because every time I hear it nowadays out here in these streets, it never seems to be associated with men. I’m like, okay, we got a self. We need care. But I ne when I hear self care, it’s always about women going to get Manny petties or, or hot tubs or, or cucumber facials or whatever.

But self-care applies to us too. I love to hear what you, what you guys think about self-care. How do you do that? If you’re not doing it, why aren’t you [00:45:00] doing it? So anybody can jump in popcorn style like before. Go right ahead. I can jump in on this one. ’cause I just did a whole episode on this. Honest god on my podcast, man.

Talking about men need hobbies with the, with the growth of hustle culture. In our society on top of this, inherently from birth taught we need to provide men no longer have hobbies. We, and, and if you look generationally, it starts to steer step down. Men don’t do anything that doesn’t have some kind of payout on the other side.

I had this discussion with my friend. He is like, well, I go to the gym. I love going to the gym. I was like, no, you go to the gym because you’re trying to get your health under control. This is about your health. It’s not like I’m a gym nerd. I know so much about exercise. I could bore you guys for hours.

I’m the guy who reads a thousand articles on Bench Press to look for the nuances between the best binge pressers because I truly love the subject. [00:46:00] But I was trying to explain. It’s like that is, I love it. I do it ’cause I love it. You guy, you do it for your health, right? The minute we do it, because it’s giving us something right, where you can put a penalty or, oh, I feel bad about not doing this, or if I don’t do this, I’m right.

The minute there’s a ramification to not doing it is no longer a hobby. Right. Men don’t have men used to go in their garages and work on their car that they loved or do woodworking or spend time just fishing for fun or Right. All you gotta look do is look back through history. Men used to have hobbies, but now if what we’re doing doesn’t yield some kind of financial or physical return, we don’t see it as valuable anymore.

And with the decline of having hobbies, our mental health has gotten worse and worse and worse because we don’t have a creative [00:47:00] outlook that has no ramifications. Wow. Care. Who’s that? Who’s, that’s so good. Can I say something? Go ahead. Real quick, Kevin. Uh, I’m gonna say something real quick. I, the other day was, uh, me and my wife who was having this conversation, and I was like, baby, I said, you realize that it’s only about work.

It’s only about work. It’s only about making money. Uh, you know, nobody take time to care for themself. And, and I believe that’s what lead to a lot of people like going to sleep and just didn’t wake up the next day because they didn’t care for themselves to where they more care about the bills, they more care about the, just the lifestyle of living.

And I think that as men, especially as men, we, we grew up to just knowing, okay, we gotta take care of our family. We gotta make sure, uh, uh, put food on the table to the point where we don’t step back to say, you know what, lemme take care of myself. Let me see if I’m well, if I’m okay. [00:48:00] And I think self-care is important in this season because I believe that, uh, you know, that’s a saying.

We say, if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love nobody. And I don’t believe if you, um, I believe that if you really don’t care for yourself, you can’t really care for nobody else to be honest. You can, uh, put a persona or fake it as much as you can, but the time will come. It will explode to the point where, okay, I never had time to take care of myself.

Um, I’m trying to take care of everybody else and trying to make everybody else happy. And what I wanna say is that as men, if we don’t take care of ourself, we don’t make ourself happy. We don’t take time to just, you know, pause for a moment and say, you know what, let just put away everything and just take like on me for a moment.

You know, sometimes that alone, that’s what can lead to all these things. Depression. You, you, that’s what I wanna say. That’s, that’s what I wanted to touch on. Thank you, sir. Aaron, will you, were you, uh, [00:49:00] going next, man? You had your mic off. Oh yeah, I, I, I got a couple of great things here. First of all, Kevin, that’s, you’re, you’re touching on something that I was gonna say is you gotta fill your own cup up before you can start giving, giving to other people.

Um, you can’t show up for your friends or your job, your par, your family, your partner fully without filling yourself up. And I think personally, we are very physical beings. We gotta move our bodies in one way or another. Like Brent said, it’s, it’s either going to the gym, running, playing basketball, doing anything to physically move your body that will then help you move it through emotions.

Um, you know, I think hobbies are also amazing. One, one that I, I have a couple of hobbies. I, I’m a solo parent, so it’s really hard to make time for hobbies. Um, but those become non-negotiables for me because I know that if I’m gonna show up for my kids the way that, [00:50:00] that I want to, I need to go do that for myself.

Um, one of the, one of the biggest things of self-care though, that I practice and that is a game changer that I, I don’t think a lot of people actually do, is journaling, writing stuff down. The idea of being able to take whatever’s going on in my head, that weight that’s on my shoulders, then now comes off and goes onto the page.

I can hold my chest up a little bit higher because I’ve released whatever that was, and I put it down on a piece of paper. And I’m gonna tell you right now, I was never a writer. I was horrible in school. I was a basketball player and an athlete. I got people to, to write papers for me in high school because, and my grades were taken care of in high school because I was a, an athlete.

So writing for me didn’t start until my forties. But now that I’ve learned to do it, it is a non-negotiable. I journal every single [00:51:00] morning and that makes a huge difference on how I show up. I’m, I’m taking all of that stuff. Like I said, those emotions that are, that are weighing on my shoulders are now on the page and not on my shoulders.

Hmm. That’s good. Jake, go ahead. Awesome. Yeah, I just, I wanted to come back to, to something that Brent said, and it’s that so often, you know, men are doing, uh, only things that they find are are valuable, worthy, productive. And something I’ve been, you know, challenging myself to do is to Jake. This afternoon, you’re gonna do something that feels irresponsible.

What, what’s something irresponsible you could do this afternoon? Well, you know what’s not gonna make me any money picking up that guitar right there, but what is it gonna bring me? It’s gonna bring me some joy. You know what isn’t terribly helpful? It’s, uh, hanging out with that grill right there. But does it bring me a ton of joy?

Is it my zen place? Absolutely. And who am I after that? I am [00:52:00] more full of energy. I am more myself. I’m more capable of doing those productive things. And then the other thing I would say on the other side of the spectrum is, you know, there are opportunities to do things. Why do we train? Why do we train at the gym?

It’s so that, you know, I, I can be a better athlete whenever it comes time to play that sport. Or when it comes time to, to lift that thing that I need to lift. I can do it right. And we can do the same thing for our minds. And two of the things that I think are absolutely essential for men is, uh, finding something like a meditation practice where you can start to encounter things like emotions and body experiences without judgment.

And, uh, start to get in contact with those and become familiar with those and how they show up for you. And then also, um, you know, starting to develop those, those terms for emotions and, and starting to be able to name those things. That’s a form of training for the mind, for the body that men just [00:53:00] often don’t have.

And developing that sort of vocabulary and experiential, uh, sort of dictionary for what this is like, is something that trains us for those moments when they happen in the wild. Um, so I’ve got a couple of apps that I’ll probably throw in, in the show notes with you or in the comments that are just absolutely essential.

And I’ve, I’ve found invaluable in my own life. Thank you very much. Anybody else on that particular topic? If not, gimme an we’ll move forward there. Uh, this le Okay, I’ll, I’ll go ahead and say, take that as a yes. So we’ll go ahead and move on. So in this spot right here, this is where I, I would really love to kind of get you guys to even be even more deeper on the transparency rabbit hole and kind of answer this question because people are watching and listening.

I know that they’re probably wondering that myself themselves. Are you guys seeking help yourselves? ’cause one thing I notice every time I get somebody who comes on our flagship show, on an interview show and their [00:54:00] coaches, I’m always asking them, okay, so who’s coaching you? People say they’re mentor, so who’s mentoring you?

If they don’t have an answer for me, it’s kind of a, a, a bang against the credibility. I’m like, okay, so you kind of, uh, you are a free agent. So in this case, you guys are really experts in a lot of ways, uh, on what we’re talking about today. All the years experience you have and all the things you’ve been through, are you guys seeking help?

What does that look like? If you’re not, why aren’t you? Jump in there when you can and see if you can encourage some folks out here. Okay, go ahead. No, I jump in. Yo, go for it. Sorry, who was that? I don’t know who that was. Who’s, who’s that? Oh. All right. I’ll, I’ll go for now. Um, the, and I appreciate it. I don’t know who it cut off.

I apologize. The, um, I, every coach has a coach. Period. And if you don’t, then you’re really, you’re not a coach. Um, so I agree with, with everything you just said there, you a hundred percent man. Um, I have a coach. [00:55:00] I’ve been working with him for a long time. You know, I think part of the, uh, the thing has been, I’ve also tried therapy, um, you know, and that type of thing.

Um, and, and I don’t wanna dissuade anybody from going to therapy, but I think that you have to look at what works for you. So there are some men that are gonna go to a regular therapist. They’re gonna get a lot out of it. Some are gonna go to a psychotherapist and get a lot out of it. Some are gonna go to a counselor, get a lot out of it, and some just need a men’s coach and a, you know, confidant, a brotherhood and that type of thing.

So nothing against any of ’em. I know that for me personally, um, you know, therapy did not work because therapy is all about looking back. And therapy is about like, you know, who’s to blame type of thing. At least it was with my experience with it and me moving forward, coaching is moving forward and it’s, Hey, you can’t do anything about what happened to you.

Yes, you can try and, you know, look at it, you try to understand it better, but it happened. So it’s kinda like, look, you can’t change the past. What are you gonna do moving forward? And either [00:56:00] you have free will and, uh, you know, the freedom to run your own life or you don’t. So I’m big on accountability. I’m big on that, but I definitely have a coach and this is what I learned from him.

And uh, and I think that it’s really important that we all have somebody to go to because let’s be honest, when you’ve had four or five coaching sessions in a row, man, you’re wiped out and you need to go talk to somebody. After giving everything you’ve given to all of your clients, you need to go be somebody else’s client, brother.

So I, uh, that, that’s where I stand on it all. Alright, excellent stuff Rob. Thank you man. Who. I’ll jump in there. That was, that was me. Okay. Go ahead. Uh, Mr. Mr. Chatty over here. Uh, I agree with you, Rory. Um, for me personally, I, I have a council of men that are my peers that are also coaches and in the field.

And when we, we meet regularly and we discuss what’s going on. Uh, I also have a coach who is, you know, my biggest ally and will always [00:57:00] be by my side and, and help me work through things. I also go to therapy. I’ve been to different types of therapy. I, I, I do somatic experiencing therapy. Uh, my, my, I come from a, a very rough childhood where my nervous system was, was blasted out.

And, and I, I, I live comfortably in fight or flight from, from a very young age. And it’s my, my, my process, my own personal work is working through being able to recognize that stuff. And somatic experiencing therapy has been the most phenomenal thing. I also have done EMDR. I dunno if any of you guys are familiar with that, but that has been an phenomenal experience, uh, to, to process traumas and process PTSD and things like that in, in a very, uh, therapeutic way.

But it’s, you know, every person should have at least, at the very least, a council of peers, a council of men that they can [00:58:00] trust and that they, that, that are able to hold space for them. When each of us have something that’s, that’s really weighing on us that, that we have to get out. Um, having a coach, you know, I, I’m gonna be honest, I’m a coach.

Like, if you guys need a coach, gimme a call, give any of these guys a call in, in this room. But y you know, reiterating what Rory kind of said is find what works for you. I try to, I look at it as like I, my own work throwing spaghetti on the wall. Whatever sticks go with that because that’s what’s gonna keep you going.

’cause if you’re interested in that, you’re gonna go more. If you’re just checking the boxes and you’re not really into it, you are never gonna finish it. It’s like, like New Year’s resolutions. You do it for a couple of months and then something takes you off of that track and then you never do it again.

But if you find something that you’re getting real value out of and that you enjoy, whatever that is, do that because that’s what’s gonna produce [00:59:00] that growth.

Thank you. Who’s next? Go ahead. I, I 100% agree with that. Aaron, as is. Before you even started talking, all that was going through my mind is, there’s a scripture that says A wise person seeks the counsel of many. Right. And that’s what I do. Like I, my people, my circle of influence, those are my trusted people.

That’s my wise counsel. I’ll go to them if I have an issue, but I don’t brain dump on them. You know, like I’ll, I’ll go to them with the things that I feel are the most. Pressing matters that I know I can’t in and of myself handle, um, to seek advice or just for a listening ear. Um, beyond that, man, I, I always acknowledge the fact that I’m not my own creator, right?

I didn’t make myself so, what better to do than beyond talking to people, talking to the one who made you. He knows the recipe. He knows every detail of you before you were even born. Why not ask him how to deal with an [01:00:00] issue? You know? Uh, I don’t know. Give it a shot. It works for me. I’m not gonna just, I’m not gonna, you know, force it on anybody, but, you know, if you feel like giving it a shot, I have a, a sneaking suspicion.

It’ll be beneficial to you and you’ll find value in it. I love it. Anybody else in there? Yeah, I’ll jump in on this one. I got a slightly different take. ’cause I know for some of the guys listening, this idea of men’s groups is gonna freak you out. ’cause I’m one of those guys, uh, this is, this is not like we’re, I we’re, we’re not necessarily talking about, you know, sitting around a campfire singing kumbaya.

For all of you who have not been exposed to men’s groups, that’s not what necessarily Yeah. I hate, I hate that groups. There’s a big misunderstanding about that. Uh, the media has not helped us in that way, but for guys who aren’t really comfortable with this idea, right? There’s always that first step. And part of that first step is just finding men.

You wanna be around. [01:01:00] That alone is a huge first step is just finding men. You wanna be around. So like, for example, I have a bible study, men’s bible study I go to on Monday mornings. We don’t talk other things, but we, we have a business bible study every Monday morning. I love those guys. They’re a critical part of my week.

There’s four of us, and that’s one step, right? I have a group of guys I game with. I sit down once a week and we have a game night. Like we play like the hardcore board games, you know, the ones no one else wants to play access and allies, catan, stuff like that. The things that take four or five hours or longer.

And it, it’s just four or five guys and we sit down, I mean, we even play d and d sometimes and do like six week campaigns, but that group of guys, there’s not a whole lot of touchy Philly. For those of us who are a little scared of that, that that’s me. Really kind of scared of that whole touchy Philly thing.

Um, that’s why you don’t call me, that’s why I don’t call you. Uh, but just [01:02:00] connecting with a group of guys that you respect, that you enjoy being around, that you feel. Make you better just by being around them. If you are not ready to start talking to guys about things that make you uncomfortable, the entry point is really low.

It’s just surrounding yourself with guys that make you better in some way. Right. Just start, because we as men, we’ve stopped spending time with other men in general at this point in history. Most guys think, oh, well I’ll go to the bar with the guys now. Now it’s not spending time with men in general.

Right? But it’s the reason that you can have a neighborhood block party and you’ve got 15 guys standing around the barbecue grill and none of them know each other’s names. But we can talk about barbecuing, right? Men communicate side by side. We don’t communicate face to face naturally. It’s just instinctively not the natural.

This is combative. Face-to-face is combative, side by side is together, right? But we need to be doing [01:03:00] something else a lot of times to actually have a communication. So start by just. If that sounds, men’s group sounds touchy, hilly, they’re not, but they sound that way. And just start surrounding yourself with guys that make you better.

And that’s a huge start.

Alright, anybody else on this? Chris? Yeah. Um, like for me, I found that getting outta my head really helps and like, like Aaron said, write down, I found just speaking it out loud helps and you know, get outta your head and realize you’re not the only one. And also, ’cause I’ve done the therapy, I did 12 years of therapy with the VA for the trauma and PTSD and all that.

I’ve done different kinds of counseling at church and one thing I’ve learned is there’s not a magic pill, even in a faith walk, you know, ’cause Christian, I do, well, I cannot separate my faith from my [01:04:00] journey and how I overcome, but. Even with that, like there’s not a magic pillar, there’s not a one size fits all.

You have to try different things and just, you know, you, you get different things. You pick up what works, put down what doesn’t. And if something quits working, put it down, pick something else up and, um, you know, don’t be afraid. And, um, like, um, like was just said, you know, surround yourself with other people.

Um, when I showed up where I, and you know, where I am now, I ended up getting divorced and part of me wanted to get remarried ’cause I, you know, I always wanted to be a family man. So I looked at the people who had been married for 20 plus years and been through some things. And I also looked at the, the veterans.

Um, I. In my church who’ve been to war and who are successfully married. And I said, okay, well I [01:05:00] want to, I wanna be doing that, so let me go sit under them. Let me bounce things off of them. And even in that, um, you know, like I take war trauma to my war veteran buddies and, but I don’t take it to those who did not serve because they can’t help me.

So you, you, you learn who you can and can’t. You learn what you can and can’t. And, um, failure’s not failure. Failure is just, I learned something and you know, that’s not it. Then there’s something. Is it just keep going. Um, we, we say in the Marine Corps, left foot, right Foot repeat sometimes. That’s all I’ve had.

My, my, my kids weren’t enough for me. ’cause it was, it got that bad. There were times my kids were not enough. Left foot, right foot repeat. That’s all I had. And you know, and you don’t need an honorable reason. There were times where it’s like, I [01:06:00] need to prove that person wrong. Like, I don’t want them to win.

I need to prove them wrong. So I wanna keep going. Don’t give up. If, if that’s all you, if that is the, not at the end of your rope, left foot, right foot repeat. I need to prove somebody wrong. Do it. Please don’t give up. You’re not alone. You’re not the only one. And, uh, it gets better. Thank you. Anybody else?

This is fantastic guys. Thank you. Anybody else? I’ll just echo really quick here what Tristan said, and that is that something powerful happens when you get around some guys and you have the courage to say something you’re experiencing. And I had an experience like that just about three weeks ago. I said the thing I was so afraid to admit in a room of men, uh, in, in one of my men’s groups.

It was a, it was a sacred space. Um, and what I got in return was incredible. And it was that [01:07:00] every single one of them said that they had had a very similar experience. There’s something very, very normalizing that happens when you realize you’re not the only one. I love this man. If there’s nobody else, I go ahead and get us ready to close out, man.

But thank you guys for doing this. I gotta be honest, I always grow from being around you guys, man. So, I know I echo this in private conversations, but I’ll say it here publicly, man. You guys got, you may have those three or four people who are helping you in life. If you don’t have that, you better call me.

I don’t wanna hear nothing about something happening. You didn’t and, and my phone didn’t ring. I’m gonna be ticked off because we got an opportunity right here to, you know, to build that. So let’s build it. Get outta your head, pick up the phone. Let’s build it, man. Are gonna follow this example. So I thank you for doing what you’re doing and sharing what you shared.

I’ve grown so much through this. I’m gonna be watching it again after I clean it up and edit some things. But I’m gonna be watching this again because this was really, [01:08:00] really good and you guys are the reason why. So thank you for doing all you’re doing. Taking the time be to be here today. So I wanna just give you a chance to kind of let folks know where they can find you.

And if you wanna drop any, uh, wisdoms or any closing thoughts, the floor is yours to do that. Go right ahead. Try to be brief though, but go ahead.

Okay. I stop. I’m shameless guys. If you wanna connect with me, I’m over purpose-driven men.com. Uh, we post all our shows over there, reviews on like books and Suffer Men daily Bible verses, just, it’s just a hub for men to find stuff for men. So you can catch me over at purpose-driven men.com or email me there too.

Cool. And you guys can find me. Uh, I’m at Power of Man podcast, all one word@gmail.com. Email me anytime. And if you want to connect, uh, you know, uh, face-to-face, we’re as close as we get these days. Uh, I’m real easy to find on Facebook. It’s just at Rory Pocket and all my stuff’s there for all my podcasts and me and [01:09:00] coaching and everything else.

So, uh, look me up. Yeah, I’ll, I’ll go next. Um, all my stuff, I’m, I’m very big on Instagram, uh, also TikTok at Aaron Gamble. Um, I have a website, aaron gamble.com and if anybody out there is interested in joining the men’s group, it’s the Wolfden we meet in person in Los Angeles and via Zoom, anywhere in the world.

You’re welcome to come. It’s the first and, and third Mondays of every month. And, uh, it’s just a place to sort of, like Tristan said, to get out of your head and get into your heart.

Christoph next, who’s next? I’ll jump in here. Uh, Jacob Seba here again. I am a men’s coach and founder at, uh, modern Manhood, and you can actually find me over@modernmanhoodcoach.com. Uh, you know, we’ve done a lot of talk about developing some [01:10:00] emotional intelligence, getting to know yourself a little bit better.

Um, if you’re interested, I did develop a resource over there. It’s completely free, called The Emotional Mastery Toolkit. It’s, uh, got a whole bunch of information to help you understand yourself better and some activities to help you get in touch with some of those emotions in a safe way. So find me over@modernmanhoodcoach.com.

Thank you, Jake. Next, yeah, you can find me at the Lowlife Show Podcast on any streaming platform. Um, for those of you who are watching right now who may have an incarcerated loved one that is dealing with these types of things, share that podcast name with them. I am available in all prisons, jails, and facilities across the country right now, specifically for these reasons.

Um, and you can find me at dlco the lowlife on Instagram.

Did we miss anybody?

That happens super quick. We good.

Oh wow. I was fast. [01:11:00] Okay. All right. Well, thank you guys for jumping in here and being a part of this incredible, uh, round table series. Of course, we do it once a month, so after my anniversary weekend is over, I’ll start reach out for scheduling so we can go ahead and get the next, uh, broadcast set for September.

But thank you for watching and listening. You know where to find everybody here. If you wanna reach out, have per personal conversations or consulting for coaching or for their men’s groups or just get to get to know ’em better, you can do that now. And of course, you can find our show on all the listening platforms or YouTube channel as well.

And hopefully you know where to find me at, at they call me Mr. U everywhere on social media. Uh, but thanks again for watching and listening. This has been fantastic, to say the least. But we thank you again and we hope you have a fantastic day. All you men out here to watch and listen. We love you. We care.

You are not by yourself despite the lies and the shadows. You are not alone. We got you. Reach out. [01:12:00] Watch what?

Yeah.